As shared in a recent post, one of the encouraging, uplifting, empowering, healing, inspiring, and/or consciousness expanding courses that I’m currently taking is “Mastery of Connections” with very wise, humorous, and fun Mat Schaffer.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

And this afternoon, I noticed a Facebook group notification that I had received three replies for a comment I had shared the other day, where I felt safe to share my deepest challenges when it comes to releasing old beliefs (that no longer serve us), and creating new, beneficial beliefs instead (since we were informed that it’s safe to share, and highly encouraged to do so).

The first reply is as follows:

That is a lot to have on your shoulders. I’d say something like “you can do it” or “love yourself” but it’s going to take a lot more than that. Thank you for sharing the story with us. ❤️

[By the way, I saw that her fb profile photo was of her and two, young kids, and I thought, I hope she doesn’t say something like that to her own kids—or even other family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc.—if they were to ever experience much adversity in life.]

My 1st reply to her:

Thank you _____. I’ve actually been doing inner work for all energy bodies—mental (to develop an optimistic outlook) emotional (to unconditionally love more neutral aspects of WHOLE self/Self), physical (to be healthier), and spiritual (to unconditionally embrace and even love interconnected Life)—for over a decade so far, so I trust that I can do it. What I’ve shared was only an overview of a portion of what’s happened; but I did not share it because I choose to be stuck in victim mentality, or for another to pity me. I shared it in case it helps others to have hope as well.

[I then replied to the two, kind comments (further below), before sharing two, additional comments with her]

My 2nd reply to to the first comment:

After the first reply, I noticed how I was still feeling, so I chose to honor my authentic state, and fully express myself with transparent and tactful honesty. I realized that your mixed message comment can actually make someone hopeless if they were in a very fragile state. Because the truth is, unconditionally loving WHOLE self is the ultimate solution, because when we fill our inner cup (Heart), it effortlessly overflows to others, and then, one CAN do it, and can be UNSTOPPABLE. I knew I could use some help with the topics of beliefs and relationships, so that’s why I’m here. Perhaps uplifting and inspiring others isn’t your forte, and that’s fine, as long as you discern what to share. Your comment very briefly made me wish I hadn’t shared my deepest challenges.

My 3rd and last reply to to the first comment:

last comment: I realized that you triggered me with your comment, that more than likely wasn’t intended to make me feel hopeless about my life, and that I needed to do way more inner work than I’ve already been doing for so long, which can feel so overwhelming. And from what I’ve learned so far from this helpful course, the trigger stems from the belief that when I choose to be deeply vulnerable, I will be judged as abnormal – which originates from my childhood experiences of sharing my vulnerable self with my parents, and receiving insensitive comments like, “what the hell are you crying about now?!” “you’re way too sensitive!” and “something’s wrong with her.” So I choose to continue fully OWNING whatever shows up in my outer world, that’s merely mirroring my inner world.

The two, kind replies:

“Thank you for your vulnerability and openness, Barbara,” to which I replied, “Thank you ____. I shared with _____ [first commenter] my intention for sharing.”

“Well ! If it is any relief honey, you’re not alone. Ty for sharing your story! I feel myself in you! Love you braveheart. And you deserve all the healing there is, you deserve to see the calmer moments. I pray for you, sending you love and good wishes.”

I replied to the above comment, “Thank you _____for your kind words. I trust that releasing old beliefs, and creating beneficial new ones, will help my situation. I also shared with _____ [first commenter] my intention for sharing. I wish you much healing as well.🙏🏼💖💗💓💕”

Further Insights

I realized that I’ve been able to share so much of my inner world via this blog for over a decade, because I felt safe to freely and fully express myself.

To my great surprise, I only recall receiving one negative comment throughout all these years, when I thought I would get bombarded with many, to include people judging me as super CRAzy and coo coo for Cocoa Puffs.

[Forgot to mention before: Granted, I think you have to log onto WordPress.org to leave a comment, so this is the more than likely reason why I haven’t received that many negative comments, though I sporadically receive positive ones that are not spam.] 

When I first started blogging (about a decade or so ago), this guy basically left a comment that he had checked out my blog to see if I had good content, and was disappointed that I was just whining.

So rather than react to this situation from fear, I chose to check myself, be fully honest, and then embrace his feedback—though he could’ve shared constructive criticism minus the harshness— and do better gaining more wisdom from my past experiences.

To be fair to myself, I think he went off of one post where I came off whining; because when I started blogging, it was with the intention to share and help self and others, and not just to complain, bitch and moan.

However COMMA I admit, there were moments of frustration, anger, and even rage when I felt stuck and powerless (trapped in victim mentality and separation consciousness).

I could’ve easily hid these “wrong”/”bad”/”undesirable”/”negative”/unacceptable” parts of self, but I chose to be authentic (to the best of my ability), and I don’t regret it.

I prefer to Be full-potential, Multidimensional, WHOLE self/Self, than only “right” and “good” (only one side of the whole coin). 

Thanks to the first commenter mentioned above, I was able to get a further taste of what many bloggers and YouTubers have shared that they’ve experienced (i.e., subtle insensitive through downright mean commenters, to include the extreme trolls, and even death threats apparently).

When I found out about that, I felt very grateful that I hardly have any traffic to my blog, and I don’t have to deal with that kind of heavy/dense/low-vibration drama, that doesn’t feel right/light/true to my Heart.

But then again, I need to remember why I even started blogging in the first place, which is to help, not only self, but others as well.

So if this means that if 100 people read my blog, and I receive 99 negative comments, but, yet, end up helping 1 person (whether they provide feedback or not), then it’s totally worth it.

Because there have been times in my life, where I felt SO HOPELESS, and I’d end up crossing paths with some loving Soul—whether in person or online (via a blog, website, YouTube video, etc.)—and s/he would share their authenticity, unconditional kindness, profound wisdom, encouragement, upliftment, empowerment, and/or inspiration, and they would give me the invaluable gift of hope and optimism to move forward in Life,

In addition, I realize that the more I explore the vast, deep, and dark (unknown) oceans of humanity—especially while performing open-mic comedy at times, and potentially doing a future TEDx Talk—I need to be FULLY READY for UNacceptance and UNapproval from people, and be completely okay with that; since what matters most is that I  UNconditionally accept/approve of/embrace/love myself first and foremost.

I also need to be FULLY READY for something NEW that I may also fear at a deeper level; and that is something that I haven’t been habitually used to since childhood—an ABUNDANCE of Unconditional Love, which must start from within, so that my full, inner cup/Heart then effortlessly overflows to interconnected Life within this world and beyond, and it naturally circles back, since ultimately, we are ONE.

The most memorable experience I ever had of that was when I was in high school 30 years ago (during summer hire work), and my very kind, American boss and Korean coworkers threw me a surprise birthday party, which gifted me with an unforgettable, priceless experience, recorded in post, “Tears of Joy”.

It was so deeply heartfelt because I had experienced the CONTRAST of that experience before, where my parents seemed to not care to celebrate anything I accomplished during that timeframe, to include my birth (since the doctors initially said that I was briefly brown and dead, though I’m Japorean).

Anyhoo, after I thanked the above mentioned guy for the helpful feedback—I think I also mentioned that the could be tactful next time—I haven’t received a negative comment since then; and I chose to trust that it was due to my heart-based intention to embrace whatever shows up, and my willingness to SEE (with clarity) the silver lining.

Update

8/21/21

I noticed the following fb notification last night from the first commenter mentioned in this post, and she replied:

I am really so sorry. I mean it like, it’s easy for some random reader in cyberspace to make one of those comments and just brush off what you said, but I know that your heart needs a lot more support than just responses like that. I was trying to acknowledge that you have been through a lot and words alone would not be enough. Again, I am truly sorry.

I replied to her:

Thank you _____ , I appreciate your apology that feels sincere. I, too, apologize about jumping to the conclusion that your strengths probably aren’t upliftment and inspiration, since I don’t know you like that. I’m reminded that miscommunication happens. I was able to see the bigger picture minutes after my 2nd reply to you, in 3rd reply below. I hope we can both learn some great stuff while in this course. Have a good night.

What still amazes me is that I’ve been using Jamye Price’s “Cosmic Consciousness Ascension Deck” for over a year now, and the cards I’ve selected each time have matched and greatly helped my personal experiences, which I’ve recorded in my journals, in my phone notes, and also shared within this bog.

Recently, I chose the card, “PLEIADES EXPANDING: CONNECTION,” shortly after I started the online “Mastery of Connections” course with Mat Schaffer; again, it appears to be working like MAGIC. ^_^ And I’ve shared this with Jamye since it’s important for her to receive such feedback confirmations of her heart-centered, creative work.