Note: This post is a much revised recently published post titled, “Falling in Love with All of Me.” At the time of writing that post, I believe I was in a state of confusion due to my low energies. I understand that it’s natural for my consciousness to fluctuate between expanding and contracting, so I forgive myself. I chose to delete it (and create this new post) because I didn’t wish to confuse others as well.
I’m currently working on expanding my self-love, to include self-respect, self-worth, self-acceptance, self-embrace, self-forgiveness, self-compassion, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-empowerment and any other loving “self–____” out there.
I’m starting to fall in love with all aspects of myself for the first time in my life…especially my Higher Self/my Angelic and Spiritual Realms/True Self/Soul/Soul Group/Multidimensional Self/my Ascended Masters/Star Family/Expanded Self/God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is/Source.
I’m also working on embracing and integrating my soul, to include my ego self, shadow self and True Self.
Prior to changing within, and experiencing series of both “positive” and “negative”synchronicities (all beneficial for my soul growth/evolution), I went through some challenges.
I had learned from many Spirituality teachings that our outer world reflects our inner world, and that if we wish to see a better world, we must change within. I believed there was truth to that, but I was still confused.
I had a hard time understanding this teaching at first because of some of the questions that crossed my mind, that didn’t sit well with my heart, such as, “So was Jesus supposed to change within, since his outer reality was much darkness? Was his outer reality reflecting his inner world? Or was he an exception because he was an Ascended Master, although in human form?”
I noticed that without fully understanding this teaching, “Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world,” I found myself starting to be turned off by Spirituality and finding it even more challenging to love myself.
Since I seemed to have had an overwhelming amount of “negative” in my outer world since I was born, the idea (without having all the pieces of the puzzle) that they were all reflections of who I am as a person, made me hate myself even more than I already did.
I thought, “What kind of a monster was I in past lives that so much ‘negative’ was stored in my DNA, and it’s all reflecting back to me in this lifetime?”
For the majority of my life, I only loved bits and pieces of me, but definitely not the ALL of me, or even half of me.
I learned in my late thirties that me having a hard time unconditionally loving myself (and some others) stemmed from my deep beliefs (especially of unworthiness) that I had been conditioned by society since childhood.
Everything ranging between being abandoned by my biological father as an infant, to being blamed for ruining my mother’s life ( to include crying so much as a baby that my father left us), to being abused on all levels by various people throughout my life…I thought, “I deserved it because I had been a ‘bad’ soul.”
Such negative thoughts of myself made me wish that someone like me was never even created (since I had caused others so much suffering in past lives and this lifetime), or that perhaps I could just disappear somewhere and privately and quietly die, and then vaporize away.
I also wondered (since—again—my outer reality reflects my inner reality) how much of these “fear” energies and “darkness” were still within me, since I had experienced in my outer world the following: abandonment, neglect, mistrust, blame, ugliness (my own), rejections, hurtfulness, jealousy, vengeance, disrespect, criticisms, humiliations, discrimination, racism, condemning words, selfish actions, anger ,rage, dishonesty, abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual), judgments, betrayals, manipulations, control, hatefulness, attempted suicide (me), suicide (cousin), rape (to include sodomy), violence, torture, cruelty etc.
The mere thought of having to go through God knows how many more of these similar lifetimes in order to make things “right” seemed to drain my very being of all energies, and made my future seem gloomy and hopeless.
I even added negative statements about me to my post, “Intro: My Exciting New J.O.B. (Joy of Being)” because I thought that the overall negative environment I was temporarily in (due to the majority of the adults at my job at the time; not the children) was all a reflection of who I was as a person (i.e., gossiping, back-stabbing, being mean to others, being lazy at work, taking advantage of others, being indirectly hurtful, etc.), which didn’t feel right at all, considering I even take time every evening to check myself to see if I can improve myself. At the time, I didn’t understand the actual meaning of shadows/reflections of my shadow self.
I also avoided finishing my post, “My Exciting New J.O.B. (Joy of Being)” because I was so confused that I didn’t even know what I was writing about anymore. Plus, the heaven (preschool children)/hell (the majority of the adults) conflicting situation was emotionally challenging. However, I asked my True Self for clarity.
When I came across the teachings below, not only did I highly resonate with them, but I was able to start healing—to include forgiving, having compassion for and unconditionally loving myself—since I had the final pieces to the puzzle that made more sense of the teaching, “Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.”
Although I had read several of Neale Donald Walsch’s books in the past, I suppose I hadn’t formed a solid belief about his teaching yet. He taught that others give us an opportunity to better define ourselves, and that we can choose who wish to Be or not to Be at that moment.
For instance, if we experience someone who’s not kind, we can choose to be the same way, or choose to Be kind instead because we have experienced that it feels better to be treated with kindness.
Gregg Braden and his video, “The 7 Essense Mirrors,” also has a similar yet different teaching, which includes: if we believe that the “negative” that we see in outer world isn’t who we are, then it’s a reflection of several others things, to include what we judge.
I came upon a very helpful post, “The New Myth and the Shadow” recently which I highly resonate with; however, what baffled me is that I had read this post prior to writing the older post mentioned on top, but I completely forgot about it.
It’s okay though, since I choose to believe that everything happens in Divine perfect timing and order. I have a feeling that I was meant to have the “confused” experience so that I could write a revised post about my “clarity” experience.
The following italicized and quoted section is from the wonderful blog (i am david beaudry):
“The most important and practical way we can begin integrating polarities is through “Shadow” work.
The shadows are all the aspects of yourself that have been disowned within you or are unconscious to you. They are your fears, doubts, difficulties, insecurities, and blocks that your ego will say are “bad.” These aspects of yourself in actuality are a very potent creative force.
The disowned or unconscious parts of ourselves (most often indicated by our “charged” reactions to people and situations) are truly the keepers of great wisdom. Shadow is simply the unseen face of light. Through working with it, you are provided the opportunity of healing yourself and living a more fully integrated life. Often there is great intensity associated with shadow issues:; Intensity merely indicates something that is asking to be recognized and transformed. Free yourself from the viewpoint of difficulty, drama, and struggle. Reinterpret this process as the vital creative force needed for change and growth. As you integrate your shadow issues and become more “transparent,” the projections of others begin to literally pass through you without creating charged reactions or emotional hurts. Working with the shadow has another benefit, too: in transforming ourselves, we help to transform others and the Earth. This work contains excerpts and inspiration from The Mayan Oracle: Return Path to the Stars by Ariel Spilsbury and Michael Bryner.”
When I was almost 40 years old, I started to understand that these so-called “negative” people, things, and events were all blessings in disguise for my soul growth/evolution, and have taught me much wisdom about Life and the effectiveness of duality (e.g., “good” vs “evil,” “right” vs “wrong,” “up” vs “down,” etc.) .
Although I was very lost within my inner world for the majority of my life, which was much darkness/lack of information and fear-based beliefs, I’m now grateful that I had an opportunity to change within by starting to remember my True Self.
Once again, I used to believe that I had experienced much darkness and fear in this lifetime due to hurting others in past lifetimes.
When I used to dread my life and the future (basically be depressed) because of this old belief, I resisted the natural flow of Life; hence, creating blockages within my energy bodies, which prevents my ability to become my full potential Self, as well as receive abundance (mental, emotional, physical, material, financial, and spiritual) from the Universe.
Like Neale Donald Walsch stated in one of his books, “What you resist…persists.”
However, when I later became grateful that I was in the process of balancing my karma, and started working on welcoming all life experiences/teachers, things began to change.
I believe this very shift—my willingness to embrace my karma—created yet another major change in my life.
I recall Bashar (channeled through Darryl Anka) mention in one of his videos that as one changes in their present moment, they also simultaneously change their past and future, since they’re all happening in the Moment of Now.
Therefore, as one becomes more “positive” in the Moment of Now, their past, present and future reflects that state.
So every time we raise (or lower) our vibrational frequency, we tune into a parallel Earth reality that matches that frequency (basically canceling out any previous “karma” from other lower-vibrating parallel realities).
I believe I have shifted in and out of these “positive” realities throughout my lifetime, and more so recently where I have experienced more series of positive synchronicities than “negative” synchronicities (although I believe both are signs that we’re in alignment with our True Self/high vibrational frequency since everything happens in Divine perfect timing and order for our soul growth/evoultion).
I believe the more we practice positive thoughts, intentions, words and actions (which all create positive feelings), the better we’ll be able to maintain our higher vibrational frequency, which in turn will allow us to stay tuned into a more positive reality for a longer period (ultimately, our version of Heaven on Earth).
I’m very grateful to my True Self/Soul/God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is within me for having given me the golden opportunity to shift into a more positive reality where I can work on my journey inward in a peaceful, loving and joyful environment where I can finally flourish.
Ever since I started working on myself, I gathered many pieces of a new puzzle in my life. I now highly resonate with a new belief which stemmed from my collection of unusual, extraordinary and sometimes unbelievable experiences that I wrote about in my post (that I intend on publishing after this one), “My Evolving 12-Strand DNA.”
I now believe that I had a soul contract (as a starseed) before I came into this lifetime, that included major and important life lessons that could only be fully learned from (while in this dense physical reality) through much trauma and other emotional, mental, physical and spiritual challenges.
By experiencing and overcoming many of the common human “sufferings,” I believe I’m better able to deeply understand, empathize with, have compassion for, forgive, accept, embrace and unconditionally love myself and others who have also suffered.
In addition, choosing to Be a wounded healer (as opposed to a wounded wounder like many on Earth), I’m better prepared to accomplish my life purpose and soul mission.
It’s definitely time to fully remember our True Self by working on self-love as our priority, while giving Light/information and Love to Source and others, as well as receiving Light and Love from Source and others.
Because until we fully love ourselves unconditionally, we won’t be able to fully love others unconditionally, or be of beneficial service to humanity and universal civilizations from beyond.
As we continue to change within, let’s trust that everything in our outer reality will continue to perfectly reflect our more balanced and shining inner world in Divine perfect timing.
I already shared the following readings under my sub-category “Readings That Resonate With Me,” but because they’re so helpful, I decided to create a new post to place it in the spotlight:
- The Art of Self-love: 27 Ways to love yourself More (Today) (Love this!!! ^_^)
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The Symptoms of a Toxic Relationship (I had to check myself just in case I may still be projecting onto others and blaming others for them merely showing up as my shadows, reflecting back to me my own deep beliefs about my lack of self-respect and self-worth, and I’m glad that I did. My husband and I also sat down and went through this list together to see if there was anything extra that we could improve on with our marriage.)
Added on March 2, 2014:
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The Law of Action Universal Law Key to Your Dreams! Law of Attraction in Action! (My goal is to continue changing within so that my outer reality will reflect my fully healed and reignited inner world. I, too, would love to develop positive relationships in my life, and to also be surrounded by those who are very loving, uplifting, inspiring, humorous, wise, free-spirited, and much more. Once in a blue moon, I have an opportunity to meet someone (and form a relationship with) who just blows me away, and I look forward to another one of those blessed days. Liz, in the video, seems to have such a radiant and free-spirited personality. I like her. ^_^)
