Matthew 5:43-48  “You have heard that it was  said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you, so that you may be sons  of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.  For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do  the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”   Jesus

Note: Image on right by we-are-all-one-love.tumblr.com

This post is a four-part series:

• Remembering to Love Our Soul Brothers and Sisters Disguised As Enemies (1st)
• Choosing To Be My Own Best Friend (2nd)
• 4:44 (3rd)
• Epiphany! (4th)

Most of us are familiar with Jesus’ teaching about loving your enemies, but how many of us can truly say that we have actually loved our enemies? Maybe we forgave our enemies and then liked them, or even tolerated them…or probably more often avoided them or cut ties with them, but did we truly love them like we would love our own brothers and sisters?

I’ll be the first one to admit that I don’t think that I ever loved any of my enemies. Granted, I forgave all my enemies by no longer having negative feelings towards them, and not wishing them any harm or punishment; however, I never experienced loving my so-called enemy.

If I could have a conversation with Jesus, it would go something like this:

Me: “Jesus, not only do you want us to forgive someone who continuously hurts us 77 times or more, but now you want us to love them as well? C’mon Jesus, you do realize that we’re only human beings, right, and not Superman like you?”

Jesus: “Bobbie, don’t you remember forgiving someone who was very hurtful to you in this lifetime more than 77 times, and then loving them as well?”

Me: “Uhhh. WOW. You got me Jesus. Yes, I forgave my mother for abusing me verbally, emotionally and physically since I was a child…and I still love her. But that’s because she’s my mother…my own blood. I never forgave anyone else that many times, or even loved them.”

Jesus: “I know Love. That’s why you chose to have this experience, so that you will remember that it doesn’t matter if you’re connected physically (i.e., blood relation) or not. You are all very capable of forgiving and loving your so-called enemy because they are you, and you are them…we are all one. Once you choose to see beyond the illusion apparently right in front of you (your so-called hurtful enemy), you will remember that they are your soul brothers and sisters disguised as enemies to help you to remember your true self…that you are Understanding, Wisdom, Compassion, Forgiveness and Unconditional Love. Because if everyone was loving, how would you experience that you are these wonderful qualities? They would only be a concept.”

Me: “Jesus, you are truly amazing. Are you an alien? I love you.”

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Throughout my life, when people who weren’t my family members treated me badly, I usually ended up forgiving them many times, but then I would eventually cut ties with them. I once had a friend whom I’ve known since the ninth grade. We were friends for almost a decade; however, I eventually got tired of her treating me like I was always inferior to her (i.e., often making condescending comments), so I told her to go find a better friend. To my surprise, she (who never apologized for anything) ended up writing me a five-page letter apologizing for everything she did, but…for me at the time (17 years ago), it was too late. I wrote a post about her a while back called, “Disguised Friendship.”

The strange thing was, whenever I forgave my enemies for hurting me, and then forgot about them for a while, I would usually end up hearing about their misfortune(s), whether it’s weeks, months or even years later. At the very moment that I would hear about the bad news, I would just experience a knowing that I was meant to hear about it.

The Christian religion would say that God gives us justice for those who hurt us, which I used to believe; however, now that I’ve learned about spirituality, I believe that when we hear about our enemy’s misfortune, God is just informing us that our soul brother or sister (who was disguised as our enemy) had just experienced a similar hurt for their own spiritual growth, which is also a reminder for our soul, that if we cause another to hurt, that we too will experience a similar hurt for our own spiritual growth, since we are all one.

Note: Image on left by soulfulhealing.wordpress.com

Well, as Neale Donald Walsch stated in one of his books, “What you resist…persists.” I have been resisting to love my enemies by merely cutting ties with them. Since my soul (who I truly am) yearned to have this amazing experience of loving one’s enemies while on Earth, she decided to send this experience to me whether my ego (who I think I am) thought it was a great idea or not. Thank you Higher Self/God for helping us all to remember who we truly are more and more each moment we seek the truth, love, peace and joy.

The other day, I sent out a few tweets that I will use as an introduction to my story of how I finally learned to love my so-called enemy:

• “1 may isolate due2 being shy,trying 2 protect 1self from being hurt again,or just simply being an introvert who prefers his/her own company.”
• “If we notice some1 who seems 2b isolating themselves,let’s offer our kind attention just in case they prefer not 2b alone.”
• “I once noticed a lady who isolated herself.I asked her 2 join my group 4lunch daily n she turned me down.1day,she agreed,n now we r friends.”

My soul yearned to connect with my friend’s soul (since we are all one) so that we may both help one another to remember more of who we truly are. My mind was not aware of this truth at the time; my ego thought that my heart went out to her, because she appeared lonely and heart-broken. I thought that we had crossed each other’s path so that I could help her heal. Little did I know at the time, that she would help me discover a grander version of me that I had never imagined existed within me.

Note: Image on right by loverofsadness.net

My friend, Becky (fake name), and I had almost nothing in common socially, except the fact that we were both E-7’s in the Army, and we both had experienced much darkness. She was a nurse and I was a Human Intelligence Collector (aka interrogator).

However, we met at a Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) group session at one of the mental health facilities for active duty military members. Becky first caught my attention when she brought in a bunch of cookies for our group session one day.I thought to myself, “How generous and kind,” and thanked her.

She wasn’t too open at first, but she gradually shared more of her thoughts and feelings as our friendship grew. She had been a single mother for over 15 years, after her divorce from her unfaithful husband. I knew she had been hurt a lot in the past, so I never pressured her into telling more than she was willing to…and she slowly but surely did.

The day I was scheduled to leave group, my therapist went around the room as everyone said their goodbyes. To my surprise, Becky started crying. She shared that she was sad because I was leaving. I didn’t realize I had such an impact on her. I reassured her that I would stay in touch…and a friendship developed.

Note: Image on left by vividlife.me

Although we had social differences—like she would get excited about watching the Jerry Springer Show…and I wouldn’t, and I would get excited about going for a nature run at the local park…but she wouldn’t—I enjoyed hanging out with her, until…things started to spiral downhill. It started with little things, like her making envious comments to me like, “I wish I was like you” or “You’re better at ____than me.” I always reminded her of her strengths, and explained that we all have our strengths and weaknesses…and that I had plenty of weaknesses myself, but she continued to make such comments. Unfortunately, these comments became more bitter, although she denied that they were with eerie smiles that shot chills up my spine.

Once, I invited her and her son (who just graduated from high school) over for dinner, since they both loved Korean BBQ ribs. When she came over, she told me that her son just wanted her to bring back some leftovers. She then added with a big smile, “Joe (fake name) wanted me to ask you if you could hook him up with any slutty Korean girls that you may happen to know.” As soon as she said that, my intuition told me that her statement didn’t stem from love (like wanting to tell a funny joke).

I then told her, “You know Becky, my young, male soldiers asked about you and your nationality when I told them that I was going to lunch with my friend. They jokingly said that they wanted to meet you since I told them that you were half Thai and half Causacian…and pretty.

Now, if any one of them would’ve said (not that they would) something like, ‘Could you ask your friend if she could hook me up with any slutty Thai girls that she may happen to know,’ I would’ve put his ass in his place and told him, ‘Don’t ever say anything that disrespects my friend in any way, shape or form, do you understand? By making that statement, are you insinuating that my girlfriend is the type of person who hangs out with slutty women?'”

Note: Image on right by respect-funhouse.co.uk

Becky apologized, and agreed that she should not have encouraged her son to make a disrespectful comment about her friend. I further explained to her that it goes beyond that…her son should not have this idea in his head that it’s okay to use girls or disrespect them just because they happen to be “slutty” in his eyes.

Becky agreed that she should teach him to respect girls, and not just use them for sex. Apparently, he often brought different girls home when he was still living with her. If it’s a mutual decision between two consenting adults…that’s fine, but if he’s cheating on them, he needs to learn that the very same actions caused his own mother a lot of grief when his father messed around.

Anyway, I continued to sense more negative vibes from her, a feeling that was very familiar to me. My old friend, whom I wrote a post about (above) gave me the same feelings. Once, my husband and I went over to Becky’s house for the first time to help her understand some real estate procedures.

It was a scorching, hot day, and my husband was going to stop by the store for drinks, but I figured we could just get some water from Becky’s house since we were almost there. Plus, since I cooked her lunch and dinner several times at my home, I didn’t think it would be a burden to get a glass of water from her place.

Well, as we all sat there, and my husband was explaining away, Becky was listening and sipping on her ice water. I didn’t want to judge her, but I ain’t gonna lie…I did. I could understand her forgetting to offer her guests a simple glass of water if she wasn’t drinking one herself, but I thought, “Really? I get it that you’re not a giving person, but are you telling me that you can’t even offer friends who have been feeding your ass back-to-back a freaking glass of water?” It was a brand new experience for me. I knew my husband had to be thirsty, so I asked her if I could have a glass of water.

Note: Image on left by widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com

She looked surprised and replied, “Oh yeah!” I later brought it to her attention how I didn’t understand her behavior. She apologized for her lack of hospitality and stated that it was due to her not being used to having company. I understood and was no longer disappointed in her. But then something else happened that made me realize that something else was going on.

Another time my husband and I came over, to help her with real estate matters again (she wanted to sell her house), she said that she made brownies. While my husband was checking out the layout of her house, in order to give her some tips, I asked her if we could have a couple of plates for the brownies so that we wouldn’t spill any on her carpet. Sometimes, it’s not what someone says, but how they say it. She glared at me and snapped, “Go find some.” I didn’t bring it to her attention how I felt about her behavior this time. I just knew for sure now that it didn’t stem from anything positive.

The next thing you know, she started cancelling plans we made together at the last minute. Once, she said she was very sick. So my husband and I surprised her by dropping off some soup, orange juice, a card and some flowers.

When she opened the door, she had an unusual expression…I couldn’t place my finger on it then, but I now know that it was a look of guilt…she wasn’t sick at all. Turns out, she was getting ready to go gambling at the major casino, located a few hours from our city. I found out a few months later why she had been cancelling all of our plans.

After she cancelled plans with us the first three times, I confronted her, but she denied everything. Then, she started dating this guy, so I gave her some space and stopped calling her since I knew what it was like to be in love. Towards the end of the summer, she contacted me and confessed that she had been lying, not only to me, but to her entire family (her son, mother, step-father, sister, etc.) and boyfriend.

She had picked up a very bad habit of gambling, and within the summer, lost approximately $200,000, to include her retirement savings and multiple loans that she took out. Her boyfriend even left her because of her gambling problem. She got caught by her entire family and boyfriend when they realized that she wasn’t hanging out with me, like she claimed she had been.

Note: Image on right by blog.lib.umn.edu

I lost all interest in her, mainly because I couldn’t trust her anymore; and to me, trust was a very fragile matter. I gave her the benefit of a doubt, even when her behavior was questionable, and I felt that she had betrayed me. Plus, she refused to get help for her gambling problem, even though her mother and I insisted several times, and I even told her that I’d go with her. It made me wonder what else she wasn’t willing to change.

In addition to her lies, I was hurt because she was completely insensitive to the fact that I was hurting from my biological father’s first visit. I always listened to all her problems and tried to help her heal, so I couldn’t understand (at the time) why she couldn’t be there for me just that one time that I needed a friend. I ended our friendship and we went our separate ways. I wasn’t worried about her anymore, because despite her new financial problems, she had just received a great job offer that paid $27/hr as a nurse. So we went our separate ways…at least temporarily.

Even though our friendship had ended, I thought about Becky every now and then, and hoped that she was doing well. Well, I received what I wished for. Quick Cash called me about a week ago, because I was listed as Becky’s reference, so I told them that I would try to contact her, although we haven’t communicated for several months.

I was actually glad that I received the phone call, because it gave me an excuse to find out how she was doing. I sent her an e-mail and also mentioned that I hoped she was happy and healthy. She replied apologizing for them calling me and wished that I was doing good as well. A friendly conversation started.

Note: Image on left by litpark.com

The next thing you know, I apologized for being a jerk when I sent her an email about how I could no longer trust her, and how I thought she could care less about even asking me how my biological’s father’s visit went. I told her that it was during bad times, and I should not have expected to receive some kind of healing from someone who was going through a healing process themselves. After she received the e-mail, she called me, we talked, and then made up. I invited her over to hang out the following day, and I was really excited.

I made her lunch, as well as dinner, and those moments of the day went pretty well. However, everything in-between was a challenge to maintain my positive energy.  I didn’t mind listening to all her problems because I understood that she just needed to vent. But because most of the problems were still ongoing from a while back, I wanted to help her find some solutions.

However, no matter what I said or how hard I tried to cheer her up or help her, she gave me her usual responses which were negative comments, complaints, excuses, sighs, rolling of the eyes, sarcasm, pessimism, etc. I even explained to her that continuous negative thinking, and a negative attitude, only further attracts negative things and events, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

We talked about various things, and I asked her what were some things that excited her lately. She replied, getting a new job (since she was recently fired from her former job), becoming wealthy (since she had recently filed for bankruptcy) and watching the Jerry Springer Show. So, we rehearsed for her upcoming job interviews so that she would feel more comfortable and confident.

During our rehearsal, Becky supposedly forgot to mention that there was another reason why her supervisor fired her. Although I pretty much knew there was more to her unusual story of being the victim to being fired, I actually thought she was going to be honest with me from now on.

Note: Image on right by youreverythingservices.com

Interestingly, I didn’t have an emotional reaction this time, because I had a new belief system (after watching several Bashar videos) that her dishonesty didn’t take away anything from me. So rather than judging her for lying, as I did before, I merely made an observation; and the obersavation was that she felt ashamed of being fired, and she didn’t want me to think badly of her, especially when we had a fresh start. I understood and acted as if it wasn’t a big deal.

Then, Becky’s mother called. Becky mentioned to her mother that she was at a friend’s house. I’m assuming her mother asked who, because Becky then replied, “Just a friend.” I will admit, I felt a little hurt in my heart because whenever her mother called before, while Becky was at my house, Becky would tell her cheerfully, “I’m at Bobbie’s house!”

At this moment, I had a knowing that she had complained to her mother about me during our separation as friends. I also knew this from previous experiences, because I had to ask Becky to no longer talk badly about her other two friends around me, because it made me feel uncomfortable.

Note: Image on left by divinitycodes.com

Once, when she spoke badly about her mother to me, I told her what I thought her mother’s intentions were, that her mother loved her very much and was only trying to help her to break her bad habits. Becky then confessed to me at the end of the day that she felt bad about bad-mouthing her mother, because her mother actually helped her the other day financially. She said she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want me to preceive her as a bad daughter who keeps taking advantage of her supportive mother. I just asked her to be honest with me, and that I would understand.

Well, I understand that it’s human nature to vent to loved ones, especially when you feel like someone hurt you. As a matter of fact, this blog includes some venting of my own; but I believe there’s a difference between venting for venting’s sake, and venting along with reflecting, observing, analyzing, interpreting and understanding to gain insight. I’ve done both, but I choose the latter.

Besides my blog, I share my thoughts and feelings mostly with my husband (who’s also my best friend) as well as my awesome pyschologist. I noticed that when I’m having a conversation with other family members, friends, coworkers, acquaintences, strangers, etc., I’m usually listening to them share their stories or vent.

Anyway, back to my day with Becky. After rehearsing for her job interviews, we continued to talk about what she’s passionate about, which is becoming wealthy and watching her favorite show. I reminded her of all the wealth that she already has (to include a huge, beautiful, house, nice furniture, fancy kitchen ware and countless clothes, shoes, purses, perfumes, jewelry, sunglasses, etc.), that she should enjoy, so that it sends the universe a message that she is ready to receive more abundance since she already appreciates what she has now.

In regards to the Jerry Springer Show, I told her with a smile that that show was all her on her own time, because I still have absolutely no desire spending my time watching it. She then said with a laugh that it makes her feel better to know that there are others out there who are doing much worse than her.

Note: Image on right by geniussquared.com

At that moment, I realized that she truly didn’t feel connected to people in general. I asked her what her thoughts were about a spiritual (not religious) God. She said that she grew up a Buddhist, because her mother was Buddhist, but she was no longer one.

She then added that she believes in the existence of a God, since there must be a good reason why we were all created; however, God never answered any of her prayers, so she doesn’t believe that she has ever experienced his presence. I felt like my heart was about to break.

I wanted to say something, but I sensed a strong feeling to not say anything at all since she had not been too receptive to anything else I said throughout the day.

After she left my home in the evening, I couldn’t let go of the fact that I didn’t say anything to help her understand about God’s everlasting presence in everything, God’s unconditional love, how we are all one, our souls’ meaningful journey of love and fear/darkness and light, the process of remembering our Higher Self, etc.

It was too overwhelming for me, because I was trying to balance between sharing with her all the wisdom that I had remembered (reminded from other souls as well) with trying not to “teach” her everything within half a day when she wasn’t willing to listen.

Note: Image one left by bigbaddie.com

Well, when my friend called last Friday, it was quite an interesting day. It was one of those days that you would never expect to end pleasantly, let alone amazingly. I was very indecisive due to the tug of war between my mind and heart, which is unusual, because my heart normally takes charge.

My mind was adamant about 1) not inviting a friend over again who chose to continuously be pessimistic and 2) not help a friend with her bill because I couldn’t trust that she was going to use the money for its purpose.

Anyway, she was wondering if we could spend some time together again, and I reacted with my mind. I immediately told her that I had plans for the day, and that maybe we could get together later on.

The truth is, I wasn’t being completely honest with her. Although I did have some things that I planned on taking care of, they weren’t pressing enough that I couldn’t just invite her over like I usually do.

I knew where this avoidance stemmed from…I was anxious from the possibility of being exposed to her seemingly endless negativity again, and my perceived inability to comfort her, especially in matters involving God and our soul.

Although I managed to maintain my positive energy throughout the previous day that we hung out, like I usually do whenever we hang out, I noticed that this time it had drained me enough to the point where I didn’t get excited about hanging out with her again…for the first time.

Note: Image on right by smouldering-silence.blogspot.com

To make matters worse, she continued to inform me of her ongoing, major financial problems, which included not being able to pay her electric bill for the month. Although a part of me wanted to help her, I had doubts about her story, because even though we made up, I didn’t completely trust her. I wasn’t confident yet that she had disowned her bad habits, to include being a compulsive liar.

The last time she told me that she didn’t have enough money for food, and that she was eating a lot of expired ramen, I decided to help her. I surprised her by calling her right before I dropped off several bags of groceries. I had a pretty good idea of what she liked and what she usually ate, so I just did it without asking her, to avoid making her feel uncomfortable.

However, as my husband and I helped her put away the groceries, I noticed that she had a fully packed refrigerator and freezer. She had the familiar guilty expression, and she told us that they were mostly expired.

Anyway, I told her that I would get back with her about the money after I checked my financial status. I talked to my husband about the situation since we always communicate about our finances, and he agreed that we should help a friend, especially if it’s her electric bill; however, we should also apply the saying, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for life.”

Since my friend didn’t have internet access, I looked up places that she could sell her used goods to and receive instant cash. Unfortunately, there was only one in our city, but they only accepted teen items that were in fashion within a year and a half.

Note: Image on left by flickriver.com

The other place I checked out accepted good quality clothes and furniture and paid 50% of the profits made to the donor the following month. Since my friend has what appears to be over 60 pairs of shoes, tons of designer clothes and purses, and over 20 designer sunglasses, I told her that she could probably make some money off them rather than having them sit in her closet and collect dust.

Plus, I told her that the more she gives (even if she’s making a little money), the more she leaves room to receive…it’s the nature of the universe. I continued to inform her that she would also give people with less money the opportunity to buy the designer goods at a much cheaper price. She agreed to gather her extra, unused goods and visit the those stores.

I also reminded her to stop by the Army Community Service (ACS) center on post since they offer veterans financial budgeting services for free. Since she pretty much still winged paying for her bills, I also reminded her to set up a table on MS Excel, and explained how she could organize her bills and payment plans until she made her trip to ACS. I told her that now that I’ve given her the tools, that it was up to her to make positive changes, since I couldn’t force her to do anything she had no desire to do.

When she said that she had a hard time motivating herself to make positive changes, I reminded her of her strengths. I asked her, “You and I were both in platoon sergeant (Army leadership) positions, true?” She nodded in agreement.

I continued, “Did our First Sergeant (supervisor of platoon sergeants) have to motivate us to do our job most of the time?” She answered, “No.”

I then said, “Exactly. WE, as platoon sergeants/leaders, had to find it within ourselves to self-motivate so that we would be able to provide motivation for our whole platoon of soldiers who counted on us to lead the way. Becky, you were in several leadership positions during your 20 plus years in the Army. If you did it then, AND excelled at it, what makes you think that you can’t do it even better now…now that you’re much stronger, wiser, and more experienced? It’s your choice to make positive changes. You have the power within you…I can’t do it for you, and nobody else can either.”

Note: Image on right by inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com

I then informed her that I would give her $140 to pay her electric bill for the month; however, I wanted to let her know ahead of time (to avoid disappointment or resentment) that I’m unable to provide financial help on a monthly basis, and that she needs to learn to better manage her money. She agreed.

Not only did my heart convince me to help her with her bill, it also sweet talked me into inviting her over for dinner again (and to also give her the money). I decided to trust the idea that I knew came from my Higher Self/God, and to just go with the flow.

To my surprise, dinner went smoothly, and the next thing you know, my friend and I were having an exciting conversation afterwards. Then, we all (to include my husband) decided to watch a movie. As I scrolled through “Movies On Demand,” I asked my friend and husband to let me know what caught their attention. They both told me that they were flexible.

We had all watched most of the movies, so I ended up narrowing it down to two that my friend had never seen before, “The Dark Knight” and “The Count of Monte Cristo.” Since she hasn’t had cable for a couple of months, I wanted her to pick. She kept wanting me to pick, but I can be real stubborn, so she ended up picking what she wanted to watch, “The Count of Monte Cristo.”

Note: Image on left by luulla.com

I was really excited about her choice, because I recalled the movie had to do with a man losing faith in God due to experiencing much darkness, but then gained it back in the end when God reveals to him His ever-present love and support through other people. During the movie, it occurred to me how perfectly everything unfolded that night, to include my friend choosing this movie.

The movie included themes that were very relevant to our friendship: experiencing much darkness…and then experiencing much light, God and souls, friendship, jealousy, hurt, betrayal, suffering, secrets, lies, truths being revealed, justice, growing faith, rising above like a Phoenix bird, and last but not least…love. The movie itself was very moving, but there were several meaningful scenes that stood out from the rest, and I believed that every one of them helped us to understand more about God.

Note: Image on right by funonthenet.in

For instance, in one of the scenes, when the main character told the old prison mate that he no longer believed in God, the old prisoner replied that it didn’t matter, because God believed in him. I looked over at my friend and whispered to her that sometimes God helps us or loves us through other people, and she nodded that she understood.

In another scene, the main character’s fiancée said to him that God is in everything, even in a kiss. Throughout the movie, I glanced over at my friend to see her reaction to certain scenes, and she seemed to be really in tuned with the movie. Afterwards, she mentioned that it was a great movie.

As she got ready to go home, I packed her some leftover food, gave her the envelope of money, walked her out to her car and hugged her good night. As I waved to her, and she smiled, my heart felt warm and tingly inside. I realized that I chose, for the first time, to love Becky as a friend…unconditionally. I also realized that I have the ability and willingness to love a so-called enemy…a soul sister who was temporarily disguised as an enemy.

I thanked God for such a perfect and magical surprise. Once again, my faith grew, and I was reminded to trust the guidance of my heart (from who I truly am, my Higher Self/God) rather than the judgments of my ego (who I think I am). We cross each other’s paths to help one another to remember who we truly are…that we are all one, to include God/All That Is/Source.

Note: Image one left by kristiyanongkabataanparasabayan.blogspot.com

Exciting UPDATE to this post! (August 13, 2012):

I talked to my friend Becky today, and she is in the process of making positive changes to her life as I’m typing this! I’m so happy for her, and proud of her. 😀

I would also like to share with you three, short videos that are relevant to this post (added on August 13, 2012):

• “Bashar – The higher mind will never give up“
• “Bashar The 3 Aspects of YOU.mp4“
• “Bashar – How physical mind and higher mind can work together“

Update as of August 16, 2012

One of my tweets for today on Twitter:

“Sometimes,being a #friend means knowing when 2say NO 2a friend who doesn’t choose 2b responsible 4her finances,but continuously wants help.”

Yesterday evening was exciting because my friend, Becky, and I had a long talk about choosing a positive lifestyle, and it went smoothly. I thanked God/my Higher Self/my soul for thinking and speaking with me.

Note: Image on right by positivelifestylesteps.com

Since Becky had been calling with her negativity again the past couple of days, I decided to share my thoughts and feelings with her…candidly and lovingly. I told her that even though we were friends, I chose to be my own best friend by not allowing anyone to continuously bombard me with negativity…because I deserve so much better…we all do.

I told her that I’ve worked too hard to get to a place where I finally love myself, love being positive, and love life, and that she could join me on this path to positive change, but that I choose not to go on her path of self pity and negativity. I added that if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t want to be dark clouds covering her bright light. She said she understood.

Note: Image on left by catherineeapril.blogspot.com

I reminded her of all her strengths, especially the ones that she had gained during her 20 plus years in the Army as a nurse. I then told her that it was up to her now to dig deep within to remember them and to use them to her best ability…that I won’t be reminding her daily, because it wouldn’t do either one of us any good.

I told her that I could share with her all the great ideas and resources in the world, but if she has no desire to use them, doesn’t take the initiative to make change, or isn’t willing to be disciplined enough to see through those changes, then none of it matters.

Towards the end of the conversation, she became suddenly excited and said that she was going to start exercising the next day. I was so surprised and excited to hear her get excited. She had gained over 50 pounds since the first time that I had met her, and her overweight problem was one of her major miseries. Before, she had always brushed off my offers to help her lose weight, so I was happy that she finally decided to make a positive change.

Note: Image on right by soulexpressions2010.wordpress.com

Today (August 16th) she called and mentioned that although she wasn’t able to go to the gym on post (which is free) because she didn’t have enough gas money, that she would go for a walk around her neighborhood. I was glad to hear her back-up plan. I asked her, “Do you not have gas money because you lent your son (currently in college) money again because he didn’t manage his fiances…again?” She agreed, and said that she even had to sell some of her gold jewelry.

I told her, “Your son needs you to be a strong mother, a mother who can say ‘no’ because she knows that it’s the best thing for her son. Just because your son has a bad habit of spending all of his money on partying, doesn’t make it your responsibility to lend him money on a monthly basis because he can’t cover his bills. Let him know that you barely have enough money for food and gas.

He already knows your financial situation, so he shouldn’t be asking you in the first place. I know you want him to become a responsible man with character. Sometimes, loving someone means allowing them to learn the hard way, if they’re not willing to listen to good advice.” She agreed, and said that she did tell her son that from now on she wouldn’t lend him money on a monthly basis…that he was an adult now.

Note: Image on left by kindovermatter.com

She then sighed her usual sigh, and said that now she’s going to have to ask her sister to borrow money again. Although  a part of me wanted to help her again, financially, I intuitively knew that I was meant to learn from what I had just taught her. I replied, “Yeah, you should.”

I could tell by her tone of voice, which did a complete 180, that she was displeased with my reply. She was so used to me helping her at the drop of a dime.

Well, I finally learned that one of the best things I can do for her as a friend, is to let her experience the results of her irresponsible actions; that way, perhaps she’ll think twice about continuing those bad habits. If that makes me a bad friend, in her eyes, then so be it. As long as I know in my heart that my intentions are good. I choose not to allow her disappointed voice make me feel guilty again.

Note: Image on right by adaliaconfidenceandsuccessblog.com

Before, I never gave myself credit for being a great friend to any of my friends, because I had never fully loved myself or even felt worthy, but now I know that I’ve been a great friend, not only to Becky, but to many others.

What I haven’t been throughout my life, was a great friend to myself. Now, I (my soul/my Higher Self/God) AM my best friend, and I forever will be, and I am very grateful that my friend, who was temporarily disguised as an enemy, helped me to remember this wonderful truth.

Note: Image on left by celestialspiral.blogspot.com

August 17, 2012:

Becky called today, and was very optimistic. So I invited her over to my home to hang out. We’re having a great day together. 🙂 For the first time, she expressed interest in actually making plans together to exercise and lose weight, eat healthier, and focus on being positive.

To start off with, I gave her simple and easy ideas (related to exercise, healthier eating, and a positive attitude), and I stressed to her the importance of taking baby steps, and celebrating each small, yet, successful moments. We agreed to be each other’s coach and cheerleader whenever one of us has a down day. We also agreed to not slide down the negative path of self pity, depression, and pessimism again.

Since she’s been up since 4:00 a.m., due to getting ready for her early morning interviews, I suggested she take a nap (which she’s doing right now). Everything feels perfect…first joyful, then loving, then truthful, then liberating…and now peaceful…all main characteristics of God’s presence.

Becky’s sleeping like an angel. Being good friends means being able to be comfortable in each other’s presence…even in silence. Thank you God for helping us to experience the true meaning of friendship, by going through the entire dark and light process.

Note: Image on right by dailymail.co.uk

Update: September 22, 2012 (Saturday)

Thank you God for the great news today: for helping Becky to get a good job, and for helping her to transform into a beautiful butterfly. I am very grateful for your miraculous gift. She is the first friend, who was temporarily disguised as an enemy, who helped me to grow spiritually by giving me an opportunity to experience forgiving a so-called enemy and then loving a friend unconditionally.

Final Update: Choosing To Be My Own Best Friend

October 24, 2012 (Wednesday)

A few days ago, it was Becky’s birthday, so I invited her over to hang out starting around 11:00 a.m.. My husband and I gave her a musical birthday card, and she smiled a big smile. I made grilled omelet sandwiches for lunch, we enjoyed our meal, and then sat down on the couch to chat.

That’s when the oh-so-familiar negativity talk began as usual. She mentioned that she didn’t understand why so many bad things were continuing to happen to her back-to-back. I had already talked to her a few times about The Law of Attraction, and that continuous negative thoughts, feelings and images lead to attracting negative events; so this time, I just listened and tried to comfort her.

Then, she reminded me about her finally being bankrupt, and the rest of her financial problems. After the third time she complained about her feet hurting during work, I reminded her for the 10th time or so that it probably stemmed from her gaining over 70 lbs, and that her feet are not used to the excessive weight.

Although I’ve made several suggestions, gave her pep talks, printed out calendars for her to keep track of her healthier eating habits and exercise, printed out recipes, offered her to read a post I had written about on my blog called, “The D.I.S.H. (Delicious, Inexpensive, Simple and Healthy) Ideas for Meals, Snacks and Drinks,”…she didn’t bother trying any of them. She just wanted to complain as usual.

So I was straight up with her and said, “Well, only you can make a change if you’re unhappy with where you’re at. I can talk until I’m blue in the face, but I can’t, and choose not to, force you to change. You can either do something about it, like I’ve told you many times before, or you can make the same complaints ten years later.” She gave her usual reply, “Yeah, I know. I should do this and I should do that…etc.”

She then blamed the cafeteria at her work for not serving anything but burgers and fries during her lunch hour. So I asked her, “You can’t take lunch?” She then admitted that she could, and that she should. She then blamed McDonalds for having tempting food that’s cheap, simple, and tasty. I told her that I understood, and that I agreed, but that it was up to her to have some kind of discipline. That we should treat ourselves to fast food and junk food every now and then, but not eat them daily.

I found myself getting drained again, but this time it wasn’t as bad. Maybe it was because I wanted her to have a nice birthday. Plus, I saw three angelic number sequences that day: 7:11, 9:11 and 3:33, which communicated to me that I was on a positive path. The day before, I saw 11:11 again. I started a journal to keep track of messages from angels. Some people may say that’s crazy talk, but it doesn’t matter as long as I believe they’re messages from God and his awesome team.

Anyway, I made her favorite strawberry cake, so we added candles with colored flames that my husband had bought, sang her, “Happy Birthday” and took pictures. We were all in awe of the beautiful colored flames that we had never seen before. We then had cake while watching a couple movies.

One of the movies, “Why Did I Get Married?”  by Tyler Perry actually made her cry when one of the nice ladies talked about how she thought God didn’t like or love her when her mean husband left her; but then she realized that God had something better planned for her, by helping her to meet a very kind man who treated her with love and respect.

I thanked God for that precious moment because I love that it moved her in ways that I’ve always wanted to. She said, “She keeps making me cry.” I handed her some tissue and reassured her that it was completely natural to let it flow. I also reminded her that her special day would come as well. I believe the theme of hope from that particular scene brought tears to her eyes.

For dinner, I surprised her by making one of her favorite dishes. After the meal, her son called, and asked her a question, to which she replied, “She cooked for me” in an unhappy tone. For some reason, it reminded me of all the times she informed me that she enjoys whenever I cook for her, and that if it was up to her, I’d be her personal chef.

Once she “joked” that I should slave away in the kitchen for her. To me, it didn’t feel like a joke, because she never helps with clean up and dishes, and only once, she helped to cut the ends of the fresh green beans…only because I asked her to.

She would hint to me every now and then how she would like me to make certain dishes for her, which is fine…however, sometimes I would get the feeling that I would give her an inch, and she would take 3 to 10 miles, depending on the day. I noticed that it would create some resentful feelings.

I don’t expect a 50/50 give and take, or even a 80/20…but at least a 98/2. I guess that’s the human side of me that becomes conditional when giving love. I guess I just have a hard time understanding someone like her. Due to financial reasons, I can understand why she’s not giving of material things, but she’s not giving in anything really. Sometimes, my mind asks me why I’m even friends with someone like her. That’s when I get confused, because I feel like my heart wants to be a friend to her who loves her unconditionally.

I guess I have a hard time understanding because…if a friend cooked me dinner over thirty times (to include lunch and dinner), and I never offered to chip in for groceries or even cook her a meal once, I couldn’t bring myself to further ask her to cook me expensive dishes. Because to me, that would be taking 10 miles when given an inch.

Her adult son loves Korean BBQ ribs, so she hinted to me a few times that she was craving for them. She was probably surprised that I didn’t instantly offer, “Sure! We’ll BBQ this weekend!” I just told her that beef ribs are expensive, and it was also too hot to BBQ these days.

Once, she even hinted for me to make her favorite Korean dish (Korean kimchee pancakes, which by the way is a major pain-in-the-rear to make). I just told her that it was a pain-in-the-ass to make, and that if she was craving for some, she could buy it and make it herself. She then said that she did buy it once, and made it, but it didn’t turn out good.

I thought, “Well, how nice of you not to invite us over for that meal (or any meals ever), but yet you expect me to make it for you.” The first and last time she offered my husband and I something to eat was some brownies…and she couldn’t even be nice about that.

Every now and then she’ll ask if I would like her to bring something when she comes over, but I’m pretty sure she’s used to me saying, “Don’t worry about it, unless there’s something in particular that you’d like.” It’s hard to ask her to chip in when she constantly complains about her lack of finances, endless bills and how she always has to buy really cheap food just to get by.

Once I just told her to stop making excuses because she can buy fresh vegetables with the same amount of money she spends on microwave food. I know, I’m venting. I get frustrated sometimes. Sometimes, I even get the feeling that she doesn’t really like me…she’s just using me.

I understand that I’m frustrated because I feel that she’s manipulative (with her sad stories about how she always has to eat really cheap food), dishonest, lazy, untrustworthy, full of excuses, disloyal and a major negative influence.

Her sister called after dinner, and she told her that she would call her back on her drive back home. This is the third time that I noticed that she no longer likes to admit that she’s hanging out with me to her mother, sister and son. I have strong feeling it’s due to her talking bad about me to them, the way she used to talk bad about them to me.

I noticed a pattern that the day after I spend a day with her, my energy level drops for a few days. I decided, that instead of having the same old, negative experiences over and over again, and feeling resentful towards her, I’m going to be my own best friend and slowly but surely let her out of my life.

I told her twice before that although she’s my friend, because I’m my own best friend, I would not allow her to continuously bombard me with her negativity. But she obviously has no desire and/or will power to make positive change.

And quite frankly, I’m tired of her bringing me down. I deserve a much better friend. I know I don’t ask for much, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere; otherwise, selfish people like her will just take advantage of you. I never met anyone in 39 years of my life who just takes and takes and takes, and shows no effort to give once in a blue moon.

She never even asks me how my life is going whenever we get together, unless I bring up something. If she told me that her biological father was visiting her for the first time, I would ask her about her experience. But she never asked me how my father’s visit went.

When I texted her that I talked to my two, half-sisters for the first time in 39 years, she texted back, “Good night.” What’s the point of being friends if you can’t even share major life events with one another? I now realize she behaves that way because she truly doesn’t care.

She’s all about herself. Once, she complained how she never gets anything from the world, and I suggested to her that perhaps she should give to the world every now and then, and maybe things would turn around for her.

I watched a Joel Osteen video today that cheered me up, and helped me to update this post and come to a decision. Becky may remember the hard way, but I believe it’s best for both of our spiritual growth for us to go separate ways, since I’m obviously not helping her or myself to be happier and healthier. I wish her well, and if she ever decides to appreciate friendship and live a more positive lifestyle, I’ll be around.

Dealing with Negative Influences – Joel Osteen

My soul brothers and sisters: Do you have a story that you would like to share about loving one’s so-called enemy?