The Strange Increase of Death and Disease Showing Up: Adoptive Dad (Part 4 of 13)

The following are parts 1-13 of the post, “The Strange Increase of Death and Disease Showing Up“:

1. A Reinterpretation of Independence Day (Part 1 of 13)
2. Symbolic Message from a Murder: Conditional Love vs Unconditional Love (Part 2 of 13)
3. Five Uncles (Part 3 of 13)
4. Adoptive Dad (Part 4 of 13)
5. Oldest Step-brother
6. Biological Father’s Third Wife
7. Biological Father
8. Family Friend
9. Acquaintances
10. Neighbors
11. Strangers
12. Pet Dog
13. Spirit as Creator of Order After Chaos

Intro

As introduced in the previous post, due to an increase of dis-eases and deaths showing up in my outer reality, I reflected back on all those whom I crossed paths with throughout my life who developed a disease and either passed away or recovered—to include family members, friends, acquaintances, neighbors and even strangers—to see if there’s some kind of pattern.

Adoptive Dad

What is unconditional forgiveness? 

Is it the pure, willingness to forgive from the depths of one’s Heart without the attached expectations of: receiving the bible god’s acceptance and love (which is apparently conditional), receiving another deity’s brownie points, appearing “good” to self and others, going to a place called Heaven, and living an afterlife of bliss?

I say Yes, and I trust that unconditional forgiveness can be birthed through the opened, integrated and balanced Higher Mind/Heart from within, to include—an expanded perspective, deep understanding, empathy, and compassion.

However, until one has experienced the polarity of profound, unconditional love—to include intense hurt, pain, suffering, judgment, resentment, anger, passionate hatred, rage, sadness, depression, etc.—which is often frowned upon by society (labeling them as “bad” or “evil” duality), one will never truly know what it means to deeply and unconditionally forgive (self or another).

One can forgive a stranger (who may even apologized) for saying a comment or two that rubs them in an unpleasant way.

But is it the same as one unconditionally forgiving a loved one (who never apologized) for saying many hurtful comments and doing many hurtful things?

Of course not. It’s a whole new ballgame. 

My dad (a wounded wounder) passed away of a heart-attack in 2011.

I trust that his heart chakra was blocked due to all the anger, hurt, and confusion that he had experienced throughout his life (but didn’t heal), and possibly all the guilt and shame he felt for having hurt others.

Before my dad asked my mother to marry him, he said that life would be good in the States and that he would take good care of her and me.

When we arrived to the States, we had to temporarily live with my dad’s brother and his family. My mother didn’t mind that, and she even taught the new, extended family how to cook Korean food.

However, my mother ended up getting a job cleaning hotels because the financial situation wasn’t fine as my dad had stated.

My mother being very diligent didn’t even mind that as well; but what she did mind was when she caught my dad washing his underwear in the sink one day.

She said that she instantly knew that he was washing the evidence away, and when I was younger, I just took her word for it though I didn’t understand the details.

Looking back, a tiny part of me—who still wanted to trust my dad—wondered if he had a little accident in his underwear, and didn’t want my mother to find the unpleasant skid marks. I just recall one of the hilarious scenes from The Original Kings of Comedy.

However, ever since childhood, my mother had informed me, other family members, friends, neighbors, and basically, anyone who would listen to her stories (who she trusted), that there were a few unfaithful instances before the major affair.

As shared in one other post in detail, I heard my mother passionately express—at least a dozen times throughout my life—that she could write volumes of books of all the pain and suffering that he had caused her.

Who could blame her? There was A LOT of heart-breaking drama, and the following is just a brief overview of it:

• compulsive lying: often being absent from home due to “business” trips
• cheating:  being caught having a decade long affair with a woman 25 years younger than him (who was a year or two older than his oldest daughter from his first marriage)
• getting his mistress pregnant
• asking my mother to remarry him and raise their newborn daughter (due to his mistress’ health issues)
• my mother allowing my dad’s mistress to temporarily live with us (the summer before ninth grade) to help her get back on her feet
• my dad continuing to have an affair with his mistress while my mother raised their child; hence, making my mother feel used
• suddenly taking away their daughter one day after my mother had already raised my little sister for three years (on Thanksgiving Day)
• other details (to include how my dad eventually lost everything in the material world and created his own version of “hell” rather than capturing the golden opportunity to discover his soul) shared in the post, “The Ultimate Success in Life (to Include Business Success) Despite Temporary, Outer Appearances” under subtitle, “The Additional Story” as well as links to posts related to my dad (to include “I Was Blessed to Have My Dad“) on my “About” page

I trust that his inability to deeply respect and unconditionally love women in general (and others) ultimately stemmed from his unhealed, lower three chakras (root, sacral, and solar plexus) that many humans go through:

• unhealed mother issues (ultimately with unknown, Divine Mother Goddess)—not ever knowing his biological mother, feeling abandoned and unloved, not believing that one belongs to this world, having been raised in back-to-back abusive, foster homes with his younger brothers, not feeling safe in this world, not trusting this world (root chakra)
• inability to honor the sacred, sexual act which is meant to go beyond the physical body; hence, having out of control and often meaningless sex without overall satisfaction, and often feeling a void afterwards (sacral chakra); my step-mother (dad’s third wife/former mistress) once told me that after they had sex the first time, my dad just laid in bed with an expression of regret
• lack of self-respect, self-worth, self-love and Divine inner power (solar plexus chakra); hence, misusing and abusing power

So whether it was my dad’s first wife, second wife (whom he married and divorced twice), and third mistress turned wife (whom he ended up treating much worse than my mother), and apparently another mistress after my step-mother, he could never find his peace with his female relationships.

Why? Because he hadn’t found peace within himself first and foremost, and he hadn’t learned to unconditionally accept/love ALL aspects of self.

I wish I knew then what I know now so that I could share this Light (information) and Love (wisdom) with my dad; however, I understand that regret is a very low, vibrational frequency that stems from fear energy, and I choose not to dwell in such spaces.

Instead, I choose to trust (a very high, vibrational frequency that stems from love energy) that everything that happened thus far—despite outer appearances—has happened for the highest benefit of interconnected Life/All That Is.

As mentioned in the post, “A Way To Better Know, Trust and Unconditionally Love Self,” agent orange was discovered in my father’s autopsy after his death.

Despite 3D conclusions, I trust that the color orange in the orange agent, was merely an outer, mirror reflection of the dis-ease within his inner self, which included his unbalanced sacral chakra (which is also orange).

I trust—intuitively, and also because I’ve listened to some personal stories of veterans and even read about them— that many Vietnam veterans have been exposed to this so-called agent orange because war (that causes much injuries, trauma like PTSD, death, pain, suffering, and loss) and the sensual and sexual birth of creativity that brings forth Life (sacral chakra) are not working in harmony; hence, it’s Spirit’s way of saying, “END all battles, conflicts, wars, and everything else that stems from deep fear energy that no longer serve the interconnected whole. It’s getting Rrreally OLD, OUTDATED, AND EVEN ANCIENT.”

Throughout the continuation posts within this series, I will share stories of other people whom I’ve personally known who have been diagnosed with various dis-eases, to include prostate cancer (since 2012) and ovarian disease, which is also related to the unhealed and unbalanced sacral chakra.

Shortly after my dad passed away in 2011, I informed my mom (who lives in Korea) during our weekly conversations.

To my great surprise, she shared a dream that she had of him, which we thought was interesting since she hadn’t dreamt of him in a long time.

He apparently showed up to her place and asked her to make him Korean style, omelette fried rice, which she had never made for him in this physical reality.

It touched my heart that she actually made it for him, which to me showed that she was willing to unconditionally forgive him at that moment of now—unconditional because he never apologized for all the pain and suffering that he had caused my mother.

I’ve learned from the dream dictionary mentioned below that our feelings in dream state often reflect our actual feelings in physical reality, and I also know this now due to personal experience—some close observations of my dreams relating to emotions and feelings.

The following are underlined key words within my mom’s dream, and are from a dream dictionary that I often use as a guidance tool, only extracting what highly resonates with me (click on link below to open this website in another window); these interpretations were the closest I could find in order get some idea about the symbolism:

To see food in your dream represents physical and emotional nourishment and energies. The different types of food can symbolize a wide range of things […]

Eating certain foods also refer to qualities that you need to incorporate within your own self.

To dream of eating fried foods point to some anger issues. Alternatively, dreaming of eating fried foods suggests that you are looking for comfort and warmth […]

To see or eat an omelet in your dream indicates a bright start to your day. The dream is telling you that you are headed in the right direction […]

To dream that you are cooking rice, signifies that new responsibilities will bring you much joy

From the above interpretations, I extract what most highly resonates with me, and integrate the information with my own inner wisdom.

I choose to believe that my dad visited my mom in dream state in order to reconnect with her soul and ask for unconditional forgiveness (symbolized by him asking her to cook for him—a form of receiving unconditional love).

Though he had anger issues, he yearned for emotional nourishment/healing of the emotional energy body (symbolized by food)—to include comfort and warmth (symbolized by fried food/fried rice); but ultimately, I trust that he yearned for my mother to have compassion for his soul.

The qualities that he needs to incorporate into his next lifetime (symbolized by eating certain foods) are trust (in his Spirit within/Higher Self) that he’s heading in the right direction (symbolized by omelet) with his soul evolution, and the new responsibilities that will bring him much joy (symbolized by rice) as he owns all the hurt that he had dished out after an opportunity to review his past life, further learns more life lessons and gains wisdom.

And last but not least, I trust that as he transformed into another energy state (i.e., death), and was given an opportunity to review his past life/lives, he was reminded (as a soul) that the ultimate life lesson is to unconditionally accept/love ALL aspects of self and interconnected others.

I trust that this dream message also applied to my mom who cooked the omelet fried rice for my dad.

My mother’s willingness to unconditionally forgive him is her heading in the right direction on her soul path/evolution, even if it was only in dream state since the practice of manifestation can happen during this 4D state (I’ve experienced being able to use the psychic abilities of telekinesis, bi-location, levitation, flight, animal telepathy, etc. in dream state (recorded in various posts, to include, “Dream Messages from My Multidimensional Self” that I’m not yet able to do in this physical reality); hence, my mother’s compassionate action taken within her dream was a stepping stone of success.

And one miraculous and magical day…my mother taking full responsibility to embrace all that has happened to her (which applies to us all)—deeply realizing that it allowed her to experience Being Unconditional Forgiveness (a priceless gem within Earth experiences among Unconditional Love)—will bring her much joy.

Though my dad may not have been able to forgive himself and/or others before his death, I trust that he just didn’t know how to unconditionally forgive himself (which helps one to unconditionally forgive interconnected others) since many within humanity have not been taught to do so.

The Christian religions, among others, preached for centuries to continuously GIVE GIVE GIVE to the church and others, SACRIFICE self for others, and to forgive OTHERS.

But what about giving unconditional love to self, taking care of self/soul/Spirit within, as well as self-forgiveness?

Unconditional, True Love is about balance and harmony.

Regardless of how things may have appeared on the outer surface—the dramas that had taken place shortly before my dad’s death—I trust that he was heading in the perfect direction.

He apparently went ape-sh!t crazy his last days—briefly shared in post, “The Ultimate Success in Life (to Include Business Success) Despite Temporary, Outer Appearances” under subtitle, “The Additional Story“—to include purchasing a gun, cursing the Catholic Church and its ways, and even pointing a gun to his former mistress turned third wife’s head (which my middle step-brother had to stop).

What’s interesting about that story is that several years prior to that incident, my middle brother (the same one who stopped my dad from doing the unthinkable) had lost it while at my dad and step-mom’s house, accusing her of being a fake and a hypocrite, and that all the Catholic decorations on their walls and around their house was for show and meant absolutely nothing.

My step-mom told me that she calmly sat there with a smirk on her face sarcastically and gently agreeing with whatever he ranted.

At that very moment, I had this not so good feeling about what she said, how she said it (her tone), and her facial expression that included the micro-expression of contempt as she squinted her eyes, flared her nostrils and tighten her lips.

Though I’ve chosen to overall respect and like her over the years despite all that had happened, I ended up letting her go—recorded in post, “Closure for 2013: Releasing Unhealthy Relationships” (my choice to take time off from one another and trust that we will reunite in Divine perfect timing and order if it’s meant for our highest benefit).

Now back to the story of my dad who had “lost his mind”: My dad was still passionately very angry about whatever, and went into full-blown rage, which shows that he still cared about Life deep down.

I was shocked when I heard what he had done to my step-mom because 1) I had never know him to own a gun and 2) even though I had witnessed my mom lose her mind, turn into a female, red hulk (red-faced due to being drunk), and become very violent during their marriages (with dishes flying and pretty much anything else that went airborne that she could grab and throw with one or both hands), I’ve never once seen him lay a hand on her (only to hold her and to block her).

However, I did witness (growing up) my dad giving his teenage sons from his first marriage (my step-brothers who sporadically lived with us) major ass whoopings whenever then got into smoking, drugs, and other kind of trouble. I’m talking about wrestling/street fighting/head banging/rolling around/punching/etc. because my middle brother fought back.

In elementary school, I even witnessed my dad help a young, Korean boy (right outside our apartment complex) who was getting beat up by two bigger, male bullies (recorded in post, “Courage“/also shared in “About” page)

I trust that the most profound and impactful healing (to interconnected HUmanity and beyond) comes from deep within, and I have faith in my dad that after his opportunity to review his recent, past life here on planet Earth school, he will remember his core essence (soul/Light/Spirit/Unconditional Love)

I’ve seen my dad in my dreams over two dozen times since he passed away, and most of them can be labeled as “very dark”/disturbing, and even unacceptable and unforgivable to judgmental ego self (lower, physical mind) and the very judgmental collective ego (society).

However, I’ve chosen to eventually see these so-called unpleasant dreams from an expanded perspective as integrated and balanced higher Mind/Heart—Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Twin Soul merged with Divine Spirit/All That Is…Christ & Buddha consciousness within—and I trust that all is well in his world and my world.