I shared the following comment for the video, “5 Things You Should Know About The Full Moon – (September 20th, 2021)“:
Image by cocoparisienne from Pixabay
WOW, thank you so much Victor for sharing a very helpful insight about Pattie, that caused me to immediately have flashbacks of the various times that I had similar experiences throughout my life.
And they’re mostly related to just being self, not caring what others think, and having fun, but then noticing another feeling hurt by the spotlight not being on them.
For instance, during at least two different APFT’s (Army Physical Fitness Tests) almost two decades ago, I actually slowed my pace during the last lap because I knew how bad the other two Soldiers needed to have a faster run score than me (one just told me).
Sometimes, when I would go out with females who made it crystal clear that they had low self-esteem, I would dress down to prevent making them feel uncomfortable, since I’ve actually been told that before as well.
Once, when my husband’s client’s wife invited me to a girls’ night out, which included playing pool at one point, I initially just played the way I normally would, but soon noticed the thickness in the air, as well as the uncomfortable non-verbal cues; so I started missing some shots on purpose.
Another time, after performing a comedy set while in the Army, multiple people from various branches (since it was a joint unit) approached me and told me how much they laughed and how I did a great job.
However, though I really appreciated all of them, I couldn’t help but to notice one of my male Soldiers who looked sad in the corner, and I strongly sensed at the time it was due him often needing to be the high-speed achiever in the spotlight (due to his mother leaving him and his dad when he was young).
I was even told by another Solider that he refused to attend the event because he had work to do (which was more important), and though he was usually very friendly, and often following me around like a puppy, he was distant that day.
Another example is when my current husband and I were both stationed in Hawaii, and we went dancing out in town some time between 2006 -2008.
Whenever I dance, I’m so into it that I’m literally ‘dancing as if no one is looking,” which sometimes leads to many around me to stop dancing, gather around me, and cheer me on within a large circle.
Well, when this happened, my husband became very upset and stormed off the dance floor (due to his own insecurities at the time, though he hasn’t been that way since).
I felt bad, stopped dancing, and attempted to comfort him, but he acted like a toddler throwing a fit within a man’s body.
Once, his first/ex-wife (also active Army at the time) bragged to me over the phone that she usually scores a 270 on her APFT; and though I often scored 295 to 300 (max score)—and even the unofficial, extended score above that—I didn’t say anything the first time, until she kept bringing it up the next time we talked (and I only talked to her at the time because my husband and I had his two sons living with us at the time).
Even when I performed open-mic in Mesa, AZ this past summer, though certain, seasoned comedians welcomed me and even complimented me, about half the guys gave me dirty looks, and were distant, even when I congratulated them. There are other examples, but you get the point.
Thanks to your message, You helped me to identify perhaps the main fear that’s been holding me back from fully SHINING my authentic/true self.
I’m reminded of the well-known quote by Marianne Williamson that includes, ““There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”
I trust that there can be beautiful balance of sharing the spotLIGHT, by not competing in an unhealthy, aggressive way, but simply Being and doing our best in Life—without being concerned with or worried about what others may think, judge, or feel—but also looking for opportunities to shine the spotlight on so-called others.
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