Intro to God

Intro to God

My mother often reminded me that I was a mirror image of my real father, and how she couldn’t stand me. She also said things like, “Bitches likes you need to die!” She was usually mean (verbally and/or physically abusive) when she was drunk and/or angry with my dad (the one who raised me since I was three years old). When I was 17 years old, after high school, I finally left home (Korea). The initial plan was to attend the University of California, Riverside and live with my step-brother Ron and his Korean wife (since they lived near the university). At the airport, I quickly waved goodbye to my mother and didn’t look back. I didn’t know whether to cry because I was going to miss her, or be relieved that I didn’t have to deal with her abuse anymore.

It’s been twenty years now since my mother’s lived alone. I went to Korea to visit her and my Korean relatives every now and then, but we never lived together since 1991. She continues to mention to me, to this day, how much she misses me and yearns to live with me again. I politely agree, “Me to ma”, but I know deep down inside that it probably won’t happen anytime soon. I’m still in the process of healing, and until I’m my whole self, I know it won’t be a good idea to live with her again. I always believed that God rescued me from her, and that was why we were separated for so long. I would’ve completely forgiven her, until God gave me a
sign that she didn’t completely change.

During my most recent visit with her in Korea, in April of this year (2011), something interesting happened.  I apparently said something to her that didn’t sit well with her, so she went into the kitchen, which is right next to her studio-like room, and mumbled, “Bitch.” I immediately said, “I heard you mumble ‘Bitch”, and I’m assuming you were talking about me. Is there a
problem?” She completely denied that she had said that, and that she didn’t have any problems with me. Throughout the remaining few days of my visit, there was an awkward tension between us; hence, I slept most of the time. I also then
realized, that the only difference between then and now is…back then, if she didn’t like what I said, she would just beat me. The only thing that prevents her from beating me now is the fact that she knows I’ll have nothing to do with her.

One time, when I was in my mid-twenties, she continued to try and control my life (over the phone), so I hung up on her. She knew she had pushed me over the edge, because I had never done such a thing, and I had never even raised my voice at her before. So, she actually called me back and apologized, which she had never done before. Anyway, I do realize I have an, abnormal, “love/hate relationship” with my mother, which can be confusing, until I organize my thoughts. A part of me loves her because she’s my mother, she raised me, and she’s is a wonderful person when she’s sober. I also feel obligated to take care of her (Korean
custom) since I’m her only daughter. Plus, I feel sorry for her, because I believe that she, too, was abused verbally, physically, and sexually.

The other part of me despises her with a passion, because she hurt me the most, and she was the most evil person I had ever known (personally) when she was drunk. A part of me would be devastated if she died; yet, the other part of me sometimes wishes that she would die so that she could end her miserable life in the physical world, and her soul could be set free. I would love for her to finally acknowledge God’s existence (even in her heart) so that she can experience her oneness with Him, and feel his unconditional love and magnificence. Although she did mention back in April, that she got hit by a taxi, but didn’t end up injured because she felt something lift her to the side. I knew right away God was looking out for her, and I had a gut feeling that she knew as well. Otherwise, she would’ve said Buddha rescued her (since she’s a so-called Buddhist).

I would tell my mother stories, every now and then, of how God always looked out for me and why I believed in Him. I would explain to her that the God that I know is a spiritual god; one that embraces and loves all of humanity, not just a particular religion or the “Chosen” folks. There are many routes to God, not one is better than the other. I further explained that I used to not understand why a religion would claim that an “All loving” and “Almighty” God wouldn’t allow innocent babies or children (who
never had a chance to know God or be baptized) to enter this so-called heaven. I also didn’t understand why religion claimed that really good souls, like the Dalai Lama, couldn’t enter this so-called heaven as well. It just sounded insane.

Why would anyone want to worship this type of god? I refuse to worship a god who would do that to innocent and good souls. However, it was mankind who had given God these negative HUMAN characteristics (throughout the stories of the bible) such as being needy, failing, judging, angry, afraid, punishing and jealous. Of course, the “God” who I choose to  believe in does not have these negative, human characteristics because A) He’s not human, and B) then he wouldn’t be “Almighty” and “All Loving”. If one truly believes, without a doubt, that God is an “ALMIGHTY” and “ALL LOVING” God, then one would know that He doesn’t have the need or desire to discriminate, but unconditionally loves ALL souls.

One time, on The Larry King show, there was a Southern Baptist, two Rabbis, and a “Jews for Jesus” guy basically debating on the topic, “Southern Baptists say their intention is to share God’s Gospel with members of the Jewish faith. Jews say the aim is
conversation and an insult to their creed. “The following are parts of the  debate:

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KING: So the goal is then you want Jews to convert. What do you want Jews to do? Listen to you and do what?

REV. R. ALBERT MOHLER JR., PRESIDENT, SOUTHERN BAPTIST THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY: Our prayer is that all persons would hear the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ and respond in faith. We believe that the Gospel is for all persons, regardless of any kind of ethnic identity. We believe in sharing the Gospel without any discrimination, and that all persons are in need of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. And it is our responsibility to share that Gospel.

KING: Rabbi Hier, you may disagree, but it’s free speech. He can proselytize. You can listen or not listen. What’s the big deal?

RABBI MARVIN HIER, SIMON WIESENTHAL CENTER: Absolutely. I’ve had plenty of Jehovah witnesses come to my doorstep. This is a free country. The issue here, however, is their methodology. They’re using deception…If you have something to sell, be straight about it. Just say: “We’re trying to sell Christianity. We’re Christians. Here are our Christian symbols.” Don’t adopt somebody else’s — somebody else’s, you know, symbols.

KING: All right. What is the position in this, David, of Jews for Jesus. Well, first, explain that organization, because you’re not Christian, are you? Or are you?

DAVID BRICKNER, JEWS FOR JESUS: Well, we are Jewish people who have come to believe that Jesus is the messiah and the savior of the world, that he died and rose again to pay the penalty for our sins.

KING: What do you think of what the Southern Baptists are doing?

BRICKNER: Well, I’m not a Southern Baptist, as you said.

KING: I know. But what do you think of what they’re doing?

BRICKNER: But I — I’m proud of them. I applaud their efforts, because they care enough to love my Jewish people. And the most
loving thing that you can do is share the love of God in the messiah, Jesus.

KING: So any way they do it is fine as long as they bring that message?

BRICKNER: Well, it’s important for people to be able to appeal to individuals, and a certain way that communicates effectively. And this is not about subterfuge and this is not about appropriating symbols. After all, Jesus himself used Jewish symbols.

KING: Rabbi Boteach, do you agree with Rabbi Hier that they’re using subterfuge, this is wrong?

RABBI SCHMULEY BOTEACH, OXFORD L’CHAIM SOCIETY: Well, I would say, Larry, it goes well beyond using subterfuge. I mean, who would have thought that in a new millennium we are — we would once again see the prevalence of spiritual dictatorship and totalitarianism? I mean, basically the Nazis said there’s a problem with the Jewish body, so let’s find a solution. And these groups are saying there’s a problem with the Jewish soul. We have another solution. It’s called conversion. You have to be like us or we can’t love you. If you’re not like us, you’re going to go to the eternal barbecue. These — this is a nefarious, insipid message, which has led to inquisitions, auto-da-fe, pogroms, expulsions, and ultimately the Holocaust.

KING: Are you against, therefore, any attempt of any religion at conversion? If a religion attempts conversion, is it saying, I’m
better than you?

BOTEACH: I am absolutely against any religion that says that one faith is superior to another. I don’t see how you that is anything different than spiritual racism. It’s a way of saying that we are closer to God than you, and that’s what leads to hatred. And far from it being — this is not just something which is innocent. You know, 2,000 years of Christian anti-Judaism led directly to racial antisemitism. It culminated in the Holocaust. And real honest Christian scholars are now looking back at Christian theology and saying that verses like Matthew that say that the Jews took upon themselves the blood, or John, which says that children — that Jews are the children of the devil, prepared to the bidding of their father at any time, have to re-examine, reinterpret it and reapply, because too many Jews have suffered. I mean, I find Reverend Mohler’s comments…

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However, when Larry later asked one of them if they thought the Dalai Lama was not going to heaven, there was a silence at first.
Why? Because he knew, at some very deep level in his soul, what the truth was. Then the Baptist answered Larry’s question:

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KING: So therefore the Dalai Lama — Mohatma Gandhi is not in heaven?

MOHLER: All I know is that the only way to heaven is through personal faith and belief in the Lord Jesus Christ Savior, and…

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In Korea, there are some religious fanatics who are infamous for going to the extremes with their desperate, recruiting methods. They’ll just come up to you out of the blue, in the middle of town, and start shouting for you to convert, or pass out flyers. Or, they’ll deceive you by pretending that they’re interesting in forming a friendship; and as soon as they find out some basic information about you, they’ll immediately ask you to come to their church. If you politely refuse, they’re no longer your friend.
This type of act is actually a turn off; and if anything, it more than likely drives people away from Christian religion. So, I can understand why my mother has a negative view about what she refers to as “church” people. Granted, I informed her that there are good, religious Christians out there. It’s just that sometimes, some of us, don’t have a lot of faith in God, although we assign Him such wonderful descriptions as “Almighty” and “ALL Loving”.