Embrace Your Dark Side 

The above, inspiring, short video/link (click to open in another window) is about embracing all aspects of self, which allows us to unconditionally accept/love ourselves at every moment, empowers us, and sets us free; hence, allowing us to fully do this for “others” as well.

This video reminded me to stick with my convictions about the choices that I had made this past October, which were very emotionally charged.

I later learned that they were all a blessing in disguise—leading to a major life lesson overflowing with profound wisdom—waiting to be unwrapped.

Happy 2016 New Year to self, and all other aspects and extensions of Beloved I AM Presence/Christ within/Twin Flame within!!! ^_^

Note: Image on right found next to link => flourishinglotus.com (thank you)

I had chosen to leave the Paul Mitchell School (PMS) because I realized it wasn’t a flourishing learning environment for me for various reasons.

I even shared the details with the manager and Adviser there , and the manager tried to talk me into staying by instilling fearful thoughts mixed with “caring” words.

At the beginning of my final meeting with the Adviser, she mentioned that the manager would be joining us, to which I asked if it was really necessary; she said yes because it was part of the process.

I had strongly sensed the manager’s vibes before—which I had written about in the post, “Inner Beliefs Revealed While Briefly Attending Paul Mitchell School: Shiny Object!”—and didn’t care to deal with her; however, I just accepted was was at that moment.

When the manager arrived, I noticed the “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” within her surface for us to witness.

She initially used encouraging words with a smile and assertive tone; but when she probably felt as though she wasn’t making any progress, her aggressive side emerged.

This was something I’ve experienced before with other people, and learned that it’s called conditional kindness—the “I will treat you with respect and kindness until I don’t get my way.”

At one point, the manager asked me to give her an example story of why I didn’t feel that the PMS was a flourishing, learning environment.

So I shared with her one story of how I didn’t resonate with one of the ass-backwards way they go about treating their students.

Students who come in early every morning (which helps with early graduation as well) are required to prepare 20-45 plus steam towels every morning for that day—a hand-cramping process that usually takes two to three people to do in order to complete it in within 30 minutes or so.

However, the ones who habitually roll in the last minute, or even late, never have to do this extra task or even help out with some of the group assigned tasks; but yet, this continuously goes unnoticed with an instructor who only has nine students.

I continued that I’ve known instructors who’ve had 50 plus students who had a better idea of what was going on in their classes.

The manager then raised her voice and aggressively said, “Now you’re blowing things WAY out of proportion!”

To my great surprise, I leaned over at her, and I instantly raised my voice for the first time there, and said, “You barely listened to ONE story, and you want to tell me that I’M blowing things out of proportion!”

Though I didn’t yell, my voice felt so intensely powerful that I even startled myself for a brief moment, feeling as though my heart was going to explode out of my chest because it was beating so hard.

And the speechlessness and shocked expressions on both the manager and Adviser’s faces were priceless.

Throughout my life, I’ve had my own extreme versions of self suddenly emerge out of seemingly nowhere, but they never felt this intense.

I absolutely love this powerful, dark (i.e., unknown/hidden/shadow) aspect of self—it’s definitely a keeper.

I continued that there was one instructor who had inspired me—the senior Esthetics class instructor—because she was deeply understanding, empathetic, compassionate, and shared some helpful advice; but that she was able to be that way because she was willing to actively listen (which I emphasized), rather than be quick to judge and make assumptions.

To make things further unbelievable, the manager suddenly changed her tone to this ridonkulously obvious, sweet tone—along with a forced smile–which made me, not want to throw up in my mouth a little bit, but just vomit entirely.

In addition, she tilted her head while further listening, a gesture that she may have picked up from a communications class, or management training, that’s supposed to convey genuine concern for another.

However, I chose not to concern myself with her facade; they wanted more details, so I proceeded to share my truths.

I also gave an example of how it’s not necessary for an instructor to go off on a student for making a simple mistake that the school likes to refer to as “a discovery” (as opposed to a mistake).

I forgot one step of the facial when it was my turn—though I had effortlessly guided two of my classmates prior to that when it was their turn—and the instructor went ape-shit and yelled, “STOP! Look at me!…” while pointing her two fingers to her eyes, and went off for a couple of more minutes with the entire class frozen and staring during those moments.

I further explained that I was humiliated, and that I never wanted to make another “discovery” again in that class.

I also added that within most branches of the military, drill sergeants, instructors and other leaders yelling during training is expected; however, the PMS isn’t a basic training camp or anything like it.

I continued that I had approached the instructor later that day and asked her if she had gone off on me because she thought that I had disrespected her in some way.

But the instructor just looked at me with her usual, rarely blinking eyes and half-smile, and quickly replied, “Oh, I know you weren’t disrespecting me; I just didn’t want you to continue feeling bad about making a mistake.”

Of course, that didn’t make sense at all—why would one yell and humiliate a student with the intention of not wanting them to continue feeling bad about their mistake?

But I was done “talking” to her (since that wasn’t the first attempt), because one can put forth the effort to honestly communicate with another; however, if the other isn’t willing to meet halfway, it doesn’t make sense to further waste each other’s breath.

I explained to the manager that an organization can have all kinds of positive philosophies in their formal books, but if they’re not applied, then they’re nothing more than written philosophies.

The manager agreed that going off on a student for a common mistake was unacceptable. She then stated that despite such situations, that she assumed that I was doing well academically; I nodded.

Though I didn’t share with them any details, it was true, all six or so exams that I had taken so far were in the mid-nineties to 100%, so it was somewhat challenging for my ego self to just let those seemingly small accomplishments go since I had dedicated a lot of study time and loss of sleep in order to obtain them.

However, it didn’t matter anymore; my soul would give inner guidance and strong heart urges as usual, and my logical mind would end up following—with less and less resistance each time.

Because, as the soul/Spirit’s adviser on Earth (not leader), my ego self’s logical mind has figured out that the other aspect of self, the integrated and balanced soul/Spirit within (aka Beloved I AM Presence/Christ within) has always been able to see the much BIGGER picture of Life—the way a hawk in the vast sky has a bird’s eye view of the dark valleys below, and knows which path is the most beneficial. 

I gave them a couple of more examples that they asked for, and I was done. The manager even tried to manipulate me by stating that they could make great changes as I continued to attend.

However, I calmly and assertively told her that they could make great changes even without me there, to which she became speechless again.

The day before the last meeting with the manager and Adviser, my instructor was aware that I was considering to leave the school.

So shortly before releasing our class, she shared a very sad story with us about an older woman she had read about.

She stated that the woman mentioned at one point that she hadn’t been touched by another human being for years, and when someone gave her a hug one day, it changed her life.

My instructor briefly wept and continued that we never know when we, too, can touch another’s heart in that way, and make an impact in their lives; hence, we should never consider quitting the course and the Esthetics career path.

Now, such a heart-wrenching story would deeply move my ultra-sensitive self 99.99% of the time, and bring tears to my eyes.

However COMMA this particular situation—not so much the story, but the story-teller—came with neon red flags.

I trusted my intuition that it was meant to manipulate, and make me feel guilty if I still had thoughts of leaving.

Afertall, what kind of person wouldn’t want to make a great impact on others, especially for the kind of people who haven’t experienced human touch in years?

Her indirect message was clear: A “good” person—who always sacrifices themselves for others—would make the “right” choice.

Well played…Bravo! Very subtle, dramatic, and almost convincing; but…no cookie, not clever enough.

That’s due to the power of the Spirit within, and no ego aspect of a human being can even come close to deceiving the highly intuitive and discerning Beloved I AM Presence/Christ within.

At the end of our last meeting, I informed the manager and Adviser that though this school wasn’t for me, that doesn’t negatively define the quality of the school itself, and that I have no doubt that it will continue to be beneficial for others; hence, there were no more hard feelings, and that I wished them all well.

The manager’s true colors revealed itself again as she shifted from her temporary, super sweet self to her usual distant and cold self, and just stormed off without a word when all was over and done.

However, the Adviser—who I always thought was pretty calm, cool, and collected, professional, highly observant, honest, intelligent, personable, and humorous—shared some last words of kindness, which I truly appreciated, and even informed me to let them know if I ever needed their help. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart.

The video at the top of this post also reminded me of what happened this past Christmas day when I invited a new friend over for linner (lunch/dinner), and to just hang out, since all of her family members had other plans.

We bonded from when I was briefly attending the Paul Mitchell School, because, although I wasn’t in her class, she and her classmates of the senior Esthetics class were genuinely kind to me.

Soon after I chose to leave that place, my friend had a strong urge to suddenly leave one day as well, due to the extreme anxieties she was experiencing there.

She mentioned that the manager—the same one that I talked to on my last day there—told her to take a client for a double facial.

To my great surprise, my friend, who seems to have a more passive personality, assertively and straight-up told her that she wasn’t going to, to which the manager looked confused and suggested they immediately talk in the office.

Unfortunately, the manager told my friend that she would end up paying for the whole tuition should she drop, and suggested that she might as well do the rest of her time there, as though she was talking about a prison term.

My friend wasn’t satisfied with the outcome, but then managed to convince herself that it was for the best, and stated that she was happy now, though her facial expression, non-verbal cues, and tone of voice stated otherwise.

I silently wished for her to set herself free as well, and even wished that I could help in some way; but the only way I could possibly help her was to offer her the full tuition amount to pay off, which I didn’t have available at that moment.

I wanted to share with her a profound perspective of what was happening—and what she could do if she really felt it within her heart—but I understood her difficult situation.

In addition, I didn’t want to confuse her, or even make her feel uncomfortable, because she’s a religious Christian, and she had already made it clear what some of her strong beliefs are.

I trust that I wasn’t meant to have that amount of money at that moment because I would’ve turned myself into a crutch for my friend, which wouldn’t benefit her soul, the way I did for a couple of my friends in the past.

A while back, I had a couple of friends who were habitually unsatisfied with all the help that I was offering them, and kept asking for more money to borrow.

One was an older lady. My husband and I initially offered to help her and her family since their restaurant business wasn’t doing well.

They didn’t have a website—which we noticed and I pointed out to her would be very helpful this day and age—so we created a new website for their restaurant for free.

They just had to pay their small, annual fees for their domain from a company that my husband hooked them up with, since we use the same one. However, no amount of other help was enough, and I had to draw the line.

One of the main things that I chose to take away from this experience was that the older lady taught me what I no longer chose to believe in my life.

She had a desperate need to work crazy hours daily (though it was her family’s business), with only one day off per month, while playing multiple roles of chef, food prepper, waitress, accountant, and her husband helping with a few things, to include washing dishes and cooking meats.

Though I offered my help as a waitress, she politely declined. She was extremely stressed and had a lot of bills that kept piling on by the day.

I later realized that she had mirrored back to me my own poverty consciousness within my mind, to include the false belief that’s been ingrained in me by society, to include my parents (like many other parents back in the day): “one must work very hard to make money—there’s no other way.”

If this belief is so true, then why have the majority of the people on this planet—many who work their asses off—been living in poverty (or just above it) for so long, and have MUCHO debt?

I’ve learned that one must Be Prosperity Consciousness in order to tune into lots of money, and many rich and wealthy people have discovered this secret, which is becoming mainstream knowledge.

Just google the words, “Prosperity Consciousness” and see which readings/links your soul is highly drawn to using your feelings.

Another friend had a gambling addiction that she had picked up after we were already friends. She couldn’t release the potentially life-destroying habit, and even declined my offers to go with her to the gambling awareness meetings.

Something that started with quarter slots and much fun and games, later turned into a loss of over $200,000.00—to include 20 years of savings while in the Army. It’s NOT worth it. 

I wrote a series of posts during that time-frame in order to process my thoughts and feelings, to include, “Choosing To Be My Own Best Friend.”

I finally accepted that we can’t force others to make change for the better; but at the same time, we don’t need to allow others to drag us down with them if they continue to choose the downward spiraling lifestyle.

I ended up letting go of both, unhealthy relationships, and it felt as though a huge load had been taken off of my back.

The old saying that true friends (or even true family members) should always (and all ways) be there for another, no matter what, is truly outdated.

I noticed that the very people who go around saying things like that are often the major pain-in-the-ass ones in a relationship.

They have a desperate need to spread the false belief—convincing themselves and others—so that they can feel safer within their own relationships that may not have a strong foundation.

It’s a manipulation tactic to try and make another feel guilty about even having the thought of leaving them.

It’s like a very religious spouse telling their husband or wife (who’s also unhappy about the relationship), “If you leave our marriage, for reasons others than ____, God will ensure that you do not make it to heaven.”

But what about God within knowing what’s in our hearts?

It used to be sad to hear when couples slept in separate rooms because they couldn’t stand one another, but, yet, remained married for reasons other than love—to include religious obligations, protecting one’s reputation, to avoid paying alimony or going to a place called hell.

I even thought it was sad when I noticed old couples at restaurants who seemed to not even notice each other’s existence, let alone exchange a few words.

On the other hand, whenever I see very old couples still hold hands, cuddle on a park bench together, and share other forms of unconditional love, it warms my heart.

I’ve learned that true, unconditional love in any type of relationship is not about manipulation and control.

If any relationship is habitually (key word) a negative influence, then I’m a firm believer that it’s time to let go, wish them well, and move on. Otherwise, there will be resentment and blame at some point.

In addition, a true friend, and a true loving family member will not continually place their friend and family member in a difficult position.

Despite the friendships that didn’t last, I was grateful to their souls and my soul/Spirit within for having taught me the major life lesson of unconditional respect, acceptance and love for self, being discernment, and setting healthy boundaries.

After all, if we can’t even respect and love ourselves, how can we expect others to as well?

With this new friend’s situation (from the Paul Mitchell School), I was reminded from within: 1) that everything happens for a beneficial reason for all interconnected souls, 2) to fully release “rescue mode”, 3) that no soul is a victim unless we choose to be so, and 4) to respect and honor every soul’s path that they themselves choose with free will. 

While I was cooking in the kitchen, my friend asked me what I was up to lately, and I told her of my plan to complete my first book that I had been working on prior to attending the PMS.

At that very moment, I noticed her look of disapproval, to include her micro-expression (very quick squint of contempt in her eyes), her tight lips, and her non-response to what I had shared.

I sensed that she felt resentment towards me for not only doing something that she, too, wanted to do—leaving PMS, but wasn’t able to—but to also do something that perhaps she was interested in doing as well at some point in her life (i.e. a major project like a book), but didn’t believe that she could.

However, I chose not to allow her unwillingness to celebrate my choices to bring me down, because I only need to validate self/Self/SELF within.

In addition, I understood that her un-supportive behavior and absence of a reply stemmed from her own insecurities.

After linner, she mentioned that unlike me—at least having experience in the Army—she felt as though she had never accomplished anything (although she’s older than me).

At that moment, her statement confirmed my hunch that her earlier nonverbal cues and non-response to the mention of my book project stemmed from some degree of jealousy.

I informed her that her being able to remain at the PMS, and rise above it, was a big accomplishment, something I couldn’t even do.

I then added that she’s very strong, and in a month or so (that’s going to fly by), she will definitely graduate and achieve her license. She agreed.

Shortly before she left, I handed her the home-made Christmas booklet I had put together for family members, and a few friends and acquaintances, that I shared in the post, “Seeing with Clarity the True Meaning of Holidays.”

For her (and for all of our kids), I also added two more personalized pages tailored to each of them, to include: using scenes from nature to create their names, adding things that they like or love, or even adding things that could be helpful to them (e.g., personal messages, as well as uplifting quotes and images from Google).

I had a feeling that she would like it, but to my great surprise, she became teary-eyed and silent as she stared at the cover, and then gently said that no one has ever given her such a gift.

It was soul-touching, and I thanked my Beloved I AM Presence/Christ within for the amazing ideas and inspiration to just create from love.

She then added that it means much more than some gift that you buy at the store because it’s from the heart. She then repeated passionately, “It’s from the heart.” I thanked her for sharing such meaningful words with me.

I hadn’t heard back from anyone else as usual, so it was a pleasant surprise. I admit, it used to bother me that certain loved ones hardly ever cared to express any form of gratitude (e.g., a simple 1/2 second text message of “got it” or “ty”), or show any form of appreciation, for cards and/or gifts that my husband and I would send.

However, I’ve learned that unconditional love is truly about unconditional giving just because your loved ones mean the world to you (especially your teenage and adult kids), even if they often don’t give feedback or act like they care.

My husband and I narrowed it down to: When we don’t feel like giving whatever, we don’t—no obligations—but when we do feel like giving from our hearts, we do…and we do it very well (generously that is); it’s as simple as that.

After my new friend left, and having reflected on the experience, I realized that I so deserve to be in relationships where other confident souls have no need or desire to withhold Light—information, knowledge, wisdom, compliments, encouragement, upliftment, etc.—and/or Love in any form, to include outwardly celebrating others’ choices and dreams—the way true friends and family members would do for one another, especially on a day like Christmas.

At that time, I thought that those moments will come in Divine perfect timing and order, because I wasn’t seeing clearly.

I had a strong feeling that I wouldn’t be seeing my new friend again, because she chose to suddenly leave earlier than she had planned; but I chose to just go with the flow and continue to follow my heart’s inner guidance.

When she arrived home, she texted my husband’s cell phone (since I don’t own one), mentioned that she read the whole booklet and loved it, and expressed her gratitude again with an added, “It’s AWESOME!”

I was glad that she loved it, and I thanked my Beloved I AM Presence/Christ within for quickly mirroring back to me an inner change that I had just made—the realization that I deserve the best of relationships—and for a wonderful Christmas day.

I also have zero regrets for choosing to leave that school. I’m very grateful that the school’s people were the way they were; because had it been a positive environment, I would’ve chosen to remain there, continuing to believe deep down that I wasn’t capable of truly living and Being my heart’s dreams—which wasn’t the PMS.

When I expand my perspective, I’m able to fully trust that the version of self that is my Beloved I AM Presence/Christ within, had created this drama-filled phase of my life—like everything else that I had experienced the moment that I was conceived.

Why? To most highly benefit my individual and collective soul growth and evolution—which includes learning many life lessons, gaining profound wisdom (which, without experience wouldn’t happen), enjoying the roller coaster rides of Life, and loving self and others more and more each moment in time.

Sometimes, we must first experience what doesn’t resonate with us in order to know (experiential knowledge/wisdom) what truly and most highly resonates with us.

After leaving the PMS, I was going to elaborate this story in a draft titled, “Inner Beliefs Revealed While Briefly Attending Paul Mitchell School: Quitting vs Liberating”; however, I followed my inner guidance and waited for the perfect moment that felt good, which became this post.

Though the PMS manager, Adviser, and instructors, considered my decision to drop that course as “quitting,” giving up, and throwing away a great career opportunity, I chose to trust that I was liberating my soul/Spirit within, and now I’m very confident that I made the best choice.

In addition, while reading the book, Path of Empowerment: Pleiadian Wisdom for a World in Chaos by Barbara Marciniak this morning, I felt further inspired by the question, “Why, if you love yourself, would you subject yourself to unpleasant, unfulfilling situations?” in the chapter, “Healing on the Lines of Time.” 

I was immediately reminded that my choice to leave PMS was indeed out of unconditional acceptance/love for self, despite how it may have appeared on the outer surface to others and my fearful ego self—who doubted at times, even before I came upon the above helpful question today.

Those empowering words of wisdom gave me another idea of how I can go about unconditionally accepting/loving self more than ever before.

To be completely honest with self, I realize that I haven’t reached a point where I fully and unconditionally love ALL aspects of self; however, I’m definitely on the perfect path.

Many people within humanity believe that it’s more important to only give and give and give love to others—while often neglecting self-love—but how can we constantly give to others what we don’t even feel for ourselves most of the time?

It’s about Balance and Harmony—giving (Divine Masculine God energies) and receiving (Divine Feminine Goddess energies)—Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Christ within/Twin Flame within.

When I’m able to fully love self without any conditions whatsoever, I can then fully do so for others as well—the way God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is unconditionally accepts/loves Life throughout the omniverse.

One magical day, as I fully embrace the greatest gift of the Universe within, I will truly Be my full-potential self—who’s able to unconditionally accept/love self and others—at every moment…effortlessly.

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Added 1/24/2016

A video that helped me to fully realize that one cannot go backwards in our awareness/soul growth/evolution (e.g. often being around a negative environment) since it just doesn’t FEEL good => Abraham Hicks 2015 ペ How to avoid negativity

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Added 2/12/2016