I shared the following, long-@$$ comment for video, “Committed to Success? Be Willing To Be Seen as Bad by Others“:

Thanks so much Teal for this very helpful message; it’s true about the inner, electric fence you were talking about.

Even though there were times during childhood and adulthood that I still did what I loved—like dancing: at home, at the Youth Center, or at clubs as an adult—I would also shrink myself at times (purposely not dress up, not put on any makeup, pretend that I can’t do something well, etc., if I felt that it might make certain others uncomfortable).

I’ve been gradually overcoming my fear of wanting to seek attention (since it was frowned upon growing up)—to include fully and freely expressing myself via various, creative projects—because I realized there’s a difference between knowing that you and others can shine (in our own, unique and/or collective ways), vs believing that only you can shine and not wanting others to shine.

In addition, I’m still learning that it’s perfectly okay to desire to Be full-potential, Multidimensional, WHOLE self/Self, and go after seemingly crazy@$$ and impossible dreams, even if these desires can be perceived by others as: ridiculous, selfish, narcissistic, materialistic, overly ambitious, unrealistic, irresponsible, grandiose, and other related, negative adjectives.

Granted, I think I’ve often been perceived as wrong and/or bad by others throughout my life—especially by my own mother, Korean relatives, U.S. family members, former friends, coworkers, etc.—so I can use these experiences to my advantage and choose to make it easier to further embrace these “negative”/dark side of the same coin.

I have been noticing how LIBERATING and EMPOWERING it feels the more and more I embrace and integrate various authentic and neutral aspects, especially the ones that are considered unacceptable by this world’s general society.

Some personal examples: [deleted the following, three, long paragraphs, in plum font, since a red message popped up that this comment is too long] no longer caring that I haven’t been able to stay at 9 to 5 civilian jobs for long (ever since I left the Army life and explored the broad range of Spirituality, and started deeply healing, to include inner-child work and shadow work)…

discontinuing to give 2 weeks notice for certain jobs (which has worked out since there were enough staff), no longer feeling obligated to help others who are habitually not willing to help themselves, no longer feeling bad about assertively calling people out for being an @$$ or for BULL$h!+, no longer feeling guilty about $h!+ I used to feel bad about, grateful that I’m highly and even ultra sensitive most of the time, strongly desiring to be very powerful, rich, and even wealthy on all energetic levels, AND…

fully embracing the following authentic states of being that I am AT TIMES: insensitive, irritable, judgmental, manipulative, angry, aggressive, b!+chy, passive-aggressive, furious, lazy, cold-hearted, uncaring, unpredictable, negative, resentful, vengeful, thinking “bad” thoughts like wanting to throw our male cat off the balcony at times for continually being a loud@$$ throughout the night, being repulsed by husband, passionately hating husband, thinking “evil” thoughts like wishing the corrupt within this world would just vanish, tired of most people, tired of Life, hopeless, apathetic, just wanting to just leave this world quietly, etc..

I realized how draining it can be whenever I resist being authentic self at whatever moment(s), rather than simply embracing what IS; plus, I noticed that I always bounce back anyway.

Like the Arcturians have mentioned—which FEELS right/light/true to my Heart—once we obtain a certain level of high, vibrational frequency, we will always be able to return to that core state of Being.

The truth is, we’re physical human beings, living in a very challenging, physical world of contrasts/duality/polarity, so it’s okay not to always be “perfect” according to an unevolved society (i.e., only positive, right and good), OR ELSE…we’re NOT in alignment with our Source within if we’re being any negative (ultimately neutral) aspects of whole self/Self.

That’s a MEGA LOAD of doo doo. There have been plenty of times where I was in a low energy state throughout my life, and I experienced various numbers of signs from the Universe that revealed support, encouragement, upliftment, empowerment, and inspiration—within physical reality, dream states, and alternate consciousness states.

From an expanded perspective, I realize that there will always exist the gifts of CONTRAST within our physical world, so the sooner we learn to neutrally embrace them as IS, the less we will be negatively affected by them (and suffer), and the more we will Be inner-peace.

While working at my last/9th Sedona job as a retail sales associate of a boutique, a couple of female customers (friends) came by from out of state.

A conversation began, and I found out that they’re Healers who do energy work in California.

One of the women wore a t-shirt that read, “Positive Vibes Only,” and I strongly sensed within my heart and then throat chakra spaces (as usual) to speak up and share something.

I don’t recall what I said verbatim, but it was something to the effect that I understood where that perspective was coming from; but since she’s a healer, I have no doubt that it would be highly beneficial for her clients (and herself) to embrace all, neutral emotions (our inner compass), and our true feelings, since that would help with the healing process.

I then gave her an example: A client had just experienced a loved one suddenly pass away, s/he’s in shock, so s/he would need some time to mourn and deeply heal.

But it wouldn’t be helpful to tell that person, “Forget about it right now. Just focus on positive thoughts and feeling positive emotions, and you’ll be just fine.”

This receptive Healer made soulful, deep eye contact, and thanked me for sharing; she then asked if I was a Healer—a question that I’ve been asked before by customers, after having a soul connection and heartfelt conversation (I’ve even been asked for hugs before they left, which I didn’t realize was very unusual until my husband pointed it out to me one day).

But because I didn’t feel very confident at the time to outwardly say that I was to others—because there was still a part of whole self who was associating “The Healer” with an earthly position earned from physical schools, online courses, certifications, etc. (even though I’ve intuitively known for a while)—I just smiled, and then told her that I’d share my information on a piece of paper (and I wrote down my blog link).

The above insights answers my question as to why I’ve been allowing a particular experience bother me recently (i.e., because I wasn’t allowing myself/others to simply be the opposite of “supportive” and “congratulating” at times).

The deep down truth is, I don’t always feel this way towards others either, but my ego aspect of self often wants to smile, laugh, or be some other POSITIVE support system towards others even when I don’t truly feel like it within.

Granted, it’s wonderful when all the positivity is coming from a genuine/authentic place within the Heart; but we all know how we truly FEEL inside at whatever moment(s).

I just need to remember how our older, female, black cat named, Shadow, is (a great example of authenticity at is finest).

She seems to fully embrace the entire rainbow spectrum of who she IS—not judging any part of her as right or wrong, good or bad, light or dark, etc., though she can be any one of these various aspects.

After my second to last, open-mic comedy set recently, though there were those who cheered and even complimented afterwards, there were also those who seemed to give me dirty looks, and were distant in their demeanor, though they were cool with others (about half of the open-mic comedians who also performed).

At the time, I wondered if my outer world was continuing to mirror to me the remnants of my own judgment and disapproval of self; and if this is the case, it would be nice when I fully let go of judging self in a negative way, and just be free.

But perhaps ultimate freedom is unconditionally accepting self/others to be whatever aspects of the WHOLE (as long as these aspects aren’t being harmful), which doesn’t necessarily equate to what we prefer to be around.

Anyhoo, the gift of this “negative” experience, and fuller awareness of it, was that it seemed to IGNITE inside of me a once dormant, passionately feisty, yet, welcoming aspect that was calmly like, “BRING IT B!+CHE$. I will F!@#IN do circles around your @$$.“

It was similar to what the comedian, Kat Williams, talked about in one of his specials back in the day—to basically let haters hate, and to allow them to push you to love yourself more, and bring out more of the superstar in you (or something to that effect).

From one perspective, I didn’t quite understand why we—ALL the participating open-mic comedians (mostly males and 2 other females)—couldn’t just be supportive and happy for one another.

But like you said Teal, we don’t live in a perfect world, though from an expanded perspective, we somewhat do since the negative CONTRASTS—blessings in disguise that also have a Divine Purpose—gift us with the experiences of deep appreciation for its so-called opposites.

As I’m typing this, I received a reminder that when we’re in a state of poverty consciousness (a fear-based, lack mentality), we can believe that there’s not enough success to go around; hence, it turns into the unhealthy version of competition, where it’s about being jealous of others, being aggressive, stepping over others to get to the top, etc.

However, when we’re in a state of Prosperity Consciousness (abundance mentality), then we can believe that there’s more than enough success to go around; hence, everyone is simply Being, enjoying, and doing their best, and sharing their Divine gifts with one another.

In addition, perhaps if we could perceive our full-potential, Multidimensional, WHOLE self/Self (and not just the positive aspects) as every stepping stone of Source/Soul/Spirit success, abundance, riches, and wealth, then that would be the epitome of Prosperity Consciousness and ultimate SUCCESS.

Update

Added on 6/14/2021

Update

Leave a Reply