Note: All names in the post are made-up, with the exception of one (whom I merely described positive qualities).
The following are sub-themes to the main theme above:
Hello Classmate/Soul Sister!- Overcoming Challenging Relationships
- The Path to Self-Study
- The Siamese Fathers
- Compassion for The Wounded Souls
- My Reflections at One Crazy-Ass, Yet, Perfect BBQ
- My Various Reflections of My Expanded Self
Note: Thank you jpe11.edublogs.org for image on right.
Hello Classmate/Soul Sister!
After I got out of the Army, I used my Post 9/11 GI Bill for my extended education. Although I had already received an Associates degree, due to my new major (Psychology), I had to take additional classes.
I completed two semesters at a junior college, and then transferred to a university within the city that I live near.
One day, before my Criminology class began, a petite female sat next to me, and a conversation began. Lananda was from the island of Samoa, and she was kind, thoughtful, and down-to-earth. She was also in her thirties, which was closer to my age group than probably most students there.
Note: Thank you www.123rf.com for image on left.
The next class, and the class after that, Lananda sat next to me again. Although the class was in a large auditorium, I always sat around the same section, so I suppose it wasn’t hard for her to find me.
The more we conversed, the more we bonded. One day, she tickled me with her offer. She said that if I ever needed answers to an assignment, that she would be more than happy to provide them for me.
I smiled, thanked her, and then politely declined the thoughtful offer, adding that I always do my own assignments since it helps me to learn. She looked surprised, and I assumed it was because she was used to having new friends who accepted such an offer.
Note: Thank you www.123rf.com for image on right.
Overcoming Challenging Relationships
As days turned into weeks, Lananda and I grew closer. She invited me to study with her, hang out and have coffee, and even shared with me her personal stories.
One day, as Lananda was expressing her frustration about her step-son, I was able to relate to and empathize with her due to my own personal experiences.
Granted, her step-son was 18 years old, still living with her and her husband, and apparently giving her a hard time. I wrote about my experiences in the post, “Transformation of the Children of the Corn,” which were about my two step-sons when they were little.
During the moments of her suffering, I was able to provide her with comforting words, as well as some suggestions that might be helpful; and I thanked God for my past experiences, as well as giving me the opportunity to help another with their journey.
I was also reminded, yet again, that we all cross paths with one another in Divine perfect timing in order to help one another to re-member and to Be our True Selves/Higher Selves/Souls/Trinity: God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is within each of us for our individual and collective soul growth/evolution.
Note: Thank you www.faniq.com for image on left.
The Path to Self-Study
One day, I shared my thoughts with Lananda before I made my decision to talk to my Psychology instructor in person. She had made fun of people with Bipolar disorder in class, as well as some other insensitive comments, which my ego self (who was lost within the illusions of duality of this earth) judged and labeled as “wrong” and unprofessional at the time.
The following quote about the anonymous classmate from the post, “Following Heart Over Mind” is Lananda:
“Like your classmate told you the other day, she chooses not to say or do anything to such an instructor (even though she knows it’s wrong) because she doesn’t want to get on the instructor’s bad side […]”
Note: Thank you www.adelle.com.au for image on right.
I wrote about some of my other experiences at the university in another post called “Let’s Inflame Our Hearts.”
After I decided that formal education wasn’t for me, I withdrew, and never looked back.
Although my ego self (lower mind) was confused and fearful that I had made yet, another major mistake, I believe my True Self (Higher Mind) comforted my heart with feelings of peace, freedom, joy, abundance (having everything that I need in the Moment of Now), truth (that I’m following my heart for my life purpose and soul mission), wisdom (that everything happens in Divine perfect timing, and that everything will be just fine) and unconditional love (within me and sent from all around me from the Universe).
Note: Thank you www.desktopict.com for image on left.
The Siamese Fathers
After that semester, which was Lananda’s last class before earning a BA in Psychology, and continuing her studies to earn a Masters as well, she invited me to her graduation party, which I gladly accepted. I was happy for her that she had completed her schooling, despite her previous health challenges with her kidney.
As soon as my husband and I arrived at her graduation party, we noticed that we were the first ones to arrive (besides family members)…although we were there on time.
That’s what usually happens when one was in the military—showing up a little early, or on time; I suppose certain old habits are good to keep around.
Lananda introduced us to her Samoan parents. Her mother seemed like a gentle and kind soul. After being introduced to her father, the three of us (to include my husband) ended up having a conversation while Lananda, her mother, and other family members did their thing.
Note: Thank you www.pinterest.com for image on right.
Lanada’s father was outgoing and friendly, and my husband and I had a good impression of him. Then, something interesting happened.
As I was sharing with her father how wonderful I thought Lananda was, he immediately cut me off and started bragging about himself, all his accomplishments, his business, his financial riches, his properties, and so on.
At that very moment, I couldn’t believe what I was experiencing. I had a flashback of my own biological father (my shadow/reflection of my shadow self), who I had met for the first time in my mid thirties (in post, “SURPRISE Bio Papa!“), and then spent two days with in January of 2012, when he visited my home for the first time (in post, “My First Encounter with a Narcissist“).
Note: Thank you www.funnydogsite.com for image on left.
I thanked God for my past experiences with my own biological father, because it helped me to better emphasize with and have compassion for my friend, as well as her father. Looking back, she, as well as everything else in my life, was a reflection/another version of my Expanded Self.
I learned about Expanded Self from the amazing website reconnections.net:
“Every person, place, situation, or object you perceive in your daily journey reflects and represents a part of yourself. They each have life contexts of their own as well—though they have lent their images to YOU, in this time and place, so your special process can be accomplished. Your JOURNEY into the World of Form. In other life contexts, you also return that favor for them.”
I’ve also learned/remembered, that until we learn our life lesson from a particular situation, it will return again and again (with different faces) until we finally choose to understand (at a deeper level), empathize with, have compassion for, forgive, accept, embrace and/or love unconditionally.
After Lananda’s father (my shadow/a reflection of my shadow self, who my ego self judged) talked about himself for about 30 minutes, we left the pool area and went inside. My husband and I both came to the conclusion that he was definitely like my own father.
Note: Thank you www.evl.uic.edu for image on right.
Compassion for The Wounded Souls
Whether it was my biological father, or Lananda’s father, I eventually came to the conclusion that they were the way they were due to having a strong need to prove to others that they mattered…they were worthy, successful, powerful, abundant, happy, etc.
I believe this stems from a deep down lack of this belief of worthiness that was more than likely ingrained in their early childhood.
In one of my biological father’s stories that he had shared with me during his two-day visit, his father once told him—during my biological father’s visit to his parent’s home after graduating from Ranger School—to go outside and prove his worth by scrubbing something. My biological father shook his head and left.
Note: Thank you imperfectspirituality.com for image on left.
After my biological father’s graduation from Special Forces, my grandfather (whom I never met before), apparently showed up to his graduation because he finally felt that my father had made a great accomplishment.
My biological father apparently walked up to my grandfather after graduation, and instead of shaking his hand, flicked a coin at him that he had earned for his training; and then walked off.
When his instructor asked him why he was being so disrespectful to his own father, my biological father told him, “He’s an asshole.”
I later realized that had my grandfather happily celebrated my biological father’s accomplishment as an Army Ranger, perhaps he (my father) would’ve never developed a need to further push himself to try out for much greater challenges, such as Special Forces.
In the post, “Unconditional Love from Angels and Aliens,” I included some reasons why I believed my biological father had such low self-esteem, as well as my thoughts about my grandfather. The following quoted paragraph is just one of those sections:
“My bio dad was apparently the first Japanese-American kid to be allowed in a non-segregated school in the states; I found an article online about it, and it made me sad. I believe my grandfather, whom I’ve never known, was so strict and demanding with my dad because he wanted to toughen him up for the harsh world that he knew his son was going to be in.”
Note: Thank you www.butterfly-maiden.com for image on right.
Anyhoo, when Lananda’s graduation ceremony was about to begin, her father immediately volunteered to make a speech, which concerned me.
My half-sisters (from my biological father’s first marriage, and whom I talked to for the first time in 2012), had informed that during our grandfather’s funeral, my biological father bragged about himself during his speech.
My oldest half-brother (my third half-sibling whom I never talked to or met before), made a speech after my biological father, and mentioned to the audience in the beginning, that he planned on talking about his grandfather’s accomplishments.
As expected, Lananda’s father bragged about himself and all his accomplishments throughout his entire speech (that was being video-taped), with one sentence that was about my friend.
Note: Thank you alekwalker.blogspot.com for image on left.
It then occurred to me (like it did with my own biological father), that he was so deeply into his usual bragging routine, that he had little to no awareness of his words and actions at the moment.
It was a sad sight, and as I looked around the room, the expressions on everyone’s face was of disbelief; I could even tell that Lanand’as mother felt embarrassed for him. I also looked over at my friend, and she appeared sad.
I’m not too fond of speeches, especially in front of most people I don’t even know, but I decided to make one for my friend after her father was done.
I asked God to speak through me from my heart, and I was grateful that I was able to deliver some truths about wonderful Lananda—how we first met, how friendly she is, along with examples of how thoughtful, giving, honest, determined, intelligent, outgoing, humorous, and big-hearted she is. It made me happy to see her smile, and she thanked me again when we were alone.
Note: Thank you missfearlesslystrong.blogspot.com for image on right.
My Reflections at One Crazy-Ass, Yet, Perfect BBQ
One day, Lananda invited my husband and I to her BBQ. Upon arriving, she thanked me, and said that I was the only friend who offered to arrive early and help set up. She then continued that she knows that others just come for the food.
So I asked, “So why do you invite them?” She replied, “Because I like their company.” I then added, “Well, there you go then! If you enjoy their company, I guess it doesn’t matter if they help or not; however, if others make you uncomfortable or unhappy at your own BBQ , then you don’t have to invite them. When we have BBQ’s at our home, we just don’t expect others to help set up, which prevents any kind of disappointments. And if they do happen to ask, it just makes it a pleasant surprise.” She agreed.
Note: Thank you www.merchantcircle.com for image on left.
Before helping to prep, Lananda introduced my husband and I to her brother-in-law, Rasheed (an African American guy), who we both received very positive vibes from. He was visiting from another state, and was helping with the grill.
As my husband and I noticed that the dining room table was covered with a plethora of various household items, we moved things around and managed to find a small section to prep food on.
I then realized that the entire place appearing as if it was just hit by a raging tornado didn’t help the chaotic atmosphere, where I could sense the tension of highly stressed-out Lananda.
Note: Thank you footage.shutterstock.com for image on right.
After cutting up two packages of beef, seasoning them, and creating shish kabobs with an assortment of vegetables and mushrooms that I had already cut up from home, I started cleaning and organizing her kitchen with one of Lananda’s girlfriend, Tina (a much older yer very free-spirited and kind lady).
Trying to find basic kitchen items and seasonings was like trying to find a specific plant within an Amazon jungle.
Note: Thank you hdw.eweb4.com for image on left.
Lananda thanked us and acknowledged her state of living with a smile. She then added that her husband asked her several times to not leave her shoes (as well as many many many other personal items) all over the place, to include the dining room area, and she would just tell him to deal with it. I’ve met her husband, and he seemed like his brother Rasheed—really nice, but quieter.
At some other time in our relationship (in private), while she was venting about her husband again, I told her that perhaps she may want to take some of the responsibility of their continual arguments and fights (something that I had learned to do the hard way with my own marriage)—like her not putting forth the effort to keep their home somewhat clean and organized while her husband’s away working long hours.
I added, “No one wants to come home to a huge mess; one’s environment can highly affect how one feels.” She agreed.
Note: Thank you en.paperblog.com for image on right.
Generous Lananda had good intentions of creating a feast for us all, but the lack of organization and planning made her go straight into panic mode.
My husband and I were able to comfort her by adding humor to the situation, to include asking her where her whip was since she was putting us to some hard-labor work; she laughed her cute little laugh.
At one point, after noticing that Lananda was giving Rasheed back-to-back large containers of marinated meats to grill, I reminded her that it was like 95+ degrees outside, and that she should suggest to Rasheed to take breaks in-between in the ac-filled house, as well as offer him a cold drink.
I then made loud whipping sounds again, and she agreed while giggling and shaking her head.
Note: Thank you imgarcade.com for image on left.
Rasheed seemed like the type of guy who would just work his ass off all day without taking care of himself; and I wasn’t about to let let him go unnoticed for his selflessness, diligence, and helpfulness.
When Rasheed came in, he was drenched in sweat, and we felt bad for him. Lananda offered him a drink and a conversation started.
He’s active duty Army, so the three of us (to include my hubby) had an instant connection, and we had many topics to talk about. Plus, he had such a pleasant personality and a great sense of humor.
Note: Thank you www.sunriseyoga.ca for image on right.
At one point, during our preparation stage, Lananda called my husband Adrian.
When I reminded her of his actual name, she immediately corrected herself, and then added, “Sorry, you just reminded me of my friend, and I don’t even know why since he’s gay.”
The look on my husband’s face, and his comment, “Oh no you didn’t go there” made us all laugh. He then added his two cents while pouting his lips, “That’s alright…you remind me of Shenaynay!” (from the show In Living Color) which made us burst into more laughter.
Note: Thank you www.sodahead.com for image on left.
Shortly afterwards, two of Lananda’s former coworkers came by, along with Adrian’s boyfriend, Shane, whom Lananda barely knew. After our introductions, they mentioned that Adrian was going to arrive later.
At that point, I casually mentioned that we were just talking about Adrian, and shared the hilarious story with them—well, I guess you had to be there.
When Shane (who looked like a skinny, yet, muscular 5′ 10″ bald biker dude) mentioned with a very serious expression/tone and deep voice, “That’s my boyfriend,” I realized what I had gotten myself into.
Without knowing me, Shane probably thought that I had something against gays; hence, my joke about his boyfriend. However, my intention was just to break the ice.
I silently applauded myself for creating an awkward situation and making an ass out of myself.
While taking food, drinks, chairs, tables, etc. to the pool area, I explained to Lananda about my little slip-up, and asked her if she could bring peace to the situation since Shane probably wasn’t in the mood to hear anything else coming out of my mouth. She agreed, and told me not to worry since it probably wasn’t a big deal.
Note: Thank you www.allenschool.edu for image on right.
During one point of unloading, Shane and I ended up in the same spot taking stuff out of a box. All of a sudden, Shane took out his knife from his boot, and showed it off to me with an eerie smile.
I calmly replied with a smile, “Nice.” It looked like the one from the old movie, “Jagged Edge,” and I sensed that he was trying to intimidate me with his tool that he uses as a defense mechanism.
I should have noticed the two, red flags—Shane’s red face and jagged knife—but it went right over my head. I just thought he was a white guy, dressed somewhat like a biker or punk, with a severe sunburn on his face.
Note: Thank you someofmybusiness.com for image on left.
Lananda suggested that her, Tina, my husband and I place some of the food in the recreation area oven to keep it warm, so we did.
She also instructed us to move tables and chairs. When I noticed that she wasn’t carrying anything (to include moving the food upstairs where the oven was located), I asked, “Let me guess…you’re supervising?” She smiled, and said that she felt bad for us doing the majority of the work. So I shouted in a somewhat joking tone, “Here’s a crazy-ass solution! You can grab a chair too woman!”
A couple of hours later, Lananda realized that we had forgotten about the food in the oven. It’s just that there was so much food, that none of us even noticed the other missing half.
She started getting frustrated, and I was like, “What are you looking at me for? Oh I see how this going…let’s play the blame game! Let’s blame it on the woman who can’t even remember to take her second Ginko Biloba (memory) pill for the day!” (something I used to take about 8 years ago)
Lananda started laughing and apologized, even admitting that she had forgotten too.
Note: Thank you tosynsem.blogspot.com for image on right.
Later in the afternoon, Adrian showed up. He appeared to be a few inches taller than me (4’9″), about 5’1″ or so and slim.
After he devoured his meal at a table right next to the one I was sitting at, he, this other lady, and I had a brief conversation, and he seemed outgoing.
He later went out to the pool area where Shane (his boyfriend) and others were mingling.
Note: Thank you www.colourbox.com for image on left.
I then noticed that Shane looked over at me and glared, which informed me that Lananda had probably forgotten to grant my request and talk to him.
So I decided to take the matter into my own hands since I don’t like misunderstandings.
I approached them, greeted the others I hadn’t met yet, and then apologized to Adrian and Shane for any misunderstandings that might have occurred earlier in the day, and what my intention was. Adrian seemed receptive to my sincere apology, but Shane still seemed closed off.
Note: Thank you footage.shutterstock.com for image on right.
When I went back inside—where there was a glass wall that allowed you to see the pool area—Lananda introduced me to her aunt, who had just arrived, and looked like the Hawaiian ladies who greet others with colorful lays (although I’m aware that Samoans in general consider themselves different from Hawaiians).
She seemed really nice and thoughtful—she bought Lananda a large bouquet of beautiful flowers, and hugged her.
While Lananda and her aunt sat in the back of the room catching up, Tina (the previously mentioned much older, yet, very free-spirited and kind lady/close friend of Lananda) asked me to karaoke with her, so I happily agreed. Plus, my husband was chatting with Rasheed outside.
Note: Thank you www.wikihow.com for image on left.
To my surprise, Adrian asked if he could join us, and we welcomed him. After a very brief introduction and chat with one another, he started venting about his situation with his boyfriend Shane, and how he (Shane) was: too controlling, suffocating him, a poor listener, and how he was so often a drunk that Adrian didn’t care to talk to him anymore about their unhealthy and drifting relationship.
After listening to Adrian and comforting him, I suggested that he always follow his heart. Afterwards, we all decided to pick some songs.
Note: Thank you www.123rf.com for image on right.
I thought it was very interesting that Adrian chose two of my favorite English songs to sing at a karaoke—“That’s What Friends Are For” by Dion Warwick and others, and the 1985 “We Are the World” song.
Although Adrian’s voice was monotone and he was off beat, he seemed so innocent and free-spirited in his singing.
He had a big smile on his face, and he literally looked like a 10 year old boy with his little freckles on his nose, buck teeth and buggy yet sparkling green eyes.
When I made eye contact with Lananda’s aunt, who was now observing from the back of the room, we smiled at one another as though we had an agreement that it was such an adorable moment.
Note: Thank you www.search-best-cartoon.com for image on left.
Moments later, Shane joined us as he plunged himself onto a seat, three seats to the right of Adrian’s seat, and the row right in front of ours.
At that moment, Shane reminded me of a little boy who didn’t get his way; hence, he sat there with his arms crossed and just stewing his boiling juices. I even imagined smoke coming out of his flaring nostrils.
The irony of the situation was that Shane started acting as if he had Tourette Syndrome with his random and raging blurts of, “Bullshit!” “Fuck this!” and “There’s no such thing as motherfucking love!” in-between Adrian’s lyrics about friendship and love.
Note: Thank you theheartthrills.wordpress.com for image on right.
The scenario reminded me of a sad love story and comedy movie rolled into one. Even Lananda’s aunt appeared as though she had mixed feelings in the background.
What was amazing was that Adrian wasn’t even fazed by Shane’s immature fits; it was as though Shane was nonexistent.
Adrian continued singing passionately from his heart as if he was trying out for The Voice or something, which probably pissed Shane off even more.
Of course, it’s all fun and games until anger turns into full blown rage. While the drama was happening right before our eyes, I noticed that Lananad’a aunt was standing to the right of me.
Note: Thank you www.altmd.com for image on left above and quote from article, “Calm In the Eye of the Storm” => “It is said that you cannot fully appreciate the tranquility of a calm sea until you have lived through a raging storm.”
She gave me a nonverbal signal with her eyes and facial and head movements to look at what Shane was doing.
He had taken out his jagged knife, and appeared as though he was using it as a bow to play a violin/his right arm.
I thanked God for helping me with the situation, and then slowly walked over to him and stood to his front right side.
I gently placed my hand on his right shoulder and worked to comfort him and persuade him to put the knife away.
Note: Thank you www.wikihow.com for image on right.
Shane then started venting about how frustrated he was about Adrian not wanting to talk to him. I did my best to reason with him, but I could tell by Shane’s much brighter red face, and strong alcoholic breath, that he was not in a place to really listen to anyone.
After somewhat calming him down, and convincing him to put away his knife, I asked Lananda’s aunt (whispering in her ear) if she could keep an eye on them.
She agreed, and I approached the other friends that Adrian and Shane were with earlier, and asked them if they could take both of them home.
This one lady, who Adrian and I were briefly talking to while eating, told me that no one could blame Shane for feeling the way he did. After briefly hearing the story, I was once again reminded not to judge a situation by its outer cover.
While in a relationship with Adrian, Shane came home one day from work, only to find out that his once-upon-a-time girlfriend (Fay Lyn) had a secret sex change (without informing him), and decided to name herself Adrian afterwards.
Note: Thank you recoverytable.blogspot.com for image on left.
I wondered if that was her final, desperate way of trying to escape from a very unhealthy relationship that she didn’t have the heart to end. It was one of the most interesting stories I had ever experienced.
The funny thing is, I had a feeling there was something very feminine about Adrian prior to finding out about her secret, and I’m not just talking about Being gay. She/he definitely had a feminine foundation.
The other friends of theirs agreed to take care of them, and basically escorted Adrian and Shane into two separate vehicles.
I walked out with Adrian. S/he looked at me with much fear in her eyes and said that she was scared. I told her that it was going to be okay since her friends were going to ensure that she was taken care of.
Note: Thank you unique-optique.com for image on right.
As Adrian was getting into a truck, Shane came flying out of the dark night like a bat out of hell, pushed a couple of us out of the way, and tried to yank Adrian out of the vehicle. It was a very intense moment where it felt as though my heart skipped a few beats.
I knew I wouldn’t be much help physically, but I held onto his waste and tried to pull him away from the truck with the help of another.
Shane then grabbed his knife, but I had a strong feeling that he had no intention to use it, so I wasn’t scared.
Note: Thank you solidadream.blogspot.com for image on left.
Next thing you know, Lananda showed up outside and started hysterically shouting at Shane, asking him if he was crazy, and threatening him that he had better not hurt anyone and that she was going to call the police and that she had made a huge mistake of inviting him and that she never wanted to see his face again and that the only reason that she invited him was because he was a friend of her friends, etc. (I think all in one breath).
The other friends talked Lananda out of calling the police.
Note: Thank you hague6185.wordpress.com for image on right.
Lananda then ran back to the pool area and told my husband and Rasheed while panicking that Shane had a knife, and that I was involved in the incident.
My husband and Rasheed came running out, but by then Shane had already decided to back off, and his friends took him to another vehicle and drove off.
My husband was upset and asked me why I didn’t come get him. I told him that everything happened so fast, and that I just followed my gut instinct.
He then made me promise that I would never get involved in such an incident again, and we told Lananda that we were heading home. She made some comment, with a sad facial expresssion, about not looking forward to cleaning up afterwards.
Note: Thank you www.frmartuklu.net for image on left.
Although a part of me (my ego self) made me feel guilty for not staying longer to help, I believe my True Self reminded me to look out for myself this time and go home, since 1) I had already helped Lananda prep food while at my own home, 2) I arrived early to her home to help her further prep, clean, organize, carry and set-up, 3) if I give someone an inch, and they take 1-3 miles…then it’s time to draw healthy boundaries and 4) that was more than enough drama and work for the day.
Throughout the rest of our friendship, we had some uncomfortable moments. Although I was apparently the only friend who bought her and her husband an anniversary gift (a card, a set of chimes with a sun at the top and a framed inspirational words and art that you hang on a wall that was meant to remind her of her strengths), she made it very clear that she didn’t like it. I figured it was due to her being used to expensive, brand-named stuff.
Note: Thank you www.janlundy.com for image on right.
In addition, after transmuting one too many complaints about her husband, her friend Tina, her step-son, and her other friends, I shared with her some truths that she wasn’t ready to hear—to include the fact that she was very lucky to have such a gentle, kind-hearted and helpful friend as Tina, and her disloyalty to her (the one she hung out with the most) made me question her loyalty to me.
I wrote a short section about our end of our friendship in a post called, “Some Observations About Cell Phone Usage, Relationships, Self and Humanity.“
Looking back, I realize that I can always choose not to have a need to trust anyone, and to just Be Love to others (something I learned from Neale Donald Walsch).
However, I also realize that I must be able to Be self-respect, self-compassion, and self-love in order to fully love others unconditionally as well; and continually being around those who habitually bombard me with negativity doesn’t help with anyone’s soul growth/evolution.
Note: Thank you johnbossong.com for image on right.
My Various Reflections of My Expanded Self
Looking back, I realized that Adrian was reflecting back to me the side of me who’s innocent/free-spirited, playful, open-minded, accepting of differences, creative, unconventional, highly expressive, seeking healthy/positive relationships, releasing what no longer positively serves her, and transforming towards becoming a Being who is fearless, completely and unconditionally loving, and androgynous (eventually in the 5th dimension).
Adrian also reflected my shadow self who is afraid to release unhealthy relationships due to not wanting to hurt them.
Note: Thank you 1ms.net for image on right.
Lananda was reflecting back to me the side of me who’s easily open to others, caring, thoughtful, kind, giving, helpful, sensitive, and loving, as well as my shadow self who: questions others’ intentions and loyalty (i.e., husband and friends), doesn’t want to be organized, wants to blame my husband and others for my own issues/trapped “negative” energy within my own DNA, and who wants to complain a lot about life and be a victim rather than a victor.
Rasheed was reflecting back to me the side of me whose selflessness, gentle kindness, and diligence, can sometimes be too much to the point that I have allowed others to take advantage of me in the past.
He was also reflecting back to me my desire to make others feel like they’re a comedian in the spotlight, by often smiling and laughing at their sense of humor and jokes.
Note: Thank you dailypicksandflicks.com for image on left.
I believe Lananda’s father and Shane (my shadows) were reflecting my shadow self, the one who is suffering from deep fear-based beliefs, to include the beliefs that: energies that stems from fear—such as the need to constantly brag, be selfish or be angry—are the most powerful, there’s a need for acceptance and approval by society, life is full of painful experiences and suffering, there is no such thing as true love, one must manipulate and control others or the situation to feel powerful, and that one must aggressively control others to hold onto what one believes is unconditional love from outside oneself (rather than from within oneself).
Note: Thank you plus.google.com for image on right.
I believe my ego self is the one whose lower mind can only see from within the deep and dark valley, judges from deep fear-based beliefs what it doesn’t deeply understand from the heart as “bad” or “unacceptable” to self and society.
My ego self is the one who initially judged Lananda as somewhat needy, sloppy, manipulative, and disloyal, her father as selfish and narcissistic, Adrian as very fearful, and Shane as the alcoholic with a bad temper, making a fool out of himself in public.
I believe my True Self (my Higher Mind and Heart who is able to see above the valley and beyond) is the one who chose to see everyone, especially Lananda, Lananda’s father, Rasheed, Tina, Adrian, Shane and myself through the eyes of pure compassion and Universal Love…completely and unconditionally accepting/loving us for who we chose to Be in every Moment of Now.
I realize that the more effort I put towards reminding myself to see EVERYTHING as an aspect of God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is, the more I’m able to understand (at a deeper level), empathize with, have compassion for, forgive, accept, embrace, and unconditionally love myself and others as my authentic, full-potential, True Self.
Note: Thank you www.alaska-in-pictures.com for image on left.
