I—and the rest of the office staff—noticed that the owner’s husband’s words, actions, and behavior, have been habitually questionable.
And it wasn’t just about his obsession with only sales, mentioned in the previous, related post.
When I first started working at this company, the manager warned me that the owner’s husband is a narcissist and con artist, and she had plenty of stories of how she came to this conclusion.
[Update in this yellow paragraph only inserted on 3/16/20: I was curious about the nature and background of certain, extreme, dark/negative aspects within human beings, especially con artist and psychopath, so I checked out from the library an American true crime TV series (that’s about 6 hours long) titled, Dirty John. Eric Bana did a very convincing job of playing the main, male character, John/extreme narcissist/con artist/psychopath/unhealed, deeply wounded inner-child. It was a bit eerie that John’s strange demeanor, non-verbal cues, behaviors, overly charming ways of talking obvious BS, night and day change in tone of voice, questionable actions, etc. closely mirrored the owner’s husband’s ways of being. Ironically, the main female character’s name is Debra, and she doesn’t exactly help her blonde sisters of this world get rid of the bad rap of being a nice, yet, frustrating dumb-ass. I’ve known some very intelligent blond women; hence, I stated “bad rap” since it’s not always true. However, despite not being too fond of Debra’s habitual ways, I respect that she at least owned how she may be perceived by others, and decided to share this important story nonetheless (of what red flags to be cognizant of in new relationships).]
Though the manager seemed questionable as well, I had a strong feeling she was on to something (due to my first impression of him during my interview, explained further below).
While dating the owner, he was apparently very smooth and charming with their long-distance calls, his mention of having read her book, a poem that he wrote for her (that the owner emailed out again on their second anniversary, that I speed read through), etc.
However, once he married the owner—and he assumed he successfully built rapport with the manager (as time went by)—he was actually dumb enough to confess to our manager (who’s known to be extremely gossipy) that he never read his wife’s book (he basically lied).
So guess who she eventually told?
You GOT it! Everyone and their mamas and grandmamas, to include the owner.
As if that wasn’t enough, he told our manager that during a healing session with his wife, he peeked over at her answers so that he could match his with hers, so that she would believe that they were a perfect match made in heaven.
I sensed that she wasn’t just pulling these detailed stories out of her ass; plus, I had the golden opportunity, during an employee’s retirement party, to be a witness, myself, to his unbelievable ways (he was basically full of…a MEGA load of doo doo).
One day, I basically called him out on his work-related BS in the most tactful way possible, since he was being very arrogant, adamant, and pushy about the office staff doing some system related thing that simply wasn’t working.
He didn’t know what he was talking about, though he acted like he did, because he had never experienced himself what he thought needed to happen.
I informed him that his emails with instructions and demands, that didn’t make any sense, confused everyone; so he said he was going to come to the office.
When he arrived with the look of not wanting to be there, he approached my computer and said with a pissy attitude and aggressive tone, “SHOW ME.”
So I did, and it was apparent he felt like an ass, because he tried to be all jokey jokey.
I didn’t smile at all, but just looked at him like, “You dirty, rat bastard.”
Once he was open to figuring out how to make it work, as a team, we found a solution.
After surprisingly admitting that he was wrong to not even hear me out (when I tried to explain to him twice why his idea wouldn’t work), he said—while leaning forward, squinting his eyes, and tapping the right side of his temple with his index finger—“You see, it’s this engineer mind of mine that works its own way, that I sometimes have a hard time translating into every day language for others to comprehend.”
I wanted to say, “Well, they say a true genius can transform the most complex concept into something simple that the average person can comprehend.”
However, I simply replied the usual, silent response “Whatever dude,” because I didn’t have the energy to deal with him anymore.
By the way, he’s apparently not an engineer.
So why was I so judgmental about this aspect that likes to convince others that it has an engineer mind? Update of insights and realization in part 9 of this post series.
Like our manager said, if he was genuinely interested in the company, he would take a little time to actually come by the office more often (and not just once in a very blue moon), and take the initiative to learn how things work (to be of better help to his wife’s company).
But he’d rather brag, via emails and in-person, about all the technical information he’s so knowledgeable about, and all his previous accomplishments in business, like making cell phones, etc. (though there’s apparently nothing to show for it).
During my interview with the owner, her husband, and the manager, he smiled a big smile while leaning back in his chair, and said that he was basically the Operations Manager.
As soon as I saw the owner’s uncomfortable facial expression and non-verbal cues—that seemed to telepathically communicate to her husband, “Please stop talking”—I strongly sensed that he was full of it.
Turns out, he often was full of it (according to various observations), and he’s not anything close to this position.
So why was I so judgmental about this aspect that pretends it’s something that it’s not? Update of insights and realization in part 9 of this post series.
Once, he said that if a new test phase failed, it would be on the Angel Guides since it was their idea [it wasn’t]; and then added, “But don’t tell them I said that.” [I did]
Shortly after he said this, the most professional, optimistic, positive, kind, informative, and helpful Angel Guide—who’s also a Master Practitioner and used to be the actual Operations Manager—asked if the office staff knew whose idea it was to start an experiment phase on one of our systems’ scheduling methods.
That’s when I asked, “Wasn’t it the Angel Guides’ idea?” to which she replied, “No,” and then asked why I thought so; so I told her what he told me.
She then said with a smile, “He can really act like a child at times [probably referring to his habit of talking bad about Angel Guides behind their back (and I’m sure others as well), and maybe even him lying], but we still love him.”
“Do we? Let’s ponder this,” is what I would ask and then suggest to her, if I could go back in time and re-live that moment.
I wondered, so I asked another coworker why this Angel Guide (AG)/Master Practitioner (MP) was no longer the Operations Manager, when it seemed like she would’ve been outstanding at her job.
To my great surprise, the owner let her go after accusing her of stealing some money—around $2000 that went missing (though other people had access to handling money as well, like her own husband and our manager).
It seemed like it was way outside of this AG/MP’s character, though I didn’t know her that well.
And my coworker informed me that it wasn’t true, and she was confident about this since she’s been good friends with this AG/MP for several years.
Granted, there was apparently another problem during that timeframe. For a year or so, someone was responsible for sending the Trustpilot link to customers who had a retreat, but that didn’t happen; so they blamed this AG/MP (as though she didn’t have enough on her huge plate).
I suppose there was no oversight from the owner or her husband. Speaking of which, nobody knew what his role was within his wife’s company, though he claimed to be the Operations Manager.
Perhaps he was this position in his own la-la land world within a very distant galaxy; but in this particular physical reality, he didn’t do any actual managing of operations.
Even the owner made a joke once, in front of the office staff, that she didn’t know what he did.
The manager later added that he hangs out at bars during the day, and likes to drink and watch sports; the latter was confirmed the weekend after Christmas of ’19.
But that story, and others, will be shared in part 8 of this post series.
According to our manager, his social media displayed other fancy, non-existing positions as well.
A true friend from high school—where I graduated from almost 30 years ago—once made a great point about social media back in 2008.
He said, “Anyone can be anyone on Facebook”; meaning, it’s not exactly fully reliable information.
And I add, especially when it comes to how truly happy people claim they are in their written posts, pics of all the material collections, pics of vacations, many selfies, etc.
Apparently, the AG/MP was very upset with the accusation; so I wondered why she chose to stay at this company, and work for an owner who made such a false accusation without any room for finding out what actually happened; but then again, I wasn’t there, so I don’t know all the facts.
When I expand my consciousness—become more aware, and further open mind and heart to integrated Mind/Heart—I realize that he’s often this way because of what’s hidden underneath all the loud trumpet blowing, being two-faced, and having the need to blame others.
This is a human being (a deeply wounded soul)—whom I can relate to from similar experiences to varying degrees—who is very insecure, and lacks self-love (to include self-respect, self-trust, self-confidence, self-esteem, etc.).
This is due to false, society-conditioned beliefs since childhood that: he isn’t worthy, he needs to be an inauthentic chameleon in order to be accepted by and survive within a community (and feel safe), and he’s powerless.
Because a truly confident man (and woman):
- has no need or desire to be very arrogant and brag excessively (though sharing is beneficial)
- is open-minded enough to actively listen to others
- is open-hearted enough to be compassionate towards others
- is empowered enough to bring people together, and even encourage teamwork
- is willing to own so-called mistakes and failures.
Granted, the aspect of arrogance has its Divine purpose and benefits, just like all other neutral aspects of the whole, full-potential, Multidimensional self/Self.
And I trust that the exalted states (and gifts) of these so-called unacceptable, unsavory, “negative” shadow aspects can be used wisely in Divine perfect timing and order, while not allowing them to uncontrollably take over the entire ship (whole self).
Side Note: Exalted states of negative shadow aspects shared by Teal Swan, and the gifts of negative shadow aspects shared by Vicki Howie within their YouTube videos
I’ve been blessed to experience the extreme degree of this state, and shared related stories about my biological father (whom I met in my mid-thirties), in the posts series that included, “My First Encounter with a Narcissist” (an unbelievable, new experience).
Despite the inaccurate title of this post, I didn’t realize until later, that this wasn’t my first encounter or new experience.
I was very familiar with this way of being (my biological mother); I just didn’t know the word to describe it (until my late thirties).
And like the owner’s husband, my biological parents were also the extreme versions of this way of being (deeply wounded souls).
The following is a related section from part 4 of this recent post series (a great reminder):
The narcissist aspect—that exists within all of us to varying degrees (like the gaslighting aspect and all other neutral aspects that have a Divine purpose)—has sporadically showed up in my reality (in its extreme version) several times over the decades, starting with my biological mother.
And the narcissist aspect has literally pushed me near the edge of life to love myself more—to find a harmonious balance between the solar plexus chakra of the healthy version of ego individuality, and the heart chakra of loving interconnected others/Life within this world and way beyond.
I’ve learned the importance of unconditional love for self (though I haven’t mastered it yet)—that’s underrated by general society—because we cannot truly give to others from an empty cup, since self/others is One.
Because, if you’ve ever experienced interacting with hard-core narcissists, they not only make your life a living hell, but they can also end up unknowingly gifting you with the powerful inner-strength, fiery courage and BOLD determination to have healthier boundaries (part of unconditionally loving whole self more).
Further insights and realization of the narcissist aspect within all of us (to varying degrees) in part 9 of this post series.
I had a strong, gut feeling that the owner was just tolerating her husband and his ways, that often makes one go, “Hmmm.”
They say it takes one to know one, and whoever “they” are, they’re pretty spot on.
I recognized a lot of her verbal and non-verbal cues whenever she was around her husband, and they often mirrored how I was, at times, with my own husband.
Though she was more than likely excited about their marriage in the beginning, he probably revealed more of his shadier, true colors as time went by.
This explains why she didn’t look happy most of the time we saw her—staff meetings and whenever she very briefly stopped by the office, approximately 5-10 minutes per day during the weekdays, though not every day.
At work-related gatherings—an employee’s retirement party, holiday luncheon, Christmas party, etc.—there was plenty of wine; so delightful moments of relaxation, happy talk, smiles and laughter naturally came with it.
At the Christmas party, the owner’s husband had to sneak a bottle of wine away from his wife—that she had under her chair—while she was talking to a couple of Practitioners, because it was apparently enough for the night.
Our personal lives often bleed into our work lives; and what I’ve observed throughout the decades, is that whenever a coworker doesn’t appear happy, often times, something’s stressing them out at home.
Back in 2006, while stationed in Hawaii, my Army First Sergeant at the time (my direct Supervisor)—a mentally and physically strong, black woman—overheard me talking to my husband on the phone.
After I hung up, she gently approached me and mentioned that she noticed a pattern whenever I’m on the phone with him; she said, “You don’t sound happy. Is everything all right?”
It wasn’t, and I told her the truth, since we had been sharing work and personal information and stories with one another for a while.
So who could blame the owner for being unhappy.
Whenever she became frustrated, and tried to express her anger in a healthy manner, he apparently did the stiff “stop” gesture, where he holds his arm straight out (parallel to the ground) and lifts his palm.
When he did this in front of everyone at one of the staff meetings, one of the quiet, lovable, cute coworkers (and older lady) later said with disbelief, ” I do that to my chihuahua! How rude and disrespectful of him!”
I didn’t catch it then, but I wonder if her dog had the same or similar thought, like, “Amiga, I KNOW you didn’t just give me the paw, I mean hand! That’s SO rude and disrespectful of you…don’t talk to me right now….unless you’re gonna cook me some bacon.”
The owner’s husband actually confessed at the last staff meeting I attended, that him and his wife recently went through a phase where he often snapped at her, whenever she walked into his office (at home), which then made her cry one day.
Though I could effortlessly imagine him being an @$$ to her, I strongly sensed it was exaggerated because he was trying to make a point that would help out the office staff (since there was some head-butting going on).
To my great surprise, the owner admitted that she was highly sensitive for the first time, though a couple of weeks prior to that day, she was making fun of the most experienced Retreat Coordinator (an older lady) for being highly sensitive.
She asked me and another coworker, “Do you know that I gave her a free retreat [with healing sessions] for several days? And instead of it helping her, it made her worse. Now she’s walking around acting like a twat.” [i.e., causing everyone to walk on eggshells due to her throwing up the “I’m highly sensitive” card, while saying and doing whatever she felt like that’s insensitive, to include being very passive-aggressive at times). By the way, I had to look up what a twat is at home].
I actually heard from the most experienced coworker herself that the owner had gifted her a retreat (which was a surprise even then).
But when the owner confirmed this, it further opened my eyes—especially after other issues with this coworker.
I started to strongly believe in the healing power of our spiritual retreats, and even did a pretty good job of convincing very skeptical, potential customers—who had a lot of questions about spirituality in general—to come to our retreats.
But I think that faith faded a bit, though I trust that they’re still pretty helpful, at least much more than a lot of belief systems and religions that seem to be much more limiting; and perhaps some folks need much more than a single retreat of healing sessions.
At this particular staff meeting, I had my opportunity to share some expanded perspectives about being highly sensitive (sinceI am too).
I mentioned that I don’t like it when people dismiss or ridicule highly sensitive people, since I and others are one, and because it can be a highly beneficial gift for self and others.
The message right above was mainly for C______ (the main scheduler) who said she couldn’t deal with “You sensitive people” (mentioned in part 4 of this post series).
But I continued…at the same, just because we’re sensitive, it doesn’t make it right for us to expect everyone else to walk on eggshells around us, while we say or do whatever the hell we want that’s insensitive.
But rather, it’s also about being cognizant of, and respecting other’s needs, preferences, feelings, expressions, etc.
The second part of the message, right above, was for the most experienced Retreat Coordinator (RC), since she, too, is highly sensitive, but had a tendency to exactly what I stated (details of improvement in part 7 of this post series).
To my great surprise, as I was finishing what I was saying, I saw an almost teary, deep, soulful eye contact from the owner that came with a look of…disbelief, wonder, or awe perhaps? (or maybe, “This b!+ch is CRAzy!”??)
It was the most gentle, authentic, vulnerable, innocent, beautiful, and heartfelt expression I had ever seen on her face; I just wanted to give her a bear hug.
Our manager said that the owner was a workaholic and alcoholic, and unfortunately, both seemed to be true; however, I’ve chosen to let go of judging these ways of being.
Why? Because I know what these states are like, since I, too, was a workaholic and semi-alcoholic while in the Army, a hard-core alcoholic (and heavy smoker of Marlboro Reds) during my early twenties, and then carried the remnants of these habits throughout my adult life.
Meaning, there were still days that I worked longer hours that I needed to (though not daily like before), I occasionally smoked whenever I felt really stressed, and while I usually don’t have more than three drinks (wine or beer), I never did quit drinking.
These states more than likely stem from wanting the relief from some degree of stress or anxiety (i.e., wanting to get stuff done at work, and wanting to feel more relaxed at social gatherings); and that’s okay.
I trust that they key is not to allow work and alcohol to take over you to the point where you habitually feel lost, powerless, and out of control.
Perhaps the owner was so unhappy, that she just didn’t care about a lot of things; I completely get that too.
It initially bothered me that she didn’t even seem to care about her employees.
I wondered if it was due to the fact that there was a high turnover rate; but perhaps the high turnover rate stemmed from the mostly gloomy office ambience (which starts from her).
Even after working there for five months, not once did she stop by to see how things were going with the new employee (me), though she would say a quick, hi—that went with the quick, half-smile—and other work-related, small talk with the office ( mostly of what went wrong).
Even the CEO of Hilton Bell Rock took a very brief moment to ask how the new employee was doing after a few months of working there.
However, when I shift my perspective—and choose to expand my individual and collective consciousness—I can further open this experience like an oyster, and receive the invaluable, rare gift that it’s ready to give.
I’m reminded that we can only generously give to others what we truly believe we have an abundance of, and this is especially the case for Unconditional/True Love (our core essence which is unlimited).
Therefore, it’s important to ensure we fill our cup—by recognizing what already exists within—so that it can overflow to interconnected Life within this world and beyond.
So from the limited, 3D human perspective, the unhealed version of my ego self feels disappointed by an owner not showing interest in her own employee, and that’s completely understandable.
However, from an unlimited, 5D+ multidimensional perspective, I—as the healthy version of ego self who’s in alignment with Spirit within as an Adviser on human matters—is overflowing with Unconditional Love energy; hence, I don’t need to get this from the outside, though it’s always welcomed and appreciated when freely and truly given.
The owner’s husband did mention that I was doing a good job at some point, but it came off feeling a bit off.
And he knew this about himself; hence, he once prefaced his sentence with, “I know this comes off creepy, but…,” [related to him wanting to record only my phone conversations with customers, and listen to them afterwards, while using the excuse 5 months later that it was due to me being new].
Apparently, one of the Retreat Coordinators who didn’t last long at the company (a young female), left for lunch one day—during the first week on the job—and never returned.
The last thing she told the office staff before leaving was that the owner’s husband was creepy.
Maybe that’s where he got the “creepy” adjective from, since our manager said that she told this to the owner, and the owner probably got on his ass.
One evening, when I was the only one left on shift, he stopped by the office (though I don’t recall why).
As he was getting ready to head to the door to leave, he paused for a moment, turned around, and came back to my desk.
He then shared a personal story that happened during his teenage years back at his small, home town—which seemed more like the subtle revealing of a dark secret (without actually saying it), followed by a confession.
In a nutshell, he said that using his imagination, he often envisioned leaving the Catholic church and the tiny town he grew up in, to explore the big world.
He even looked forward to this dream, and was determined to make it come true NO MATTER WHAT (the latter of which he passionately emphasized).
What was really strange—because I don’t recall ever experiencing this before—is that I strongly sensed the unspoken part of that story at the end.
He seemed to be explaining his reason why he was with his wife (and not necessarily because of “true love”).
I wondered if there was some degree of guilt and/or shame within him; hence the very act of at least expressing it—even in a roundabout way—somewhat helped to alleviate the inner discomfort, pain, and/or suffering.
Further insights and realization of the con artist aspect within all of us (to varying degrees) in part 9 of this post series.
I then had flashbacks of what the owner and our office staff had shared at different times—that he often wanted to go explore places, and even the owner once said that it was sometimes too much.
Our Manager surprisingly said something nice about the owner for once.
She said that the owner hardly ever took vacation time off before she met her husband.
However, since then, because he often convinced her to balance work with fun, they went on several vacations throughout the year; and our manager was happy for the owner.
So depending on one’s perspective—fear-based, love-based, or neutral—he could be tolerating and using his wife, and/or he could love her and be a good influence in her life.
I have a feeling it’s a combination of all of it, and much more (though I didn’t realize it then, due to my concern for the owner).
Because even though our human nature, lives, and relationships can be simple at times, it’s often very complex with many energetic layers, extensions, dimensions, shapes, colors, depth, aspects, etc..
And if they’re both overall happy, I suppose it doesn’t really matter what the logical reasons and perceptions are.
I truly hope that he doesn’t have any hurtful ulterior motives when it comes to his wife’s company and their relationship; and if he does, I’m going to trust that he’ll have a change of heart for his, and everyone else’s sake.
Despite his seemingly questionable character, he, like everyone else, has his own share of positive qualities.
For instance, at parties, he goes out of his way to ensure that there’s enough food and drinks for everyone, that the dishes are done (he helps with this), and that his wife doesn’t drink too much.
When the office staff sporadically had technical issues with one our systems, he ensured that he contacted the appropriate people to fix the problems, and consistently provided follow emails to keep us informed.
And he seemed to do his best to portray a very positive persona.
However, every now and then, glimpses of bright rays of light shined through in authentic ways, which was then heartfelt.
I have no doubt this is his True Self/Soul.
Continuing..
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