I shared the following comment for the creator of this deep issues-triggering and profoundly healing video, “Why Women Give Mixed Messages – (Women in the Work Place) – Teal Swan” (the post links of this blog, inserted within the brackets, were not included in the original comment):
Teal and team, this is hands down THE MOST POWERFUL, soul-igniting, deeply heartfelt video of yours I’ve watched so far, even bringing me to tears during certain moments (i.e., when you were crying Teal, which felt so sincere). Your genius creativity is immensely appreciated. For the first part, thank you so much for helping me to better understand the aspect of self that’s more receptive. It was so incredibly SPOT ON.
Note: Image on right found next to link => Pinterest
At times, there was the part of me—the doer/overachiever/needs to have a satisfying challenging career or job/overly masculine aspect—that felt embarrassed by the recent jobless, receptive, feminine aspect of self.
This receptive aspect of self simply wanted to Be whoever I wanted to be, and do whatever I wanted to do (create while enjoying), in a safe, secure, positive and comfortable environment (at home), where I didn’t have to experience others judging, disrespecting, ignoring, ridiculing, criticizing, or being unkind to me in other ways.
This is what I often experienced during childhood at home and at school, and in the recent past, at four different jobs in Sedona within a year [stories shared in post, “Finally Embracing the ‘Systems Buster’ Aspect of Self Reminded by the Pleiadians“]. I now trust that the so-called nightmare-like experiences have triggered me and pushed me towards who I truly want to Be, and what I actually love doing (i.e., NOT the typical 9 to 5 job where I’m not surrounded by like-minded/like hearted people).
Several years ago, I randomly turned to a page within the book, Rich Dad Poor Dad—that I didn’t end up reading, but extracted what would be highly beneficial for me to remember. The quote basically stated that one can really flourish in a positive environment, the way a seed does, and I realized that I learn and create best when I’m in a positive state.
I LOVE your quote, “I just wanna do what I wanna do…what I want is freedom. And I don’t want to be wrong when I want something.”
I also love how you represented the opposite aspect, which I was also able to relate to at a very deep level. While watching you expressing such intense pain, I had a flashback of two situations that felt similar to what you had mentioned.
While at my third unit in the Army, I sent a coworker a passionate email of how I felt towards what he said and/or did (I don’t even recall what exactly). I would’ve told my coworker in person, but we ended up working different schedules. That male coworker showed the e-mail to his supervisor, and the next thing you know, I was standing in front of his supervisor explaining my “inappropriate” actions.
Despite getting yelled at and humiliated by his supervisor (one of the senior interrogator instructors)—in front of two other male NCO’s and my own male supervisor—I stood my ground (while trying to hold back my tears stemming from anger) because I didn’t feel that I was wrong in expressing how I truly felt about the jacked up situation.
After the @$$-chewing, my supervisor told me in private that I was right, and I didn’t say anything. A part of me felt disappointed that my own “leader” didn’t have my back, even though he agreed with me; but then another part of me understood that he was a passive, fearful guy who chose the easy path of siding with THE GUYS.
The gifts that I took from that emotionally intense experience (a blessing in disguise) were: 1) to continue freely, honestly, and fully expressing self with tact (especially my authentic feelings), 2) to remember (to the best of my ability) to always stand up for myself (even if others don’t), and 3) to promise myself that when I became E-7 (Sergeant First Class)–which happened later that year—I would be the type of leader who’s willing to BOLDY stand up for my soldiers (even more so than before).
I also had other experiences at my second to last unit where I was the only female, senior NCO in a company of several male senior NCO’s. And especially at meetings, it became very apparent that what the female said was often brushed off, but what the males said were welcomed.
It felt like a triple dose of excessive, aggressive male energy because they were 1) in the Army (of mostly alpha personality types), 2) mostly former combat arms guys (who often disrespected female soldiers to begin with) and 3) soldiers who re-classed (like me) into the Military Intelligence MOS (job) of of 97E/now 35M/Human Intelligence Collector/aka Interrogator (an already aggressive field). It often felt like a no-win situation, no matter how hard I tried to make things work; I ended up leaving the Army life because I was so exhausted from being around that environment, and I don’t regret it.
I was also able to relate to the part where you described how you felt about a job (i.e., wanting to have one that doesn’t destroy you). When you brought up the part about, “damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” it reminded me of the time when I was stationed at my second unit in Hawaii.
A Korean woman warrant officer—who was more Koreanized than Americanized, was about a decade older than me, and outranked me (I was a staff sergeant then)—walked by my section and said out loud (for me and everyone else to hear), “Life must be SO EASY for those who don’t have to live with their kids.” That wasn’t the first or last time she made such comments.
Of course, she was referring to me, since she apparently heard from someone that my kids were living with their father and his new wife at the time (who’s been, and continues to be, wonderful to my kids). However, she didn’t even know the whole story, only a fraction of the details, but she based her judgment upon that information.
For instance, she wasn’t aware–and didn’t know what it FELT like—to be…
– in a marriage where the wife initially trusts her husband, only for him to have an affair (with a female other than his current wife), spend lots of money on his girlfriend while he was cheap towards his family
– the fearful mother of two toddlers who only had a low-paying receptionist job and no extended family support or reliable friends
– a mother who suddenly feels the strong need to join the Army because she doesn’t want to take the chance of her husband leaving her and her kids one day, the way her biological and adoptive fathers left her and her mother (fear of abandonment all over again; initial wounds stemming from bio parents and then adoptive father)
– a mother whose told by her kids three years into the Army life that they don’t want to live without their daddy—which was completely understandable since she was away for Basic (boot camp), first AIT (as MOS 98G/now 35P), and CEWEOC training for a year, and was stationed in Korea for almost two years (where you can’t take your family); hence, they were more emotionally attached to their dad, though they got to see their mother during annual visits (so she granted them their wish)
By the way Teal, you are amazing PERIOD, and not just for a woman. However, you’re also an amazing woman, because the word WOMAN needs to be honored and embraced.
And you’re right about society often perceiving the strong female as a b!+ch, but yet, the strong male as confident. Even in the Army, confident females were often (but not always) labeled with negative adjectives that male soldiers could get away with saying, like overly vocal or too opinionated.
Thanks to you Teal (and team), it is my intention to fully let go of the habit of judging the seemingly opposite aspects of self, and embrace, integrate, and deeply heal them into the whole self. Also, thank you so much for mirroring to me of how extremely tired I’ve been feeling for a while during certain phases of my life, and that it’s completely understandable.
Teal, your insight (that surprised you) about which aspect was more in pain, was truly mind and heart opening (consciousness expanding). Thank you for sharing the part about Objective Consciousness. YES, without a shadow of a doubt, we can embrace our feminine softness and also Be successful in our craft [plan shared in post, “Stories of Sharing Unconventional Poems, a Song and Mystic Comedy Skits at Open Mic Places” to include the update within it]. And even if there are still remnants of those who may not initially embrace this truth, it can still BE nonetheless as long as we choose to manifest it on an individual and collective level.
Teal, you’ve been a very courageous, authentic, hard-core trailblazer as a Spiritual Catalyst. Continue simply Being your wise, unconditionally loving, and powerful essence within the entire, colorful, beautiful, rainbow spectrum of Life; you are the bridge—modern shaman aspect of your Multidimensional self/Self—that gracefully (and other times abruptly) merges the physical and spiritual worlds.
By the way, I realize this is a LONG-@$$ comment; but it’s just me sharing what triggered me, and if it helps anyone else, that’s great. If not, that’s okay too since it helped me.
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