Living essence within Life can be so elusive. 🦋
UPDATE (1/25/‘25, starting 6:26 am):
This post was initially an update to yesterday’s post, “🧐A Closer Look at Very Suspicious 🤔Trustpilot : Removed✌🏼Negative Reviews 😳 of Untrustworthy 🚩 🚩 Businesses & Suspended Account.”
But as I typed away, and it became longer, I decided to turn it into its own.
While focusing on the topic of untrustworthy businesses yesterday, I missed out on what truly matters most, loved ones.
One of our pet cats—very loving, lovable, super cuddly, highly intelligent, younger male cat, Leo 🐈—suddenly passed away last night 🥺…
with his tiny, now feather 🪶-like limp body, glazed open crossed eyes, hanging tongue on the side of his gray mouth.
He’s had a severe heart condition for at least a couple of months;
and we found out for sure day before yesterday at his cardiology vet appointment out of town.
After doing Leo’s echocardiogram, very compassionate, transparently honest, and very informative Dr. Miller from Scottsdale informed us that…
Leo had a very large left-atrium, and in-between HCM and DCM, which is the worst heart condition case for cats.
At best, he had one more year to live, and that would be a miracle.
So we started one of his meds to alleviate fluid build-up in lungs 🫁 (a diuretic), but he died the next day of returning from vet hospital.
I was in denial for almost an hour, checking over and over again for a pulse or other signs of life within him.
My former husband (now family-like friend) kept gently reminding me (with teary eyes), that Leo’s really gone, since he’s not breathing or has a pulse in various areas.
Even when I reached a point of letting him go, I still don’t think it has fully hit home 💗.
And that’s completely understandable, part of the healthy grieving process.
I wondered if Leo’s severe heart condition was MIRRORING🪞my former husband’s heart, since this started while I was overseas.
But then again, I was in the hospital with mother in Korea for a while due to her heart surgery.
So perhaps she was MIRRORING my own still deeply wounded heart, due to the ongoing chaos within this world.
I intuitively know I need to simply embrace even corruption as part of (ultimately neutral) Life, at least in this particular, ass-backwards, physical world.
Since Leo 🐈 wanted to be left alone (under the sofa)—as cats are known for when they’re ill or about to transition—that’s what I did.
It still doesn’t feel real that he’s gone, and I’m having a hard time forgiving myself for wasting our precious last day together focusing on the corrupt ways of people.
I will be able to be gentle on self soon, since, I, too, have experienced a very rough phase these past several months.
I suddenly lost the most weight in adulthood without any diets or exercise (last time I weighed 90 lbs, at 4’9”, was almost 40 years ago in junior high school).
During my recent visit to Korea again, I found out that one of my stubborn, elderly aunts had refused to do annual health checkups for a while.
But because she suddenly lost a lot of weight, my mom and aunts demanded that she get an appointment at the hospital right away.
And sure enough, she was diagnosed with lung cancer.
She had surgery the same day my mother did, and she’s recovering, though not all of the cancer was removed.
My closest aunt passed away from heart cancer in fall of last year.
I called her Buddha aunt, because she was a shaman monk for most of her adult life.
I have fully embraced that Shamanism runs in my family; hence, why we all have psychic gifts to varying degrees.
Plus, since the late 90’s, a week of spiritual dreams in 2001, and mostly within 15 years…
I’ve had a wealth of earthly and otherworldly dreams, whether Soul memories, parallel or alternate realities, and even symbolic.
Some Soul memories were from ancient times—to include caveman days, what appeared to be times of Atlantis 🌊🔱 , etc.
in dream state (practically every night), I have even observed and/or interacted with numerous earth animals and unknown creatures from many worlds.
When I started searching for dream interpretations, I was introduced to Shamanism and Animal Spirits Guides (though I didn’t feel the need to dive deep into the former).
I’ve learned that part of my Life Purpose/Life Path is to Be a BRIDGE 🌉🌁 between the spiritual and physical worlds as the Shaman aspect of Full-Potential 🌱🌿🌲🌳🪷, Multidimensional 🐲🦄, WHOLE 🌚🌓🌝🌞 Self/self.
However, at times, I have no desire ❤️🔥 to Be/be anyone—or even continue to exist within a HEAVY world I don’t resonate with (besides Mother Earth/Nature/babies and children/and seemingly rare humans)—which I can deeply empathize with.
I was so stressed last night, that I even played the popular, outdated, blame game…
and sent this text message to Dean Graziosi’s staff member who texted yesterday morning ANOTHER UPSELL invite (despite my reply of “NO” to end text messages and blocking the previous number):
From an expanded perspective, I intuitively know I manifested everything that has shown up in both inner and outer world.
I have passionately ❤️🔥 commanded—last year and even recently—that I effortlessly release everything in my life that no longer serves Self (Spirit & Soul)/self (physical self).
And this apparently included the old and outdated, fear-based energies of family members, who had not fully opened their hearts, and were still more masculine energies.
This is why even Leo’s 🐈 left heart atrium correlates with masculine energies on the left side of the body.
Even though he was super loving most of the time, he was still territorial at times with Shadow 🐈⬛, despite her showing much love for him a week after his arrival, and him having been neutered 7 years ago as a kitten.
Granted, he’s made great improvement over the years.
Shortly after we adopted him from the Human Society—who lied to us about him being neutered—he used to rush towards Shadow while she was eating, and RAM his body into hers (which we discouraged).
Or, he would stand right in front of the litter box while she was using it. We thought it was an innocent behavior, but our vet told us that he was being territorial.
As time went by, his suppressed aggressive energies—that were frowned upon by his caregivers (us)—showed up in passive-aggressive ways.
Whenever he saw Shadow sitting in an area that he deemed was his territory as well—though there was an abundance of space—he would slowly sit next to her (as though they were buddies), and then push her away with his body with baby steps (when he thought nobody was watching, so highly intelligent).
And she would end up hissing at him, or paw slapping him (LOL), though other times, she wouldn’t back down since she was our first cat pet, the matriarch of cat world, before he came along.
Plus, there’s no reason to be territorial—at least from the human perspective (though not animals)—because we started (soon after adopting him) buying two of everything they need (and even enjoy), to include:
2 large and high indoor catios (like their own condos), 2 wooden cat tables (with separate sets of wet and dry food, snacks, and purified water), 2 litter boxes, 2 carriers, 2 circular beds (since cats love being within circles / Divine Feminine energy), 2 rectangle beds for warmth (that absorb their body heat and return it back), a very large cat stroller (that both can comfortably move around in and look outside while out and about on walks, since it’s surrounded with a net on all sides,, to include on top), multiple scratch boards, toys (they hardly ever play with anymore), mini blankets, etc.
Glad I typed that out, because, sometimes, it’s easy to forget all that we provide for our loved ones, and NOT just material items, but the most important of all, Unconditional Love (and as much Freedom as possible while balancing this with safety, since there are a lot of coyotes outside; hence, no wandering outdoors).
In addition, both Shadow and Leo have had many loving and fun memories together as well, to include grooming one another, chasing one another, being mischievous towards one another, play or competitive wrestling, looking out for one another, protective of one another, especially if other cats or dogs were nearby (which was deeply heartfelt, because it showed how much they cared about each other).
Everywhere I go within this house, I’m reminded of Leo’s presence, his super lovey dovey cuddly ways (to include snuggling up next to me, or flipping on his back to get his belly rubbed, like a dog), his adorable multi-toned and pitched voice (like one that sounds like he’s asking a question), his soulful eyes, his soft fur, his soothing purrs, his cute paws that gently reach out and touch me, his hyper butt (at times) literally bouncing off the walls with wild acrobatic moves, his clever ways of figuring out how to open cabinets, closets doors, and even his persistent attempts to open a door knob (LOL), his compassion and empathy with he senses one of his family members are not well, his very INTENSE AND INTIMIDATING LOUD GROWLS AND YOWLS whenever stray and feral cats passing by within the neighborhood.
Just like every other existence in Life, there will never be another pet cat Leo; and that breaks my heart, though I’m also deeply grateful he has unconditionally loved me more than anyone else has my entire life (besides my other two pets, Kami and Shadow, who have also shared much True Love).
I forgot to mention that within a week ago, I had a vivid dream of pet cat LEO seemingly arguing with a LION that was sitting in a SPHINX position.
I was concerned that this lion was going to slap him—like another dream a while back (that I shared within the blog)—so I did my best to shout out to him to come to me.
But he kept challenging this big lion with his tiny, yet fearlessly BOLD, self, and the lion looked baffled (LOL).
At one point, Leo started rapidly bouncing around, and that’s all I recall.
Upon waking up, the latter part of this dream instantly reminded me of the a dream I had recorded in post, “The Dark Being & Jesus Within Me,” where once the dark/unknown being SHIFTED back into its previous, hunched-back, “zombie-looking” self (after transforming into a darker version of Jesus), he started rapidly bouncing around the cave.
Anyhoo, I did my best to tune into insights, and check out dream interpretations, but the only thing I can think of is that THE LION—REPRESENTING GODDESS & GOD/HEART & MIND/LOVE & LIGHT/YIN & YANG/MOON & SUN/ETC.—was preparing us for Leo’s departure from this particular physical world.
Because right before I left Korea on Christmas Eve last year, my mother shared a vivid dream she had of seeing a LION on top of a cliff.
My mother was going to tell me to look, but I was already looking up. Even at those moments, I wondered if it was near my mother’s time.
After typing the above, I strongly sense that it may be my mother’s time to transition soon as well.
Death is merely a transformation of energy state, like solid ice to more fluid liquid, to air-like gas.
I’M READY for this MAJOR CHANGE as well.
As I’ve shared with my mother, I have been wishing for her to Be Inner-Peace and happiness, and to no longer suffer from chronic, inner and outer chaos most of her childhood and adult life (which applies to me and MANY within humanity and beyond as well).
When I feel like it, I will continue this post; but for now, this is suffice.