Intro
This post is the untold light and dark parts of the story continuing from the subtitle, “Gradually Accepting Being Highly Sensitive” within post, “Embracing a Setback to Set Forward.”
By the way, the story under the subtitle above provides the basic background for the story below.
I intuitively knew that I would one day share this information (aka uplifting and/or mind-expanding Light) and wisdom (Love), but I didn’t for a little over three years.
I trust this was due to being unable to accept certain aspects within myself; hence, I was unable to accept these aspects within another (i.e., the so-called “bad” aspects within my former, Army co-worker/co-instructor SSG Clean, who looked like bald Mr. Clean on cleaning products).
Note: Image on right above found next to this link => Pinterest (thank you)
One day, SSG Clean and I were in the monitor room, where you can see every student interrogation booth through video cameras.
SSG Clean said with a serious facial expression that he was going to check one of the booths for something.
A couple of minutes later, I noticed him dancing in one of the booths while looking straight into the camera and smiling. He had one his arms out, and another on the back of his head, while shaking his ass and rotating in a circle.
I busted out laughing because I had never seen that side of him; plus, it was hilarious!
Again, imagine Mr. Clean with small, light gold glasses and wearing ACU’s (Army Combat Uniform); then visualize him dancing all silly in an interrogation booth where “serious business” is practiced over and over again.
When he returned soon after, I still couldn’t stop smiling. I told him that he dances pretty good for a white guy, and he proudly said that he was doing the Sprinkler Dance, which I had never heard of before.
Another time, after class, and on our way back to the office building, I started tip-toeing like a cat. It had rained earlier, and there were puddles everywhere.
I didn’t want to get my new, suede, tan boots dirty, so I cautiously walked on dry spots. However, when we came upon a big puddle, I came to a quick halt.
While very briefly thinking about another route, my battle bud swiftly lifted me up, with his arms underneath my back and knees, and then gently placed me down on dry ground.
It happened so fast that he took me by surprise. Although the female warrior side of me wanted to resist his help, the accepting feminine side of me admired the chivalrous aspect of him; I thanked him.
I had never experienced being picked up like that before, and when I did see it happen in movies—usually between romantic couples—I thought it was sweet.
The funny thing about such precious memories is that they seem to transmute (raise the vibrational frequency of whatever or whoever) other memories that may not seem so pleasant.
As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I’ve noticed a pattern that a lot of people I cross paths with (to include strangers) have a tendency to share very personal stories, to include ones that may be labeled as taboo to general society.
I share certain stories—under false names—because I trust there’s a lesson(s) that can be learned from doing so for self, and whoever happens to cross paths with this space in Divine perfect timing and order.
SSG Clean had shared a couple of stories that initially made me wonder why he was doing so. Oh, he went there alright, deep into the abyss.
In a nutshell, he had apparently dated an Army warrant officer at some point. Though the relationship, like most, was hot at the beginning, it eventually spiraled down.
History has shown that a solely lust-centered attraction isn’t a strong foundation—as shown with many failed relationships within humanity that’s based on conditional love.
Once, while he was driving, they got into an argument. His girlfriend took his glasses off of him, and then slowly crushed them with one hand.
As he was describing how baffled and scared he was during those heated moments, I did my best to refrain from smiling or busting out a laugh.
It’s just that he’s such a big guy who looks so intimating, it’s hard to imagine him being all terrified of a smaller woman.
Apparently, this type of drama went on throughout the rest of the relationship, until SSG Clean couldn’t take it anymore.
He claimed that after he broke up with her, he went to her house to pick up the remainder of his stuff. I don’t recall all the very specific details of the story, but he basically found her dead; she had committed suicide by shooting herself in a tub.
I had some strange feelings throughout his entire story, and I had no doubt that I wasn’t the only one.
When SSG Clean was sharing this passionate story, it was during our 1.5 hour lunch with one of our civilian co-instructors.
He was an older man who appeared as though he was in his sixties with his mostly white hair, mustache and beard. He not only looked the part, but he was always a very personable and professional gentleman—I’ll name him Mr. Cool since he often came off calm, cool, and collected.
Anyway, during certain red flag moments of SSG Clean’s story, Mr. Cool and I made eye contact, and there seemed to be this unspoken, telepathic agreement that we should both press the silent BULLshit button.
We learned that day that SSG Clean was a former MP (Military Police), prior to changing his MOS (military job) to 97E (Human Intelligence Collector/Interrogator).
This explained why he was able to go into such precise detail as to how he thought his girlfriend went about killing herself, to include the matching locations of the bullet holes in the wall.
After discovering her dead body, going into shock, and then calling the police, he was able to talk to them without ending up overly suspicious.
Although my logical mind didn’t have solid proof, my intuition whispered that something was way off true north.
I wondered why SSG Clean would bother sharing such a story that would normally be considered ancient Chinese secret.
Perhaps he was able to further convince himself of what had happened in his own mind by attempting to convince others of this shady story.
We never talked about that story again, but SSG Clean shared another one that seemed to confirm my mixed feelings about him.
Once, during his leave (military vacation), SSG Clean went to a ranch to meet his friend. As soon as he approached him and his horse, the horse panicked and kicked SSG Clean’s leg.
He ended up with a compound fracture, with parts of his lower leg bone or bones (tibia and/or fibula) protruding out. He said it was the most excruciating pain he’s ever felt in his entire life.
He was apparently angry at the horse for kicking him for no good reason, but I had a strong feeling that the horse had sensed some dense energies from SSG Clean; hence, merely reacted to his low, vibrational frequency.
In addition to that horrible incident, he had a minor heartache sometime later as well.
Logically, it was due to his diet of much red meat and potatoes; however, I trust that it was ultimately caused by his blocked heart chakra.
A belief became a conviction due to a recent incident with an old friend, and past incidents within the post series, “The Strange Increase of Death and Disease Showing Up” (Parts 1-13) that I haven’t completed yet.
I don’t recall thinking about this at that time, but perhaps SSG Clean had a very rough childhood that he didn’t heal from at all; hence, all the repressed and suppressed hurt, anger, possible trauma, and inner suffering were starting to gradually overflow like lava from a once dormant volcano.
I’ve noticed that when we continue to not notice, not acknowledge, ignore, deny, reject, and/or not embrace our inner, wounds (especially the ones from childhood), they manifest in our outer reality as so-called “others.”
I trust these are shadow (unknown) aspects of ourselves trying to get our attention in order to be finally noticed, acknowledged, transmuted with love energy (in the form of deep compassion), and healed.
When I expand my perspective (consciousness) even further, I realize that SSG Clean was ultimately mirroring back to me aspects within myself that needed to be healed as well.
Though I haven’t had experiences like his—like a lover “committing suicide” after a breakup, and getting injured buy a horse—maybe I did in a past life that I don’t recall (and that needed to be healed in this lifetime).
Or perhaps another way to perceive the situation is symbolically.
The themes guilt, shame and the need to blame are what needs to be released (or transmuted through the Love Frequency—the most powerful force known to existence).
Despite the mixed feelings I experienced with various aspects of SSG Clean—within the ONE spectrum of extreme dark to extreme light, and fear energy to love energy—I don’t think I considered him good or bad, but a combination of it all.
Even though we had our differences, and he shared some crazy-ass stories, I didn’t dislike or hate him, though I believed I was officially on his crap list. I just became used to no longer interacting with him; it felt more neutral.
To my great surprise, on the first day of my own class, SSG Clean stopped by before leaving the unit and told my class how fortunate they were to have a great instructor.
I thanked him with a smile, and I saw him in a different light that day. Though we didn’t sit down, talk things through, and verbally forgive one another, it’s as if we had an understanding that all is well between us.
Looking back, I realize that my experiences with SSG Clean gave me a golden opportunity to explore various aspects of a human being—ranging from very fear-based to very loving, all within the Love frequency.
Whatever he happened to do that’s unloving to an interconnected other in the past is his own path, life lessons he will eventually learn as a soul.
This includes unconditionally forgiving himself at some point, whether in this lifetime or another. I trust that the same applies to all of us, to include non-human beings.
As humans, we often easily find fault in others for many reasons, and then place them into categories, but how often do we look for the so-called “good” in others as an overall, whole soul/person?
For instance, in the comedy TV shows, The Big Bang Theory and Frasier, both characters Sheldon and Frasier himself can be considered unacceptable by society—especially if they were real-life people—due to being narcissistic (Sheldon) and having an over inflated ego (Frasier).
And there are times when it is very challenging to like them despite the shows (more of the latter) having stimulating dialogue, interesting characters, good to great themes, the incorporation of wisdom, as well as being witty and hilarious.
However, I noticed that when I’m reminded of why they’re narcissistic and super ego-inflated at times—having been very different throughout childhood and not feeling unconditionally accepted by society—-then I’m able to feel compassion for them.
I trust that whether it’s the fictional characters in shows like these, or actual, real-life people, the more they experience unconditional acceptance/love for themselves and from interconnected others—while others also maintain healthy boundaries for themselves— the less they’ll have a need to be very selfish and lacking self-esteem.
In addition, there are also aspects of Sheldon and Frasier (among others like Wolowitz and Niles), that are very loving and lovable, and everything in-between.
Granted, they’re TV shows, but they seem to be overall exaggerated versions of humanity (that also represent some people pretty accurately) in order to prove many points that humans may not be aware of at all.
Note: Images above found next to links => 1) Pinterest 2) Stand Alone (thank you all)
I noticed that whenever I follow Divine guidance (intense feeling at heart center and intuition) and speak from my heart—although my fearful ego-self may initially resist (due to wanting to be “acceptable” to society)—amazing things follow.
Had SSG Clean and I never had that heated argument, I would’ve never had the chance to see, yet, another aspect of him.
In addition, I would’ve never had the experience of some of my peers approaching me after that argument, and then thanking me for speaking my mind (higher mind) and representing well at the instructors’ meeting.
And last but not, I wouldn’t be writing this post today if it wasn’t for that so-called “bad” argument (a blessing in disguise).
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