I recently watched the movie Foxcatcher—SPOILER ALERT—with my husband, and although it was a bit slow at the beginning (I imagine to set the mood), I ended up enjoying the movie that included much depth.
I’m usually not attracted to movies about sports, except for Remember the Titans and Blind Side, but after seeing the previews for Foxcatcher, I was strongly drawn to it.
I trusted my inner guidance, and right before watching it, I thanked Spirit within for helping me to receive any subtle messages and learn any life lessons from it. Note: The interpretation of the movie in this post may be different from what the writers of the movie had intended; however, I trust that my inner-guidance always highly benefits my soul growth.
Note: Image on right found next to link => www.dallascourier.com (thank you)
I was really grateful that I was guided to watch this movie through my feelings, because it gave me an opportunity to see a so-called narcissist from a detached point of view, rather than from my own personal experience with my biological father, who I had briefly reunited with in my mid-thirties after he had abandoned my mother and I when I was an infant.
A detached point of view allowed me to set aside any emotional attachment, which wasn’t easy to do with a similar personality type that I had personally experienced.
Throughout certain scenes of this movie—where the main character desperately strives to receive attention, acceptance, approval, and even applauds from his mother or others—I felt deeply moved.
Even this seemingly stoic human couldn’t help but to express much joy—even for a brief moment—when his team cheered for him after they allowed him to win the playful wrestling matches.
It surely must have felt great to be respected and admired—something all of us yearn to experience; it’s just that for some others, it’s a rare gift to receive.
Those heart-felt scenes reminded me of why my own biological father often felt the need to brag excessively, and to constantly be in the spotlight.
And although I had failed to be his cheerleader and spotlight provider—just unconditionally accepting/loving him for who he is, like Jesus would have loved a fearful child—I chose to do so now within my heart, even though I’m no longer in touch with him.
Those soul-touching scenes also reminded me of why I was able to finally Be compassion towards my father’s fearful ego self’s ways of being, to eventually be able to unconditionally forgive him (i.e., he never apologized for his words and actions), and then to just unconditionally accept him the way he is.
For the longest time, I was unable to forgive my father—though I convinced myself that I did—who seemed to be the most unlikable, let alone lovable, human being I had ever crossed paths with, which I clearly expressed in the series of posts, to include the post, “My First Encounter with a Narcissist.”
However, by examining my father’s past—from some of the stories that he had shared with me that actually felt genuinely from the heart, as opposed to made up or exaggerated like many others—I was able to develop a deeper understanding of why he is the way he is.
I’ve learned/remembered that by choosing (with sincere willingness) to see beyond the outer surface of life’s “negative” circumstances (through the eyes of ancient Christ within), one can Be true self in such situations—deep understanding, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, embrace, unconditional acceptance and unconditional love.
The main character in the movie, played very well by Steve Carell, only wanted to be unconditionally accepted/loved by his own mother, even at the age of 50.
But because he had formed a belief that she had been paying much more attention to her high-status horses than her own son, he not only resented the horses, but also turned to society for acceptance and approval by making himself stand out in any desperate way possible—even by using others to place himself in the spotlight. It was sad, yet understandable.
Though his character could easily seem unlikable, when I chose to go deeper, I was able to see another side of him—the wounded, inner child/unhealed masculine energy and consciousness/ego self lost within darkness and fear, and deeply yearning to experience Light and Love, his true essence.
Even at the end, when he ends up shooting the actual coach three times out of sheer rage—that had eventually exploded from his anger having been suppressed and built up for so long—I was able to empathize with him and have compassion for his ruthless behavior that society labels as “bad,” “crazy,” or even “evil.”
For nearly eight years, he had been suppressing his disgust with the actual coach’s conditional kindness that came with fake smiles, ulterior motives, unwilling agreements, and unexpressed true feelings.
The main character wasn’t too thrilled when he had found out at the age of 16 that his mother had paid for the chauffeur’s kid to be his friend—whom he thought was his one and only true friend—so he obviously wasn’t fond of dishonesty.
The actual coach, despite his seemingly dishonest ways of being, was merely doing and being the best he knows how to support his family, wiling to give up his so-called dignity to play along with the main character’s childish game.
So, depending on whose eyes one looks through, the “other” can easily be perceived as the “bad guy.”
Prior to shooting the actual coach, the main character confronts him by asking with much frustration, “Do you have a problem with me?!” which seemed to be his final way of giving the actual coach a chance to be honest with him.
However, when the actual coach continued to be his false self, the main character ended up shooting him, which I sense was symbolic of killing all that he detested, to include dishonesty, ulterior motives, conditional kindness, and false self.
What the main character wasn’t able to see with clarity, is that all these things that he detested outside of himself, was within him as well.
His inability to notice, recognize, acknowledge and embrace these “dark”/hidden/unknown/shadow aspects of himself (and humanity in general)—and transmute them with unconditional acceptance/love energies—left him wandering within the narrow walls of his mansion, which seems to symbolize his fearful ego self lost within the ignorant/narrow-minded thinking of his own inner, dark world.
Hopefully, after going to prison, the main character was able to open his heart and finally see with clarity—that these so-called “others” who seem so unlikable and unlovable are merely mirroring back to him his own shadow aspects within him that are yearning to be finally noticed, recognized, acknowledged, embraced, forgiven, healed, transmuted, and unconditionally accepted/loved as parts of the whole self.
This realization would surely set his soul free, helping him to remember that he was never a victim; he was merely reuniting all aspects of his self, to include dark and Light.
However, if his fearful ego self wasn’t ready to remember this truth, then he would continue to suffer much emotional pain, continue to be a prisoner, not only in physical prison, but within his own mind; hence, reliving similar life circumstances from one lifetime to another, like a vicious cycle, until he finally gets it/wakes up/re-members.
Most of humanity may be quick to judge characters who do the unthinkable and unforgivable, like shooting a fake person; but yet, often times, we don’t realize that we, too, have similar thoughts in our own little dark corner of our secret, inner world.
The only difference between the so-called sane and insane is in the degree of judgment, resentment, anger and hatred, and the action or non-action that occurs afterwards.
However, all the lower energies that stem from fear (e.g., judgment, resentment, discrimination, racism, separation, ridicule, jealousy, anger, bitterness, superiority, righteousness, hatred, condemnation, vengeance, rage, etc.) —whether in the form of thoughts, intentions, words, or actions—all effect the web of interconnected Life.
On a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis, and even throughout the day (sometimes multiple times per day), we humans put on our masks of personality self/ego self/a facade that often secretly or openly judges others, looks down upon others, resents others, become jealous of others, ridicule others, gossip about others, back-stab others, betray others, manipulate others, control others, discriminate others, separate others, neglect others, hurt others, abuse others, and even kill the spirits of others by instilling hopelessness into their hearts.
But yet, when another human being merely mirrors back to us our fearful ways of being by actually acting out the so-called undesirable, unacceptable and unthinkable ways of being, then all of a sudden, it’s time to crucify “them.”
Note: Image on right found next to link => www.sodahead.com (thank you)
Why? It’s just so much easier to point our fingers at the one who chooses to act out those unloving thoughts and emotions (the same ones that we have), and judge them, ridicule them for being a crazy-ass, curse them, punish them in physical prison, and condemn them to hell.
Yet, that person was only being true to his genuine thoughts and feelings at the moment, with passion and transparency, rather than hiding behind closed doors like a coward and secretly stewing and hating from within.
Perhaps it’s time to truly look within ourselves to see what can be changed for the better, rather than continue to be so busy trying to save the world from all its darkness/ignorance and fears.
Afterall, our outer world is merely mirroring back to us our inner world—both darkness and Light, fear and Unconditional Love.
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Added July 25, 2015
The very open-minded and compassionate reading, “Narcissism” has helped me to: 1) more specifically understand why I had crossed paths with two more men with narcissistic traits—a former friend’s father and one of my husband’s clients (a retired military officer)—after my brief experiences with my bio dad, 2) learn what they were continuing to mirror back to me to heal within, 3) not confuse self-love with selfishness, as well as 4) help me to remember and confidently know the following key points:
“People who are considered selfish such as the narcissist and people who are considered self less such as those who self sacrifice, are both coming from the same mentality of lack. That is why they seem to always find each other; they are a perfect vibrational match. They see the energy in the world; especially love, as a finite resource that can be used up. They do not recognize it for the eternal stream of energy that is infinite and always flowing […]
We attract people into our lives that are on the same emotional level that we are. This is why narcissists and selfless people are such a perfect vibrational match. That is good news though. It means the more we heal, the more we attract healthy people that are capable of reciprocal love into our lives […]” Thank you Teal for sharing this very helpful article. 🙂 I didn’t leave a fb comment (only option available) on your site because I no longer have an account.
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