Note: This is a continuation post from the previous one titled, “Loss of Desire to Continue Experiencing This and Other Worlds,” but it can be read on its own
The following is a comment I shared for the video, “Are You a Friend or a Foe Under the Guise of a Friend?” though it doesn’t show up under newest comments (Note: Image on right below found next to link => Popular Mechanics ):
This video was was hard to follow during some parts, which could be due to my own lack of ability to comprehend whatever’s being expressed; however, I’m grateful that you shared, “Power doesn’t corrupt, all power does is magnify someone’s actual character,” and why one should question themselves if they don’t feel comfortable with dressing sexy (an example).
Unlike many of your previous videos, this one didn’t FEEL so clear and harmonious at times, but FELT as though I was in the presence of someone (not you Teal) playing psychological (mental and emotional) games that can create confusion and discomfort.
For instance, recently, I experienced my new, art gallery Director saying contradicting things that didn’t FEEL good; but since I was only supposed to listen, I just made note of them and moved on.
At one point, I was told that I was very warm with my interactions with customers, but that I needed to bring it down some notches since it made it difficult for more experienced sales associates to intervene and close the deal; but at another point, I was told that I needed to smile much more (until my cheeks hurt at the end of my shift), as well as interact much more in a very friendly, sincere manner.
I was told to not be in my head so much (i.e., don’t think too much about what should be done), but yet, I was also told to closely follow the sales techniques on a daily basis since there’s a method to the madness. Within the same, brief conversation, I was also told NOT be intuitive, but to simply be authentic self (the latter also being a red flag since it contradicts).
Yesterday, during the daily “pep talk” in the office, I was asked—with a very serious tone and displeased facial expression—“Do you even want to be here?” Because I apparently was being outgoing half the day (a plus), but shrinking the other half the day (a minus), and not having “LOTS OF FUN,” which doesn’t help with their sales.
That question and comment was followed by a seemingly forced, exaggerated smile and “cheerful” suggestion, “Remember, just have LOTS OF FUN!!!” This very moment reminded me of when someone yells to another to calm down.
I also wanted to hear her honest answer to her own question since she often DOESN’T smile a lot, DOESN’T appear sincere while interacting with customers, and DOESN’T seem to be having LOTS OF FUN herself.
But then again, I noticed at my second interview that her leadership style could be, “Do as I say, not as a do.”
When she mentioned some must do things, she stated that everyone’s hair needs to appear as though one at least put a comb through it.
I couldnt help but to smile a little since her hair appeared as though it hadn’t seen a comb for a week or two. She caught on, smiled as well, and justified her hairdo as being okay since it was messy on purpose.
She also stated that all customers are liars, and though they may say things like, “I’m just looking” (in a closed off manner), they all come to the art and jewelry gallery because they want something; and it’s our job to try and persuade them to buy one thing after another.
I wanted to share with her that perhaps all souls are ultimately seeking the same thing, Unconditional Love (for self/others), but I had a strong feeling that she wouldn’t want to hear that at the moment.
Despite my Director being this way at times, she can also be empowering with her unfamiliar teachings that seem to trigger the birth of more knowledge, skills, talents, abilities, self-care (what I need more of), BOLDness, and confidence.
She also mentioned multiple times within three days that we (everyone who works at the art gallery) are all like actors on stage; hence, the importance of being cognizant of how we appear to customers.
The former part of the above statement somewhat reminded me of how we are ultimately multidimensional Source (Soul/Spirit) having a plethora of earthly and otherworldly experiences in non-physical and physical form within this Universe and beyond, to include the invaluable human experience (basically “playing” an avatar on planet Earth).
The latter part of the statement reminded me of the Double-Slit experiment, where the chameleon-like electron—like the Divine Mother Goddess essence/The “Dark” Void/The Cosmic Glue of ALL THAT IS/The Black Hole that even Light itself cannot escape—changes its behavior from moving like a wave (feminine energy/Love Frequency), to moving like a particle (masculine energy/Light Frequency), when it’s aware of being observed.
This seems similar to the way we can shift from being our whole, authentic selves behind closed doors—letting out the good + bad, right + wrong, light + dark, etc.—to being our ego aspect of selves who can behave differently when we know someone’s watching us, because our collective Ego wants to do what’s right/good/acceptable to general society in order to survive in this world. [Note: The above two paragraphs weren’t included in the original comment because it was too many characters; so yeah, the entire comment is pretty long@$$, and I’m glad I wasn’t on Twitter ^_^]
I wondered what life lessons I could learn from this particular phase of my life that feels chaotic at times, especially from all that’s being mirrored to me from my outer world (both negative and positive).
Perhaps my Director is mirroring to me my own contradicting thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that creates confusion and discomfort within my inner world—like an ongoing war between the seemingly separate, yet, interconnected aspects—as well as mirroring to me the unconscious and highly benefiting strengths that lie dormant within.
I highly resonate with most of the experienced sales associates there who seem very professional, welcoming, intelligent, authentic, genuinely kind, encouraging, uplifting, and/or calm, cool, and collected; the Assistant Manager, who seems like a gentle kind soul, is also very comfortable to be around.
So when I was asked, “Do you even want to be here?” I had mixed thoughts and feelings, though I leaned more to the honest answer, “No,” at the time—due to what felt like an interrogation session; this was ironic since being an interrogator (aka Human Intelligence Collector) was actually my second job/MOS while in the Army.
A part of whole self seems to enjoy the mega roller coaster lifestyle of contrast/duality/polarity, with fiery meteors falling from the dark night’s sky alongside beautiful fireworks being displayed in the background; perhaps this is the comfort zone of my society-conditioned ego self/logical mind/immature male energy; UNawakened version of Soul/Yang/Sun/Mind/Divine Masculine/God-Self + unconscious female energy.
And another part of whole self deeply desires to escape all of it, and simply BE all that I am, do whatever I FEEL like doing, tune into an abundance of money, help take care of my loved ones, and take care of my own needs, wants, and desires to the fullest, to include unconditionally loving whole self, traveling the world, relaxing, Being freer, enjoying life, NATURALLY interacting with interconnected others (while sharing much merged Light/Love Frequency), creating exciting stuff, and actually having LOTS OF FUN; perhaps this is the AWAKENED version of Spirit within/Yin/Moon/Heart/Divine Feminine Energy/Goddess-Self + AWAKENED version of Soul/Yang/Sun/Mind/Divine Masculine/God-Self.
Helpful questions are:
-If I had more than enough money to live a more abundant, free, and joyful life, would I still continue to show up at this place where I’m often reminded to have LOTS OF FUN? Or…would I have my own version of soul-igniting, heartfelt, individual and collective consciousness expanding kind of FUN? UPDATE: My hives and my left, inner-ear ache became worse, and because I strongly sensed that my body was signaling to me that the path I was on didn’t resonate with me, I called in on 6/6 to inform the Director of what I just mentioned, and she said she understood.
– Is there a happy middle ground between the above and below, the non-human and human, the simple and the complex?” We’ll see.
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Another life experience that seemed like heaven and hell all wrapped into one was recorded in post, “Dream of Little Angel Alerting Outside of Window.“
UPDATE inserted on 6/5/19: “Noticing contradictory energies—whether they come from inside or outside—is the best way to identify that you’re NOT currently in the flow […] Follow your JOY. How you FEEL matters more than anything else on this Earth. Following your JOY [or at least what brings you relief] is the North Star of Being in the flow.” Teal Swan’s video, “How to Get in the Flow State – (Getting Rid of Resistance and Into the Zone)“
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