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A Farewell List to Ultimate Freedom

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Note: This post will probably be updated a few more times with the most recent updates on top. Image on right found next to link => VastRoot Wellness , and image below => bluestoblessings.com

Note: The following is an update from 7/7/2018

Farewell…

to the following that has somehow benefited me in the past (thank you)—as obvious blessings, or blessings in disguise—but no longer serves my Multidimensional self (physical self)/Self (Source: Soul/Spirit within):

  • the old and outdated belief that it’s too late to live an overall, happy life within this lifetime, due to having let go of all of my earth family members in Korea and the States (except my husband and two cats). UPDATE added on 10/31/2021: I reunited with my adult children several months ago, and even experienced a mini, family reunion recently. I also reunited with my mother in Korea via phone calls for the past few months, shortly after I found out that she had a stroke; and surprisingly, they’ve been kinder. 

Note: The following is an update from 6/22/2018

Farewell…

  • the remnants of fear regarding so-called mistakes and failures in life
  • the remnants of fear of further exploring the unknown
  • the old and outdated fear of discovering my full potential (in post, ” “)

Farewell…

  • old blog bobbieslife.wordpress.com, the old and outdated belief that my life is meaningless, the need to serve others (the way society defines it), and more (in post, “What is the Truth Behind Serving Others?”)

Note: The following is an update from 6/8/2018 

Farewell…

  • The old and outdated need to ask Source (aka Soul/Spirit within, Higher Self, God/Goddess, I AM Presence, etc.), or extensions of Source—e.g., angels, Archangels, Ascended Masters, Family of Light, other Galactic and Universal families, Soul Group/Soul Family, animal spirit guides, elemental realm, etc.—for anything, to include assistance/help of any kind.
    • I realized that the seemingly small number of times that I actually manifested something/received something from Spirit within, was when I simply got excited about something, or strongly desired something, but then forgot about it.
    • I’ve experienced my deepest desires showing up in my physical reality within a day (once, while getting ready to deploy to Iraq in the winter of 2007), and within a few months while living in Texas.
    • However, due to relying upon other people’s beliefs, I temporarily lost touch with what I intuitively know to be true for self/Self.
    • The numerous times that I’ve asked for something from within, looked forward to it with expectations, or prayed for it, I did not receive (to include enough money to help myself and/or my loved ones during very emotionally challenging times where I felt completely powerless). 
    • Even though I recently discontinued asking for help from Spirit within—that many spiritual teachers suggest to do (to include an angel numbers website that I used to use; see previous update below)—I still notice various forms of Divine synchronicity from my inner world (via dream messages, insights, flash images, feelings, etc.) and outer world (e.g., signs, symbols, number synchronicity, animals with messages from animal spirit guides, etc.)

Note: The following is an update from 6/5/2018:

Farewell…

  • The old and outdated need to listen to outer teachers—to include various types of spiritual teachers—who often remind people of what’s wrong with them. Also see recent post, ” “To the Bipolar Aspect Within All Beings: Welcome to Your Amazing, Multidimensional self/Self“ (that includes the mention of some helpful teachers of expanding consciousness)
  • The old and outdated need to look up and read angel number messages—aka truth codes, activation codes, sacred number codes, etc.—whenever I experience noticing number synchronicity (on a daily basis). Recently, I started to just acknowledge the number codes and thank my Beloved Self for the reminder (which I trust my subconscious mind knows the meaning of).
    • I’ve been mostly using the website ANGEL NUMBERS – Joanne Sacred Scribes for years now (while following my inner guidance first and foremost), and it’s been very helpful during those phases of my life. However, I noticed lately that reading most of the interpretations—that no longer fully resonates with me—doesn’t feel good for the following reasons:
      • often times, the messages feel a bit too pushy, somewhat similar to church work (i.e., suggesting what all needs to be done as a Lightworker, to include serving others)
      • the love feels conditional rather than unconditional (i.e., basically, one will continue to be encouraged, supported, and loved by the angels, Archangels, Ascended Masters and other higher beings of the spiritual realms as long one puts in the work; as though simply existing and unconditionally loving oneself first and foremost—and others—isn’t enough.)
      • certain repeating messages over the years seem to contain empty promises that discourage or disappoint, rather than inspire
    • Update (6/8/2018): Even though I recently discontinued asking for help, I still notice various forms of Divine synchronicity from my inner world (via dream messages, insights, flash images, feelings, etc.) and outer world (e.g., signs, symbols, number synchronicity, animals with messages from animal spirit guides, etc.)
    • Update (6/18/2018): I had another dream of a black panther this morning, so I added an update to the post, “Fifth Dream of Black Panther and Message of Trinity,” and noticed the following I had shared a while back while reading the helpful post again:
      • Whenever I experience number synchronicity (e.g. angel numbers/truth codes/sacred codes), and have an urge (Heart’s inner-guidance) to read the website, ANGEL NUMBERS – Joanne Sacred Scribes, I often transform the messages into positive affirmations—again, only the words that most highly resonates with me, and not fear-based words that subtly relate to poverty consciousness (e.g. “work very hard”), victim mentality/disempowerment (“need protection”), manipulation (“do this if you want this”) and control (“do this now”).3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

The following is the original recording from 5/30/2018 (the day this post was published):

Farewell…

to the following that has somehow benefited me in the past (thank you)—as obvious blessings, or blessings in disguise—but no longer serves my Multidimensional self (physical self)/Self (Source: Soul/Spirit within):

  • clothes, shoes, home decorations, household items, and miscellaneous stuff that have just been lying around in my living space for more than a year and/or no longer does anything for me (done)
  • social media accounts that was more addictive and draining than joyful (all deleted a while back)
  • the old and outdated belief that I must fit into some earthly labeled box within this world
  • fear-instilling propaganda, or any other form of BULL$H!+ (I no longer give a rat’s @$$).

Farewell…

  • food categories for humans: I will drink and/or eat whatever the hell I FEEL like drinking and/or eating at whatever moment without feeling guilty, regretful, shameful, and other like-energies that stem from judgment. The following are sections from the post,” “Incorporating Delicious Vegan Food Without Needing to Become Vegan or Other Labels“:
    • Under subtitle, “Choosing to BE Free: Outside of Society-Made Boxes”:
      • Though I considered becoming a vegan at one, recent, brief point, I chose not to place any unnecessary labels on myself; plus, I’ve realized more so recently that I definitely don’t like to be put into boxes made by general society.There are billions of opinions out there, so rather than overwhelm myself with them, I chose to liberate myself by simply Being and doing whatever resonates with my Multidimensional self (physical self)/Self (Soul/Spirit within)—aka integrated Mind/Heart, Sun/Moon, Yang/Yin, I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence.
    • While adding more recommended products to the vegan food list within the above post, I also updated it with a few helpful articles and my thoughts for today (6/1/2018) :
      • The title of the blog, Insufferable Vegan was interesting, but I didn’t resonate with its intro on the top section that states, “WELCOME! DID YOU EAT A TORTURED ANIMAL TODAY? :)” I’ve recently (today is 6/1/2018) resonated with an expanded perspective that being overly consumed and obsessed with the old and outdated belief that other people, animals, and/or other living things (to include Mother Earth) are VICTIMS of suffering IS in itself the result of being lost within victim mentality (which I’ve done one too many times in the past while in rescue mode, especially with people and animals). Spirit within ALL of Life (All That Is) is very powerful; hence, even Mother Earth can ultimately take care of herself (e.g., like send a MASSIVE FLOOD to end this world if she desired to).
      • Personally, when it comes to what my unique physical body needs, I choose to follow my own inner guidance first and foremost, at whatever moment, rather than become overwhelmed, paranoid, overly fearful, and lost from SO MANY different, conflicting expressions within our world.

Farewell…

  • the old and outdated belief that a spiritual teacher outside of self/Self knows what’s best for me. I will continue to enjoy teachings outside of self/Self that highly resonates with me, but I will only follow my inner-guidance/intuition/inner-knowing/inner-wisdom/Master Teacher within…first and foremost.
    • Inserted later on 6/1/2018: An excerpt (a helpful reminder) from a related post from Dec ’18 “The Gift of Abundance from Acceptable and Unacceptable Spiritual Teachers“:
      • Anyway, I then took a break from further exploring Bentino since that’s what I felt like doing. I’ve also briefly come upon certain negative readings and videos about Bentino Massaro, but I take them with a grain of salt because I realize that anyone who is in the public spotlight for whatever time-frame, are going to experience moments or phases where they become targets of those who disapprove of them. However, from an expanded perspective (the bigger picture), we, as interconnected souls, can all be student and teacher to one another; and we can especially learn from those we judge or label as “not right” or “bad,” just as much as we can learn from the so-called “right” and “good.”We can extract certain helpful information that we highly resonate with—with much gratitude and appreciation vibes to the generous gifter—and discard or disregard any other information that doesn’t benefit us. Teal Swan is another example of a spiritual teacher both passionately loved and hated by people; however, what matters to me is not so much her so-called flaws that society [to include myself since I don’t resonate with all of her teachings or ways of being; hence, I haven’t been drawn to join her Teal Tribe] deems wrong, bad, or even dangerous, but all the highly beneficial knowledge, wisdom, encouragement, upliftment, empowerment, inspiration, and unconditional love that she shares with humanity and beyond in order to help expand our collective consciousness/soul growth/spiritual evolution.

Farewell…

  • spiritual gatherings of any kind (e.g., meetup groups, local or out of state events, retreats, etc.)
    • Bill Foss Event in Sedona (April ’18): Bill reminded me—with a HUGE, BLINKING NEON SIGN—who and what I truly DON’T resonate with anymore. Shared details in post, “The Lesson of the So-Called Bad Personality“
    • Teal’s Event in NYC (The Mirror Workshop of April ’18): I only wrote and published subtitles for the recent post, “A Treasure Chest of Experiences from The Mirror Workshop Trip in NYC.” This was more than likely due to the need to further process all of it and/or not wanting to deal with it anymore. I may continue recording what I had experienced…if I feel like it. Overall, it was a very beneficial trip (and not just the event); however, there were a few moments and teachings that didn’t feel right at all.
      • Teal revealed to me that I really enjoyed her full presence, vibes, and teachings via most of her videos that I’ve watched so far (by herself), but not so much in person (to include a few teachings stated at the workshop that definitely didn’t feel good)
        • One Example: A blond, female who considered herself a hottie, shared with Teal (on stage) that she’s been having problems making female friends due to them being catty. Teal shared some good tips, but at one point, seemed to drive off the cliff like a mad woman (and not in a Thelma and Louis kind of way). She (Teal)—being blatantly honest I suppose—shared her way of handling this problem that she’s very familiar with, which is to only befriend females who are either “butt-ass ugly” or very hot; BUT she doesn’t befriend the females inbetween the former, two categories since “they are the most dangerous.”
        • After their baffling, narrow-minded, misleading conversation—that can actually prevent good friendships from developing, due to putting people in unnecessary boxes—I raised my hand to share how that’s NOT always the case; but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
        • In addition, I—and apparently other females in the audience (I found out later from three, new temporary friends)—couldn’t believe Teal would say something like that; after all, one of her main, go-to team members who was standing nearby, is a fat (borderline obese), so-called, not-so-attractive (according to general society) female. How would her and like others feel upon hearing that? None of them were hotties, and since they work for her, they’re also not in “the most dangerous” middle category. UPDATE (inserted 8/24/2018): A video that provides a deep understanding of why Teal had said the above => “What Relationship Do You Have? ( An Enlightening Self Awareness Exercise) – Teal Swan“
      • Despite Teal being an @$$ during a few moments of the three-day event, I chose to embrace her as is, and only tune into what I highly resonate with (her soul-igniting videos that are still helpful). I’m still very grateful for her existence and her contribution to humanity and beyond. 
    • Barbara Marciniak Event in Sedona (May 2018): Barbara revealed to me that I really enjoyed her full presence, vibes, and channeling/teachings via most of her books that I’ve read so far, but not so much in person. This includes a few teachings stated at the event—that I fortunately only paid for one out of two days—that seemed to go against the book, Path of Empowerment that was suggested for everyone to read prior to the event (that I had already read a few years ago, and reviewed highlights and notes several times since then). It seemed as though Barbara had forgotten her own channelings/the big picture—that the Family of Light and the Family of Dark are ultimately on the same team.
      • Throughout the majority of the day, there was much talk—from Barbara and the audience—about the negative impact of electronics, negative media, and negative energies and negative entities within our very corrupt world (especially Hollywood celebrities and politicians); and I get that. However COMMA…ironically, I heard more back-to-back negativity and famous, corrupt, people gossip within that one day—10 am to 6 pm with 90 min for lunch— than I did since I got out of the Army in 2011.
      • I was flabbergasted that Barbara actually yelled at one of the audience members (a soft-spoken female) to sit down since she asked a “stupid question.” Granted, I used to believe that there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but after listening to some audience members from Bashar’s videos (channeled by Darryl Anka), Abraham video’s (channeled by Ester Hicks), and from Teal’s event, I can understand why a spiritual teacher and/or channeler would get annoyed and/or frustrated with certain people (with dumb@$$ or pain-in-the-@$$ questions and/or comments); but that female’s question wasn’t a stupid question (in my opinion; she was merely frustrated with all the negative talk).
        • This “negative” moment ended up as a blessing in disguise for me, because I later realized (after the event) that it caused me to overcome one of my greatest fears since childhood that I had forgotten about.
        • In a very short, old post titled, “Humiliation,” I shared a childhood story (click on title to open link in another window). Since then—throughout childhood and adulthood—I had a hard time raising my hand in any class setting that felt uncomfortable.
        • Though Barbara had raised her voice at one more audience member after the female she humiliated, I was determined to speak what I felt like sharing. Like one comedian (I think Cedric the Entertainer) stated in I think Kings of Comedy, I had a wish factor that Barbara would say or yell something to me, because I was so ready for her, and I had plenty to say that would more than likely bring her to tears. Even while deployed in Iraq as a Human Intelligence Collector (aka interrogator/analyst), I didn’t have to raise my voice most of the time (though I was assertive), and even certain, hard-core detainees softened their steel-wall personalities.
        • However, after I was done speaking, Barbara’s tone transformed from an aggressive one to a gentle and positive one, so I was glad that we didn’t have to go there. I trust that Barbara triggered the tigress in that one female that she yelled at, though she may not be fully aware of it yet.
        • UPDATE (inserted 9/5/2018): After sharing a comment for a Teal video that was very spot on and helpful, I noticed a title of a very short video (1:50) that made me chuckle. After watching it, I shared the following comment which then reminded me of the above bullet/story of Barbara M. yelling at an audience member for asking a “stupid question” (a related situation); I now trust that I was able to integrate this so-called “negative” shadow aspect of self that I once judged:
          • Comment for video, “Bentinho Massaro – Bored of Answering Your ‘Retarded’ Questions”:
            • Lol ^_^ Bentinho, you crack me up with your completely out of the box statements made with an “I don’t give a rat’s @$$” facial expression! Depending on one’s perspective—narrow, limited, 3D physical or expanded, unlimited, 4D+ Multidimensional—you can come off as an extremely insensitive BIG EGO jack@$$ (or @$$hole), OR, someone—like many comedians—who’s BOLD enough to say what most people only think (but would love to say if they had the courage).Granted, refreshing honesty combined with tact and compassion is highly effective as well, especially when it comes to interconnected others being open to receiving such observations.But I get that sometimes, the aggressive energy—that’s often frowned upon by general society as negative, bad, or evil (due to it being an aspect that’s part of the unknown/shadow self)—is also highly effective in incorporating into communication, especially when someone just isn’t getting it with other communication styles (e.g., gentle kindness, respectful assertiveness, hints, etc.).Take care <3<3<3UPDATE (shortly after posting comment):Here’s a mind and heart opening (integrated Mind/Heart consciousness expanding) reminder for us all:

              “Sure, there’s a time and place for most things. And, a small percentage of the time, there might need to be brutality in that honesty.

              But, that’s a small — an extremely small — percentage of the time.

              Usually we can be honest in such a way that it effectively communicates the point while still allowing the other person to feel good about themselves. To strengthen rather than diminish.

              As my friend, People Skills Authority and Coach, Kate Nasser teaches, “Civility doesn’t weaken your message; it helps others to hear & embrace it.” (an excerpt from the reading, “The Hidden Meaning of Brutal Honesty”)

      • When another audience member asked about chem trails—the third time it was brought up—I thought my heart and throat chakra areas were going to explode with intense energy. I raised my hand and first thanked Barbara and “The Pleiadians” for their very helpful teachings within her books, and then basically reminded everyone else that we always have a choice in whatever situation—to either allow these negative events, situations, and others forms of negative energy to prevent us from doing what we came here to do, or to say, “Screw it!” and just enjoy life (like being out at a beautiful park and NOT worrying about things like chem trails, but rather, imagine them to be something beneficial, like the Family of Light flying by and leaving puffy, white trails).
      • I’m still grateful for all that Barbara Marciniak has contributed to humanity, and I wish for her to review her books, and  liberate herself from all the fear-based energies from within.

Farewell …

  • the old and outdated belief that I can someday have a healthy and happy relationship with my Earth family:
    • still emotionally abusive biological mother and very critical relatives in Korea. Teal Swan brought up a great point at her NYC workshop in April 2018; basically, you can’t heal a wound—whether mental, emotional, or physical (e.g., a broken leg)—while someone continues to kick it.
    • “narcissistic” biological father in CA who was diagnosed with cancer in 2012, and had two strokes since then, but is still the most selfish and heartless human being I’ve ever known. However, there’s no more anger, disappointment, or sadness left; I’ve simply embraced that he is the way he is, and every soul grows and spiritually evolves at their own pace.
    • four step-siblings from my adoptive dad’s first and third marriages whom I barely had a relationship with to begin with
      • I’m aware that they don’t like me from a handful of obvious, red flags in the past (that I eventually accepted as true)
        • Example: Two out of four of them (oldest brother and youngest sister) often talked shit about the others behind their backs, which I confronted them about; so I had no doubt that I—who was the only one NOT blood-related to any of them—was included in the batch
    • three half-sisters and two half-brothers from my bio father’s first and third marriages
      • I’m aware that at least my oldest half-sister doesn’t like me as well from a handful of subtle, red flags in the past (that I eventually caught onto, to include her talking bad about her full sister)
      • I’ve never talked to or met my oldest, half-brother—from my bio father’s first marriage—because I was informed by my oldest half-sister that he doesn’t even care to stay in touch with his own, full sisters
      • I’ve never talked to or met my younger, half-brother and half-sister—from my bio father’s third marriage, where his wife passed away from cancer in 2010 or so—because I’ve cut ties with my my bio father around the fall of last year.
    • my so-called Korean step-mother—decade-long mistress turned third wife of my adoptive dad who passed away of a heart attack in 2011—who was way too pushy with her recruitment to Catholicism (cut ties a while back)
    • my adult children (mostly daughter) who I seemed to irritate more than anything else throughout the years—with occasional text messages, emails, packages and/or visits (which she often ignored). I’ve chosen to unconditionally accept, embrace, and/or deeply love her (and like others) by honoring her space and no longer bothering her. Update added 6/8/2018: While adding an update to the post, “A Multidimensional Perspective of an Infamous, Yet, Soul-Igniting President,” I also added this post, “Dream of Little Angel Alerting Outside of Window“ that I later noticed included a story of my daughter (after re-reading it).

Farewell …

  • the old and outdated belief that I need to make friends during another phase of my life
    • While in the Army from 2001, it was challenging to make girlfriends (let alone close friends) due to the ratio of male vs female soldiers; and as one climbed the ranks, that ratio became noticeably glaring. For instance, as a Sergeant First Class (E-7) at my last unit in TX, I was the only female of my rank in my entire company; I rarely saw the other female of the same rank from another company. In addition, due to very long work days—usually starting with waking up at 4:30 am and coming home around 7 pm—and sometimes working on weekends, it was too tiring to go out and make friends.
    • Even when I left the Army life, I did my best to reach out to other women, but I’ve noticed a pattern throughout the years. I realized that the relationship wasn’t healthy, or, whenever I happened to share my blog—mostly because the conversation led to them asking—I’d never hear from them again.
    • I chose to openly share the info because I desired to get in the habit of loving more of myself, which includes my unique blog. However, due to not fully owning my blog with confidence at the time, whenever I didn’t hear from someone whom I shared it with, I used to feel bad believing that they probably thought that something was wrong with me, that I was crazy (since my blog is unconventional); however, I recently chose to fully let go of the remnants of that old and outdated belief.
    • Now, I fully embrace (and even deeply love) my blog that contains a treasure chest of stories from invaluable life experiences of my own (experiential knowledge/wisdom) and others, teachings from other souls (to include spiritual teachers), as well as other forms of my creativity (i.e., poems, a song, my artwork on various Zazzle products, bits and pieces of humor within the blog that I either made up on the spot or shared from my stand-up comedy skits that I’ve been sporadically writing for over two years (and performed a few times during open-mic in San Antonio, TX and Tempe, AZ; one day…perhaps Flagstaff too).
    •  At Teal’s event this past April (The Mirror Workshop in NYC), she reminded us of the importance of  forming relationships (in order to learn from mirroring), and strongly suggested that we do so “unless we want to spend the rest of our lives alone”; granted, I didn’t resonate with her last quoted phrase, and neither did some other females (I found out later from the three I befriended).
      • The last three, new friends that I thought I made last month, at Teal’s event, ended briefly after playing the avoidance game via email or text. I’ve never cared for that game—and I have no desire to chase people to be in a relationship with me—so I got the hint and let them go.
    • What’s strange is that whenever I meet people, I often bond with them effortlessly within a very short amount of time—to the point where many share their deepest stories and even darkest secrets; and some even weep. I now trust that it’s because we’re only meant to briefly connect at the soul level. It’s not about the amount of time, but the quality of moments spent together and the heartfelt energies exchanged.
    • I’ve been focusing on (to the best of my ability) unconditionally accepting, embracing, and even deeply loving more and more aspects of self/Self—the polarity of the so-called good and bad, right and wrong, light and dark, etc. (especially the bad, wrong, and dark lately)—and that’s all that matters.
    • I’ve experienced about a dozen, true friendships throughout my life—especially while living in Virginia (from early to mid-nineties) and Okinawa (from ’95-’96 and 2000-2001)—and I’m very grateful that I had the opportunity to bond with some deeply loving souls.

Farewell …

  • the old and outdated belief that the remaining, few, unhealthy and/or unhappy relationships within my life can improve with time:
    • to include one of my pet cats—the male, teenage one (Leo) whom we adopted in December of last year as a five month old kitten. In a nutshell, he’s like 20% cute, lovable, and loving (with the cuteness wearing thin at times) and 80% a growing terror/nightmare because:
      • he often wakes me up several times in the middle of the night with his extremely hyper-@$$ that likes to run around and then slam his body into various things, to include the doors. My husband’s more understanding than I am about this since he usually sleeps through all the noise. I get that Leo’s mostly been in the kennel from one to five months of his life; hence, he more than likely needs to expend all that pent-up energy, to include negative emotions from the separation from his mother and siblings. But sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind because interrupted sleep often makes me very cranky.
      • he’s wwway too vocal, meowing SO MANY TIMES throughout the day and night; it used to be adorable, but it’s become annoying
      • unlike my older female cat Shadow (who’s 2.5 years old), Leo gets into SO MANY THINGS, even trying to knock decorations hanging on the walls
      • though he’s improved when it comes to being overly territorial over other resources (like food and toys), he still jumps up and down in the litter box at times—even though he doesn’t have to go—and then takes off running, leaving an unnecessary mess of litter. He used to slam his body into Shadow while she was drinking and/or eating, or push her to the side—though there’s two sets of food and water—but we eventually put an end to that aggressive behavior.
      • As usual, I’ve read various readings about cats and cat behavior, but this one has been a big challenge for me. Sometimes, I would hate him with a passion, wished I had never adopted him, but then feel guilty about it later. However, lately, when I feel that way, I don’t feel bad at all, and if that makes me a horrible person, then so be it. Leo can be an unintentional @$$hole at times, and I don’t care to pretend that I always feel love for him (that would be lying to myself and others). Note in gold font inserted into this section 5/31/2018: Earlier today, I was drawn to a short video that showed up in my physical reality, “Ram Dass – How to Love Yourself.” Though I had heard of the name Ram Dass before, I never had the desire to check him out; but I’m grateful for this gift from the Universe within because it highly resonates with me. ^_^
      •  I’ve even gone as far as reflecting on why Leo irritates me so much (I was reminded of one of  Carl Jung’s quotes about irritation).
      • I asked myself why his seemingly out-of-control hyperness (among other things) bothers me so much. Granted, that type of behavior usually bothers most people, but I received an insight from within that it’s because a lot of active energies within me during childhood—especially negative emotions that I was strongly discouraged to express—was more than likely repressed and suppressed in order to be accepted and approved of by my grandmother, mother and adoptive dad.
      • Since I had rejected that unwanted aspect within me during childhood—in order to survive and possibly be loved by my immediate and extended family members—when they resurfaced into my reality this year, I had a hard time unconditionally accepting it, let alone embracing it or deeply loving it. After typing this, I’m intending to integrate this once, unknown/shadow aspect of self/Self.
    • I have a very vivid, related memory—seeing, hearing, and feeling—of a certain childhood experience. It was during a parent and teacher gathering of some sort in second grade, and I was playfully chasing at least one of the kids outside with a short twig. I trust that it was indeed playful because I recall the kids and I giggling.
    • However, my adoptive dad did’t find it too funny; he aggressively grabbed my right arm while I was running, yanked me to the side, and spoke through his clenched teeth in my ear, “If your mother was here, she would whoop your ass!”
    • I recall my dad only spanking me once when I was four or five years old; I shared the story in post “Liberating Wings of Freedom: Rising Above Childhood and/or Adulthood Abuse” (under subtitle, “Discipline vs. Abuse”); my mother was in charge of the beatings.
    • When I was in my early twenties, my step-mother (my adoptive dad’s mistress turned third wife) told me that my dad had shared with her that I was very difficult as a child—something that no one’s ever told me before (to include my dad, mother and Korean relatives). And my mom has called me many unpleasant names—in both Korean and English—but difficult, or any similar adjective, was not one of them.
    • When I later asked my mom about it, she was like, “Why would she [my step-mother] say something like that? That’s not true at all.”
    • That made sense since my mother was VERY strict, and she couldn’t even stand my middle step-brother (from my adoptive dad’s first marriage)—since he was 12 years old and while he sporadically lived with us—because he was supposedly a trouble-maker. He was literally the red-headed step child briefly shared in post, “Transformation of the Children of the Corn,” where I also shared stories of my other shadow aspects—my current husband’s tomboy daughter turned authentic, soon-to-be young lady, and his two sons who were both little boys [mis]diagnosed with ADHD at the time, but are no longer taking medication, and thankfully good to go now as ambitious, grown, young men. 
    • So why did my Korean step-mother share that particular story with me? Because she did have a tendency to say some heart-poking things with a smile on her face; and whenever I confronted her, she would say the usual, Catholic expression, “Bobbie, please forgive me.”
    • One day, I told her that I was finally on to her that she truly didn’t like me since she first met me (when I was in eighth grade), but was only pretending to because of my dad; hence, she habitually said hurtful things while adding, “Bobbie, don’t take this the wrong way, but…” As usual, she denied it, but I was done at that point; plus, she wouldn’t take tactful, multiple “no thank you’s” when it came to her very adamant Catholic recruitment strategies.
    • I now trust that there were some moments that my step-mom sincerely liked me, and I will treasure them in my heart while fully letting go of the unsavory remnants of the past.
    • UPDATE about seemingly miraculous changes for both Leo and I after I made an intention:
      •  Ever since I made an intention to integrate very annoying aspects of one of my pet cats, Leo, I noticed a seemingly miraculous change just within a week (thank you again Raven spirit guide–who’s been showing up often during this phase of my life—for your assistance with magickal, major transformations on all energetic levels of my being! ^_^). Since the day I made the intention (5/30th), the following occurred:
        • Leo no longer woke me up in the middle of the night and morning (running and slamming his body into things); though he still meowed every now and then during that time-frame, it no longer bothered me.
        • even though he was extra hyper the day before yesterday, it didn’t even faze me; I just focused on being me, which was a relaxed state (that’s never happened before). He continues to be hyper throughout the day, and that’s fine.
        • he no longer jumped up and down in the litter box (though he doesn’t have to go), and then taking off running while making a huge mess.
        • he became more lovable and loving in my eyes—which I trust stems from seeing him with clarity through the ancient eyes of Source (Soul/Spirit within).
        • we’ve been cuddling more than usual, and if feels so deeply heartfelt

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  • Though there’s been a part of me that felt deeply sad lately—which I trust stems from releasing the old energies—there’s another part of me that feels as though a HUGE LOAD has been taken off my back.I still wish for all of my past, Earth family members and interconnected others—blood related or not since it doesn’t matter at the soul level—to live a healthy, peaceful, abundant, and happy life overflowing with much Unconditional/True Love and true freedom.I feel more free, and I look forward to amazing, major changes in my life on all energetic levels of my being—physical, mental, emotional, financial (from poverty consciousness to Prosperity Consciousness), and spiritual.Note: Image on right above found next to link => Philosophers for Change
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