Invaluable Life Experiences of Igniting Soul/Spirit Within

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The Journey of Losing It All to Gain It All

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Less than a month ago,  I received a letter in the mail giving me a heads-up about my possible foreclosure on my condo that I’ve been renting out in Hawaii.

When I was in the Army, and stationed in Hawaii, one of my soldiers was a part-time realtor; I wrote about him in an older post called, “Humorous Heart.”

He was the wittiest and funniest human being I had ever met (who wasn’t an actual comedian). He was also a Christian who seemed to have Christ Consciousness and walked the talk.

He informed me that four soldiers at my unit had made at least $100,000 from selling their homes right before leaving their three-year tour. Granted, they had bought $300,000 plus homes, and they were dual military (both partners in the Army). My condo was about half that price.

Anyway, I trusted him that it was a good idea at the time, and I’m still grateful that he helped me. It was my decision not to sell the condo right before I left.

I wanted to be able to give my kids something when they became adults. When they were much younger, I even invested in timeshare, which turned out to be a mistake.

I had paid it off, but the maintenance fees alone didn’t make it worth it, especially when it wasn’t used. Making such compulsive financial decisions was not my strength, but I finally forgive myself after so many years of kicking myself in the ass.

I realize that my intentions stemmed from love, and that’s all that matters. Plus, my family and I did put some good use to it.

During one summer, while visiting my kids while on leave (military vacation time), we stayed at a fancy hotel (using my timeshare) near a couple of major theme parks.

I was so happy to see them enjoy the softest and most comfortable bed we had all ever slept on, and just the beautiful atmosphere. On our honeymoon, my husband and I were able to use the timeshare to stay at a very nice hotel in Aruba.

I didn’t realize this until right after typing the previous sentence that it was indeed worth it. While renting my condo out, I was also able to give others (especially military members) a lower rate during hard times.

I noticed that blogging often helps me to put things into perspective. Sometimes, there’s so much thoughts, feelings, images, memories swirling in our minds that we might not be able to see with clarity.

Anyhoo, right after reading the letter that seemed to bring forth a blanket of dark clouds, I reminded myself of some things that I had learned from various spirituality teachers, but had not had an opportunity to put to test yet.

I first remembered to thank my True Self (Soul/Trinity: God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is) for giving me the opportunity to grow. I then recalled one of Joel Osteen’s sermons, and said with confidence (fake it until you make it), “All is well!”

After I sat down on my couch, I noticed that I still wasn’t feeling so positive, so I recalled the teachings of the Arcturians in the book, “We, The Arcturians” about how they are masters of their emotions because they are able to control their thoughts.

So I started working on my Google slides (which anyone can create for free) that I had gathered and created— positive affirmations (to include powerful and positive “I AM” statements), beautiful, colorful, artistic, unique, captivating, and/or mesmerizing images that stimulate my senses (color therapy; plus, images and emotions are the language of the subconscious/unconsciousness mind), and a collection of images/my dreams that I planned on manifesting in my physical reality (e.g., pure freedom to Be my unlimited True Self, success, prosperity/wealth on all levels—mental, emotional, physical, material, financial, and most of all spiritual, peace and heaven on earth).

Also checkout videos => The Secret To Subconscious Mind Control #1, Listen..This Will Change Your Life – The Strangest Secret and Think and Grow Rich Audio Book by Napoleon Hill.

There are many resources out there; choose the ones that highly resonate with you. 😉 The way I see it, why reinvent the wheel? Why not learn from very successful people who succeeded on many levels (especially spiritually), and not just financially? Work smarter, not harder—harder is the old and outdated way of thinking that didn’t really get most of our parents or their parents very far.

One day, I plan on making an amazing video, and sharing it with others; but for now, I’m using whatever tools I have at the moment, and that’s suffice.

I alternate between viewing my slides at a regular pace and at a rapid pace. I learned that helps, because sometimes our conscious mind may disagree or argue that whatever positive affirmation we’re stating is untrue, since we’ve been so conditioned by society that an old and outdated belief is true.

For instance, if we’ve been made to feel and believe that we’re unworthy most of our life (especially by our parents), then it would be a major challenge for our conscious mind to believe that we are worthy.

By rapidly viewing the slides (I just click on the down arrow really fast), our conscious mind isn’t able to keep up with all the info since it’s only able to absorb a fraction of the information that our subconscious mind is capable of absorbing. 

The following quoted section is from the video => The Subconscious Mind :

“A different study shows that we are only aware of 2,000 bits of information out of the 400 billion bits of info we are processing each second […]”

I listened to my playlist of healing music from YouTube (sound therapy) while going through my slides and soaking up all the goodness. I even focused on what I chose to experience in my reality and then stated my intentions out loud, a teaching from the Pleaidians.

The following are just a few, amazing healing music that I highly recommend (which I included in my “Readings and Videos That Resonate With Me” category):

To my great surprise, after about 15 minutes, I could tell that my vibrational frequency had increased. I felt peace (trusting that everything is happening in Divine perfection), joy (choosing to follow my path of excitement—a sign that it’s in alignment with my True Self), love (choosing to accept and love myself unconditionally), truth (choosing to Be my authentic True Self), freedom (choosing to do and Be whatever I chose resonates with me), abundance (having everything I need in the Moment of Now), wisdom (choosing to effectively use knowledge that I’d gained), and creativity (choosing to co-create with my True Self)…all my essence.

I’ve recently learned to embrace both “positive” and “negative” synchronicities since I believe that everything is part of All That Is, and everything happens in Divine perfect timing.

I also understand that it’s one thing to talk about having unshakable faith, and quite another to actually experience Being tranquility within the eye of the storm.

Whenever I noticed a chaotic event on TV or in the movies, I thought that I would like to experience Being peace in such moments. For instance, walking calmly toward the back of a stampede of Black Friday shoppers (which I don’t participate in) or calmly walking away from a major looting scene. Or even being like that one elderly couple in the movie The Titanic—just holding one another in bed amid the chaos.

This past week, my husband’s car broke down, and the cost to replace the engine wasn’t worth it due to the mileage it had already gained.

To my great surprise, I had no worries, which is very unusual for such situations. I felt peaceful, and I suggested to my husband that we embrace the experience and just express our gratitude for our car serving us very well in the past.

We also reminded one another of the saying of one door closing so that another can open. I recall reading a poster that read something like—if we continue to focus our attention on the closed door, we won’t be able to notice the new open door.

I suppose I was at peace because I had been preparing myself for experiences where I could face my fears and overcome them. Between 2008 and 2012, four of my cars became totaled after four major accidents; three of which my husband was driving.

I included my 1st-3rd accidents in my post, “My Faith In God Requires No Evidence Outside of Me.” I was driving by myself, and I saw in slow motion a 4×4 vehicle coming toward my passenger side.

In the second one, my husband was driving and we ended up hitting a deer along the countryside, which I had a premonition about earlier that day.

For our third accident, a big, white truck hit us while my husband was driving my car; and the driver admitted not having seen us.

I also included the fourth accident in my post, “Choosing to See Through The Eyes of Universal Love” because it was so unbelievable; not only did my husband text me that a flying cow hit my car, but I later discovered that it matched my precognitive dream that I had recorded in my dream journal eight months prior to the accident.

Lucky for my husband (he was alone), part of the cow hit the top of the car, so the windshield didn’t completely cave onto him, along with the huge cow.

After losing three new cars and one used car back-to-back (the one we hit the deer with was used), we decided not to replace them again and just use my husband’s used car. Plus, the early learning center/preschool that I was working at at the time was walking distance. After my husband lost his car as well, I had a strong feeling that I was meant to spend some major solitude time working on my inner-self.

That explained why I wasn’t able to get a civilian job within the intelligence community after the Army, although my clearance was good for another two years. It also explained why I made the impulse decision to eventually leave the civilian job I wrote about in my unpublished post, “My Exciting New J.O.B. (Joy of Being).”

Fortunately, for my husband, he’s able to work from home since he’s a real estate agent and the tech support guy for his team. We sat down and reminded one another that all is well and that everything will work out in Divine perfect timing.

We decided, that temporarily, whenever he needs to meet his client, or when we go grocery shopping, we can just rent a car for that day.

Since then, we exercise more. Aside from our weekly interval runs (i.e., walk/jog/run/sprint), we also walk to our local shopping area (about 2.4 miles round trip) for small stuff with or without our dog (depending on how long we plan on spending our time in a store).

We also started working on meditations together, as well as working on our inner-selves:

  • mental (e.g., positive attitude/thinking/perspective/outlook/affirmations, learning from very successful people, etc.)
  • emotional (e.g., self-awareness, honoring feelings, unconditional love for self and others)
  • spiritual  growth (e.g., clearing and balancing all energy bodies and chakras; remembering and Being authentic True Self; trusting, enjoying, appreciating The Moment of Now, welcoming and embracing all life experiences, Being in alignment with True Self/Trinity: God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is within us)

The day we lost our last car, I told my husband something that made him look at me with eyes that touched my soul. I told him that I was prepared to lose whatever else it takes to gain back what I truly need for my soul growth/evolution, to include the following (which I used to think would devastate me and end my world had they ever happened to me):

  • going bankrupt
  • losing our current home
  • getting a 2nd  and final divorce
  • becoming homeless
  • losing the little respect and love that my own teenage kids have for me
  • not seeing my family/relatives in Korea again
  • being alone without any family and friends
  • death

Note: I believe I am going through a phase of releasing all earthly and emotional attachments in order to reconnect with everything, and end up fully and unconditionally accepting/loving self and ALL of life, and becoming my full potential Self. 

The following is what I believe I had to lose throughout my life in order to gain something more profound (for my spiritual growth/evolution):

  • I lost my biological father (who abandoned me as a baby) so that I could learn (as a human being)/remember (as a soul) that the unconditional love that I’ve yearned for from a father is not outside of me, but within me as my heavenly Father Example posts from a series:”SURPRISE Bio Papa!,” “My First Encounter with a Narcissist,” “Unconditional Love from Angels and Aliens” (a better understanding of his underlying nature), “Facing the Unknown: Examination of True Love” (a profound, intuitive knowing of his/my nature)
  • I lost my biological mother (I let her go after 40 years of emotional abuse, 38 years of verbal abuse, and 17 years of physical abuse)  so that I could learn (as a human being)/remember (as a soul) that the unconditional love that I’ve yearned for from a mother is not outside of me, but within me as my heavenly Mother Example posts: “Liberating Wings of Freedom (Rising Above Childhood and/or Adulthood Abuse),” “Self-Empowerment,” “Because I Love You Mother…,“ and “Closure for 2013: Releasing Unhealthy Relationships“)
  • I lost my step-father (who raised me since I was three years old) throughout my childhood and most of my adulthood, until he passed away a few years ago so that I could learn/remember that the acceptance and approval that I’ve yearned for from a parent is not outside of me, but within me (“I Was Blessed to Have My Dad“)
  • I lost much of my childhood with abuse from my mother, molestation from my uncle (“Awkwardness“), violence within the family and major traumas (to include those I wrote about in old posts called, “Learned Solution” and “Not Flight or Fight…but Freeze“). However, I learned/remembered to Be a wounded healer rather than a wounded wounder with deep understanding, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, embrace and unconditional love. I also learned/remembered to make up for that lost childhood by Being a free-spirit as an adult, and to trust Divinity and enjoy every Moment of Now like a child trusts a parent(s) and lives freely.
  • I lost my ability to see myself as attractive after certain experiences (especially the one I wrote about in an old post called, “Low Self-Esteem“), which helped me to see the beauty in others.  I’m also still learning/remembering to see the beauty and Divine perfection within me and outside of me as well (as my Divinity within me sees me)
  • I lost my ability to feel worthy to God after certain experiences (especially the ones I wrote about in old posts called, “Shame” and “Rage“), only to discover that I am fully worthy in God’s eyes, and those “shameful” and “raging” experiences were only blessings in disguise, which have helped me to better define who I was/am and who I chose/choose never to be
  • I lost my ability to feel confident after certain experiences (especially the one I wrote about in an old post called, “Humiliation“), only to discover that facing my fears gives me the opportunity to overcome them and build more confidence
  • I lost my first love when I was younger, only to discover that the true love that I’ve been yearning for and seeking throughout my life was within me all along
  • I lost my best friend when I was younger, only to discover that the best friend that I’ve been yearning for and seeking throughout my life was within me all along
  • I lost my ability to accept who I was biologically (which I wrote about in an old post called, “Acceptance“), only to discover that I can’t expect others to accept me until I’m willing to accept myself
  • I lost hope in myself and humanity after certain experiences (especially the one I wrote about in an old post called, “Prayer“), only to discover that death is not ready to smile at me yet
  • I lost precious, irreplaceable and valuable moments with my younger sister-like cousin in Korea (who committed suicide while in high school), which helped me to further realize the delicacy of Life itself…how it can be with us one moment, and then gone in another
  • I lost my first husband (in a divorce), only to discover that souls meet, stay, and even end up going separate ways for every souls’ highest benefit/soul growth/soul evolution
  • I lost precious, irreplaceable and valuable moments with my toddler children (after joining the Army) which led to phases of major depression (anger turned inward), workaholism, and alcoholism, only to discover that it was the best for them since I had a lot of emotional baggage that I needed to release in order to be healthy and balanced. I’m also grateful that they have very loving parents (to include my first/ex-husband) who provide them with much unconditional love, peace, joy, financial security, safety, abundance, and a positive and healthy environment (“Dream Mother“)
  • I lost my dignity (after being raped by my platoon sergeant at my first unit; in old post, “Manipulation“) only to discover that I had never lost my dignity…that my worthiness was within me all along; I also learned/remembered about unconditional forgiveness, since he wasn’t even willing to apologize
  • I lost my morals (after having an affair after my first/ex-husband had an affair, and even having affairs with married men afterwards), only to realize that 1) I had become whom my mother had once labeled as a home-wrecker (my step-mom/my step-dad’s 3rd wife), but my mom forgave her when I told her that I, too, had affairs with married men, 2) I no longer wished to be a secret wounded wounder (whether or not their spouses found out), and 3) I believe I had also experienced the duality of “right” and “wrong” and “good” and “evil” with conflicting thoughts and feelings so that I could eventually experience being in a physical world of duality, but not of it
  • I lost face/respect for myself (as my ego self) after doing the unthinkable in the Army—going AWOL, being suicidal and then ending up in a mental institution (in old post, “Discovering the Beauty Behind the Walls of the Mentally Ill“)—only to discover that my major impulse decision (stemmed from my I AM Presence) did me a huge favor for my soul growth/evolution—started my healing process with formal and professional counseling, to include individual counseling, PTSD group counseling and marriage counseling. In addition, I’ve learned/remembered that until I have self-respect (along with self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-worth, self-empowerment, self-confidence and self-love), I can’t expect others to respect me, have compassion for me, forgive me, find me worthy, empower me, build confidence within me, and unconditionally love me
  • I lost my Army career as a Cryptologic Linguist/Analyst, as a Human Intelligence Collector/Interrogator, as well as my opportunity to work in the civilian intelligence community after the Army, only to discover that my life purpose and soul mission is not within this planet’s government, but within the healing of myself, humanity and my family of Light. While adding links of old posts to this post, I noticed something very interesting to me. In the old post, “Forgiving the ‘Bad’ To Help Them Remember They Are Good Souls” (published on November 10, 2011), I had typed the following italicized prayer, which I had forgotten about and now realized came true: God, they say you only give us what we can handle. Well, I know for a fact that you have given me a good size load. I am grateful for it has made me who I am today. However, no more major, negative drama…seriously. I understand that one must experience the bad in order to truly appreciate the good…but I’m confident now that I get the so-called “bad” picture. I’m truly exhausted from hurt; I believe I’ve mastered it. Now it’s time for me to take care of myself and my inner child, Bobbie. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to heal now, so that I may remember who I truly am (a part of you), and that I may become the grandest version of the greatest vision I ever had about myself.
  • I lost my opportunity for extended education paid for by the Post 9/11 G.I. Bill, only to discover that most college education skills (unless one plans on becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer) become perishable upon graduation, and was not for me (“Following Heart Over Mind“); but that my self-study about my self-awareness, spirituality, gnosticism, mysticism, and my True Self (to include inner wisdom, inner knowing/intuition and expanding consciousness) is what my soul desires
  • I lost my opportunity to continue working at a civilian job that was somewhat my comfort zone (since I was used to being in a negative environment); however, upon leaving the place, I felt so free and peaceful, and I intuitively sensed that I deserved much better—my big dreams. In unpublished post, “My Exciting New J.O.B. (Joy of Being)”
  • I lost my second husband (whom I used to have a very unhealthy relationship with, to include experiencing rage—anger turned outward), only to discover a renewed version of him (my reflection), which stemmed from me working to change myself from within
  • I lost precious, irreplaceable and valuable moments with my two sister-like cousins in Korea (whom I often spent summer and winter vacations with throughout childhood), as well as other relatives, so that I wouldn’t be so emotionally attached to them (which I had a tendency to do with people in general)…making my soul mission easier

 The following reading added on March 23, 2014:

Accelerated Ascension Symptoms (<= click on title to view in another window) 

Added on March 25, 2014 (same day I received/read the following daily, inspirational message from the Neale Donald Walsch team:

On this day of your life,
Barbara, I believe God wants you to know…

…that no financial crisis can overpower
the peace of God.

At a time of extraordinary uncertainty, people are
turning everywhere for answers. How about to God?
Those who know God as a living reality in their lives
are finding peace in the midst of turmoil, security in
the face of fear.

It’s all, in the end, about priorities. Life priorities.
Do your priorities have to do with the body?
Or with the soul?

Love, Your Friend …
Neale.

Added on May 1, 2014:

Evolving Beyond the Conditional Love Paradigm ~ Channeled January 26, 2014

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