11/11/2016
We’ve all experienced so-called “bad” moments and/or days, and many have even experienced depression as well as major depression.
So what’s a solution when even the darkness we’re used to seems to get slowly devoured by the pitch black abyss?
From personal experience, I’ve learned that various pills that claim to make one feel better or prevent one from becoming depressed aren’t effective.
Note: Beautiful image on right above from the website link => mysandiegosunrise.wordpress.com with well-known quote “It’s always darkest before the dawn”
I’ve also known other women from my military PTSD group in 2010—to include those who have experienced rape while serving—who also experienced feeling like a numb zombie after taking depression pills, to include the inability to have an orgasm during sex (whether with a partner or with self via masturbation).
And those of us who later discontinued the pills, noticed that we were able to fully experience our sensuality and sexuality (part of the Divine Feminine energies within, a Divine gift from the Ancient Mother Goddess).
Note: Image on left found next to => wiseGEEK (thank you) and used canva.com to insert my own quote.
I even went through a phase of my Army life where I took energy pills because coffee just wasn’t cutting it when I had to wake up between 4:00 and 4:30 a.m., drive from my home to my unit, participate in physical fitness for an hour starting between 5:00 and 5:30 a.m. where we (soldiers) would run approximately 6 to 10 miles per week (depending on schedule), do muscular strength and endurance training twice a week, take a shower, get ready for work, and then come home between 6:30 and 7:00 p.m., just to do it all over again the next day.
And in-between all that, do extra physical fitness training during the weekend with self, my soldiers who needed improvement, and/or with my husband.
In addition, work 12-24 hour mandatory duties every now and then, conduct ruck marches (at tactical and TRADOC units), work during weekends as teams producing reports (at strategic units), and participate in various other events—-helping soldiers prepare for practice boards or promotion boards, do fund raising events, attend platoon, company, battalion or brigade parties or events, etc..
And last but definitely not least, all the physical challenges don’t even come close to the suffering caused by emotional and/or sexual abuse within the military, especially toward service women (a lot of which don’t get reported due to fear of repercussion).
Example: A serviceman of higher rank (so-called “leader”) who treats a service woman of lower rank well, until he doesn’t get what he wants.
Then, there’s indirect hell to pay, especially if there’s not enough evidence to prove this higher ranking soldier is being abusive, manipulative and/or controlling, or if the “leader” is buddy buddy with the higher ups (which becomes the soldier’s word vs the “leader’s” word).
Suddenly, as a lower ranking service woman, one could end up being assigned a lot of crap work, be humiliated in front of peers and subordinates, talked down to in a condescending or patronizing manner, be ignored, be treated differently than others, receive a less than usual evaluation report, etc. Note: I shared some stories in the post, “Outer Angels and Demons Reflecting All the Inner Ones“
Note: Image on right above found next to => www.freedomsphoenix.com (thank you)
Military life, especially within the Marine Corps and Army (and the Navy and Air Force as well, though not nearly as strenuous physically)—and I have no doubt within Special Operations Forces too—is very challenging on all levels of being (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual).
I highly respect the veterans who have joined the military in the past, and all those who are currently in it, because they all more than likely faced many challenges that they had to learn to overcome (to differing degrees depending on their personality, on other factors).
However, I deeply feel for those who still believe at their core that they must honorably serve the military organization—and even participate in seemingly never-ending back to back wars, battles, conflicts, etc.—in order for self and interconnected others to have freedom.
True freedom is our soul/Spirit’s essence, a Divine birthright that doesn’t need to be earned through sacrificing self and others’ lives with workaholic type work (poverty consciousness), much separation from free time and family (field exercises, TDY, deployments, etc.), unnecessary wars, trauma, pain, hardship, and other forms of suffering.
Note: Image on right above found next to => politicalpunditnews.com (thank you). Also, see article, “Veterans Affairs pays $142 million in bonuses amid scandals“
If the world leaders of humanity could spiritually evolve—and not just mentally and technologically (heavy left-brain, unbalanced male energy centered)—become wise, learn to share through discerning distribution of abundant resources, and coexist in harmony with other countries, otherworldly benevolent beings, and Mother Earth, there would no longer be a need for things like chaotic wars that are truly OLD, BARBARIC, OUTDATED, TORTUROUS, CRUEL, and even ancient.
If one has ever had conversations with Vietnam veterans, one would learn (from personal experience) that there are still those who haven’t received their benefits (that they deserve) from their own government who have seemed to have brushed them under the rug after using them for their own agendas.
These include veterans who have contracted diseases and/or experienced death due to chemicals like agent orange. My dad passed away in 2011 of a heart attack (where they found agent orange in his system), and my bio father and family friend Jim currently have prostate cancer; they are just a few examples of those who had served their country, but had to pay a major price (with their health and/or life). Note: Article that I will thoroughly read later: “Agent orange still taints Vietnamese civilians and US veterans alike“
Ever since I discontinued taking energy pills while still in the Army, the first thing I noticed was that my urine no longer had a potent odor, and it was different than the typical, urine odor that stems from dehydration. I also noticed that I felt so much better after I naturally flushed it out of my system.
I have no doubt that the multi-billion dollar profit-making pharmaceutical companies would absolutely LOVE for the majority of humanity to buy as many pills on the market as they can.
Afterall, don’t the numerous commercials themselves convince people that they indeed need to rush out to the nearest drug store and fill their baskets?
Though these seemingly countless pills supposedly fixes every little thing that’s “wrong” with the human body and mind, if our physical body signals to us that taking them doesn’t feel good, that something’s off about them, why not honor the physical vehicles that help us to actually live and experience life on planet Earth?
Note: Image on right above found next to => www.stuff.co.nz (thank you)
After testing out various depression pills for over a year, I discontinued taking them in 2011 after I left the Army life; and I’m very grateful that I did because they seemed to suck the living soul out of me.
Since then I’ve been working on deeply healing self as mostly shared throughout my blog. Though I’ve experienced moments to even a couple of days of low energy, I’ve been able to consistently bounce back to a higher vibrational frequency (unlike the past, were my depression would last for weeks or even months – labeled as major depression).
I noticed that this happens after I embrace all of my emotions and feelings, and recognize the root cause of my negative thoughts, beliefs, habits, words, and actions that may have triggered negative emotions, and introduce to self an expanded perspective (which in turn helps me to feel positive emotions).
For a while now, whenever I feel down, I don’t judge self, but rather, have compassion and embrace self so that I can one day unconditionally accept/love ALL aspects of self (the way Spirit does with all of Life/All That Is), which in turn will help me to fully do so for interconnected others.
About less than a month ago, my energies were very low, to what felt like the remnants of conditioned depression and hopelessness.
However, one day, I noticed a small, light gray moth in our home for the very first time—similar to the image on right found next to link=> northumberlandnaturalist.blogspot.com (thank you).
Prior to that moment, my husband had noticed two, large gray patterned moths resting right out our front door within a few days, and I (out of curiosity, as usual), checked them out and witnessed their unique beauty.
As soon as I noticed the moth inside the top of our patio front door, I was reminded from within to look up the meaning of the moth animal spirit guide (aka animal totem).
Immediately after noticing the moth, I heard a buzzing sound, and noticed a wasp on our living room window.
I had shared my experiences with wasps in the posts, “Lessons of Compassion and Power with Unwelcomed Flies and Roaches” and “Coexisting with Friendly Paper Wasps.”
Note: Image on left found next to => Witt Pest Management (thank you)
As a placed a plastic cup over the wasp, in order to catch it and set if free, I noticed a green gecko outside the window staring at the wasp.
I then realized that they were each carrying a message from Spirit.
As mentioned within this blog, I trust that Spirit communicates and guides us in many ways, to include: through our hearts, senses (5+ intuition/inner-knowing/inner-wisdom), insights, ideas, interconnected other people and otherworldly beings, signs, symbols, Divine synchronicity (as well as number synchronicity like 11:11), Mother Nature/Mother Earth/weather/animal spirit guides (aka animal totems), books and other readings, dreams, visions, flash images, unusual sounds like various tones/music of the spheres, premonitions, deja vous, sparkles of light in peripheral vision (that remind us of Spirit’s presence and support), many other examples that can also be found under ascension symptoms, etc.
Note: Image on right above found next to => Pinterest (thank you)
Though there are detailed meanings of animal spirit guides, I usually keep it simple by memorizing the main reminders; otherwise, it can become overwhelming.
The mother reminded me to continue seeking the Light within the darkness (something that they’re known for). I meant to type moth (right above), but typed mother instead, which to me is fascinating; whenever I do mistype words, it’s one letter off, not two.
I also consider this “mistype” Divinely perfect because ‘The mother’ that I had “accidentally” typed reminded me of the Ancient Mother Goddess (aka Holy Spirit/Source/Prime Creator/All That Is); and the moth and The Mother are ultimately the one and the same (like everything else in Life).
Note: Image on right found next to => Pinterest (thank you)
The wasp (as usual) reminded me to Be a warrior spirit during challenging times with much inner strength, courage, determination, dedication, persistence, and resilience.
Note: Image on left found next to => Pocket Gamer (thank you)
About a few weeks ago or so, I heard loud noises from outside our apartment; it was the team of men who were giving our apartment complex a makeover.
At one point, I heard what sounded like lots of water spraying from a pressure hose, and when I peeked out of our patio glass door, I noticed that the water was aimed at our patio gate.
I immediately rushed outside and shouted, “Excuse me! Excuse me!”
The very brief moment I had witnessed the wasps being sprayed with the pressure hose, time had slowed down from my perspective (which happens at times, especially during two major car accidents in the past, as well as noticing one of the number code sets like 1:11-5:55, or 9:11, 1:44, 12:12, etc.).
What amazed me was their warrior spirit as a small group of about four to five wasps. While being sprayed with much force, they were each clinging onto their nest for dear life, as if to silently convey, “We’re not leaving our babies and home!!!”
And when the man holding the pressure hose paused for a moment, I informed him of the existence of a paper wasp nest that’s attached to our patio gate (mentioned in one of the posts/links above).
I further explained that they had built it several months ago, seemed to work so hard as a team to maintain it, and that it was near the end phase of them taking care of their babies (due to autumn).
I then mentioned that I completely understand him doing his job, but gently asked if he could refrain from spraying the pressured water onto their nest area which was only a tiny space in the corner.
He initially looked at me with what appeared to be confusion disbelief, and understandably so; I wouldn’t be surprised if he was thinking something to the effect, “Man, I cannot believe this crazy-ass cat and wasp woman.”
Side Note: At the time, we also had a black, stray cat living in our patio, whom we recently brought into our home; I named her Shadow a couple of months ago and included stories of her in posts, “A Mercury Retrograde Reading that Led to Reflection & Insights” and “The Incognito Strays Who Mirrored Profound Wisdom” (Coming: Post, “Continuing Updates of a Black Stray Cat Named Shadow” to include pictures/changed to “Stories of a Black Stray Cat Named Shadow“).
The man was unwilling to grant my request and told me that everything in the patio had to be cleared out to prevent them from getting soaked.
He also gave me a heads up that all the fake flowers decorating our patio had to eventually be removed since the painters were going to arrive soon.
I told him that it was completely understandable and mentioned that I was going to start clearing the patio for them. I then offered him some tea or water, the way I did earlier with two other renovating personnel.
He expressed his gratitude, but stated that he already had drinks provided by the apartment management.
As I was preparing to put up all of Shadow’s stuff into the patio closet, I experienced a pleasant surprise.
The man whom I spoke with approached me with a gentle facial expression and comfortable posture. He then informed me not to worry about putting anything away since he was going to skip the spraying of our patio gate and the inside of our patio walls and floor.
I told him that it was okay, and that I understood that he’s merely doing his job, but he insisted that I leave things as is, and that the apartment management would give us a heads up prior to the painters arriving.
I thanked him with much joy, and he smiled and carried on with his spraying next door. I also thanked Spirit within for giving the wasps some more time to take care of their business.
I approached the wasps (while giving them their space) and intended to successfully communicate with them telepathically.
I informed them that the painters were scheduled to arrive soon, and that they needed to take care of their business before then and leave, so that their babies wouldn’t be harmed; I trust that no matter what happens, all is well in our world.
The gecko (as usual) reminded me to detach from all that no longer highly benefits self and interconnected All That Is (the way a gecko detaches its tail during very challenging situations, only to naturally and effortlessly regenerate it).
I’ve been noticing more geckos show up in my life lately, and three times next to Shadow, our pet cat. Once, while she was living in our outside patio, she pounced on a gecko that had made its way in.
I thought she was going to eat it, but instead, she played with it; it was unlike anything I’d ever seen. She gently grabbed the gecko with her mouth and threw it in the air, and when it landed and moved a little, she gently pawed at it.
She did this several times, throwing the poor thing around like a rag doll. What was strange to me was that the gecko had plenty of opportunities to escape, but it didn’t.
If was as if it enjoyed the game; however, at some later point, it eventually detached its tail, and left. I wondered what my outer world was mirroring back to me about my inner world.
Perhaps Life, at times, can seemingly throw us around like a rag doll in a playful manner; and rather than run from our fearful challenges that seem so BIG, we can face them, embrace them, and even befriend them with grace and gratitude for whatever lessons they bring and wisdom they share (as blessings in disguise); and whenever we’re done with that particular game, detach and move on.
I realize it’s easy to talk to talk, but to walk the talk is the true challenge. This past Sunday, our pet dog Kami (whom I shared stories about within this blog) passed away at only seven years old from dog bloat (helpful article: “Bloat/Twisted Stomach – What You Know Can Save Your Dog’s Life“)
The first two days after his death was very challenging for my husband and I since he was family; I had never seen my husband cry so hard, and I, too, cried much as I felt the familiar, yet, different, major heart ache.
Even though we’ve felt more peace as days went by, there are still moments where we still can’t believe he’s gone; we can effortlessly visualize him inside and outside the house.
However, we’ve been reminding ourselves that he’s now a free spirit, and visualize him running through bright green fields with beautiful flowers (or pure white snow), playing with loving friends, eating whatever he loves (and not just mostly dry food), falling in love, mating, having puppies, and whatever else his heart desires to experience in the next life/realm/dimension/parallel earth reality/otherworldly reality/etc., even as a non-dog.
Upcoming post, “The Strange Increase of Death and Disease Showing Up: Pet Dog (Part 12 of 13),” though parts 5-11 have not been fully completed and/or published yet possibly due to my own fear of facing more pain; or, it isn’t Divine perfect timing and order yet to complete them due to further insights to be gained. Thank you Spirit for a clear answer.
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