I noticed that ever since childhood, I’ve been quick to forgive others, starting with my mother, the foundation of all other interconnected relationships.
She—an alcoholic and deeply wounded soul—was the most challenging of all relationships since she was often abusive on all levels, mentally, emotionally, physically, and even sexually throughout childhood—like habitually blaming me for a lot of things that didn’t go right, to include her life and her two marriages—and continuing to be psychologically abusive until my late thirties (where I basically told her ENOUGH).
Granted, when others were habitually unkind, it was more challenging to “turn the other cheek”; and at times, I held onto resentments, grudges, and deep, inner wounds.
However, ever since I went deeper into connecting with Soul/Spirit within in 2011 (after leaving the Army life), I learned to develop healthier boundaries, let go of habitually unhealthy relationships, and even unconditionally forgive self/others for our so-called unacceptable, unlikable, and even unlovable aspects, and then embrace and integrate them into whole self.
After publishing the recent post, “To WALK the Light/Love Talk, and LIVE By Example, IS Profound Wisdom,” I understood with my logical, physical mind that the text message that I shared with my team members within this post (at the end) was also meant for me to fully absorb and integrate.
However, I didn’t quite FEEL what it meant until yesterday’s and this morning’s heartfelt experiences, and after watching the soul-igniting video, “5 Things ALL Empaths Should Know About 2019.” that reminded me to Be Compassion (for others/self).
In a nutshell (since I have to get ready soon), ever since I updated the above mentioned post yesterday with my past observations, my team member seemingly did a 180—with certain habits still remaining—as though I had shifted into a more positive parallel reality; however, I was able to fully embrace her AS IS, and we were able to work together harmoniously, more than before.
I was also reminded of her wonderful qualities that the so-called dark clouds were obscuring during her own challenging moments.
In addition, I confronted one of the members from the engineer department for having blamed me for his mistake recently.
I told him that I’ve been making enough mistakes of my own, and I didn’t appreciate him telling my Supervisor that I gave him the “all clear” for him choosing to walk into the women’s locker room 10 minutes before closing while a guest or member was still in there.
He looked very surprised that I confronted him, and immediately said that he thought that’s what I had said and apologized.
Yesterday, I was able to talk to him about a work order that was placed as though that so-called “negative” situation had never happened. As long as he doesn’t continue to blame me for things I didn’t say and do, we’re going to get along just fine.
The following section (in a a different color font) inserted on 4/13/19 (Sat):
When I first started working at this new job—or as mentioned in a post published in February of this year, “NEW Earthly and Otherworldly J.O.B.: Joy of Being“—I had the opportunity to experience standing up for self (part of unconditional self-love) despite what I’ve been culturally conditioned not to do since childhood.
One day, while stopping by the women’s locker room, I noticed that the spa attendant room was wide open. When I went inside, one of my coworkers was folding towels. I politely reminded her (an elderly lady), “_____, I don’t think we’re supposed to leave the door open since women walk around naked at times (and the other door to the room leads to the men’s locker room).
She shouted, “I’m claustrophobic!” and I replied, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know”; and then she went off on a rant about all the things she’s frustrated about the place for many years, and ended her venting with, “Don’t listen to anybody!”
Another day, I went into the spa attendant room because we ran out of spa lockers with robes and slippers. The same coworker yelled at me for grabbing the robes from the middle rack, and then shouted, “You need to slow down!”
I informed that’s how I was trained—to get medium size robes from the middle rack—and that I was in a bit of a hurry because the guest was waiting right outside, and she needs to get to her appointment. My coworker went off on another rant, so I told her that I had to go.
Within five minutes or so of leaving the locker room, my coworker rushed over to our front desk area, and repeated everything that she said in a condescending tone, and then shouted that I need to slow down again.
At that seemingly magical point, I experienced what I described in a few other posts as the light switch moment. I became very calm, yet, stern, and I looked at her and said, “____, I’m very open to learning from others; however, I don’t appreciate being yelled at or talked to in a condescending manner.”
She said, “You misunderstood, “to which I confidently replied, “No I didn’t.” The second youngest, female coworker was there to witness what felt like an intense and empowering moment.
Soon after my coworker left the front desk area, I went upstairs to talk to my manager, and sure enough, my Supervisor, Manager, Director, and another older woman coworker (in her late fifties or so, but younger than the elderly woman coworker) were all gathered in my Director’s office where all the cameras are located.
That moment caused me to have a flashback of what happened while deployed in Iraq in 2008, shared in post, “Embracing a Setback to Set Forward” (so-called failures in life—all stepping stones of success).
I came back from a interrogation booth session, and I witnessed several joint facility coworkers quickly scatter away back to their desks; at that moment, I intuitively and strongly sensed that they had been watching me in the area where all the cameras to the booths are located.
Anyway, I explained to my management team that I wanted to give them a heads up that it was strike three with that coworker, and that that was the very first time I ever raised my voice at an elderly person because culturally (in Korea), I’ve learned to highly respect the elderly; however, grandma or no grandma, I refuse to be another’s habitual punching bag.
They all looked so surprised because they had never seen this side of me, and agreed that I didn’t have to take that from anyone. As I was leaving the office, my Director gently said, “Barbara, you’re awesome.”
Ever since that day, the elderly coworker started talking to me in a respectful and even kind manner, which made it very easy to let go of the seemingly “negative” situations in the past.
As days went by, her and I seemed to be a great match for teamwork—she’s been helping front desk often with the key section whenever she had down time—and I found myself developing a close bond with her.
One day, I left an anonymous note in her cubby that wasn’t my usual handwriting—-something I’ve been doing for coworkers of both day and night shifts (i.e. front desk, other spa attendants, massage therapists, estheticians, supervisor, manager, director).
It stated, “____, thank you for all that you are and all that you do. You are appreciated.”
After hearing her vent other times—whether at the employee dining room, or any other area of our facility where anyone would listen to her repetitive stories—of all the BS she’s had to put up with for many years, I was able to feel compassion for her.
One day, while eating lunch with her, she mentioned that she was so tired, more than usual. I asked why, and she stated her husband ended up in the emergency room the night prior, and she didn’t get much sleep. Fortunately, he was okay after going to the hospitable.
So after lunch, while she wasn’t in the women’s locker room, I quickly picked up some dirty towels (with gloves), and then stocked a bunch of clean towels.
She had mentioned, prior to this day, of her back aching at times due to having to bend down and pick up the towels from these new baskets that she didn’t like; so I knew I would be helping out whenever it was slow at the front desk.
She has a strong work pride, she’s a very diligent worker, and she doesn’t like to be helped with her job, so I had to be secretive about it, though it was probably obvious to her since she’s an intelligent and wise woman.
Recently, my husband was going to drop by some dinner from a local Thai restaurant since I was pulling a late night shift followed by an unusual morning shift because I switched a shift with a coworker.
This was due to a stranger—whom an older female member of the athletic club/spa had very briefly told me about (that she told this Korean woman about me since I’m also half Korean)—approaching me recently, and asking for help with her son’s pre-wedding event yesterday evening/night and wedding day today. Note: This story continuing in next post, “The So-Called Rich Woman Who Mistook Kindness for Weakness“
Anyway, since I booked a hotel in Sedona so that I would get more sleep between shifts—rather than driving back and forth from Flagstaff—I asked my husband to not only get us some dinner, but to bring my elderly coworker some Thai mango and sticky rice.
I’ve noticed that my coworker has a sweet tooth and gets excited whenever our dining room has desserts available. My husband introduced himself to her as my husband, and offered her the dessert.
She approached shortly after, thanked me for the dessert, and stated with a big smile that it was sweet and delicious. Since she mentioned that she was eating the mange and sticky rice separate, I explained to her that it’s a popular Thai dessert, and that she should try that mango and sweet rice together. She replied, “Oh,” since she wasn’t aware of this new experience.
I realize that I’m learning more about sacred soul/human relationships, and I’m very grateful for these gifts/treasures.
As I mentioned in a comment I recently left for Victor and his wife’s Pattie’s podacst about shadow work, the more I focus on unconditionally embracing and integrating more and more neutral aspects of our whole self—while not allowing the lower/denser/”darker”/negative energies take over the whole ship/self in an out of control manner—the more I fall in love with self/others, which I have no doubt is True Love at its finest.
Leave a Reply