The following are parts 1-13 of the post, “The Strange Increase of Death and Disease Showing Up“:
- A Reinterpretation of Independence Day (Part 1 of 13)
- Symbolic Message from a Murder: Conditional Love vs Unconditional Love (Part 2 of 13)
- Five Uncles (Part 3 of 13)
- Adoptive Dad
- Oldest Step-brother
- Biological Father’s Third Wife
- Biological Father
- Family Friend
- Acquaintances
- Neighbors
- Strangers
- Pet Dog
- Spirit as Creator of Order After Chaos
Five Uncles
Due to an increase of dis-eases and deaths showing up in my outer reality, I reflected back on all those whom I crossed paths with throughout my life who developed a disease and either passed away or recovered—to include family members, friends, acquaintances, neighbors and even strangers—and to see if there’s some kind of pattern.
The first time that I recall wondering about why the males within my extended family members were seemingly dying back-to-back was when I heard from my mother several years ago that, yet, another one of my Korean aunt’s husbands had passed away from cancer.
My biological father—who left my mother and I when I was six months old, and whom I reunited with in my mid-thirties (2008) for the first time—has been diagnosed with cancer a few years since then; the last contact was in 2012 due to a discontinued, unhealthy relationship.
My adoptive father, who had married and divorced my mother twice—when I was 3 years old, in elementary school, in middle school and a senior in high school—passed away of a heart-attack in 2011.
Four of my maternal aunt’s husbands, as well as my oldest uncle from my mom’s side, had passed away from cancer within a little over a decade, and none of them were that old—ranging from sixties to seventies.
Out of the five uncles who passed away, I was only close to one of them (my Seoul aunt’s husband at the time/uncle #1) because when I was between six and seven years old—and before they had their first child—he and my aunt treated me like their own child.
Whenever my mother dropped me off to visit them, they would tell me to call them mommy and daddy (in Korean) whenever we went out, to include fishing trips.
Since Koreans aren’t able to pronounce the letter f, I recall getting so frustrated with my uncle as a kid. Once, I shouted, “It’s not pish, it’s fish!” and my very old-ass uncle laughed and danced around in a circle singing, “Pish pish pish!” to further tease me.
Since life can get pretty busy for everyone, as I grew older, we didn’t see one another as much. Though I didn’t cry when I heard that my uncle had passed away, I did years later during a vivid dream I had of him; and I wondered if this delay was due to my inner-child having repressed the sad feelings that I had for him.
In this dream, while I was bawling in the dark, my uncle comforted me by telling me that everything was okay. I then saw him open a door—that was lit on the outer edges with pale yellow light—and walk through it.
Ever since that dream, I’ve been trusting that all is well in his world.
My uncle’s daughter (my younger cousin Myung-Jee) had committed suicide in high school not too long after his death, which I talked about on my “A Message to My Inner-Child” page. However, as shared in that story, I trust that all is well in her world as well.
I have faint memories of all the other uncles, and not positive ones at that. The few times that I recall having seen my oldest aunt’s husband (uncle #2), his face was bright red, he looked confused and sometimes scary, and he often mumbled to himself—the way my mother used to do whenever she was heavily intoxicated with her favorite Soju.
I remember my mother—being a pot—calling my uncle (the kettle) an alcoholic; that’s what happens when one is in denial about their own alcoholism, among other so-called weaknesses.
The other memory I have of my aunt’s husband was that he wanted a boy so bad that my aunt had over half-dozen daughters or so before she had a son when she was around her 50’s.
Growing up, I had heard enough stories about how society (and not just Korean) prefer to have boys, but it didn’t hit me until my adult years how sad this topic is.
I wondered how all of my female cousins (from my oldest aunt) must have felt—perhaps as though they were only mistakes, and not worthy enough to be wanted by their own parents.
The following is from one of my older posts, “Liberating Wings of Freedom: Rising Above Childhood and/or Adulthood Abuse“—under the subtitle, “Comments of the Unloving Mother vs. the Loving Mother“—and the comment from the unloving mother was actually from my own mother:
Unloving mother: “I bet if I had your little brother, your real father would’ve stuck around.” And “I bet if I had your American father’s child (your little brother or sister), he would’ve stuck around.”
Loving mother: “You are a worthy person, deserving all the great things in life, regardless if your real father or American father didn’t stick around.”
The wisdom I’ve gained from the above experience has helped me to, not only deeply relate to others who may feel unworthy to their parents, but to also help self and others transform the false belief that sons are more worthy than daughters by sharing an expanded perspective—to include the truth that they’re equally worthy, like ALL of Life/All That Is.
For instance, less than a year ago, I had an urge (inner guidance) to go with my husband to meet his clients, which I sometimes do whenever I feel like it.
And as usual, I was grateful that I had made the choice to follow my Heart. In a nutshell, the clients were a nice couple with four daughters, to include a newborn baby girl.
While my husband was talking to the male client inside the house, I stepped outside with his wife and kids. I like to simply go with the flow, so if another is open to conversation, I’m all for it; however, I don’t like to force it.
Most of the time, conversations are beyond comfortable, which I trust stems from my intention to be fully present with another from a state of integrated Mind/Heart—as Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Christ within me, as me, and expressing through me—to include not being judgmental to the best of my ability (just observing neutrally) and Being unconditionally accepting/loving (without emotional attachment, like needing them to like or befriend me).
People I’ve just met often open their hearts and share very personal stories, and I deeply appreciate their trust. At one point during my conversation with the lady, her eyes filled with tears as she shared with me what had happened the day her fourth daughter was born.
After having a son from her previous marriage, and three daughters together from her current marriage, the couple wanted the sex of their fourth child to be a surprise.
However, as soon as she found out that she had a baby girl, she cried (and not tears of joy). I deeply appreciated her transparency and willingness to be so vulnerable—a seemingly rare moment.
I was able to deeply empathize with her due to being an empath/ultra-sensitive—briefly feeling her heartache and suffering.
I shared with her that it was understandable why she felt that way, because society has conditioned people throughout this world to believe that one must have a son.
Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with placing value on having a son, but humanity is missing out by not being able to see the value of a precious daughter as well—the female being also sharing with humanity and beyond many wonderful qualities.
We continued this conversation, and though I don’t recall all that was said after that, I trust that whatever Light (information) and Love (wisdom) was exchanged between us was done in Divine perfect timing and order.
I never knew my Buddha aunt’s former ‘husband’ (uncle #3) because he never came around after he was done with having an affair with my aunt (way before she became a monk).
Growing up, my two sister-like cousins visited their father once in a blue moon, and he provided some money for a while; however, he had his original family.
After hearing various stories (mostly from my mom), I recall as a kid wondering why so many men throughout the world lied so much, used women, abused women, and/or abandoned them.
I now understand this has been due to the male and female energies within men (as well as women) not being balanced (especially the lower three chakras); and ultimately…having lost touch with the ancient, Divine Mother Goddess within/Prime Creator.
I only have a few childhood memories of my other aunt’s former ‘husband’ (uncle #4). He seemed to be a mysterious man of very few words, and I don’t remember ever seeing him smile. So when I heard that he passed away, I felt nothing, and I trust this is due to not having bonded in any way, shape or form.
What’s interesting to me is that I have memories of even a simple phrase or gesture of genuine kindness from a stranger, to include decades ago.
This shows the power of unconditional love energy and how we’re able to recall moments that deeply impacted our emotions—especially if the stemmed from fear or love energy.
I barely knew my uncle from my mom’s side (her older brother/my uncle #5) because according to my mother’s stories I heard throughout my childhood, he was was severely whipped by his wife.
My mother didn’t respect or like his wife because she apparently looked down upon anyone who wasn’t Christian—her husband’s mother, siblings, etc.—and minimized his visits.
My mom once told her older brother to grow some balls and be a real man. My youngest uncle ended up living and taking care of my grandmother (while she was alive) because my oldest uncle “failed” to do his oldest son major duty (a Korean custom).
It must have been very challenging for him to try and please those around him. Perhaps that contributed to his smoking as well.
The few memories I do have of my uncle are actually all positive. Even though he was a former ROK marine, he was pretty mellow and outgoing—not the extreme version of unbalanced male energy, “ME SUPER TOUGH GUY!”
Even when my mom was often on his ass during his visits—the way she was towards everyone and their mamas and grandmamas—he managed to keep a smile on his face, and use humor to ease the awkwardness; I respected and admired that about him.
Looking back, I can even understand why my uncle’s wife wanted to keep a distance from our family (there’s always two sides to any story). There was often a lot of drama on our end.
In addition, back then, mother-in-laws in general (like in many other countries) weren’t exactly known as loving and lovable beings.
They were usually distant, fierce, needy, jealous, bitchy, manipulative, controlling, impossible to please, and just a MAJOR pain in the ass.
I trust this was/is due to the fear of possibly losing their sons’ attention and love to their daughter-in-laws, when the truth is, there’s an abundance of unconditional love to go around.
However, my grandmother was very laid back—an overall quiet woman of very few words and even facial expressions.
I bet she would’ve been able to learn some wisdom from my grandmother had she given her a chance; but, it is what it is.
When I heard several years ago that my uncle had passed away from cancer as well, I felt a little sadness, but chose to trust that all is well in his world as well.
I never saw him in my usual, vivid dreams, the way I often saw other family members who had passed away (transformation of energy state)—my Seoul uncle (uncle #1), adoptive American dad, my Korean grandmother, my cousin who had committed suicide, and even my Korean grandfather (who passed away before I was born, and whom I saw once while floating in the air right above him—as The Observer consciousness—going about his business in a back in the day Korean village. However, I trust that all is well in his world as well.
My husband used to make jokes about the happenings, basically calling it the “Mun-man curse,” since my former, maternal Korean name is Mun. Note: My biological parents were never married, and since my dad had left when I was an infant, I only had my mother’s last name on my birth certificate. My adoptive American dad told me during the summer before ninth grade (when I found out that I was half-Japanese from my parents) that it wasn’t very nice of my bio dad to leave me without a last name.
My husband continued that he was somewhere down the line to take the hit (again, the “Mun-man curse”), and I told him that if he was so concerned about dying of cancer, then perhaps he should quit smoking—especially, the very harsh menthol cigarettes.
However, he adamantly stated that he’s not addicted to it, and that he merely enjoys it; so I finally gave up trying to convince him to let go of the unhealthy habit, and accepted that it is what it is.
Afterall, I did marry him a decade ago while knowing that he’s a smoker, and I had smoked occasionally as well during that Army life, time-frame.
The funny thing is, I used to wonder if there was some truth to the whole “Mun-man curse” phenomenon.
But rather than perceiving it as a so-called curse, I wondered if the traditional men in my aunts’ lives (also symbolic of old, patriarchal, male energies) weren’t open (i.e., blocked chakras) to the intense, Divine Feminine energies that their women were receptive to during that time-frame; hence, their physical bodies started deteriorating to the point of physical dis-ease and then death (again, a mere transformation of energy state, allowing the soul/spirit to continue its evolutionary spiritual journey on Earth or other worlds, collecting much wisdom along the way in whatever “time” needed to do so).
The following—Parts 4-12 of this series— is additional information on my adoptive dad’s disease and death, as well as other people in my life who ended up with a disease, and have either passed away or healed […]
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