Note: I dedicate this post to my inner-child who has attempted suicide in the past (related short stories at bottom of this post), to my cousin Myung-Jee who had committed suicide while in high school, and all other interconnected souls who have had similar experiences

Within a month ago, I was drawn to watch an episode of SuperSoul Sunday—where Oprah interviews Tony Robbins and his wife—though it’s been a while since I tuned into this space.

As usual, I like to follow my Heart as I go with the flow of Life, and regardless of earthly labels (i.e., the polarities of good vs bad, right vs wrong, up vs down, etc.), I do whatever I feel like doing, and simply Be authentic self.

I’ve noticed a pattern throughout my life, that whenever I do follow Spirit’s guidance from within, everything falls perfectly into place—I have an invaluable and even enjoyable experience, learn something new, expand my perspective and how I feel about something (which helps to integrate mind and heart), gain wisdom, and receive a message from Spirit (literally or symbolically).

I’m grateful that I chose not to write a post soon after seeing this show, because my anger might have clouded my good judgment, and I may have said some things that didn’t exactly stem from loving energies.

Again, I followed my Heart at the time, cooled down, gathered insights, and I now trust that my expression comes from a state of balance and harmony (Multidimensional Self/integrated Soul/Spirit within) rather than from my strictly, fearful ego self.

Though I don’t know a lot about Tony Robbins, I’ve had an overall good feeling about him from the small amount of information that learned about him in the past—mainly him being a very positive motivator to many within society.

I also enjoyed his brief role in the soul-touching and hilarious movie, Shallow Hal, where the most heartfelt scene to me was—mini SPOILER ALERT—when Hal realized (after being dehypnotized by the character played by Tony) that the children he had been visiting while ‘blind’ were actually patients who had been severely burnt; and when Hal was able to see the beauty in them, it was a priceless moment.

However, the more I watched this show, SuperSoul Sunday, there were moments where I had this not so pleasant feeling throughout, which even led to anger.

I was actually surprised to see a darker (i.e. unknown, not “bad”) side of Tony who seemed to be other than his usual gentle yet assertive (but not aggressive), very open-minded, deeply understanding, big-hearted, unconditionally loving, very confident yet humble, and wise self.

I’m all about being aggressive when it’s in the highest benefit of all (and comes from loving intentions), but there’s a time and a place for such moments—like when another can’t seem to comprehend the language of gentle kindness or even assertiveness after more than enough attempts, in which case the familiar energy of aggressiveness seems to work wonders (from personal experiences).

Side Note: Two examples of the above shared toward the end of the post, “A Way To Better Know, Trust and Unconditionally Love Self,” as well as one example in, “Embracing a Setback to Set Forward” under subtitle, “Sharing God’s Miraculous Blessings: Back-to-Back ‘Failures’ Part II.”

In one of the scenes that stemmed from fear rather than love energy—where Oprah showed a clip of Tony’s show (don’t recall title)—the way Tony approached a young man, who was recently suicidal, gave me a flashback to my deployment in Iraq.

I was reminded of some of the habitually aggressive interrogators that I witnessed while working there (regardless of branch of service and three letter agencies).

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from my experience there was that despite the popular myth that aggression works best during interrogations, the most effective method in communicating (and not solely to collect intel)  with some of the hard-core, wounded wounders—detainees who were pretty much immune to aggression due to their surroundings, and who also had their side of the story—was being fully present within them, having loving intentions, being discerning, being willing to actively listen, as well as Being deep understanding, empathy, compassion, unconditional forgiveness, and unconditional acceptance/love.

Side Note: Deployment stories shared in the latter post/link above, as well as, “Expanding Perception of Societal Labels Such as Beautiful, Fascinating and the Standard” (copy and pasted section within that post shared at the very bottom of this post)

I can understand Tony’ concept of triggering a strong emotion in another to make effective change; however, I trust that such situations can be handled in a sensitive, open-minded, and open-hearted manner, especially when another is willing to be vulnerable on national TV.

One’s true words and actions can be more easily concealed on national TV due to being aware of societal expectations on what one should say, and how one should act, in front of others in order to be accepted and approved of by general society.

However, often times, nonverbal cues—to include facial expressions (even micro-expressions), body language, and tone of voice—-will give away how one truly feels.

When Tony approached the young man in an aggressive manner, the immdiate look on the young’s man’s face, especially his eyes, seemed to be of disbelief, betrayal, discomfort and/or hurt.

And I don’t blame him because the young man was more than likely 1) shocked that Tony had put him on the spot the way he did, and 2) feeling that his story was minimized, especially with Tony’s comment about the young’s man’s red shoes possibly being a factor to his suicidal thoughts.

The truth is, there can be many factors as to why a person becomes suicidal, and until we’ve walked not one, few, or even several, but numerous miles in their shoes, we are in no position to judge them in any way, shape or form, or even know (experiential knowledge/wisdom) what’s its like to be them.

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Side Note: I’m grateful to Tony and Oprah for the eye-opening/mind and heart expanding moment below starting with the “Continuing…” subtitle, because I no longer have a desire to watch the SuperSoul Sunday show, or any other related show, again. Strike 2 for this show was when an older African-American woman (didn’t pay attention to her name) ranted about how we must KILL the ego. That info didn’t resonate with me, because deep down, it didn’t feel like the truth, and I later learned from very loving teachers (especially the true Pleiadian teachings) that even our ego self (like EVERYTHING else) has a Divine purpose though it has forgotten (soul amnesia)/”fallen”—due to dropping its soul vibrational frequency from higher spiritual to lower/denser physical (The Divine Masculine God to lower male energy/consciousness)—its core essence (that it is Light). One of the wounded aspects of our soul is called the ego self, and it does its best to help us to survive in this challenging world. This includes doing its best to ensure that we get accepted and approved of by society—hence, its need to habitually suppresses the other aspect of itself, the so-called unacceptable or even unknown characteristics by society since humans are often very fearful of the unknown and label it negative, bad, or even evil. Our ego self does so because it’s been conditioned to believe throughout the ages that this is the only way it can survive in this world. However, as our ego self gradually (or even rapidly) heals, transmutes, and balances itself (mental energy body connected with physical energy body) by: 1) letting go of outdated, limiting, fear-based thoughts, beliefs, intentions, habits and feelings that no longer serve it (benefit it), 2) developing positive thoughts and beliefs that stem from love, and 3) expanding its logical lower mind, it helps heal the interconnected emotional energy body connected to the spiritual body. When we expand our perspective, see the bigger picture of Life, and have a positive outlook, we FEEL better, and as we judge ourselves less with deep understanding, empathy, and compassion, our lower hearts further open and heal. This healing of the energy bodies allows our ego self an opportunity to merge with the other half of itself, the shadow self (the female energy/consciousness that has also forgotten its core essence, The Divine Feminine Goddess). The shadow self is the other wounded aspect of the soul that’s mostly unknown/been hiding/in the shadows deep within due to having been oppressed, suppressed, feared, judged, denied, criticized, rejected, ridiculed, condemned, etc. over the ages. As the once wounded male and female energies heal, transmute and reunite, they become integrated and balanced Higher Mind/Heart, one soul/Twin Soul/Twin Flame, which…merged with Divine Spirit/All That Is (The essence of Unconditional Love) becomes Trinity (Twin Soul + Spirit): Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Christ, Buddha, Spiraling Consciousness within/Divine HUman/MerKaBa/Star of David Frequency/12:12/111 (moon + sun/yin & yang).

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Continuing…

Tony mentioned that those who are suicidal are very selfish (a judgment rather than deep understanding and compassion).

But yet, he talked about unconditional love and how his wife is a pure soul, which made me wonder if he was even aware of the full meaning of what it means to be both.

I trust that profound, Cosmic, Unconditional Acceptance/Love—the way Prime Creator/Source/Divine Mother Goddess/Holy SPirit unconditionally accepts and loves ALL of Life/All That Is—is about allowing ALL aspects and extensions of Life to simply Be (exist) as is without any form of judgments (i.e., the duality of good vs bad or evil, right vs wrong, up up vs right, etc.) due to knowing the ultimate truths that EVERYTHING has a Divine purpose within the Divine Plan, and Divine Wisdom is full-heartedly trusting (or having faith) or intuitively knowing the Divine perfection in all that happens within this Universe and beyond for the highest benefit of the interconnected parts of Life/The Whole/The One.

Pure Spirit separated into ins parts is the essence of pure Soul (like Soul Family/Soul Group/Monad), individual soul or interconnected souls; hence, being a pure soul isn’t just about being and doing “good” according to society’s rules, but rather, it’s about being able to see the much grander picture with clarity from the integrated and balanced Mind/Heart.

Now I’m not encouraging the act of suicide, since I’ve personally learned (as a human)/remembered (as a soul) that Life is definitely worth living and experiencing since there’s SO MUCH (seen and initially unseen) to appreciate, enjoy, grow from , become wiser, expand our consciousness, and even remember about our full-potential self (soul/Spirit within) and interconnected others within this world/merging worlds/dimensions/Galaxy/Universe and beyond.

However, I no longer choose to look down upon it (with self or interconnected others) because first of all, I can only imagine what suicidal others have gone through (which isn’t enough to come to some shallow, judgmental conclusion).

For instance, while residing in Okinawa about two decades ago, an unbelievable incident occurred.

While a 12 year old Okinawan girl was shopping with her older sister, she was kidnapped by three U.S. Marines; they duck-taped and then brutally gang-raped her.

I recall feeling enraged at the time because she was only an innocent child. I even briefly fantasized kidnapping and duck-taping those MFs so that I could repeatedly bang their ball sacks with a huge hammer, bash their teeth in if they got mouthy (or even if they didn’t), make them take turns sodomizing one another, and then castrate them, just to name a few ideas.

Oh yeah, I own the fact that I also have a very dark side to me, as shared in an old post, “A Very Dark Side of Me” regarding what I’d do to anyone who harmed my children.

And I’ve realized that my creativity can go from one end of the polarity spectrum (within the Love Frequency) to the opposite end, though I do very much prefer to be on the more loving side.

An example of this “dark” aspect of me is the self who loved working on brigade level Halloween projects with my former, Army co-workers (during our off-time), like actual scary, haunted houses that made people scream.

Anyway, don’t judge me; we all have ALL aspects of Spirit within us, whether or not we want to admit it. I believe Maya Angelou said something similar before she passed away (transformed energy state).

Anyway, according to the Okinawan newspaper, the doctor treating this girl informed her parents that she would never be able to have children.

Now before I continue, let’s set aside any judgment toward Marines in general—and yes, I know what I fantasized about in the past—because 1) there are loving to decent Marines out there (I’ve personally known some), and 2) this type of crime has occurred throughout the world regardless of background.

Now, IF, someone like this girl grew up to become suicidal, can anyone in their right mindset be able to tell her that she’s selfish? Or worse, say it behind her back like a coward? Of course not, it would be heartless.

One can easily say insensitive things like, “Get over it already!” “You’re focusing too much on yourself” ‘Drive on sister!” or “The world doesn’t revolve around you!” but where’s the love in that?

Healing, especially deep healing, can be a long process, and it takes much deep understanding, empathy, compassion, patience, and unconditional acceptance/love to help another to overcome such traumas; I know, because I, too, have been raped (as an adult), though not violently or even gang raped, which I imagine is much much worse, especially for a child.

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Update Inserted 9/17/2016 (2 paragraphs in neon green font only): It didn’t occur to me until the day after I published this post that this gang-rape story—like countless other “negative” stories reported by the major media throughout the world (e.g., in newspapers, TV news, certain magazines, etc. where there are much more negative stories than positive ones)—may have been an attempt to instill fear into the community, cause many to feel angry (like me), and to overall create further separation among people.

For instance, after the incident, there were restaurants within the island of Okinawa that no longer served Americans. Throughout human history, there have been those who (so-called elites) who used fear energy to separate humanity rather than use love energy to unite us; I trust that age is coming to an abrupt end soon.

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Continuing…

I have no doubt that there are countless more examples, but I’ll only share one more.

Take a few superstars as examples—Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, and Prince as well as actors like Robin Williams.

It must have been extremely challenging to try and maintain that superstar status throughout the decades. When one reaches that high—and deeply believes that 1) one’s worthiness is based upon acceptance/validation/popularity/approval from society and 2) temporarily dipping down like a wave in order to bounce back up is impossible—then it’s easy to become discouraged depressed, addicted to drugs, and even suicidal. However, look what happens to actors like Robert Downey Jr. and even Drew Barrymore.

In addition, I trust that regardless of what people end up doing and being while on planet Earth, their souls came into this world with a piece of the greater Divine Plan (a personal and collective blueprint), as illogical as that may sound.

Anyway, I got sidetracked, which I enjoy doing. If someone would have said that to me while I was suicidal that I was very selfish (as Tony defined), I have no doubt that would’ve pushed me further to the edge of wanting to end my life.

Because if a person has grown up repeatedly hearing from a parent(s) throughout their childhood (and even adulthood) how worthless they are, and/or have been blamed for practically everything that went wrong with the parent’s (or parents’) life, adding an additional, “You’re very selfish for wanting to commit suicide” is just like adding gallons of fuel to a wild fire within a forest.

Tony shared his own stories of growing up in an abusive environment, however, there are different degrees even within various forms of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, psychological (mental and emotional), and/or sexual.

And not every person (like Tony) may believe that they have the courage, inner-strength, will power, determination, persistence, and/or resilience to overcome their past wounds (though very doable).

I shared bits and pieces of the story I’m about to tell briefly in a very short, old post titled, “Shock” and on my About page.

Almost 20 years ago, I found out six months after one of my close cousins, Myung-Jee, committed suicide because my mother and relatives in Korea didn’t want me to go into shock right after I had my baby. I couldn’t believe the horrible news.

I went through a phase of confusion, anger, blame (to self and others), resentment, guilt, shame, sadness, and even depression.

To this day, I wasn’t informed of the whole story, which I have no doubt there’s more to than what’s been shared by my sometimes secretive mother and relatives.

But from what I did hear about—further details years later while stationed in Korea—I wasn’t able to get the visualized images out of my head for the longest time. 

My mother told me that her and my other relatives received a phone call late at night; it was my Seoul aunt (i.e., aunt who lives in Seoul/Myung-Jee’s mom) who was in panic mode.

She very briefly told them the bad news, and they all drove to Seoul, located a couple of hours away, as fast as they could. En-route, my mother said that they were all in shock.

Upon arriving to my Seoul aunts condo, they noticed dirty dirty dishes stacked high in the kitchen sink, and the place was a mess. My Seoul was was bawling, and said that Myung-Jee, who was very upset, had approached her and said that she wanted to die. Out of frustration, my aunt yelled at her (details below).

Again, though Tony believes in triggering a strong emotion to make change, that may not work for everyone. As shared in the old post, “Shock“, my aunt’s aggressive approach wasn’t effective: Note: My nickname is Bobbie—hence, my previous blog bobbieslife/wordpress,com—and I had written some of my old posts in the third person more than likely to detach from some hurtful memories at the time.

She even mentioned to Bobbie’s aunt (her mother) that she wanted to die. Bobbie’s aunt, out of anger (hot temper) shouted, “Go ahead then!” So typical for some Korean, bad-tempered mothers to say some bullshit just because they’re pissed. Bobbie’s aunt couldn’t take back that shit.

Right after my aunt yelled at Myung-Jee, she apparently ran into her room. Shortly afterwards, my aunt her a THUMP kind of sound and rushed over to Myung-Jee’s room.

The window was open with three empty bottles soju (a very popular Korean liquor similar to vodka) nearby. When my aunt looked out the window and couldn’t believe her eyes.

They lived on the 10th floor, so the impact from the fall was without a doubt life-ending. When my aunt reached the ground, Myung-Jee’s still body was intact, but much of her head had splattered with puddles of blood expanding around her; it shattered my heart to hear that detail.

To make matters worse, my mother (the one with the hottest temper among her siblings) went off on my Seoul aunt, blaming her for Myung-Jee’s death.

She accused  her of neglecting her daughter, allowing her to live in a filthy home. My mother continued that she could understand why Myung-Jee was so upset because what kid would want to study in such an environment where the mother is only concerned about messing around with her boyfriend.

My mother did have a valid point, to a certain extent, though she didn’t realize she was being a hypocrite when she accused my aunt of not providing a healthy environment for her daughter to study in.

During my high school years—some of the most challenging times—I didn’t know how I was even making it through high school; though much later, I realized it was Spirit within that kept me going.

An example is whenever my mother became drunk (daily with at least two bottles of soju), she would come into my room while I was studying, and say things like, “Well, well, well, look at you…studying as though you’re going to become something” or “You’re just acting like you’re studying so that you don’t have to spend time with me…bitch” (though I had stacks of books next to me).

I realized decades later that her heart-stabbing words were merely her own inner-child/soul crying for help; she was more than likely very fearful that I (her only daughter) would soon leave her after high school, causing her to feel even more alone.

During those times, I did my best to watch Korean dramas, game shows (that I didn’t like), movies shown on TV, etc., with her whenever I had the chance in-between school, loads of homework, extra-curricular activities, and a few friends.

However, it seemed pointless most of the time because she often ended up passing out in the middle of a show; and when I would get ready to head back to my room, she would wake up again and denied that she ever fell asleep; this would happens several times.

Looking back, I realize that she just wanted to be in another’s presence since her and my adoptive dad were separated at the time (which ended up as a second divorce with him).

My mother’s accusation that my cousin Myung-Jee’s death was caused by my aunt only being concerned about messing around with her boyfriend may have been true, though a bit exaggerated, since not everything is black and white.

I trust that mothers in general do care about their children—even alcoholic and abusive mothers—though the amount and type of care may vary in degrees, and it may not always be apparent on the outer surface.

When my aunt’s husband had passed away from cancer, he had left her with a couple of condo buildings, among other riches, so she apparently spent most of her days living a life of luxury—playing golf, traveling around the world, eating at fancy restaurants, buying material stuff, etc.

Though most of her siblings were barely making ends meet, she had no problem bragging to them (at every visit) of her heavenly lifestyle; another reason my mother often complained about her.

The only sibling my aunt financially helped out on a steady basis was her young brother (my youngest uncle/pic at bottom of post), and on rare occasions, other family members, though in small amounts.

My mother often made it crystal clear that my Seoul aunt (the youngest aunt) was her least favorite. She said that when one is rich, one should be generous rather than stingy. Once, my aunt suggested to her three (out of five) sisters to go on a trip together to the Korean island of Jejudo.

My mother was bitter about the fact that it was my aunt’s idea, but yet, she took naps most of the time they were they on their short, few day trip.

My mother and other Korean relatives love sight-seeing, which they were looking forward to when my aunt had built up much anticipation.

And since my Seoul aunt was the only one who knew how to drive, when she went to dreamland often, the rest of them pretty much sat around (something they could’ve done at home). 

In addition, she apparently had the nerve to suggest that everyone do dutch pay (practically unheard of within most family and friend gatherings in Korea) though she’s rich; my mother and other aunts took turns taking care of the group checks.

What I don’t understand is this: my aunt apparently had poverty consciousness—believing there’s not enough abundance to go around; hence, very tight with her money when it comes to spending it on other family members—but why is it that she’s still rich? Well, besides the obvious that riches were passed down to her.

And furthermore, why are people like Donald Trump still wealthy when he, too, seems to have poverty consciousness with his highly insensitive, greedy self who’s not respectful and/or loving towards various types of people (e.g., Mexicans, women, LGBT, etc.)?

In addition, if this whole poverty consciousness vs Prosperity Consciousness is true, then do the immensely wealthy 1% have Prosperity Consciousness, though they’re known not to care about humanity, Mother Earth and beyond? There seems to be a contradiction. I’m in the process of letting go of all conditioned, limiting beliefs—to include negative labels associated with many rich and wealthy people (since, again, it’s not all black and white, but many shades of gray), so I would like to know. Thank you SPirit within for an answer soon, whether it shows up in my inner world (i.e., dream state, meditative state, as a vision) or outer world.

I’ve imagined recreating the  tragic, suicide scenario in a parallel reality (as Multidimensional Self), where my Seoul aunt takes a brief moment to set her anger aside, and lovingly says to her daughter (my cousin Myung-Jee), “Let’s talk” while giving her a gentle hug.

As an outsider, it’s too easy to be quick to judge of someone who is either suicidal or have committed suicide because its one of those acts that society labels as wrong, bad, evil, and even selfish (as Tony Robbins mentioned), among other judgmental adjectives.

But as mentioned above, until one has gone through ALL that another has gone through, one will never truly know what it’s like to be them.

Though I don’t know Myung-Jee’s whole story, what I do know is that she was a strong soul, for all that she had been through prior to that unbelievable incident.

I’ve wondered many times how that elusive moment had come about, and I did my best to momentarily walk in Myung-Jee’s shoes.

Childhood is such a precious time where exploring, discovery and play are very important parts of a child’s life, and Myung-Jee was unfortunately deprived of them.

In order to meet a very anal society’s way of life–an not entirely their fault since South Korea has had their own mountains of challenges to overcome as a country—her parents kept her on a very strict schedule.

Right after kindergarten class, she took several extra classes (i.e., piano, English, Math, art, etc.) and didn’t come home until later in the evening.

As she became older, the schedule became even tighter, to the point where the later grown teenage Myung-Jee’s only slept an average of 3-4 hours per night due to an @$$load of riDONKulous studying—or more accurately…a very left-brain centered method of memorizing TONS of misinforming, dis-informing, manipulated, edited, downright false, impractical, useless, perishable, and/or soon to be outdated data.

And for what? Because the thing called competition went overboard; became fierce, unhealthy and even obsessive.

And what can stem from competition that gets out of control? It can lead to much tragedies (that causes immense pain and suffering to many), as mentioned in a section within the category page, A Message to My Soul/Inner-Child (additional story and photos of Myung-Jee, her mother and I copy and pasted toward bottom of this post):

The ruthless school system in Korea […] and the overly competitive method of qualifying for entrance into universities, has caused many Korean students to commit suicide.

I trust this, and many other human dysfunctional ways of living and being, will soon be transmuted to a more freer, peaceful, loving, wiser, abundant, creative, and empowering ways of living and Being.

South Korea’s burning desire to rapidly excel as a country is understandable since any country that has been oppressed by another for too long would want to fight back and prove to the world that they’re worthy as a nation of people.

However, I trust that there’s a better way to do this than by aggressive competition alone, that’s been more harmful than beneficial to their invaluable assets of very intelligent citizens—more than likely one of the most hard-core studying, large group of students within this world.

Afterall, it might not seem like a ginormous loss when students commit suicide here and there, but it eventually adds up.

For instance, like most countries throughout human history, strongly influenced by overly patriarchal world leaders, having a son was considered honorable while having a daughter was usually frowned upon.

Well, in Korea, though having more sons being born throughout the decades may have seemed highly beneficial to its brainwashed citizens during those time-frames, it later kicked them in the @$$.

Why? Because Life is about balance and harmony, and when things go off track, chaos occurs, followed by order.

Next thing you know, there are way more men than women within a society. So what happens? The once dominant men who were raised by very traditional parents no longer have the upper hand.

They no longer get to sternly say to women, “When we get married, you will help take care of my parents, you will be the typical, submissive, Asian wife, BLAH BLAH BLAH.”

Ohhh no no. The tables have turned over time. While stationed in Korea over 14 years ago, I was informed by my mother and Korean relatives that Korean women have become more BOLD over the years.

Not only were they able to pick and choose from a wide-range of options among men (and not just Korean men), many refused to live with in-laws, managed to convince husbands to help out with household chores, and even went as far as becoming cougars, dating or marrying men 10+ years younger than them.

Even some of the rich women—who were aware of their husbands cheating or having a mistress on the side—no longer wasted their time arguing, nagging, and fighting about truths that would obviously get denied, but rather, played the same game (messing around with younger men).

Now that’s what I’m talking about! I was so proud of them for being strong women, no longer taking BULLshit from controlling, unhealthy relationships where women were considered inferior to men.

Granted, I trust that it’s more beneficial to simply end an unhealthy relationship rather than smile to each other’s face while being deceptive and unfaithful behind each other’s back, but I have no doubt that these women have their own reasons why they chose to do what they do.

Now I’m no expert when it comes to matters of building a nation, but perhaps all the embezzlement that’s been taken place for at least three of the known, corrupt, South Korea’s male presidents in the past—which, as we already know, isn’t limited to Korean politicians alone—could have gone to providing less expensive (or even free) college education for students, or even build more schools in order to minimize the severe competition which had led to many suicides.

Even a lot of U.S. politicians like to inform the public, or bicker among themselves on TV, about not having enough money as a country—a form of poverty consciousness since there’s an abundance of resources on planet Earth (Prosperity Consciousness), it’s just a matter of distribution and sharing.

But yet, millions, billions, to even trillions of dollars are spent on ongoing wars, battles, conflicts, etc. (since this country was founded), space exploration, government projects, political campaigns (where the actual decisions and actions of politicians are highly influenced by the rich and wealthy folks who donate the BIG bucks), CEO bonuses, and paying professional athletes and other celebrities millions of dollars.

But yet, many invaluable professions only get paid a fraction of that amount, to include but not limited to—non-corrupt and brave firemen, police force, and military servicemen who sacrifice a lot of time away from their loved ones as well as their lives; teachers, instructors, and child caregivers who work closely with our young or grown children, doctors, EMTs and nurses who take care of loved ones, etc.

Hmmm, so what’s off about this picture? I’ll tell you what…an @$$-backwards society, that’s what.

If I was an E.T. Being studying planet Earth—who wasn’t quite angelically/celestially loving, but close enough for a cookie—I’d be like, “What da HEYll is going on with the mental, emotional, and spiritual evolution of many of these humans? After all these ages, are they still that blind and clueless to what they’re corrupt leaders of this world are up to? Yet, many wanna sit there and ridicule people like the North Koreans for being so unaware of truths while they sit there obsessing about barbaric games like football that are obviously meant to be distractions to keep the herd of sheep busily focused on something that doesn’t help improve their own lives. Hey Zunzugi! Cancel that mass visit we were going to make next week with these folks, we have more interesting and intelligent beings to explore and meet within this Galaxy and beyond.”

Note: Images 1, 2 and 4-6  above found next to the following links and added personal quote using canva.com => 1) www.usatoday.com 2) www.telegraph.co.uk 4) www.mirror.co.uk 5) www.express.co.uk 6) 38north.org ; image 3 found next to link => 3) www.cleveredfool.com  (“Forced Laughter” poster)

There are highly intelligent countries that have already figured it out, and they take care of their citizens because they’re aware of a very important truth that when they take care of their individual citizens (i.e., parts/souls), they benefit the entire country (i.e. whole/The One/Source/Spirit/Prime Creator) were ALL of Life is interconnected.

When my cousin was around six or seven years old, her parents decided to separate for a while while contemplating divorce.

My mother told me that when my aunt (Myung-Jee’s mother) asked her who she would rather live with during the separation, she answered, “Whoever’s willing to feed me.”

My mother continued in her usual disapproving tone and facial expression that they (mostly her and my aunts) couldn’t believe the insensitive words that came out of a little child’s mouth.

She said that the ‘right’ thing to say was, “I wanna live with my mother” because mothers are usually closer to their children, especially their daughters. She also added that Myung-Jee had no jung (phonetic spelling).

Note: According to Wiktionary, the following is the meaning of jung, and I also wrote a post a while back titled, “Jung: A Spiritual Reconnection Between Souls“:

정 (jeong), pronounced as ‘jeong’ (sometimes spelled ‘chung’), is a combination of compassion, empathy, and bond on a very soulful level. It is a connection that is formed between persons. Example pseudo-Korean phrases are: “That person’s 정 is deep,” “He has no 정,” or “We live and die according to 정.”

I was only a kid back then, and even though what my mom was saying didn’t intuitively feel right, I didn’t logically know why.

I just quietly listened to whatever my mother had to say, as usual, but the adult me would share with my mother a couple points the next time we reunite (in Divine perfect timing and order).

First and foremost, the relationship between my mother and I (throughout my childhood and even throughout the majority of my adulthood) is a perfect example that NOT all mother and daughter relationships are nurturing, healthy, and unconditionally loving.

Secondly, you can’t blame a small child for saying something so logical and seemingly heartless as “Whoever’s willing to feed me” when this child has mostly been conditioned to be very left-brain centered.

Besides going to school, attending extra classes, coming home late in the evening, eating dinner, probably exchanging some sentences with her parents, studying, washing up, and going to bed (just to wake up very early and do it all over again the next day), when exactly did this child learn to be more right-brain/heart-centered, which would’ve helped her to experience being unconditional acceptance/love to self and others, and to build jung/정 (jeong)?

I also have another memory of when my two other sister-like Korean cousins, Myung-Jee and I went out to a cafe together. 

Myung-Jee was around five or six years old at the time, I was six years older than her, and my two cousins were a year and two years older than me.

When Myung-Jee talked, she was like an expressionless and feelingless robot going on an on about intellectual subjects that weren’t exactly interesting let alone heartfelt.

My cousins made it very clear that they didn’t accept, approve or like her way of being. I was surprised because they were often very loving towards me and others; but then again, the three of us spent more time together during summer and winter breaks, whereas Myung-Jee was practically invisible from our lives once she started kindergarten.

Side Note: Additional short story and photos of my two cousins and I copy and pasted toward bottom of this post, from a section within the category page, A Message to My Soul/Inner-Child 

In addition, out of the three of us, I had visited Myung-Jee more often than my two cousins (who are sisters by the way) when she was a newborn through right before kindergarten; perhaps that explained why I stilled loved Myung-Jee just the way she was.

Myung-Jee and I had more opportunities to build this amazing thing called jung, joyful memories to be treasured. As a kid myself, I could tell she was different, but it didn’t seem wrong or bad.

I felt bad for Myung-Jee because my cousins weren’t really subtle about their dislike for her. And when I found out that Myung-Jee had committed suicide during her high school year, I even wondered if my cousins (who also lived in Korea) had been supportive of her during her challenging times.

Myung-Jee and I had communicated via long-distance phone calls, but I wasn’t able to be there for her physically.

 

Or, had they grown to despise her even more as she got older? Afterall, I recall them saying behind her back (after the cafe day) that she was a know-it-all.

But once again, that’s pretty much all she knew how to do—input logical data and then output logical data. We’ve all been programmed by society to whatever degree, it’s just that people like Myung-Jee–as well as North citizens who live in a tiny bubble, are exposed to mucho propaganda,  and believe their head leaders are gods—are a very IN YOUR FACE, extreme kind of examples of how a soul can become robotic when exposed to an excessive amount of logicalness.

Granted, it’s also understandable why my two cousins felt the way they did about Myung-Jee, because most people don’t like know-it-all types.

However, if we could deeply understand how a person becomes that way, perhaps we could have more compassion towards them.

Speaking of which, I was just reminded from within that’s more than likely how my biological father became the way he is (or was), shared in the series of posts that includes, “SURPRISE Bio Papa!,” “My First Encounter with a Narcissist” and “Unconditional Love from Angels and Aliens” among others.

During the very challenging phase of unconditionally forgiving my bio dad, I felt the deepest compassion for him when I did my best to visualize what he had gone through as a child, from a few childhood stories he had shared with me.

At that time, had I been more healed mentally, emotionally, and even physically, I trust that I would’ve been able to Be more Unconditional Acceptance/Love to him, even reversing the roles of parent and child, where I could gently hug him or just truly see him (without any judgment) while he shared his deepest wounds—even the disguised wounds that outwardly came off as selfishness, insensitivity, arrogance (excessive bragging), and other typical, unattractive characteristics related to so-called narcissistic personalities.

But it’s perfectly okay, because I just wasn’t ready to deeply heal others since I had just started deeply healing self on all levels of my being.

My two cousins and I never talked about the topic of Myung-Jee’s death, because whenever I did visit my relatives gathered together, there was an unspoken taboo to talk about such tragic matters.

One of the things I’ve learned from the Korean culture (as well as positive ways of being), was that being overly secretive about the past, suppressing true feelings by not openly talking about inner wounds, is like a volcano waiting to explode; it’s just not healthy.

Pushing past hurtful thoughts and feelings doesn’t make them go away or magically disappear; they will always be there, and indirectly show up via one’s thoughts, deep beliefs, intentions, words, behavior, actions and habits.

The key is to face our deepest fears with much courage and inner-strength, transmute and heal them with a positive, expanded perspective (healing the mental energy body which is connected to the physical energy body), which then helps us to further heal negative emotions and feel positive emotions (healing the emotional energy body which is connected to the spiritual energy body).

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Thank you my Korean, sister-like younger cousin—Myung Jee—for just being a loving soul while you were on Earth.

Though you had suddenly left our lives by choosing to commit suicide a while back, during your high school years, I deeply understand what you were going through, though I may not know all the details.

I have no doubt that your father having passed away from cancer deeply hurt you as well since you were very close to him.

Note: Pic on right of my cousin Myung Jee when she was a cute toddler.

Sometime in 2011, after I got out of the Army, I had a dream of him. I was crying in the dark, and your father/my uncle placed his hand on my shoulder and said that everything was okay.

I then saw a door that was lit around the edges, and your father opened it, and walked through. I trust that this dream meant that all is well in his world.

Note: Pic on left of my younger Seoul aunt, Myung Jee (in belly), and I

The ruthless school system in Korea—where most kindergarten kids come home around 10 pm taking various extra classes and high school students only get about 3-4 hours of sleep per night—and the overly competitive method of qualifying for entrance into universities, has caused many Korean students to commit suicide.

I trust this, and many other human dysfunctional ways of living and being, will soon be transmuted to a more freer, peaceful, loving, wiser, abundant, creative, and empowering ways of living and Being.

Despite your mother’s last words to you, which more than likely came off as insensitive and unloving, please know that she truly loves you dearly ever since you were in her belly.

She was merely frustrated from life’s challenges, and spoke words that she didn’t really mean, like the rest of the women in our extended family—wounded female warriors. See video,  “Transfoming the Female Wounded Warrior to the Divine Goddess´¯`·.¸.ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ.“

Note: Pic on right above of my younger Seoul aunt, Myung Jee (as newborn baby), and I

I’m grateful for all the fun times we had together throughout our childhood, mostly when you were little.

When I wasn’t able to see you in my dreams for almost 18 years, I was worried that you weren’t at peace since I was able to see other family members and relatives who had passed away.

However, I’m very grateful that I was able to see you in a dream a few times recently, though it was a much younger version of you. I chose to trust that all is well in your world, and that we will meet again in Divine perfect timing and orer.

Note: Pic of Myung Jee, my youngest uncle and I. I loved that she honestly expressed her true feelings about our uncle playing the guitar. I think I was playing along with her; either that, or she was imitating me.

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Thank you my Korean, older sister-like cousins—J. Y. 언니 (older sister) and J.I. 언니—for making me feel so loved throughout childhood.

Thank you for…

being so understanding and patient with me and my lack of Korean language skills at the time

translating various Korean shows to me, especially my favorite anime cartoon, “Candy”

teaching me how to write the Korean alphabet

showing me how to confidently draw and make pretty paper dolls

helping to develop my creative skills by coming up with various ways to have fun

including me in during your practice for school plays

making various “cookie and candy” foods using toy kitchenware

teaching me Korean songs

giving me all the hand-me-downs

teaching me how to fearlessly roller skate

begging my mother not to whoop my ass

often comforting me during sad times with hugs and kind words

treating me like a real sister

often standing up for me

Being beautiful inside and out 

Note: 5 pics above are: 1) my cousins and I and don’t recall who the boys are 2) Jung Im 언니 (older sister) and I, 3) my cousins, youngest uncle, and grandma, 4) oldest cousin Jung Yoon 언니 and husband when they got married 5) older cousin Jung Im 언니 and husband

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As mentioned above, the following is one of my deployment stories shared in the post, “Expanding Perception of Societal Labels Such as Beautiful, Fascinating and the Standard“:

I don’t recall all the details of what happened because I recall thinking to myself at one point that whoever was fearlessly performing in public was not quite the same being that I was familiar with.

Looking back, I realize that the nervous aspect of me was my fearful ego self, and the fearless aspect of me was my soul/true self/higher self.

It was as if a switch was turned on, and all of a sudden, BAM!!!…I was someone else, like some mind-blowing/heart-racing magic trick.

Even while deployed in Iraq in 2008, I clearly recalled having the “light switch” experience the majority of the time I was there; and I was grateful when someone else was thoughtful enough to share their same observation of me as well, which helped further validate the truth of the matter.

After much analysis during the preparation process, the “light switch” experience would get triggered as soon as I entered an interrogation booth.

Although I was one of the least experienced ones, and I didn’t perform too well at the interrogation schoolhouse, I trust that I was able to break more detainees and gather intel than some other interrogators (to include the most experienced one there at times) due to my willingness to first and foremost Be deep understanding, empathy, compassionate. forgiveness, acceptance, embrace, and even unconditional love/my true self (although those weren’t the exact words that I had thought about at the time), as well as other required and structured ways of doing my job.

Of course, choosing an unconventional method, which often went against the norm, created much tension among at least one of the leaders—a female, senior interrogator.

However, I continued to follow what felt “right”/”good” in my heart, and I later realized that I had often been following my intuition/telepathic communication from my Higher Self.

When I started real, booth sessions while deployed, I was initially trained by a young female interrogator—I’ll name her Nicole, since she looked very similar to pretty and cat-like Nicole Kidman, maybe about 3-5 inches shorter.

I later found out was in her early twenties, and was she was very nice, confident, smart, humorous, and sassy outside the booth world.

The first day of being an observer during the “on-the-job training”, I watched Nicole just go off on a young, male detainee with a very aggressive communication style and body language. I initially thought it was interesting because I had believed that it was some part of a grand plan.

It seemed as though I heard the word, “fuck” about 30 plus times per session while sitting silently next to her each day. I quickly learned how ineffective that method was.

The detainee had his arms crossed and just stared at the wall with a stern, yet. apathetic expression, completely treating her as though she didn’t even exist in that room.

This repetitive, predictable, and boring scenario went on for at least a couple of weeks with seemingly zero progress. Or, if there was any kind of progress, no one bothered to include me into the collections of valuable treasures.

Although I wanted to share my thoughts with the female interrogator that might be helpful, I decided not to since she was in the process of training me, and that it might even come off as me using my rank, which was highly discouraged in that area.

Nicole had already been there for almost a year or so, which made her more experienced and knowledgeable in the field of interrogations.

One day, at one very brief magical moment—while Nicole was looking at her notes—I made eye contact with the young man/detainee who happened to glance my way for the first time.

I offered him I think a cookie—just recall having a small bag of some snack in my hand—using my smiling facial expression and gesture.

To my great surprise, he shared with me a very brief, gentle smile in return—which seemed genuine—and actually spoke for the first time, “No thank you” (in English) that was one of the quietest whispers I had ever heard…but felt deep within my Being.

I trust in my Divinity within that that precious moment had set the tone to how I would choose toBe (my Divinity within me) during my own interrogation sessions, once the on-the-job training was complete.

In the end, everything miraculously worked out beautifully, to include the first snow in Iraq in 100 years while I was there, which I included—among other related stories—in the post, “Embracing a Setback to Set Forward.”

I’ve learned/remembered, that often times, we (as our limited ego selves) may not realize what we’re truly capable of until our Divinity within gradually (and sometimes rapidly) assists us (as we raise and maintain a higher vibrational frequency) with re-membering who we truly are, and fearlessly and freely Being who we truly are.

And I’m learning/re-membering more and more throughout moments/days/months/years that whenever we choose to Be who we truly are, we end up experiencing outer reflections of our essence within—in various forms, to include loving humans—in Divine perfect timing and order […]

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The following are some related posts:

• “Learned Solution“
• “Prayer“
• The above posts include an update post, “Choosing to Be The Director of My Life“

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Left comment for “YOU’RE NOT DEPRESSED. YOU’RE SELFISH” on September 17, 2016:

Hi,

Thank you for sharing this reading. This topic is very dear to my heart, so even though I rarely leave a comment for posts or articles that I don’t fully resonate with, I had a strong urge to do so here, which I trust is Spirit’s guidance from within.

You made some valid points, to basically include the fact that there ARE people who either fake or milk the depression and/or suicidal process for attention, who want to continue to having a victim mentality in life (without the desire to change from within), and/or who could care less if they habitually (key word) caused others to spiral down with them in their misery. In these cases, and similar others, it truly IS selfish.

However, I’d like to share with whoever happens to cross this space in Divine perfect timing and order another perspective.

To label wounded souls who experience depression and suicide as solely “selfish” is, ironically, a very selfish act in itself—not able to even sympathize logically, let alone deeply empathize and have compassion for from Heart; in addition, it’s being narrow-minded, close-hearted, and very judgmental.

When we expand our perspective—thus Being integrated logical Mind/intuitive Heart—we can see with clarity the truth, which is the fact that there can be MANY factors as to why a person becomes depressed and and even suicidal (and to varying degrees), and until we’ve walked NOT one, few, or even several, but NUMEROUS miles in their shoes, we are in no position to judge them in any way, shape or form, or even know (experiential knowledge/wisdom) what’s its like to be them.

For instance, while residing in Okinawa about two decades ago, an unbelievable incident occurred. While a 12 year old Okinawan girl was shopping with her older sister, she was kidnapped by three U.S. Marines; they duck taped and then brutally gang-raped her.

According to the Okinawan newspaper, the doctor treating this girl (still a child in my eyes) informed her parents that she would never be able to have children.

Now before I continue, let’s set aside any judgment toward Marines in general because 1) there are loving to decent Marines out there (I’ve personally known some), and 2) this type of crime has occurred throughout the world regardless of background.

Now, IF, someone like this girl grew up to become depressed and even suicidal, can anyone in their right mindset be able to tell her that she’s SELFISH? Or worse, say it behind her back like a coward? Of course not, it would be heartless.

One can easily say insensitive things like, “Get over it already!” “You’re focusing too much on yourself” ‘Drive on sister!” or “The world doesn’t revolve around you!” but where’s the love in that?

Healing, especially DEEP healing, can be a long process, and it takes much deep understanding, empathy, compassion, patience, and unconditional acceptance/love to help another to overcome such traumas; I know, because I, too, have been raped (as an adult), though not violently or even gang raped, which I imagine is much much worse, especially for a child.

In addition, I have experienced throughout childhood and adulthood all forms of abuse—physical, verbal, psychological (mental + emotional), and sexual—was abandoned by my biological father at six months of age, experienced my mother and adoptive father marry and divorce twice, had an alcoholic mother who attempted suicide, had a close cousin who committed suicide while she was in high school, and even attempted suicide myself when I was younger, along with many other earthly dramas and traumas.

The point is…I’m still here, and I’m grateful for that, and I trust that deep healing is very doable for any deeply wounded soul who will give it a chance with their open mind and open heart. I just wanted to share this with my interconnected soul brothers and sisters.

Note: If you happen to find the above information helpful, you can find further details and related stories in my post, “Insights About Suicide, Earthly Labels, Fierce Competition, a Left-Brain Centered World and Major Changes” (this blog is unconventional, and is not meant for those unwilling to think outside the box); if not, disregard this message.

Have an exciting and relaxing day. 😉
Barbara