I noticed a pattern recently, and I was reminded from within, that whenever there’s a pattern, it’s like the Universe jumping up and down with a blinking, neon sign that shouts, “Ya gotta check this out!“
And I’ve experienced synchronicities enough times—whether they’re positive (obvious blessings) or negative (blessings in disguise)—to fully trust that there’s always a Divine gift (like profound wisdom) available to receive, IF we’re receptive to it (with open mind and heart).
Image by tillburmann from Pixabay
I first noticed that one of my Elite Mentorship Forum/EMF Community Managers seemed to share a lot of supportive comments whenever other members would share their vulnerability; but with me, she mostly shared comments that felt distant, very logical, judgmental, and/or cold.
And it’s interesting to me that she happens to share these non-heartfelt comments mostly during one-on-one interactions that she initiates vis Facebook Messenger, that seems to imply that she doesn’t want others to read such comments that are clearly not supportive.
I brought this to her attention in an honest and tactful way, and she suddenly did a 180 and shared a very positive and supportive message of how much she respects and likes me, and that my high level of consciousness makes her feel unworthy at times.
I informed her that I don’t want to make anyone feel unworthy due to whatever I share, and she confidently replied as if she never said that (though the typed interactions were still displayed); I suppose that’s what you call a Freudian slip.
Since then, she continued to share very supportive comments for other members during Community live calls—to include thanking them in ALL CAPS—while continuing to do the opposite for whenever I share comments (and just ignoring altogether).
This vibe was very familiar, a catty energy that I’ve experienced throughout my life every now and then, mostly in my adult years by some insecure females—the ones who wouldn’t dare give other females (whom they felt threatened by)—any form of compliments.
So during the recent call last week, I just thanked my male Community Manager at the end since he doesn’t play games like that; he’s very authentic, honest, unconditionally kind, fair, heartfelt supportive, and much more.
Today, during a Q & A Live Call with Peter Sage—founder of the Elite Mentorship Trainer/EMT program that I’m currently participating in (that includes the EMF course—I noticed that my former buddy was sharing very supportive comments for other members.
For a little over two months—while we were assigned as buddies to support one another—I don’t recall her ever asking me once how I was doing during the course, and we never went over any of the exercises we were supposed to do together as a team.
Why? Because 90% of each time we interacted, I got to listen to her extreme, victim mentality stories from the past and present, over and over and over again; it was like Groundhog Day.
I eventually brought these observations to her attention after doing my best to be a buddy (though I was basically a coach) with full presence, A LOT of active listening, sharing suggestions, reminding her of Peter’s teachings, introducing profound wisdom, reminding her of assignments and live calls, offering solutions, asking her how else I can help, reminding her of our investments in the program, and giving examples, analogies, metaphors, etc.
She also stated a few times that she didn’t receive email notices from Team Sage about our live calls, and when I contacted the Admin Assistant, she informed me that they checked the system, and could see that she opened them.
When I informed her, she said that she knows what’s going on now. But she continued to say questionable things like not being able to create her intro video, print the workbooks, and access WhatsApp due to not having internet; but yet, I could see that she was actively posting on her personal fb various videos and posts.
I even brought these observations to her attention so that we could discontinue whatever game she was playing, to include the ongoing list of excuses.
Even when I was participating in the fb forum, I would notice her sharing supportive comments with other members, but yet, she wasn’t this way with me.
I brought this to her attention since she claimed she didn’t have time to do various things because a-z reasons, and I even asked her if she would like to be assigned another buddy—because I would support her in that decision—but she said no.
So nothing seemed to work, and we weren’t making any progress; so I had to let her go since she was severely draining me, though I managed to do just fine being my own buddy the entire time without any of her support.
And I wasn’t about to let her drag me down with her since I had invested so much money, time, and energy into this program.
And Peter reminded us today during the live call, that if you want something for others more than what others want for themselves, you’re wasting your time.
When I brought up this situation to my female Community Manager the first week of this month (that I was done with the one-way buddy deal), she stated via fb messenger that my buddy is on her own path, and then suggested that we (her and I) trust the Universe to take care of the situation.
So of course, when I read my buddy’s very supportive comments to other members, I felt a sudden heaviness in the center of my chest (location of heart chakra), because the initial perception was…exclusion again.
And this feeling is completely understandable since no one likes to feel discriminated, even IF that’s not the other person’s intention.
I was reminded from within that we cannot truly, fully, and unconditionally give to others from an empty or barely-filled, inner cup/heart (i.e., how my buddy was before).
However, when we remember to fill or refill our inner cup/Heart, the always available Unconditional Love from within will effortlessly overflow to interconnected Life (i.e., how my buddy was today perhaps, and how I can be today as well).
I was also able to recall one of Peter’s exercise tools (part of “Mastering Emotions” module); and sure enough, the pressured feeling I had associated with heartache since childhood, started to dissipate.
So I was then able to share a comment with my former buddy that I was happy for her that she’s sharing supportive comments with members, and that’s loving and thoughtful of her; she replied with my name followed by several heart emojis.
And from an expanded perspective, it occurred to me that it’s possible, and even probable, that my various forms of support for her for a little over two months wasn’t a complete waste of time.
After all, even Peter taught that there are science-backed information that shows manifestation can show up between 6-8 weeks, which matches the timeframe that we spent together.
She seemed like a completely different person—energetically via her typed words and various happy and love-based emojis—though I didn’t see her. I’m so glad that she’s doing much better, and I wish her the best.
Recently, I also experienced a third relationship with the same theme, but this wasn’t the first time that my adult son excluded me from his round of contacts (or even ignored my messages and would apologize days or weeks later).
Details shared in previous post, “Grateful to Learn Life Lessons & Deeply Heal from Challenging Soul Relationships.” UPDATE post added 12/30/2021, “The Start of an Unknown, Cosmic River Ride Into the New Year of 2022“: having the most authentic phone conversation with my adult son.
So I realized for all three of these relationships, the main theme is exclusion, or at least the perception of being excluded.
I decided to dive DEEP into the Cosmic Rabbit Hole, and sure enough, this theme stemmed from an old belief since childhood.
From three to five years old, my parents took my on road trips and vacations because I was very young and/or there were no Korean family members in the States; and I didn’t know my adoptive dad’s side of the family.
But starting around six years old, when we moved back to Korea, my parents would often drop my off at my Korean grandmother practically every summer and winter breaks while they went on vacations.
I used to convince myself at times that they just didn’t want to spend the extra money, and wanted privacy, but during the summer of going into my junior year in high school, my adoptive dad took the whole family on a vacation to Jeju Island while we were still living in Busan, Korea.
Why? Because the family included my three years old step-sister that he had with his decade-long mistress, whom my mom raised for three years before he took her away.
So perhaps my childhood self felt excluded from the family, and unknowingly developed a belief that I wasn’t loved enough (and worthy enough) to be INcluded in “happy times” UNLESS it also involved his real daughter.
From childhood through adulthood, whenever my mother criticized me in front of my Korean relatives, I would feel out of place, and wished I could take off somewhere, though I wasn’t allowed to do so.
And this deeply ingrained, heart wound, showed up junior high. I had a best friend in 7th grade, had to suddenly move away, and upon returning a semester later (yes, a ridiculous move), she became popular and acted like we were never friends, let alone best friends; but then apologized when she saw me one day in high school, when my school came to hers for a game.
In high school, whenever my first boyfriend and I broke up, all of his friends (who had become my friends as well) would basically avoid me; hence, I would feel excluded then as well, basically parting ways with multiple relationships.
So what I can learn from this Life lesson?
Because I hadn’t learned from it (gained wisdom), it continued to sporadically SHOW UP throughout my life, haunting me, and feeling like very familiar heartache for over four decades.
Relationships of our outer world may exclude us for whatever reasons, but 1) they may not be aware that they’re excluding and hurting another, 2) they may be aware that they’re excluding, but may not do so to intentionally hurt another, 3) they may simply prefer not to be around whoever they’re excluding, 4) they may exclude to avoid being associated with an unpopular one 5) they may exclude to make themselves feel better 6) they may be very aware that they’re intentionally trying to hurt another, but we don’t have to react (from fear) to such unloving actions 7) they may exclude for various other unknown reasons, and 8) just because another excludes, doesn’t mean that it’s because we’re not worthy, likable, and/or lovable (we are all worthy and lovable since birth, PERIOD).
In addition, it’s wise to be cognizant if we’re excluding others as well, since it can go both ways.
The recent gratitude comment I had shared with only one of the two EMF14 Community Managers, is the only time that I can recall excluding another, though there could be other times I’m not aware of.
I doubt it, but I’m also reminded from within that we can all be every neutral aspect to whatever degree.
Because this exclusion theme hurt so deeply in the past, especially throughout childhood, I’ve been doing my best to prevent others to feel this way (the Divine gift that I’m grateful for).
During my senior year in high school, many students didn’t like a new girl because she was very different.
Personally, I think some were jealous of her since she was a junior taking senior classes, just mad smart (mentally intelligent, though emotionally, she was like a free-spirited, silly, fun and brutally honest child).
Granted, to be fair, she did walk around (outside) with a fancy carousel umbrella, and her 19 inch super thin waste oddly paired with her huge bubble butt created a pretty entertaining walk.
However COMMA I’m glad I didn’t judge this book by it’s cover—though neutral observations were definitely made—because she, too, was an unforgettable friend (whom I also shared detailed stories about, within this blog, almost a decade ago).
And I just happened to run into her a few years after we graduated from high school, though we had gone our separate ways.
Virginia was not where we expected to ever see one another (small 🌎 & no coincidence, just synchronicity).
When I was 19 years old, and working at my first restaurant job, a group of Korean waitress coworkers excluded a new female who they didn’t like, because she was smacking her gum like a punkass while waiting for an interview.
But I gave her a chance because I really liked that she seemed so real (authentic), just being her and not giving a rat’s ass what others think.
And I’m very grateful I made that call, since she was the best friend I ever had, though we eventually parted ways once I moved to Okinawa from Virginia.
Since my birthday wasn’t even acknowledged by my family—let alone celebrated during my junior high through high school years—during the Army life, when I was in higher leadership positions, I added every Soldier’s birthday onto to my calendar so that I could ensure that they felt acknowledged, appreciated, and celebrated in some way (like cards passed around by the platoon, potlucks, homemade cakes, etc.)
During my last year in the Army—while participating in a military women’s PTSD group—there was this one lady who kept to herself every meeting and at lunch.
So I made a suggestion to a group that I was hanging around, and they enthusiastically agreed; we stopped by the break room every day and invited her to join us, and one day…she did, and she was glad we had asked.
We became friends, and even remained so after we both got out of the Army; but she became a major gambler—secretly losing over $100,000, to include her savings—which later explained all the sudden cancellations of plans (which I ended up confronting her about).
But no amount of help that I offered was wanted—to include attending the gambling group together—so I eventually had to let her go, since continuing to lend her money wasn’t beneficial for either one of us as well.
I’ve shared these and other example stories within this blog, but these particular puzzle pieces have come together today thanks to my willingness to pause what my logical mind thought I should do.
Instead, I chose to follow my Heart’s guidance of trusting the feeling, and embracing, integrating, and deeply healing an old wound and fear-based belief, by freely, fully, authentically, and honestly expressing myself, and creating a post to share with others (in case it helps whoever crosses this space).
Even while participating in the EMF fb group since October of this year, I ensured I was fully present with every member’s intro video (about 114 last time I checked), did my best to see each of their wonderful qualities, and shared related comments; and often shared reply comments to their posts.
I didn’t want anyone to feel left out, discriminated, or excluded.
Granted, ever since the whole letting go of the buddy deal, and butting heads with one member, I took a break from our EMF fb group, and it felt much lighter (though I miss a handful of very heart-centered members like C, K, D, etc.).
So despite this exclusion experience having been hurtful in the past, it no longer triggers me.
Because I now SEE with NEW eyes (via expanded perspective) the BIGGER picture, and I’m deeply grateful for this blessing in disguise that brought out a deeply compassionate and thoughtful side of me, which enabled me to uplift others as well.
Because others can try to exclude us within outer world, but as long as we maintain an UNSHAKABLE FOUNDATION within inner world—especially loving ourselves unconditionally and unapologetically—NO ONE can make us feel less than, unworthy, unwanted, discriminated, unaccepted, unliked, unloved, and similar energies.
It’s time to BOLDLY RECLAIM our INNER POWER.
And last but not least, if we’re willing to Be our BOLDEST version, then we will END EXCLUDING ANY neutral aspects within full-potential, Multidimensional, WHOLE self/Self, and BE an AMAZING, integrated TEAM of ONE, since ultimately, there is no enemy, there is no “other.”
Leave a Reply