“What would God have done?”

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Added July 22, 2015: A deeper perspective of the thoughts from this post that reflects more of who I truly am now in, “Closure for 2013: Releasing Unhealthy Relationships“:

This is a post about trying to see through the eyes of God, and thereby gain new insights on how to evolve more spiritually:

After reflecting on my main events of the past month, I came across the question, “What would God have done?” Ever since I started a friendship with God, I try to include Him in my life as much I can besides merely thanking Him for meal or only turning to Him during emergencies. As crazy as this might sound to someone who’s not familiar with the concept of having a friendship with God, I would have conversations with God throughout the day. I’d ask Him things like, “God, what would You like to experience through me today?” or “What are You craving for lunch?” Granted, as amazing as the experience would be, the clouds don’t separate as a ray of light shines through with God providing answers using a Morgan Freeman-like voice.

However, I believe God gives us answers in other countless ways (e.g., through other souls, nature, books as well as other reading materials, the media, signs, dreams, events, our intuition and inner voice, and feelings). It’s just a question of how closely we choose to pay attention. Just as one would ask a friend, I would ask God to help me with various things, such as helping me to remember (“learn”) more, write better, and become a better person. I enjoy helping God by helping others, whether it’s showering someone with a genuine compliment, giving a generous tip to an outstanding waiter/waitress, or being an active listener. I even try to remind myself to thank God more often, even for the little things that I have a tendency to take for granted, like my husband’s daily thoughtful gestures, the warmth of a soft blanket or soothing shower, and my perfectly functioning green Mazda2. However, sometimes I drift away from reality and forget who I truly am (i.e., a soul of God who’s interconnected with every other soul). I become so wrapped up in the negative drama (illusion) of life that I even forget to ask God the two most important questions (from the books of Neale Donald Walsch) to help my soul evolve, “What would love do now?” and “Is this who I am?” Had I asked these questions as soon as I noticed I was in a dilemma, I would not be looking back and asking the question, “What would God have done?” But then again, everything falls into place perfectly.

The following are summaries of my two, main events that occurred in the past month, how I handled them (in a manner in which I’m not exactly proud of), and what I believe are answers to the question, “What would God have done?”

First event:

My biological father visited me for two days (for the first time in 38 years), and I considered the overall experience very hurtful. I ended up sending him an eight page e-mail determined to never contact him again. I won’t go into any further details since they’re all in my previous posts, “My First Encounter with a Narcissist”, “Different Versions of Hell”, and “Clarity.”  Rather than embracing the so-called negative event by handling it in a positive manner—hence, spiritually evolving from the experience—I just reacted to the very familiar experience of hurt. On the mind and body level, I can definitely understand why I behaved the way I did. I noticed various signs and symptoms of stress overload, to include physical symptoms (i.e., constipation and hives), emotional symptoms (i.e., anger, shame, sadness and the feeling of being overwhelmed), behavioral symptoms (i.e., sleep deprivation and angry outbursts), and cognitive symptoms (i.e.,  anxiety and poor judgment). However, on a soul level, I intuitively know that I’m capable of being more loving, empathetic, and forgiving.

So, in regards to the question, “What would God have done?” First of all, I believe God would’ve loved my biological father unconditionally. When my biological father continuously and enthusiastically bragged about himself, God would’ve understood that his behavior stemmed from insecurity, which ultimately stems from fear…more than likely a fear of not being accepted by his new daughter and her husband. If his behavior bothered God, He would’ve told him in the most gentle and loving manner and assured him that He loves him simply for whom he is, regardless of his worldly accomplishments. When my biological father told lies, God would’ve assured him in the most loving manner that it wasn’t necessary to avoid the truth since being transparent is every soul’s true nature; therefore, the truth sets one free. God would’ve understood that my bio father told lies out of fear of being 1) judged as a heartless father who abandoned his daughter when she was only a baby and 2) used by a long lost daughter who might only be interested in his wealth. When my biological father mainly focused on himself, God would’ve been patient and kind by freely giving him His undivided attention (even for the entire two-day visit) knowing that he only has six to nine months to live. God would not have felt damaged by the experience, because He knows that everything occurs perfectly and all of creation is perfect in itself. God would’ve helped my biological father enjoy the remaining months left on earth, and He would’ve taught him in the most loving way possible how to be honest, selfless, empathetic, and humble.

Second event:

My close friend, that I met while I was in the Army, is a wonderful soul. The only problem I had with her is that she developed a pattern of lying ever since she picked up a very, bad habit. Granted, the lies were not the back-stabbing/betraying kind, but they were still lies nonetheless, which bothered me. I had a talk with her when I found out that she had lied to me for the third time, but when she didn’t even seem honest about her distant behavior towards me later on, I decided to minimize contact with her. I basically informed her that I would no longer send any more e-mails (since her phone was disconnected) asking about how she’s doing because I didn’t want to bother her anymore. I further let her know that I wasn’t mad at her because I knew she was stressed, and that I’d be there for her if she needed me. Rather than responding to me, she called my husband (also her real estate agent at the time) and vented about my e-mail, which in turn raised my blood pressure. I expressed my disappointment in her via e-mails and then ended up sending her a final message apologizing for our friendship not working out. I then told her that it was due to my inability to love her unconditionally as a friend.

I realize that I sometimes I have the emotional maturity of a much younger person. I believe it stems from having suppressed and repressed a lot of emotions—which I was highly discouraged to express—as a child and teenager, which became engrained into adulthood. A couple examples mentioned in one of Neale Donald Walsch’s books (the exact title escapes me at this moment) are: sadness continuously suppressed or repressed becomes depression, and anger continuously suppressed or repressed becomes rage. I also believe that I tried to detach myself from my friend, when she appeared distant in her e-mails, due to my fear of being rejected by yet another person whom I felt close to. I suppose feeling rejected by my biological father and close friend within a month seemed too much during a time when I’m supposed to be healing while attending my cognitive therapy as well as women’s PTSD group sessions. I knew I wasn’t doing so hot when I noticed that my concentration level dropped like a sack of potatoes. I would continuously end up reading the same paragraph, from one of my textbooks, multiple times just to comprehend the material. If it wasn’t for my relationship with God, I know for sure that I would’ve already sunk into deep depression.

So once again, back to the magical question, “What would God have done?” First of all, I believe God would’ve loved my friend unconditionally. When my friend told lies, God would’ve assured her in the most loving manner that it wasn’t necessary to avoid the truth since being transparent is every soul’s true nature; therefore, the truth sets one free. He would’ve understood that she told lies out of fear of being 1) judged as a highly, addictive gambler, 2) pitied as someone who is desperate for help, especially financially and 3) a further burden on a friend.  When my friend was distant, God would’ve continued to send her loving e-mails assuring her that He would always be there for her and that she can feel completely comfortable with Him since their friendship excludes any judgment. When my friend was upset and vented to my husband, God would’ve understood that she may not have conveyed her message in the best manner, but her true intentions was a cry for help to a friend that she cared about; otherwise, she would not have become emotional.

My friend was highly stressed—mentally for having gambled away a lot of money and being in major debt, emotionally for being ashamed of letting her family and friends down, and physically from standing/walking on her previously injured feet all day at work. By the time she arrived home from work, she was more than likely drained. In addition to the exhaustion, she probably had no one to lean on and have a conversation with. God would’ve understood what she was going through. God would’ve given her a permanent shoulder to cry on and a reason to smile on a daily basis. He would’ve persistently, yet gently, insisted on her getting professional help for her gambling addiction and depression. Last but not least, God would’ve taught my friend in the most loving way possible the meaning of honesty, courage, hope and a true and lasting friendship.

Hindsight surely is 20/20. By imagining what it’s like to look through the eyes of God, even the so-called ugly events of life brings new insights. If I had a time machine, I would go back and do things differently, like remembering to ask myself important questions like, “What would love do now?” and “Is this who I am?” when I come across challenging events in life. However, I can’t change the past, and I definitely shouldn’t dwell in it. So I plan on learning from my mistakes and focusing on being more aware in the now and in the future. I believe my new friendship with God will help me to grow.

Thank you God for helping us all to become highly evolved beings (souls close to God and other souls) so that we can remember that we are truly “the grandest version of the greatest vision we ever had about ourselves” (a quote by Neale Donald Walsch) and reconnect with one another in order to make our world a heaven on earth for everyone.