Earlier this month, during my trip to Los Angeles, to bask in some solitude time, treat self to some delicious Korean food, participate in open-mic comedy, and even enjoy some comedy events, I had a golden opportunity to further gain profound wisdom via a new experience.
Image by Pierre Rosa from Pixabay
At some point soon after arriving to my hotel in Koreatown, I explored a comedy club’s website that mentioned NO JOKES ABOUT RAPE—and other topics that bring women down— which I respected and admired, and felt grateful for, since I intuitively knew that it was a physical manifestation of one of my Heart’s desires from years ago (story further below).
I also noticed that they had open-mic for women only—though they had those open to all as well—and I initially felt that it was discriminating; but then I understood that some women could use such space to perhaps feel safe and freely express.
A week or so later, on a Saturday night, I attended two, back to back comedy events that I enjoyed; and it was there that I had a soul-igniting, deeply heartfelt experience.
One of the female comedians appeared slim and petite with a child-like, innocent face. She also seemed somewhat fragile (yet strong) with her shy and passive demeanor (with assertive moments), soft and insecure with her shaky voice, and free-spirited with her angelic smiles and giggles.
She started her jokes by poking fun at herself, talking about her acne about half the time. She then joked about how she was raped, and how the rapist basically didn’t do a good job.
During those moments, my heart went out to her. I realized that she was doing her best to mask all the hurt that she’s been through via humor—which many comedians (and even non-comedians) are known to do (to include the famous ones).
I had shared a more detailed story somewhere within this blog, but one of my Soldiers within the Army was often jokey jokey about everything.
One day, I just gently looked at him (without saying anything), and he confessed that he has a tendency to mask his pain with humor; and I shared that I understood.
This has happened several times in the past, where I would just look someone in the eyes, and they would somehow feel the need to confess or simply share a deeper truth.
Once (a while back), one of my therapists said somewhat jokingly—while making the non-verbal body gesture of covering self and shrinking—“I feel like you’re looking into my soul!” just because I was sitting there simply looking (not glaring) at him while he was talking.
I suppose the old version of self could’ve judged this female comedian for joking about a sensitive topic, like rape; however, I had no doubt that this was her way of healing—by freely and fully expressing herself the best she knew how.
After the second event, and before I headed out, I crossed paths with her in the narrow aisle. I don’t recall what I said verbatim, but I whispered in her ear something to the effect that I was able to deeply empathize with her since I had been raped too; and that I was glad that she was able to heal via her sharing of her true expressions, while making her life lighter with the power of humor. I also shared that beauty comes in many different forms, and it’s not limited and defined by society’s box.
She enthusiastically thanked me for sharing with soulful deep eye contact, and we gave each other a BIG, bear hug.
I felt so incredibly grateful for this priceless experience that helped me to expand my perspective/consciousness, perfectly reuniting the extreme opposite sides—of the rape topic within comedy—into a balanced and harmonious state.
Now, rather than perceive one side of a perspective as wrong or right, bad or good, dark or light, etc., I’m able to understand and SEE (with clarity) both sides, and everything in-between.
Several years ago, when I watched male or female comedians joke about the topic of rape, it triggered me—since I had experienced rape in the Army—and I have no doubt many others.
During those times, I didn’t understand why that was so funny to them, seemingly so insensitive to others’ traumas, pain, and suffering.
Personally, I wasn’t just angry due to my own experience that negatively affected me on all energetic levels—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—but because I also knew of others who had this unpleasant experience that had various forms (non-violent all the way through extremely aggressive gang rape).
While living in Okinawa—either in the mid-90’s or early 2000 (lived there twice, so don’t recall exact timeframe)—an unfortunate incident happened to a 12 year old, Okinawan girl.
While shopping with her older sister, she was suddenly snatched and kidnapped by three, young, U.S. Marines, who then took her to a secluded place, duck taped her, and then gang raped her until they tore and seriously damaged her sacred, feminine space.
Her doctor shared that she would never be able to have children of her own, which is unfortunate IF this is what she had desired as part of her future.
But from an expanded, Multidimensional perspective, perhaps her Soul had a greater plan that would somehow eventually teach and highly benefit the Collective Soul.
Many souls—mostly females (and even males)—have this hell-like, collective memory throughout human, Earth, Galactic and Universal histories that have deeply wounded and haunted their souls for lifetimes; and it’s time to END this type of hurtful, fear-based action.
These boys (in men bodies) were found guilty, and thanks to their choices, ALL U.S. Marines were heavily judged, condemned, and even banned from many Okinawan businesses, especially restaurants.
A that time, though I was intensely furious with those Marines for hurting an innocent child, there was another part of self who was also married to a Marine (first/ex-husband) at the time, and also knew other kind-hearted Marines; hence, it wasn’t fair to put all Marines in the same basket.
On one side of the same coin (i.e., WHOLE self/Self), my hatred for these seemingly heartless beings resurfaced from the PITCH DARK ABYSS within a VERY BAD AND EVIL SIDE of me.
I thought at the time, if I had a daughter or son, and they did this horrific thing, I would make it my mission to capture them, take them to a secluded place, and SLOWLY torture them for an extended amount of time (even months perhaps) while being very creative.
I realized that my creativity can be within both extreme ends of the duality spectrum—from unconditionally loving to unbelievably evil, though I much prefer the former.
I’ve also noticed a pattern throughout the decade, that whenever I experience feeling TSUNAMI-LIKE, INTENSE negative emotions, my outer world would shortly, or even immediately mirror to me this state of being (shared in post, “Observations of Extreme Weather Anomalies and Their Connection to Powerful I AM Presence“).
I used to have mixed feelings about these “bad” and “evil” states of being within me; however, since I’d like to be transparently honest here, I now fully embrace and integrate these so-called “sociopath” and “psychopath” aspects, ultimately neutral aspects that exists within the WHOLE self/Self.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
This doesn’t mean that I need to take old, outdated, and non-beneficial actions related to these fear-based aspects, since that only creates more wounds within the self/collective.
But to completely deny their existence, is merely closely my eyes and looking away, which doesn’t make them go away, but AMPLIES it energy.
Why? Because no one likes to be ignored and invalidated. EVERTYHING—within the OPPOSITES/CONTRAST/DUALITY/POLARITY—has a Divine Purpose meant to ultimately benefit interconnected Life within this world and beyond.
I trust that EVERY neutral aspect within the WHOLE—within the human category of right and wrong, good and bad (and evil), light and dark, etc.—simply desires to be seen, recognized (as part of the WHOLE), understood, acknowledged, unconditionally accepted, embraced, and loved; hence, the well-known saying that there exists light even within darkness.
And when this happens, deep healing at the individual and collective levels can be achieved in Divine perfect timing and order.
Because when we judge ANY neutral aspect within the self, we WILL judge this same aspect in another; and then the vicious cycle of the Cosmic Blame Game will go on seemingly forever.
This explains why I also went through a phase of vicariously exploring the dark side of Life via the TV show, Criminal Minds.
I wondered why psychopaths, sociopaths, and serial killers were the way the were. And I was glad that I watched these shows—despite some exaggerations due to some of the fiction content (though the stories include related truths)—because they helped me to see a broader perspective (which expands our consciousness).
These so-called criminals were deeply wounded since childhood, and throughout adulthood, and they were expressing their hurt, pain, and suffering in unaware/unconscious ways by hurting others, not realizing that these fear-based ways weren’t benefiting anyone, to include themselves.
In addition, I used to judge those who vicariously lived their lives through others—especially those who teach about profound spiritual practices such as unconditional forgiveness, pure compassion, and unconditional acceptance/embrace love, when they barely touched the surface of what it means to have experienced (experiential knowledge/true wisdom) the many intense traumas of life.
However, I realized that I, too, had experiences of vicariously living through others’ traumas, like preferring to watch such dark shows rather than live through them myself (in this particular lifetime).
Image by Yakup Ipek from Pixabay
This inner and outer journey of integration explains why I’ve also been attracted to watch the Netflix series, Lucifer lately, though I was against the idea when I briefly noticed it while back (stemming from the rejection of these “negative” aspects within self/Self).
But so far, the most interesting parts of these shows—besides the multifaceted, intriguing characters that grow on you, a great sense of humor, and stimulating, intelligent and/or authentic dialogues—are the fresh, out-of-the-box perspectives of the so-called “dark” (unknown), “bad” and/or “evil” characters (to include my favorite one, the badass, authentic, assertive, gorgeous, emotionally raw, demon named Maze, who also has a deeply loving, angelic side to her, at least from the episodes I’ve watched so far).
Image [right above] by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Anyhoo, one day (still years ago), I realized that have a choice. I can continue to resent, and even hate, such people—who seemed to minimize rape, and rapidly spread more fear-based ways of being, like a RAGING FORREST FIRE—OR…I can do something effective about it.
I trust that it was during one of those moments that birthed deep within me, the fiery passionate, Heart’s desire to become an open-mic comedian myself, who integrated and incorporated important, powerful and helpful topics like Unconditional Love (for self/others, which includes having healthy boundaries), Profound Wisdom, and of course…Humor; and all of which shared in a manner that can be relatable to most humans.
Though I’ve only sporadically participated in open-mic comedy since 2017—due to my own fears, to include doubts, self-judgments, and a lack of confidence and belief in self/Self—I’ve recently bounced back; and that’s what matters, since we can all fall many times, but like a toddler who’s learning to walk, it’s simply about getting back up and doing it better the next time.
I’ve also recently included in the above main topics, AUTHENTICITY and a wealth of earthly and otherworldly experiences within the rainbow spectrum of Life, which I’ve incorporated for a new set performed earlier this month (within my YouTube channel).
I intend for my next open-mic performance (with a new set) to be on 7/7/2021 (Wed) and/or 8/4th (Wed)—depending on availability of spots, and most importantly how I FEEL during those times—at the same location, Stir Crazy Comedy Club in Glendale, as well as the Sedona Oak Creek Brewery (where I’ve performed before a few times) before or after this timeframe.
I’ve also learned from soul teachers like Teal Swan (in one of her recent YouTube videos)—whom I also learn from with discernment and always following my inner guidance first and foremost—that fighting against something (like an obsessive version of a rebel) is not effective, since it basically exasperates the already existing, in your face CONTRAST.
So it’s about creating from a NEW space that integrates rather than further separates the WHOLE.
I haven’t mastered this form of sharing, but I trust with practice, all the interconnected pieces will fall into place like an amazing, Universal puzzle.
I shared the following within the post, “Dream of Many Small Snakes in Sand & Then in Water“:
Also, regarding the shapeshifting wolves mentioned above, using the power of transformative water (from my hand), this is another quote from the same book (above), ” Magic is the spark created from the friction between polarities that ignites transformation.”
Image by Natalia Koroshchenko from Pixabay
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