The Lesson of the So-Called Bad Personality

The following are subtitles to this post:

• What is a bad personality anyway?
  • Example Story 1: Which is the Ego Personality: Cow or Fox?
  • Shifting from Duality to Polarity
  • Example Story 2: The Abusers with a Good Personality and the Abusees with a Bad Personality??
• Nonacceptance to Unconditional Embrace
• Raven Spirit Guide’s Magickal Bread Crumbs
• An Unexpected Experience at the Bill Foss Akashic Records Event
  • Justifications vs Sincere Apology
  • Turning on the Neon, BULLshit Sign
  • Receive Refund or Blessing in Disguise?
  • The Ego Who Feared Itself
  • The Volcano and Tsunami Effect
  • Fear and Love of Fire & Water
  • Galactic and Universal Families of Light & Dark
  • The Dance Between the Caring & Uncaring
  • The Exhausted Hamster Who Waved Goodbye to Karma
  • What All Bothered Me About This Guy? Enter Aspects of Shadow Self
    • Inconsiderate Aspect
    • Very Judgmental Aspect
    • Uncompassionate Aspect
    • Inauthentic Aspect
    • Hypocritical Aspect
  • An Analogy of the Thoughtless Coworker
• A Disguised Gift from an Inconsiderate, Paraplegic, Elderly Neighbor
• The Repeating Narcissist Energy that Helped Me to Heal
• The Amazing, Spot-On Oracle Card
• Number Synchronicity: 6565 and 6655
• Poverty Consciousness to Prosperity Consciousness
• Choosing What’s Beneficial for Self/Interconnected Life
  • Why I Let Go of World Religions
  • Integrating Gems of Wisdom Throughout the World
  • Mary Listens while Martha Labors (Luke 10:38-42)
• Divine Synchronicity of Ibis/Thoth Dream, Atlantis, Drum Music, and Oracle Card

Note: Images above found next to links => 1) Pinterest 2) io9.gizmodo.com 3) Deep Sea Creatures 4) Giphy and 5) Lynne Marion (thank you)

What is a bad personality anyway?

Perhaps it’s the the individual, ego aspect of our Multidimensional self (physical self)/Self (Soul/Spirit within), the aspect that’s also known as ego self/personality self/human self that’s had a bad rap due to general society’s lack of deep understanding and compassion for this part of us (our collective ego) that does the best it knows how (from its limited, physical mind perspective) to help us to survive in this challenging world (by being accepted and approved of by society and all of its rules).

Since 2011, I had the opportunity to explore the wide-range, rainbow spectrum of spirituality. When I came upon certain spiritual teachers who were very judgmental, and even hateful, towards the ego self, I didn’t resonate with them.

From my perspective, they didn’t seem to come from a place of deep understanding, compassion, empathy, unconditional forgiveness, and/or unconditional love.

How can we accurately identify a bad personality? Isn’t it relative to whose beliefs we’re talking about?

For instance, one is usually labeled with a bad personality if it doesn’t conform to general society’s “good personality” box; however, it can also depend on culture and other factors.

Example Story 1: Which is the Ego Personality: Cow or Fox?

The main theme of this post (bad personality) reminded me of a very short story my mother once told me during high school.

Now the previous sentence could lead one to imagining a mother and daughter sitting in front of a living room fireplace, admiring one another’s presence, and sharing some warm tea, but that’s not how this story goes.

While looking for the ‘cow and fox’ story that I recalled recording in my blog sometime in the past—by typing in the key word fox—I found it in an unpublished draft post titled, “Uplifting One Another: Part 1” from 2014.

Since the post itself was so colorful, I briefly skimmed through it. This post also includes several other related stories, to include how I felt about an elementary school teacher’s obvious favoritism toward a classmate, my childhood crushes, and physical fights with two elementary school boys (at different times) and one junior highs school girl (who was a grade above me).

I forgot about that post (like the remaining 125 drafts) more than likely because:

• my fearful ego self at the time didn’t want to share certain stories that are deemed unacceptable to society (ex. anger issues)
• my fearful ego self at the time wasn’t able to unconditionally accept, embrace, or even deeply love what I had to authentically express about the simultaneously occurring past/present/future
• I judged my own stories as “not good enough” or important to share with others
• I didn’t feel like completing the drafts
• I felt overwhelmed
• the drafts were no longer relevant and/or helpful to self and interconnected others

The following is an excerpt from the above post:

My mom once told me in high school with a straight face, calm tone, and while facing the TV, “They say it’s better to live with a fox than a cow.”

I was dazed and confused for a moment because I had never heard of such an expression, and she elaborated. Apparently, these were personifications.

In Korea, a fox is known to be clever, and has the ability to be all lovey-dovey despite its true feelings in order to get what it wants; however, a cow doesn’t have such a skill-set, and seems to be absent of feelings in general.

It’s pretty much just present…doing its own thing that doesn’t require much thought or feelings. After the no-so-enthusiastic explanation, I figured I represented the cow.

What my mother didn’t realize, and I was afraid to tell her—since speaking one’s mind was highly discouraged in our house—was that it’s challenging to be lovey-dovey to someone who had a tendency to say hurtful words like, “You’re nothing but a cold-hearted Jap!” or “You ruined my life,” as well as beatings for minor things, even honest mistakes.

Example post, “Liberating Wings of Freedom: Rising Above Childhood and/or Adulthood Abuse” (especially under subtitle, “Comments of the Unloving Mother vs. the Loving Mother”)

So which is the ego personality? Cow or Fox?

Well, according to general society’s beliefs, the fox (in my mother’s story) would represent the ego self (masked self/personality self/society conditioned self) since its lovey dovey facade doesn’t stem from pure, unconditional love, but rather, from manipulative, ulterior motives (i.e., not honest or sincere; being lovable to get what one wants despite actual thoughts and feelings).

But yet, from my mother’s perspective, the way of the fox was considered good, and the way of the cow was considered bad.

Why?

Because the cow (or me) was simply being in an authentic state?

Because the cow (or me) was merely expressing  (non-verbally) how it truly feels?

Because the cow (or me) wasn’t interested in kissing my mother’s ass?

Because the cow (or me) had no desire to manipulate my mother?

Note: By the way, I take the personifications of animals (like the cow and fox one) throughout the world with a grain of salt since everyone and their mamas and grandmamas have their own opinions (often projections of the human ways). However, I highly resonate with most interpretations of animal spirit guides (aka animal totems), and I’ve shared dream records with the this blog (see About Page for some links)

Shifting from Duality to Polarity

As a reminder to self and anyone else who might come across this space:

While exploring our planet 3D Earth Journey, we’re provided with the gift of contrast, which allows us to compare through opposites within the rainbow spectrum of options a plethora of experiences—physical, mental, emotional, material, financial, and spiritual—and learn from them (obtain wisdom/experiential knowledge).

From a limited, physical mind’s perspective, we perceive our world and everything within it through duality (opposites that are considered against one another: good vs bad, right vs wrong, light vs dark, up vs down, etc.). This point of view has created much suffering throughout human history than peace and harmony.

However, I’ve learned that a beneficial perspective is polarity—the seemingly conflicting opposites that are basically two sides of the same coin rather than against one another.

Therefore, rather than good vs bad (that creates separation and conflict), we can see beyond the outer surface, and realize that good and bad are on the same team (simply tools meant to highly benefit our spiritual growth/evolution/expansion of consciousness).

In addition, we can even see in our world that so-called good and bad are relative; what’s considered bad in one country may not be to another, what may be considered right in one culture may not be in another, etc.

For instance, in western cultures, if one eats like a loud-ass–making all kinds of sounds that considered impolite—then one may be judged as someone without manners or class.

However, in Asia—especially in Japan, China, Korea—making loud slurping sounds while eating noodle soup is considered polite, because it shows that one is enjoying the meal. Even burping at the food table isn’t frowned upon, though in western cultures, such a natural act may be considered rude.

I realize that the shift in perspective from duality to polarity isn’t easy; however, it is doable, and there are many on this planet who are already on this JOY ride, though only a few may have become a Master of Frequencies (Multidimensional, full-potential self/Self/ I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Soul & SPirit within)—one who can master the rainbow spectrum within the Love Frequency containing the low vibrating color red (or dense/”dark” fear energy) all the way through the high vibrating color violet (or the rapid/Light compassion energy)

When I googled ‘bad personality” to find an image that I may like for the intro of this post, I noticed the first poster and was drawn to click on it; and I’m glad I did, because it was a helpful reading: Top 10 Supposedly “Bad” Personality Traits That Can Actually Be Good (<= click to open link in another window)

Example Story 2: The Abusers with a Good Personality and the Abusees with a Bad Personality??

In most countries, if a person is abusive towards another in any form—physical, mental, emotional, and/or sexual—the abuser would usually be considered as having a bad personality.

I’ve learned in 2012 and 2017 that from my one of my Korean aunts (who was adopted) and my mother’s perspective that daughter (or even a son) simply not taking verbal and emotional abuse from a parent is considered to have a bad personality.

I’ve shared a more detailed story in within this blog before (I don’t recall the title of the post), but in a nutshell, my aunt’s adult son—who’s known within the extended family to be very quiet, humble, honest, respectful, diligent, and other personality traits deemed as “good”—and his wife couldn’t take my aunt anymore and moved out.

Ironically, this was shortly after my aunt ordered me (in 2012) to just take whatever my mother had to say since 1) that’s the way things have been, and 2) that’s what respectful daughters and sons do for their mothers.

I didn’t resonate with what she said then, and I still don’t; and when I heard that the most gentle and kind soul that I’ve known my entire life (my male cousin) finally chose to have healthy boundaries, it was surprising and inspiring.

In 2013, while having a conversation with my mother in Korea, I asked her to no longer be verbally and emotionally abusive. I reminded her that it’s been going on since my childhood, as far as I can recall, and that I was in my late thirties, and it was enough.

To make a long story short (since I had already shared the details in one post), she yelled, “You have a bad personality!!” and then hung up.

I didn’t call her back for nearly six years. Though she has aggressively hung up on me two other times in my life (because I didn’t do as she demanded), I  didn’t care to call her back this time.

The first time she pulled that stunt led to my first suicide attempt in my early twenties due to her being the last overwhelming, stress button that I couldn’t take anymore; and the second time was while I was pregnant with my first child.

However, one day, while chatting with one of my close, Korean cousins, she managed to convince me to call my mother again.

I had a total of two phone conversations since then (during different months), and the last one ended with her reminding me—in a joking tone this time—that I had a bad personality.

I finally realized that it doesn’t matter how many years, or even decades, go by…she’s pretty much set in her ways; and I noticed talking to her often didn’t feel good (a neon sign that something or something isn’t compatible with us).

I felt so tired of her seemingly never-ending mind games, so I decided not to call her anymore, no matter how many years go by.

I truly wish her well from a distance, but I no longer have the desire to continue forgiving her back to back to back, and to try and have a healthy and overall (keyword), harmonious relationship with her.

I’ve let go of needing to even have a relationship with my mother, and it’s felt like a HUGE LOAD has been taken off my back. Now I fully trust in the everlasting flow of unconditional love within me from Goddess/God Self.

Nonacceptance to Unconditional Embrace

As I go deep within, I receive further insights. I’ve learned that when something repeats in our life, it’s like a blinking, neon sign that’s trying to get our attention (for our highest benefit).

My mother said to me twice that I have a bad personality, and both times, I wasn’t able to unconditionally accept what she said (a form of resistance to what simply is).

Of course, this is understandable from a physical mind perspective since no one likes to be insulted; it doesn’t feel good when someone tries to hurt your feelings by saying mean things. I simply had ENOUGH.

However, whenever we believe that another can verbally and emotionally hurt us, we give our inner power away. So how can we empower ourselves?

Perhaps a shift in perspective? What if I was completely okay with having a bad personality, since every aspect exists within all of us to varying degrees?

What if I replied to her, “No mother, I don’t have a my bad personality, but a very bad personality!” or “Yep! And I LOVE my bad personality and my badass personality!!” while laughing my ass off? What then? Side Note: Just noticed there’s a lot of “asses” within the first sentence right above

Would she still have the need to repeat what I’ve already ‘owned’ and fully embraced? It wouldn’t make sense to do that.

Sometimes, when others know that they can get under our skin, they will continue to do so; however, when they realize that they can no longer negatively affect the way we think, believe, feel, and/or act, then there’s no motivation for them to continue doing so.

From an expanded perspective, the unknown/so-called “dark”/shadow aspects within ourselves show up in interconnected others so that we can have the opportunity to finally SEE them as part of ourselves.

I trust that at the soul level, my mother was mirroring to me (twice) what her soul knew would be highly beneficial for me to integrate into the whole self/Self.

If I can’t unconditionally accept/embrace/ my own ego self, how can I do so for others ego selves (the collective ego)?

This is one of the reasons why I love blogging. I feel even better now. I can now officially state on written record that I unconditionally LOVE my ego self/s0-called “bad personality aspect” of Multidimensional self/Self. ^_^

If I happen to visit Korea in the future, I will confidently inform my mother—and the rest of my extended family/Korea relatives—of one of the above mentioned statements (while smiling and/or laughing) so that I can actually experience (experiential knowledge/wisdom) what I just intended and visualized.

Now it might seem as though a mere shift in perspective caused me to confidently feel this way, but it actually took a recent series of events that led up to this miraculous point—to include what felt like a visit to the raw, emotionally charged, “dark”/shadow side at a certain event.

Raven Spirit Guide’s Magickal Bread Crumbs

A recent series of Divine synchronicity has gifted me with much invaluable wisdom—a form of abundance/riches/wealth (both seen and unseen)—that showed up as obvious blessings, or blessing in disguise.

Within the past couples of weeks, I noticed several, large ravens nearby. Once, while looking out the balcony with my two cats, I heard a very loud croaking sound that initially startled me.

When I looked to my left, where the sound was coming from, I noticed a large raven on one of the roofs closeby, and I practiced telepathically communicating a Namaste to it; it then flew away.

As usual, I thanked raven spirit guide within for whatever message it brought this time (I look up readings that I. Ever since we moved to Flagstaff the fall of last year, I’ve seen ravens that I haven’t seen all of my life (that I recall)—just crows in the past—but I’ve seeing them more often lately.

One day, my husband excitedly pointed out a medium size raven that was hopping around on our balcony, and even my cats rushed up to the balcony window to see it.

Another time, while taking out the trash to the dumpster, I heard a loud croaking sound again, and when I looked up, there was a huge raven (even from a short distance) on the very rooftop of our the apartment building; again, I was delighted to see the raven, and greeted it.

While eating at vegan pizza place recently for the first time—we’ve been exploring vegan food—a raven flew onto the low rooftop near our table. I was going to share some pizza crust (in case it was hungry), but it ended up flying away after several minutes.

Thanks to raven spirit guide often showing up as ravens, I had a deep trust that I was going through some major changes all on levels of my being—physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual—though I didn’t know how (and that was perfectly fine).

One morning, while checking my e-mail account, I noticed a message from Bill Foss (that I sporadically receive). I subscribed to his website around three to five years ago or so after meeting him for the first time, and talking to him, at a San Antonio Wholistic Festival, and buying one of his books (that I had shared the details of the story within my blog somewhere).

I usually delete his emails after briefly skimming and/or scanning them, but this time, a certain key phrase jumped out at me.

I noticed that 1) Bill Foss was doing a three-hour Akashic Records event in Sedona (about 45 min from Flagstaff) that I desired to experience years ago one on one, but didn’t due to not believing that I deserved it at the time, and 2) it was scheduled to be held at the Raven’s Call [key phrase] Healing Center.

I strongly sensed that it would highly benefit me to follow this magickal bread crumb that would expand my consciousness/spiritual growth and evolution on an individual and collective level (since we’re all interconnected).

However, I experienced the unexpected, and they weren’t exactly pleasant surprises (again, a blessing in disguise).

An Unexpected Experience at the Bill Foss Akashic Records Event

Justifications vs Sincere Apology

On the morning of the Bill Foss Akashic Records event, I went to Sedona with my husband since 1) he works there, and 2) because it didn’t make sense for him to drive back and forth four times in order to pick me up for my evening event (we have one car at the time).

I spent the day focusing on my upcoming trip to New York—for The Mirror workshop mentioned above—to include reserving a roundtrip shuttle bus ride to and from the airport, printing and saving maps plus bus schedules, and checking out areas near my hotel that I’d like to eat dinner at after the event (like the Korean Hmart, where I can buy already-made Korean meals and side dishes and eat it at the hotel).

I also plan on going with the flow, Being and living in the present moments, being free-spirited, flexible and spontaneous, being open to surprises, having fun, and related energies (the Divine Feminine aspect of Multidimensional self/Self), but I also like do some planning, organizing, calculating, thinking about the future, and related energies (the Divine Masculine aspect of Multidimensional self/Self).

I had only received a poster about the Bill Foss event, and a Paypal receipt of $44, so there wasn’t much to look over prior to the event.

Upon arriving to Raven’s Call Healing Center at 5:50 (since the poster stated that it starts at 6pm), I peeked into a room where there were two people present.

We greeted one another, and when I mentioned that I was there for the event, I was informed by both Bill Foss and a blond, long haired female (named Cara) that it didn’t start until 7pm.

When I added that I had checked the event’s poster a few times, they still acted as though they didn’t know what I was talking about, so I let it go. 

I jokingly shouted, “Way to go Bill!” to which both Cara and I laughed, but Bill seemed to force an uncomfortable smile.

I was told that I could wait inside the event’s room, but I first had to use the restroom. On my way there, I saw a couple enter the small building—who appeared Middle Eastern and seemed like gentle, kind souls.

When I came out of the one-person restroom, the couple was sitting in the mini hallway. I informed them that we can wait in the event room, and the lady stated in a dissatisfied tone (and unhappy facial expression) that they were told to wait outside.

I initially thought that Bill and Cara wanted us to wait in the hallway because they were further preparing or rehearsing for the event; but they were bullshitting and laughing, though they did step out into the hallway a few times.

The couple were also under the impression that the event started at 6pm; however, Bill, with a stern expression, confidently stated that he stated 7pm, followed by Cara agreeing with him that they had put out the correct information, and that the three of us had mistaken.

Turning on the Neon, BULLshit Sign

The couple looked confused, though they were initially sure of what they had read; it was clear that how strong Bill and Cara came off instilled doubt within themselves.

It’s one thing to not admit dropping the ball, but it’s quite another to instill doubt in another by minimizing what they say they read.

So I told the couple that it wasn’t their eyes playing tricks on them since we probably read the same poster. I then said to both Bill and Cara, “I saved the poster in my phone, so I’ll show it to you.”

At that moment, the look on their faces appeared to be a combination of surprise, fear, and the thought, “Think fast! What should we say next?”

When they realized that there was the exact same poster (but much larger) in the tiny room, they approached it and stood there for a couple of seconds.

When they came out of the room, Bill didn’t look pleased. Rather than sincerely apologizing to us for a mistake that happens, he said with a serious expression and tone—to include the ‘I will hardly blink’ look—that 1) he had posted the time-change update on Facebook, and 2) this is the first time in over a decade that this happened.

It didn’t occur to me until later, why didn’t he just e-mail those who had signed up for his class? It would be understandable if there were a lot of people, but there were only three customers (the couple and I), plus the owner of the place of Cara.

Granted, he did mention that some people may be participating live online—which is why he had to pause in the middle of the event to like something on Facebook—but the bottom line is, simply owning up to a mistake doesn’t make one LESS than.

How would he feel if, the only three people who signed up for his event, all showed up an hour late from the start time, had an “I don’t give a shit” attitude, and then told him to give them the full, three hours of the event (not being considerate of his schedule afterwards).

I highly resonate with going with the flow and being flexible, but when changes come up, you can also treat others the way you’d like to be treated—usually with respect and kindness.

In addition, if we’re running a business, it does matter that we respect the schedule (and people) that was agreed upon by all parties; after all, people may have other plans afterwards.

If customers, who paid for a service, shows up on time, then you bet your ass you should too. In the post, “The Unexpected Encounters with Wounded Wounders in Sedona,” I shared a story of how one of my coworkers (an aura photography reader)/managers stated that she comes and goes as she pleases (especially from her smoke break), and if a customer doesn’t want to wait for her (for the appointment that they paid for in advance), then they can just leave.

I learned quickly during my brief time there that it was her way or the highway; hence, trying to reason with her, or have a heart-to-heart talk was challenging to seemingly impossible.

The lesson I take from these experiences is what not to do to others, especially if I ever run a business of my own.

Receive Refund or Blessing in Disguise?

I suppose the moment Bill came off as an ass would’ve been a seemingly perfect time to just ask for (or even demand for) a refund, and leave, since not feeling good about a situation, person, and/or thing is a sign that it doesn’t resonate with our souls.

However, looking back, my lack of confidence in my own ability to access the akashic records on a daily basis, and hence, my curiosity to learn about it from a particular individual, Bill Foss—whom I had perceived as a subject matter expert in that topic—led me to remain at the event; and I’m actually grateful that I stuck it out.

Later that night (4/13), as I was listening to several examples that Bill gave of the akashic records that I was able to relate to, I had the realization that I’ve been accessing the akashic records (shared via records throughout this blog).

In addition, my intuition was confirmed this morning (4/14) while watching Teal’s Part 1 and 2 videos about the akashic records, where she also suggests being open to various teachers who can basically gift puzzle pieces of information about the akashic records (a great point).

Since it was only a little after 6pm, I decided to explore all that was in the shopping center, though my husband and I have enjoyed Tara Thai restaurant a few times, as well as the Oak Creek Arts & Crafts Shows, where I first met and befriended a wonderful soul named Courtenay Beck, who runs a small, family business—Copper Canyon Lapidary in Sedona, AZ—with her husband Michael.

Courtenay’s vibes (vibrational frequency) reminds me of a free-spirited, authentic, heart-centered, pure, fun-loving child merged with a gentle, compassionate, wise, generous, honest, and deeply loving woman. When I first met her, she instantly uplifted my spirit; and she shared with me that I did the same for her.

I bought several items from her over two visits, to include the most recent purchase of a beautiful, multi-colored (changes depending on angle and sunlight), Ammolite crystal pendant from Alberta, Canada (that I’ve never seen before though I’ve seen many different types of crystals, and even have some), and a set of spiritual artwork oracle cards (details under subtitle, “Divine Synchronicity of Ibis/Thoth Dream, Atlantis, Drum Music, and Oracle Card”).

Courtenay, being her generous and loving self, gifted me with three, small crystals (a pair of Ammolite spiral shells and a clear quartz); and though the old, conditioned version of me would’ve had a hard time accepting it, I’ve been working on unconditionally accepting from the Universe within (especially from interconnected others) ever since I learned about the importance of balance and harmony when it comes to giving and receiving love.

Back to the Bill Foss event day on Friday the 13th, which I’ve chosen to embrace, a while back, as a fortunate day despite myths of the past.

I wrote a post in 2012 titled, “I CHOOSE “Friday the 13th” To Also Be A Miracle Day!,” and when I checked it out again, I noticed that the image of a black cat that I used at the beginning of the post looks exactly like my black cat (Shadow) that my husband and I adopted in 2016 (manifestations ^_^)!

Shadow was a semi-feral stray who roamed our apartment complex neighborhood, and after slowly befriending her for a couple of months or so, we decided to make her part of our family. Note: Also see pics of Shadow and our fairly new kitten turned cat named Leo at bottom of post + post, “Stories of a Black Stray Cat Named Shadow” (pics + more stories and videos to come) 

So many shiny objects! 😀 Anyway, since it was cold outside that evening, I was no longer interested in roaming around looking for a store that’s opened, so that I could hang out there while waiting for the event to start.

Though I’ve enjoyed the Tara Thai restaurant, I didn’t feel like going there at the moment. I then noticed a pizza place that displayed a banner claiming they have the best (or something to that effect), so I was curious.

Granted, another paper sign on the door warned that customers aren’t allowed to bring in food and drinks. Since I had a water bottle with me, I went inside, approached the cashier (Stephen), stated that I did read the sign, but was wondering if I could bring my water bottle in as long as I order a pizza and a drink.

He stated that the sign was meant for those who try to bring in already bought meals from other places, and that it’s not a problem at all for me to bring in my water bottle. 

I told him that I wouldn’t drink from it, and he added that it was completely okay for me to drink it, and even encouraged me to do so. 

I really appreciated his understanding and kindness, and ensured his tip ($4.44 ^_^) reflected his customer service; plus, I replied to the online survey from the phone receipt and mentioned him.

So even though my husband and I have been doing well eating mostly vegan food for a little over a mont, ever since March 3, 2018 (the beginning of the experimenting phase), I chose not to feel guilty for exploring now and then. Note: Planning to post soon of a collection of tasty vegan products we’ve tried so far

We’re in the process of not judging whatever we’re drawn to do, so I ordered a slice of white pizza (with spinach, tomatoes, etc.) and a beer.

Though the white pizza was pretty good, strangely, the slice of vegan pizza we had at Wholefoods (with various veggies and stretchy vegan cheese) earlier for lunch was more delicious.

So I was grateful that I had the experience, because the remnant of wondering, of whether or not I was missing out on non-vegan pizza, seemed to vanish with the wind.

After enjoying my meal, I returned to the event building so that I could experience more triggering of old and outdated energies (that no longer benefit my well-being), in order for them to resurface, be noticed, recognized and acknowledged, and eventually be embraced, integrated, and healed.

While waiting in the hallway, Lori—the owner of Raven’s Call Healing Center—stepped outside of the room next to the Bill Foss event room, and a conversation began.

She was also under the impression that the event was set from 6-9 pm, as she had seen on the same poster as well. Later, she somewhat got on Bill’s ass for not informing her.

What’s ironic is that he talked about the theme of cause and effect throughout the event, and even reminded us to ensure we’re very cognizant of our actions.

But yet, he seemed oblivious as to how his lack of willingness and initiative to double-check the schedule at least once, caused four people—the couple, the owner, and me—to change our schedules.

I asked him during a break when he thought he’d be done, and he said 9:45pm; however, my husband ended up waiting outside until 10:15 because Bill wanted to bullshit towards the end of the vent with Cara (bragging about his painting).

I interrupted him, and told him that my husband’s been waiting for a half an hour because he (Bill) said that it be over at 9:45, and that we needed to get going since we’re heading back to Flagstaff that’s almost an hour away (something I had mentioned to him and Cara before the event).

He shrugged his shoulders, gave a half-ass smile, and proceeded to flirt with Cara. I told everyone goodnight, and left.

The Ego Who Feared Itself

It seemed Bill had a need to adamantly justify how right he was, rather than simply apologize for something he overlooked, to include assuming that everyone has a Facebook account.

Looking back, his strong need to be right is ironic since he spent a good amount of time within the three-hour event making it crystal clear that he was very judgmental towards the collective ego that always needs to be good, right, and deceptive.

At one point, he even ridiculed the ego (verbally and physically), comparing it to a wandering, blindfolded child lost in the dark.

I guess visualizing a wandering, blindfolded child lost in the dark was funny to him; but for me, it wasn’t, because I knew how it felt.

While Bill was walking around the room, acting like the lost, blind child, I had a flashback of a dream that I had in 2001, later recorded in a journal, and then transferred into a post in 2011. UPDATE inserted on 12/29/2018 (in this yellow font section only):This update is for several of the Sedona post series (shared in About page): Post, “Embracing and Integrating Aspect of Shadow Self That’s Unaware of Its Own Projections“

The “Dreams of Jesus” post included a series of spiritual dreams I had before joining the Army. As a summary, I was wandering around in a pitch black space, and felt very scared.

When I saw a pair of red eyes, I called out for Jesus three times (the third time I shouted at the top of my lungs, “JESUS!!!”).

At that moment, I felt a strong, invisible presence come in-between me and the eyes, and the eyes went away, and I felt safe.

I saw a closed door with light shining through the lining of it. I don’t recall what happened after that. There was another similar dream, but that’s shared in the post/link above.

Prior to that dream, I don’t recall ever praying to Jesus or even calling out his name. However, ever since that experience, Jesus would always have a place in my heart—whether he was the former Jesus himself/symbolic of Christ Consciousness within/The Divine Masculine Energy/God-Self/ancient God Enki/various forms of God Thoth/other related earthly names/Galactic and Universal name Sananda.

Looking back, Bill was sadly enacting his own lost state of being, unaware of his own blind, ego self. I simply observed.

At the beginning of the event, I silently communicated to my Beloved Self—aka I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Higher Self//Soul & Holy Spirit within/Source/Monad/Prime Creator/Divine Mother Goddess/Creator of All Creation: Crop Circle 6666.

I expressed my gratitude for the blessing in disguise, stated that I would like to simply and quietly experience, observe, and learn; however, if there’s anything that I could express in order to highly benefit self and interconnected others, to let it be done within me, as me, and through me.

A few times, Bill acted out how a soul perceives the ego self, and it didn’t come from a pure, heartfelt space of unconditional love or compassion, but rather, from a soul with a superiority complex who communicates to its ego self in a very patronizing tone. I simply observed, though it seemed as though the scorching, bright, orange lava within had started to boil.

The Volcano and Tsunami Effect

But when Bill started talking about the many ways that our ego selves are deceptive, I felt the very familiar, intense, ball of energy in my heart and throat chakra areas, and I intuitively knew it was time to set any doubts, concerns (what others might judge) and/or fears aside, and allow Source within to freely and fully express what needs to be shared.

I’ve had this experience enough times within my adult life that I now fully embrace it and just go with the flow. In the past, I was more hesitant (due to fear of being judged or ridiculed), but often followed through the strong desire to express nonetheless. Note: Example stories shared within blog, to include post, “Embracing a Setback to Set Forward” (so-called failures in life—all stepping stones of success)

I raised my hand and expressed that there are one too many spiritual teachers out there who are very judgmental towards the individual and collective ego, to include those who shout, “Kill the ego!”

But how are we humans supposed to love ourselves and others when we’re constantly reminded of how bad our nature is, what all we need to be paranoid about within ourselves, and how we can’t trust ourselves?

Even religions, to include Christianity, have made so many people feel guilt and shame about who we are throughout human history by claiming that we’re all born sinners.

I reminded Bill that he had mentioned that the war between good vs evil has been going on within the 36,000 year time-frame, so isn’t it time to end the wars between duality (starting within), face our deepest and darkest fears (rather than rejecting them), and integrate them into the Multidimensional, whole self (physical self)/Self (Soul/Spirit within).

I also added something to the effect that just running towards the Light (which he basically stated a couple of times) doesn’t benefit us because we’ll miss out on the experiences of Being compassion, empathy, and unconditional forgiveness to self and others.

I have no doubt that he wasn’t pleased what I had to share. At one point, he slowly approached me with a serious expression, and said in a snotty tone, “Write a book.” Again, it’s not what he said (which can be inspirational when said with sincerity), but how he said it.

I asked him if he was being sarcastic, and he stated, “No, you’re on fire!”

Note: Though I’ve heard of the phrase of someone being on fire before, I couldn’t recall what it meant exactly. I thought he was saying that I was hot-headed or passionate (pretty close). So I looked it up another day: “A term that people use when someone is doing great and they are unable to be stopped. A state of mind in which people believe that they are unstoppable and can do anything they want–and they do.” Urban Dictionary

I was very passionate while expressing, to include feeling angry, and a moment where I unexpectedly burst into tears and cried uncontrollably like a child.

Note: Image on right found next to link => Pinterest (thank you)

I shared with them that many of us have been conditioned to believe that we’re not worthy of loving ourselves, and gave a few personal examples of what my own parents used to tell me during childhood, to include, “You’re nothing but a _____!” “Don’t you dare cry!” “I’ll dig your eyes out” “It’s your fault that____!” etc. Therefore, it doesn’t help when we continue to be reminded throughout adulthood that something’s wrong with us.

I felt so vulnerable, and the look in the couples’ eyes (that appeared watery as well) was soul-touching. But Bill walked up close to me with a disapproving expression, and said in a commanding tone, “You need to journal,” to which I assertively replied, “I do journal.”

So this post is for your Bill Foss. If it benefits you to read it, I trust that you will cross paths with this space in Divine perfect timing and order; if not, it wasn’t meant to be.

I was surprised to see these aspects of Bill (ultimately my own unknown/shadow aspects). When I first met him, he seemed like a gentle, kind, and very wise soul whom I felt so comfortable talking to (which I shared with Bill, Cara and the owner of the place before the event).

I even reminded him of what he had said that just blew me away—that one can control weather; but I didn’t go into details since they probably had things to do.

At one point during our conversation—at the Wholistic Festival in San Antonio around five or six years ago—he looked deep into my eyes and said out of the blue that one can control weather.

At that moment, I felt like I had frozen, because during that time-frame, I had an unbelievable experience of strongly desiring to experience an intense thunderstorm, and then actually experiencing one later that day (though the weather channel didn’t predict it).

It was so intense that a part of our fence broke off, and was hanging for dear life at its edge. While my husband rushed out to tie it down, I stood in front of the patio, glass door in freeze mode, and feeling frightened. I then made an intention for it to stop, and it eventually did.

I had similar experiences in the past, and intended to create a post, so I trust it will happen in Divine perfect timing and order.

Though my first encounter and interaction with Bill felt very peaceful, the strange vibes of the current Bill Foss seemed like a whole, other being, especially the look in his eyes that was often times filled with anger (that stems from fear).

His level of judgment was like a couple of notches down from Eckhart Tolle’s long, rant about the collective ego in one of his books—a reflection of his still suppressed anger, judgment and non-acceptance toward his own ego self.

But I’d take Eckhart’s blatant judgment any day over the type of judgment that’s somewhat subtle, and masked with a smile and fancy words that may sound right to the logical mind, but doesn’t feel good to the heart.

After he made his comment that didn’t feel good on the receiving end, regret briefly set in that I had allowed myself to be so vulnerable in front of someone so insensitive.

However, I was reminded from within that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a great strength towards self-empowerment.

Although I occasionally feel as though I made an ass out of myself after an unexpected, passionate expression, I snap out of it faster each time.

Plus, there have been other times in the past where I confidently owned what I had expressed like a lioness claiming her fearless roar.

I shared further details of yesterday’s oracle card I had chosen below, but one of its phrases, “observing without judgment your emotional flows” matches this theme perfectly.

Fear and Love of Fire & Water

Today (4/15), I watched the helpful Teal video, “Internal Arson – An Amazing Use For Anger (A Self Growth Exercise)“; and once again, she delivered exactly what I needed to be reminded of, which is the fact that “anger shows us what no longer adds to our well-being.”

Granted, for the exercise within this video, I currently prefer visualizing Violet Fire (rather than the actual color of fire) burning within me and/or around me (to include Mother Earth), since I still have the seemingly conflicting (yet, two sides of the same coin) fear and love of things like fire and water.

I wonder if my deep fears stem from at least two past lives (parallel reality experiences) of either being burnt alive (intuitive knowing), or having a loved one burnt alive (saw in dream state), and several traumatic, childhood incidents, to include:

• having my left forearm burnt on a old-fashioned, black stove top when I was 3 yo (my mom’s friend panicked, poured soy sauce on it, and I screamed)
• being “jokingly” threatened by a group of unknown old men that they were going to throw me into a fire pit when I was 3 yo
• almost drowning around 4 or 5 yo at a beach or ocean because I was walking in the water and the ground of sand below me suddenly dropped, and the last thing I recall was me panicking and swallowing a lot of sea water
• being forced into a tub of ice water by my parents when I was 4 or 5 yo (because I apparently had a very high fever), and me screaming at the top of my lungs
• witnessing my mother pour a huge pot of boiling water over my adoptive dad when I was in 6th grade where I froze and urinated on myself (he got busted having a decade-long affair, and he paid the price with third degree burns, loss of hearing in one of his ears, and traumatic memories for all involved).

Wow, it looks a lot more (within a short time-frame) than I had thought; typing helps puts things into perspective. I’m going to further do inner-child work whenever I feel down or scared, to include using my imagination to visit the so-called past, visualize hugging and comforting my child version of self during difficult moments, as well as treating her to all of her heart’s desires.

I would love to Be Lion-like Courage in the face of all of my fears, but the element of fire has been the most challenging (more than water). Note: Speaking of a lion, see Pics of our cat Leo (7 mo) and Shadow (almost 2 year 6mo) toward bottom of post

Galactic and Universal Families of Light & Dark

I trust that my family of Cetaceans (from Sirius B)—within the Galactic and Universal families, to include humanity—have been assisting me at different junctures of my life (as predicted by the Pleiadians in one of the Barbara Marcianiak book). Note: See About Page for some post links

So far, I’ve had about eight dreams of dolphins, orcas, and whales. I even had one dream where dolphins and a wolf showed up at a pool, and another where there was a square formation of bears and either Siberian huskies or wolves and my Siberian husky pet at the time (he passed away shortly after we adopted our neighborhood stray cat; I chose not to believe the outdated myth that black cats are bad luck, though I did wonder a few times.

I now fully trust that my pet dog left and my pet cat took over to assist me with certain phases of my life on planet Earth. Shadow reminds me of Goddess Bastet from ancient Egypt. I’ve also had several dreams of cats, to include my own black cat named Shadow. Both dogs and cats are from Sirius A.

Note: Image on right found next to link => Shrine of the Forgotten Goddesses (thank you)

The Family of Light (and even so-called Dark) include but not limited to: the Arcturians, Pleiadians, Lyrians, Andromedans, Bashar’s Essani people (spoke with a Bashar looking being in dream state a while back who was floating in the air, and I confessed something to the effect that I didn’t believe in myself), Anunnaki (yes, even them; spoke with a female being in dream state who was with a group of female beings, and though I forgot to ask follow-up questions to the statement, “The Anunnaki don’t wear those colors” when I asked for a sample eye makeup case with blue colors, I will write up that in another post sometime in the future, to include incorporating all the notes I took from a couple of Zecharia Sitchin books about the Anunnaki), the half horse/half man Beings (non-verbally interacted with one in dream state), blue Beings (saw two in dream state, but don’t recall what they look like close up; had human-like bodies; I also saw myself from the Observer perspective as a blue, female being), reptilian Beings (YES, even them. there are different types apparently, but regardless, I trust that all Beings are liketwo sides of the same coin; saw a tall one in dream state who acted like a regular human being who bumped his head; saw one male being’s face as a flash image during meditation state), and Orion Beings  that I recall (have marks on body and experienced various signs within different series of Divine synchronicity).

The Dance Between the Caring &Uncaring

During the start of a break, Cara approached me and said that she highly resonates with what I had shared about the importance of unconditional love, which she agrees starts from within; I thanked her for sharing and being so comforting.

Though Cara—who’s tall, toned and pretty with long blond hair—appeared at least 20 years younger than Bill, it seemed like she was 20 years older than him on the inside.

She carried herself in a professional and personable manner, and showed her ability to deeply empathize with another.

Bill, on the other hand, seemed very disconnected with his feelings, which explains why he wasn’t able to even show sympathy (let alone deep empathy) for another; I strongly sense that his wounded aspect of his inner-child has not been acknowledged, embraced, and healed.

But like he mentioned, whenever one of us heals, it automatically heals others [since we’re interconnected], especially those we’re close to, interact with, and even cross paths with, which rang true to me.

There was another interesting side to Bill, which I trust was his free-spirited aspect of his inner-child. His face lit up whenever he talked about his paintings or tried selling his books and CD’s.

At one point, he suggested that I do more of his meditations, so I told him that I’ve tried some when I had purchased one of his books years ago, and they were beneficial during those times; but I realized that what works best for me is to continue loving more and more aspects of self/Self, which helps me to do the same for others as well.

In addition, whenever he talked to Lori,  he was like a very horny, drooling teenager who grabbed every opportunity to be close to her—following her around like a puppy dog; it was precious to witness.

However, Cara did a great job of treating him kindly, but not flirting back; perhaps their relationship is job-related. Whatever their relationship dynamic is, I strongly sensed that her vibrational frequency was more like a mature, gentle, supportive, motherly love, and his vibes was more like an emotionally and spiritually immature young boy trapped in a man’s body.

During Bill’s preachings—which was a lot of regurgitated knowledge that he had collected from many ancient texts—he thanked Cara several times, for supporting him, while gazing into her eyes.

She expressed her support for him throughout the workshop, so it was understandable why he felt so drawn to her.

But what neither one of them seemed to realize is that she shared with me twice that she was glad I brought up certain topics because she was thinking the same as well.

But yet, she didn’t make her inner-truths (and how she truly feels) known to Bill, or even ask any questions. For some people, I suppose it’s much easier to agree with everything someone says, even though you don’t believe them.

But for me, whenever I don’t speak my inner-truths, I either kick myself in the ass (multiple times) and/or experience major chest pains.

I suppose me being the pain-in-the-ass student at the workshop, who went against the grain at times, helped Cara to avoid any form of confrontation with Bill. Oh well, I trust it worked out for all of us, despite outer appearances.

The Exhausted Hamster Who Waved Goodbye to Karma

While talking about the topic of karma, Bill told his class—of basically three people (to include myself) plus his guest or assistant Cara and the owner Lori—that we all need to really work on our karma.

So I asked him a question after sharing a statement. I said something to the effect that because karma is immeasurable, it could feel like being an exhausted hamster on a non-stop, spinning wheel continually working towards clearing our karma; and that is very frustrating.

I asked how long are humans supposed to carry the guilt, and even shame, of not knowing how many hundreds, to thousands, or even millions of years of build-up negative karma they’re supposed to clear in order to be considered worthy of a peaceful and happy life.

He replied with a stern facial expression an apathetic tone, “So what’s your question?”

So I repeated the question, and also mentioned that I had chosen to expand my consciousness beyond the belief of karma—that was holding humanity back and not being beneficial—so that I could focus on profound healing on all levels of my being (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual), that starts with unconditionally loving more and more aspects of Multidimensional self/Self which I trust is the ultimate enlightenment, and it helps us to fully and truly love interconnected Life throughout this Universe and beyond.

I think he felt bad for teaching something that he later realized was a seemingly never attainable, hopeless goal. His demeanor momentarily transformed from the authoritarian teacher tone to a softer one.

He then shared something to the effect that as long as we make an intention to connect with the akashic records for higher purposes, we can clear all of our karma.

The frustrated part of me wanted to further ask, “So why didn’t you just share that to begin with?” but I was reminded from within that it wasn’t necessary to put him on the spot like that since he had a realization himself.

To my great surprise, Cara enthusiastically shared with everyone that she was glad that I had mentioned that, because she, too, was struggling with the whole karma thing.

Once again, I was reminded from within, that when we have the courage to speak our inner-truths, we can be a voice for others who may relate to how we feel, but may not feel comfortable speaking up in public.

Note: I highly resonate with this helpful video, “Does Karma Exist? – Teal Swan” (<= click on title to open link in another window). Added 4/18/18 => A helpful video that brings clarity “Blowing the Whistle on Spiritual Teachers, Gurus and Self Help Experts – Teal Swan –“

What All Bothered Me About This Guy? Enter Aspects of Shadow Self

So what exactly was it about Bill Foss that didn’t feel good? What aspects of him was I not able to accept?

I trust that ALL aspects—good or bad, right or wrong, light or dark, etc.—exists within ALL of us to varying degrees, though we may not be aware of certain ones because they are so-called “dark”/unknown/shadow/subconscious aspects of ourselves.

However, interconnected others are always mirroring to us aspects of our shadow self (both positive and negative aspects).The following subtitles are aspects of my shadow self:

Inconsiderate Aspect

This aspect is part of my shadow self that has been suppressed since childhood since I grew up with the strong influence of both Korean and American cultures where being inconsiderate was frowned upon. Also, sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it.

Now I don’t know if he came off the way he did because he believes that he has no ego; hence, he has no need to be good or right.

But there’s a big difference between saying and doing ‘good and rights things’ from the fear-based, ego self because one wants to be perceived as good and right by others, and saying and doing unconditionally loving and beneficial things from the integrated Mind/Heart because one likes to treat others the way they like to be treated (since all souls are interconnected parts of the whole). 

Towards the end of the event, Bill suggested we all do a meditation together and go to Atlantis. I suppose his long lecture prior to this moment helped prepare for the meditation since his monotone voice and robotic demeanor was like a disharmonious lullaby (imagine Ben Stein from the Clear Eyes commercial singing, “Rock a Bye Baby.”).

I put forth effort to look for the silver lining in whatever he said, but most of his words didn’t feel soothing to the soul, heartfelt, encouraging, uplifting, empowering, inspiring, wise, and/or consciousness expanding.

I wondered if I had wasted $44 and four hours—since the three-hour event started an hour later—since I had often felt any combinations of encouragement, upliftment, empowerment, inspiration etc. just watching a 10-20 minute Teal video.

Bill talked a lot about the higher realms and dimensions, his connections with the Ascended Masters and other spirit guides, all the spiritual codes that he knows, all the spiritual gifts he has, etc.—all very interesting topics that I’m familiar with—but, yet, he didn’t seem to know how to Be a true rainbow bridge between the spiritual world and the physical world.

He seemed to perceive himself as way above the average human whose ego selves are lost and deceptive; he really seemed to have a holier than thou attitude, though his vibes didn’t feel holy.

So what can I take from this seemingly boring, and even joyless experience? At the beginning of the meditation, I felt my body, but as we practiced relaxing more and more, I reached a point where I wasn’t able to feel my body at all (which I had never experienced before).

I asked Spirit within to help me to be open to whatever experience happens. I thought I might be visiting Atlantis (as Bill said we would), but even though I carefully followed his instructions, I wasn’t able to see whatever he said he saw.

Instead, I suddenly had the OBE (Out of Body Experience/astral travel) that I haven’t experienced in a while. I’ve shared this experience in my blog before, to include the most amazing one recorded in post, “Dream of Shouting to Goddess While Flying Through Wormhole.“

In a nutshell (details in above post/link), I relax, close my eyes, etc. and end up what feels like flying through pitch dark space with rays of light passing by me.

Granted, at one point during the meditation, I almost fell asleep; I caught my head from dropping down.

After Bill guided us out of meditation state, he asked for any feedback and/or questions about the trip to Atlantis; but even the crickets had checked out.

At that moment, I had a strong feeling that Bill was the only one in the room of six—him, Cara, owner, the couple and I—who went there.

Bill smiled a big smile, so perhaps he was happy that at least he was able to visit Atlantis (if that even happened); but he didn’t seem to care if no one else. 

Despite not having the astral field trip to a place called Atlantis, I had a strong feeling that the OBE/astral travel experience in pitch dark space was the ultimate and priceless, Light/Freedom/Inner Peace/Joy/Abundance/Wisdom/Wealth/Unconditional Love experience.

So the question is, why do we humans choose to be inconsiderate at times, often, or even every time?

Is it because we don’t feel that another deserves our respect and/or kindness?

Do we feel that we’re above apologizing because that might make us appear “wrong”?

Do we fear that by apologizing, something within us gets taken away (like the facade of being perfect)?

Or, is it a much deeper reason? Something that stems from fear within?

Being able to treat interconnected others with respect and kindness is a reflection of our self-respect and self-love. Also, here’s an informative reading, “5 Reasons Why Some People Will Never Say Sorry.”

We can’t give to another what we don’t believe we have within us—though there’s much abundance, richness and wealth within the Universe that resides within our hearts.

So with this understanding, we can have shift our perspective—from physical mind’s limited perspective to unlimited, Multidimensional, expanded perspective—and have compassion for those who may not seem to be in touch with their hearts (though much easier said than done).

Very Judgmental Aspect

Continuing later/xxx

Uncompassionate Aspect

xxx

Inauthentic Aspect

xxx

Hypocritical Aspect

xxx

An Analogy of the Thoughtless Coworker

Let’s say you agreed to meet a coworker for lunch one day. Out of respect and admiration for this being, you put forth effort to show up on time (to the best of your ability) so that they don’t have to just sit there and wait for you. You honor their time just as you do yours.

However, this coworker shows up an hour late, and acts as though it’s no big deal. When you bring it to his attention, he’s too proud and fragile to apologize, so he justifies his lateness by claiming that he had stated on his Facebook page that something came up (i.e., “Didn’t you see the FB update?”), and he’s never showed up late for a lunch meet in over a decade.

So it’s not so much his lateness that rubs you off in an unpleasant way, because it happens, but his insensitive, inconsiderate, arrogant ‘I don’t give a rat’s ass’ attitude.

A Disguised Gift from an Inconsiderate, Paraplegic, Elderly Neighbor

While residing at an apartment complex in Helotex, Texas, I befriended an elderly, Caucasian man who was paraplegic and living alone, though he had three nurses who stopped by and took care of him on a daily basis.

When I first met him, he seemed really nice. However, when I swung by his apartment to drop off some tea bags, he invited me in, and I saw another side of him that was on the extreme opposite side of the spectrum.

What was interesting is that his 180 demeanor matched his apartment, which was very dimly lit, and not in some romantic, candlelight, ambience kind of way.

During our conversation, he said and did some things that helped me to better understand him. Granted, I’ll save the details for another post titled, “The Strange Increase of Death and Disease Showing Up: Neighbors (Part 10 of 13 post series),” but the following are two examples:

At one point, he asked me if I had heard about the FBI and other security forces raiding our apartment complex a while back.

I told him that I wasn’t aware of it—only to find out later that my husband had read a review prior to us moving in, and “forgot” to tell me about it.

The old fart continued that they ended up arresting this man who was a serial rapist/killer, and when he found out that this person lived upstairs from his apartment, he was horrified.

He had talked to this guy a few times prior to the arrest, and once, during a brief conversation, he noticed that the guy had a holdster on his hip that included a gun.

He asked if he could hold it, and the man let him. But looking back, he couldn’t believe that he had actually held the gun of a serial killer.

I wondered why I was match for such energies, to include the story in post, “Symbolic Message from a Murder: Conditional Love vs Unconditional Love” that occurred in the same building and floor as the former serial killer.

According to the Law of Attraction, like energies are attracted to one another, so I wondered if the raging, killer aspect within my soul (from another lifetime) wasn’t healed; hence, I crossed paths with it.

But I’ve recently let go of the outdated belief of karma that no longer benefits self/Self and interconnected humanity and beyond.

I realize that various negative energies ultimately stem from fear energy; so even under the mask of the heartless rapist/serial killer—who actually yearns for the remembrance of their inner power, though mistakens the abuse of power as what’s true—and “tough”  and murderer is a very scared, wounded inner-child (trapped in grown man’s body).

Since I was still in the process of healing my own, wounded, inner-child, as well as having remnants of victim mentality, and needing to be a rescuer (in rescue mode) to others—I attracted to me the exact same, fear-based energy under the guise of something else (i.e., narcissist biological parents, narcissist elderly neighbor, serial killer, murderer).

I highly resonate with Teal teachings that the energy of the rescuer is the exact same as the energy of the narcissist since they both believe in the lack of love within themselves, and all around them.

Therefore, the rescuers of this world have the need to constantly give to others without healthy boundaries (without the balance of loving self as well), to include “saving” others that they perceive as victims—though Spirit within All Life (All That Is) is cosmically intelligent and powerful, and every soul grows at their own pace on their own unique path; and the extremely selfish narcissists have to hoard love since they believe there’s not enough of it to go around.

This makes more sense I didn’t have solid boundaries at the time, though I’ve improved greatly. On day, the elderly neighbor mentioned how much he loved pork fried rice and how he used to make it for himself and a former neighbor friend before he moved away; but he added that though he missed it, he no longer enjoy cooking at his stage in life.

So I kept this in mind. On my husband’s oldest son’s going away dinner party—where he brought two of his Army AIT school buddies—I made pork fried rice in addition to Korean kimbop, fried dumpling, Korean BBQ and several other dishes.

Since we had a small apartment, I wasn’t able to invite our elderly neighbor; however, I excitedly made him a big plate from various dishes while they were still fresh, wrapped saran wrap over it, and rushed over to this apartment to surprise him.

I’ve brought over dishes before, to include his favorite pasta—with chunks of fire-roasted tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, red orange and yellow peppers, onions, mushrooms, and ground beef—and he said he loved it, so I figured he might enjoy the combo package deal.

However, the next day when I saw him outside, I asked him if he tried the food plate. With a facial expression of disgust, and a tone of disappointment, he said that he took a look at it, had a little bite of one item, and didn’t eat the rest. He then added that the pork fried rice that I made isn’t the way he makes it.

If I said that his dagger-like words through the heart didn’t affect me, I would be lying to myself and others. I truly appreciate honesty, and understood that not everyone enjoys the same food, but it was the way he said it that didn’t feel good. I have no doubt that he was very aware of what he was saying, but he was trying to be hurtful for whatever reason.

Perhaps he had his feelings hurt because I didn’t invite him to the gathering; I don’t recall explaining to him that we didn’t have room.

Yesterday, I watched a helpful video titled, “Authenticity vs Just Being an A**hole – Teal Swan –,” and it helped me to realize that he was often an asshole, though I found myself continually making excuses for him, thinking it was me that was the problem at times, and forgiving him several times, only for him to turn around and be the usual, insensitive him.

The day before we were scheduled to move to Flagstaff (the first week of September 2017), he asked with a half-ass smile on his face, and a micro-expression of contempt in his eyes , “So, are you taking Shadow [our neighborhood stray cat that we adopted two years ago] with you?”

I asked him, “What kind of question is that?” Why wouldn’t we? You’ve been aware that we adopted her, so what’s your intention of asking such a question? Did you ask our other neighbor if she was taking her three pets with her when she was moving?” He admitted that he’s heard of one too many people abandoning their cats, so he wanted to make sure.

So I asked, “So rather than giving us a benefit of a doubt—since we chose to adopt her—you just assumed that we were like those people you heard of and hate?”

He tried to convince me that it was all me who misunderstood him—the manipulative “it’s all in your head” tactic— but I wasn’t falling for that BULLshit; and that wasn’t the first time he made his snotty comments ever since I stopped hanging out with him (I refused to have another, unhealthy friendship).

Once, while we both happened to be outside, he went off on rant of how much he hated the Japanese whalers (which is completely understandable since I love whales), but I sensed that there was an underlying, hidden message that went with his expression, which was an indirect, “I hate you as well; and yeah, I recall you sharing with me that you’re half Japanese.”

When I expand my perspective, I realize the following:

• our elderly neighbor was merely mirroring to me my own, past, thought about whether or not our cat Shadow would be happier at Helotes—the only home she knows where she has a lot of freedom, andwhere she’s been an outdoor/indoor cat ever since we adopted her—or at Flagstaff, where it can get very cold and snowy during the winter, where she wouldn’t be able t roam around outside due to the apartment policy, our building being right across the main street where there’s a lot of traffic, and huge ravens, coyotes, and other wild animals apparently roaming about
• he was merely mirroring to me my own unknown/shadow aspect that was furious with Japanese whalers, but I managed to suppress that anger and convince myself that I would have a neutral perspective.

A part of me felt bad that we ended on a sour note,  another part of me felt as though another heavy load was lifted off my back, and yet, another aspect of me felt grateful that he was a part of my life; after all, he unknowingly gifted me with opportunity to deeply examine, better understand, and know self, especially via shadow work.

I wish him well from the depths of my heart since I realize that the elderly neighbor, my bio father, and other so-called narcissists are merely wounded wounders (aka lost souls who haven’t been open to heal on all levels of their being—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual). I hope that he also remembers our brief, yet, pleasant times together.

He once shared with me that his father was emotionally abusive—the way my Japanese grandfather was verbally and emotionally abusive to my bio father throughout his childhood and adulthood; hence, why he became so narcissistic. I shared a series of posts that included:

• “SURPRISE Bio Papa!“ (an unexpected visit)
• “My First Encounter with a Narcissist” (an unbelievable, new experience)
• “Unconditional Love from Angels and Aliens” (A deeper understanding of my bio dad’s underlying, “narcissistic” nature)

My heart went out to our neighbor friend, and I took this into consideration during our friendship, but like my bio father, he was just too much extreme selfishness, narcissism, pessimism, patronization, condescension, compulsive lies, earthly dramas, chronic complaints, etc.

Note: Image on left found next to link => Signature Reads (thank you)

Granted, there were also micro-moments of Light and Love from him—like him sharing his story about running into a forest as a child, and watching a turtle sit on top of a log (he trusted this to be a spiritual moment that wasn’t related to his Catholic upbringing, and I agreed); him riding a mule in Mexico (where he lived for many years, though he’s Caucasian); him offering to buy Shadow a catio when we first adopted her(I was still in the process of learning to be open to receiving from others at this time, so I thanked him, but politely declined; plus, he had many other things he could spend money on); him giving our cat a plastic toy that he found from one of the residents who had just moved out (that I thoroughly washed after pouring boiling water on it).

So I will treasure the few, but good memories.

Note: Poster on right above found next to link => PERxCEPTION (thank you)

The Repeating Narcissist Energy that Helped Me to Heal

I’ve also learned from Teal (the most impactful spiritual catalyst I’ve known of so far) that the energy of narcissism—that can seem like one’s worst enemy, but exists within all of us to varying degrees—can push us/teach us into unconditionally loving more and more aspects of self (to include creating and maintaining healthy or healthier boundaries), which helps us to fully and truly do so for interconnected others.

And until we learn this lesson, we may continue to see these aspects show up in our realities in different forms (i.e., same narcissistic energy in a different person) in order to get our attention. And I know this, because I’ve personally had these experiences (as shared within blog).

The Amazing, Spot-On Oracle Card

The oracle card I chose day before yesterday (4/14) explains a lot when it comes to better understanding and having compassion for seemingly uncaring people like Bill Foss, and my former elderly neighbor, and my bio father.

I shared further details of the card below, but these stories relate to it as well since it’s about “the ego needing to be known and understood on all levels and extremes before it can truly be transformed [paraphrased].”

Number Synchronicity: 6565 and 6655

Yesterday evening (4/13/2018), on my way to the Raven’s Call Healing Center, I noticed that the license plate of the car in front of my husband and I included 6565 (will insert pic later after uploading).

On the way home last night, I noticed the license plate of a vehicle passing by on my right that included 6655; and the first thought that popped into my mind was GoddessGod.

I’ve been knowingly experiencing number synchronicity ever since I left the Army life during the summer of 2011, and since then, it’s been increasing to the point where it has become a daily experience.

Sometimes, I see repeating double numbers, like 6565, and I get excited—a sign that it highly resonates with my soul—though I may not know any or all of its meanings. Recently, I’ve taken two photos of license plates (pics shown on right above and on left).

The following is from a website, ANGEL NUMBER – Sacred Scribes, that I’ve been using for a while now—where I only take in what feels true to me, and discard the rest—and I continue to use it as a guidance tool whenever I feel like it:

Repeating Angel Numbers – 6’s and 5’s (6655, 6665, 6565, 66655 etc)
Your angel’s message is that your material life is changing significantly. Expect some new additions or possessions to enter your life when the combination of 6’s and 5’s repeats in your life.

Poverty Consciousness to Prosperity Consciousness

I trust that the above message has manifested because something mind boggling occurred this past week. It was as if I had a leap in consciousness, where I went from ‘continuing to practice the gradual release of poverty consciousness and experiencing more prosperity consciousness’ to…”I AM Prosperity Consciousness.”

The old or past self didn’t know what it fully and truly meant to unconditionally love self. Though I treated myself every now and then, often times, when it came to big things—a concert I really wanted to go to in the past, a cruise I’ve never been on, a spiritual retreat I’ve never been to, etc.—I always managed to talk myself out of really needing it, that it was too expensive, and/or believed that I didn’t deserve such things (which ultimately stemmed from a lack of self-worth).

Well, I noticed lately that the more I practice simply Being in the vibration of abundance, the more abundance (in its various forms) show up in my life. Note: The vibration of abundance is taught very well by Abraham (channeled through Esther Hicks), where she breaks it down and enthusiastically shares her wisdom with humanity and beyond (available as YouTube videos as well)

I have no doubt that recognizing and expressing gratitude on a daily basis for the various forms of tangible and intangible abundance that I currently have in my life (as well as abundance in simultaneous past and future), and deeply appreciating even the seemingly small things in Life, has helped immensely with maintaining a vibrational frequency that’s often in alignment with Source within.

As mentioned above, something mind boggling occurred this past week. I had an intensely strong desire to just follow the path of excitement—taught by spiritual teachers like Bashar (channeled by Darryl Anka) and explained in another way by Bentino Massaro.

Without allowing my logical mind to convince self that I really didn’t need follow my heart’s desires, I just decided to Be BOLD.

When I became excited about the opportunity to attend three different spiritual events within two months—Bill Foss Akashic Records in Sedona, Teal Swan’s The Mirror workshop in NY, and Barbara Marciniak’s Pleiadian channelings in Sedona—I intended to go no matter what, even if my life fell apart afterwards for whatever reasons. I never experienced feeling this before.

Though a small part of me was still anxious—due to the societal conditioned fear of the unknown—the larger part of me was super excited to explore and experience the unknown, just took over, as though I had nothing left to lose; it felt liberating! ^_^

Granted, since I’m still in a marriage, I chose to talk it over with my husband out of respect for him. And to my great surprise, he was not only very supportive of the idea, but expressed much enthusiasm about it.

I thought, “Who is this guy that I’ve known for 13 years (and married for 11), but don’t really recognize at this moment?”

From an expanded perspective (the bigger picture), I now realize that he was simply mirroring to me my own acceptance and approval of self, as well as the excitement I felt for following my inner guidance all the way through (rather than half-assing it like most of the time before).

In addition, I was blown away by how many number sequences I noticed (i.e., 333 twice, 444 twice, 77, etc.) prior to taking a huge step into prosperity consciousness—especially with Teal Swan’s The Mirror workshop that lasts three days (that’s understandably considered “expensive” to many people in this world who are still in the state of poverty consciousness).

It was more than the usual amount I notice on a daily basis, to include 10 minute increments (ex. 6:33, 6:44, 6:55). I trust this to be a sign that we’re in alignment with our soul path/soul purpose/Source within.

Choosing What’s Beneficial for Self/Interconnected Life

In response to my bold decision to purchase a total of three spiritual event tickets (especially the pricey one), my old/past self would’ve said things like, “Are you NUTS?!” “Do you realize what all you can do with that amount of money? (e.g. pay a couple of month’s rent, one of the poverty consciousness beliefs, “save for a rainy day” though it may never come; spend it on others only; give to charity only, etc.)” “You’ll be judged as crazy and selfish by others!” ETC. ETC. ETC.

However COMMA I’ve realized that matters that can highly benefit our Multidimensional self (physical self)/Self (Soul/Spirit within) helps expand our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual growth/evolution on an individual and collective level, since we are, ultimately, ALL interconnected within this Universe and beyond.

Why I Let Go of World Religions

I was reminded from within about a story that I heard probably a couple of decades ago, when I was exploring certain religions from my late teens to late twenties—mainly various denominations of Christianity, and very briefly Catholicism (due to my Korean step-mother’s influence).

However, I left the religious life (that included attending church) after experiencing more than enough hypocrisy, contradictions and other red flags within the bibles, not-so-good feelings, obsession (with church work), manipulation, control, questionable activities, corruption, more judgment towards others who are different, and the lack of ability for a lot of church leaders to answer simple questions (that deserved answers).

Anyway, though that phase of my life has been behind me, I still highly resonated with the Jesus’ teachings (that stemmed from unconditional love) that I was either taught or learned from self-study.

I trust Spirit within to help me discern what teachings are highly beneficial to me or not. I don’t resonate with bible teachings, to include a few of Jesus’ teachings, that are fear-based like manipulative and controlling (meant to instill fear into the hearts of those who learn about it).

Integrating Gems of Wisdom Throughout the World

I’m at a point in my life where I trust that there are many gems of highly beneficial wisdom found within all kinds of texts (ancient to old to modern); hence, rather than humanity continuing to butt heads over what group or category of beliefs is better, more righteous, and more superior, it’s time to consolidate all the intangible gems of this world to re-create an amazing, beautiful, priceless jewelry of unity.

Back to the story that I recall feeling good about back then, and even now. I had to google a key phrase, and came upon the following:

Mary Listens while Martha Labors (Luke 10:38-42)

[38] As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. [39] She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. [40] But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

[41] “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, [42] but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I had never imagined intensely desiring a very profound, spiritual learning opportunity over physical needs, to include having enough money, material possessions, comfort, safety, and security.

Prior to making my recent, major life-changing decisions, I thought, “Even if I passed away after the events, I could be at peace with that; but I really need this phase of experiences in my life.”

I’m no chakra expert, but I have a strong feeling that my foundation of lower chakras—root chakra, sacral chakra, and solar plexus chakra—along with the bridge chakra (Heart chakra) that connects the so-called lower and higher ones has been healed due to my inner-strength and courage to take a leap into the unknown.

Even as I’m typing this, I can  feel a bit nervous about my upcoming, unknown mini journey and adventures; but that’s perfectly fine, because I’m more excited than I am scared.

All is well in my world. Thank you again to all aspects and extensions of Beloved self/Self. <3<3<3

Divine Synchronicity of Ibis/Thoth Dream, Atlantis, Drum Music, and Oracle Card

Earlier today (4/14), I felt like listening to some healing music while blogging, so I chose from one of my playlists, “Powerful Shaman Drumming Native American music 🔥 4K FIRE (2 HOURS).“

Then, I felt like choosing an oracle card from “Mystic Art Medicine Cards: Awaken the Wisdom of your Soul” by Cher Lyn.

So I closed my eyes, relaxed, and slowly waved my left hand across the fan of cards held by my right hand—something that I started doing recently while following my inner guidance.

When I felt heat in a certain area, I touched the cards in that section to sense what I was drawn to, and sure enough, I ended up picking the card titled, “Surrender” with a painting of initially appeared as a dark-toned Native American man in tears surrounded by water.

When I flipped the card over, I saw the title, “Atlantean King,” which correlates with the ibis and Thoth dream that I had recently, as well as the topic about Atlantis and Thoth from last night’s Bill Foss event.

In addition, key phrases like, “the mother’s rhythm drum” (like the drumming music/link above), “the dark night of the soul,” “the ego needing to be known and understood on all levels and extremes before it can truly be transformed [paraphrased], and “observing without judgment your emotional flows”—were ALL amazingly related to the recent experiences I had within this physical reality, to include yesterday’s event at the Raven’s Call Healing Center.

I reminded self that I embrace my ego self (no matter who says what), and soon afterwards, I noticed 12:12 on the clock, which often reminds me of my Multidimensional Beloved self (physical self)/Self (Soul/Spirit within)—aka Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/MerKaBa/Star of David Frequency/Spiraling Consciousness/Source/Integrated and Balanced Mind/Heart/Peace & Harmony.

Note: I recently purchased the oracle card set from a new friend who makes and sells crystals and related jewelry with her husband in Sedona. Hers is one of three stories that I’ll share in an upcoming post titled, “The Three Gifts from Ibis Spirit Guide Within,” an update from the previous post, “Dream of Shouting at Ibis, ‘God Thoth, Wake Up!’”

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

As mentioned somewhere above, the following are pics of our cat Leo (8 mo) and Shadow (almost 2 year 6mo):

Pic 2 below: So cute!! ^_^                             Pic 2 below: Super comfortable Leo? I see your tiny cotton balls! ^_^

Pic 1 on left:  Shadow’s deep thoughts: “Ssseriously guys?                           

Pic 2 on right below:  Shadow to Leo:, “Uh, why are you still here? You stalking me? Can a cat sister can some MEow time; after all, I am in my late twenties.

Leo to Shadow: “I just wanna play with you. Can you come outside now? Plllease! I promise I’ll bury your pee for a week.”

 

Pic 1 below: Shadow says: “Boy, I TOLD you not to mess with me while I’m napping!!!” Hissss, followed by the grabbing of Leo’s neck, and then gently biting the top of his head twice (as a warning before she jacks him up); he ran away like usual thinking, “Oops, I did it again!” But then again, they have precious moments too…(pic 2 below ^_^)

Pic on right:

Shadow communicates telepathically, “Leo, you can be a major pain in the butt with your Tasmanian devil-like hyper ass, and pushing me aside while I’m eating, but I’m so grateful that we crossed paths. You’re so funny and fun! I love you, and I got your back.”

Leo responds, “Shadow, you can be a CRAzy ass, black panther scary, unpredictable moody cat, but I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to meet you too. It’s also fun wrestling with you. I love you, and I’ll always be there for you.”