After publishing the post, “A Birthday Card for a Loving Soul” within my initial blog—which I will also publish within this blog’s WordPress.org under the same title—I noticed that one of the bloggers I follow on WordPress.com had shared the post, “Taking the Narcissist Test.”
As usual, I followed my inner guidance, and didn’t take the test prior to reading the post, and I’m grateful that I didn’t after further reading the entire post.
I mostly read it thoroughly, but then started skimming and scanning through it starting from question number 30 or so because the questions were getting repetitive (as well as vague), and some of the answers started to sound like random blurting.
Note: Image on right above found next to link => loriostenfeld.com (thank you)
However, the blogger made a great point in that when test questions are vague (like the link within the post), you can only expect vague answers, which leads to inaccurate conclusions.
I trust that I was drawn to the title of the post because I was still curious as to what degree of narcissistic tendencies I had within me, and wondered if the information within the post, as well as the so-called test, could possibly provide a somewhat close measurement.
Although I’ve realized—after much inner exploration and reflection—that I wasn’t a so-called narcissist (the extreme degree or “disorder”), I’ve come to embrace the fact that every being has narcissistic tendencies (to whatever degree below the extreme).
I trust that we each have a little to a lot of every characteristic whether we want to admit it or not.
Several years ago, my psychologist (whom I used to see) had come to the conclusion that both my biological parents were narcissists, and that my adoptive dad was more like a semi-narcissist.
I had shared the story in one of my posts a while back (don’t recall which one), and I had asked my psychologist if my parents being narcissists made me a super narcissist.
If I recall correctly, she said no, but she seemed uncomfortable that I had asked such an awkward question; however, I just wanted to know.
I chose to discontinue my formal therapy sessions because 1) I noticed that I was coming up with more resonating answers to my own questions than my psychologist, and 2) I then intuitively knew that it was time for me to start looking within for Spirit’s inner wisdom rather continuously searching for an outer teacher as my main source.
Granted, I’ve realized that using outer reflections (especially loved ones whom we can trust), is also a great way to better understand and know self, though ultimately, it highly benefits self to always validate self/soul/Spirit within regardless of outer acceptance and approval.
So I talked to my husband about his observations of how I might be narcissistic at times since I also consider him my best friend who’s willing to be honest, yet, tactful.
He basically reminded me that I’m far from being narcissistic in that I often give a lot of love (in its various forms) to others, but that I also know when to love self, to include maintaining healthy boundaries (i.e., no longer allowing others to use, manipulate, and/or control me). I appreciated his feedback.
I recently realized that I can be narcissistic (again, stemming from a lack self-love) when I feel the society-conditioned need to somehow convince or prove to others of my worthiness…even to the slightest degree.
The other day, after the previous conversation about having purpose, I caught myself explaining to one of our neighbors why I thought a lot of my job applications and resumes weren’t selected—basically saying that though I used to have two different jobs in the Army that required a clearance, that without it (expired), my skills weren’t considered transferable; either that, or I was considered overqualified (which I have been told in the past).
I realized that my need to explain—due to my concern of what others might think of me being jobless (according to society’s expectations), which ultimately stems from my own judgment toward self—was my fearful ego self who was still clinging to the remnants of the old and outdated belief that I had to show others within my community that I’m like everyone else, an unselfish citizen willing to contribute to society, work work work my ass off for others, and survive at whatever cost (rather than truly live).
I’m going through a process of healing and balancing my root chakra, which includes getting to the deep root of the issues of 1) not feeling like I belong in this world, and 2) not being able to manifest monetary abundance.
I realize that the former belief stems from not feeling loved by all three of my parents since I was a child: biological father who abandoned my mother and I when I was six months old, biological mother who was abusive in all forms, and my adoptive father who was often absent and emotionally abusive.
I’ve unconditionally forgiven them, not because they apologized, or because I want to be perceived by self, other people, and God and Goddess as a good person, or because I want to earn a ticket to a place called Heaven, but because I learned the wisdom that shows the bigger picture.
And the main wisdom includes having been given the golden opportunity to experience profound, Unconditional Love by first having the extreme opposite experiences (the disguised gift of polarity).
I sense that the latter belief mentioned above (my inability to manifest monetary abundance) may stem from the following conditioned beliefs:
- my mother often reminded me that once men in our lives gain access to an abundance of money, they leave us. My adoptive father confirmed this belief, as well as others shown through major media.
- However, I realize that my adoptive father doesn’t represent men in general; he was only a tiny fraction of the men within this world. And though there are men like my dad throughout this world, there are also loving men who are aligned with their Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energies within (as shared in the card mentioned in post on top)
- I may still have doubts that money will end up controlling me, that I may get lost in the material world rather than simply enjoy it, and generously share it. while being fully grounded
- However, I intend to fully and effortlessly trust that I will be very wise with an abundance of money (a tool in this physical world), and I will able to Be in this world and not of it
I intuitively know that my form of “job” or “career”—which is mostly inner work, Being authentic self, and managing my vibrational frequency (as well as interacting with others and sharing Light and Love frequencies)—is very unconventional, and all I need to do is unconditionally embrace it.
The challenge is incorporating that inner soul knowing with my physical, ego self, and it is my intention to effortlessly do so; and so it is.
It is my intention to fully trust integrated Soul and Spirit within—Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Christ (Light/Uplifting information) Buddha (Love/Wisdom/Lotus) Spiraling Consciousness within/MerKaBa/Star of David frequency—-that all of interconnected Life is always provided exactly what we need for our spiritual evolution at every moment.
It is my intention to intuitively and confidently know that all that we do and all that we are, at any given moment, is more than enough, even though the results from the outer surface may appear as “not enough” to include a lack of money for even the modern, basic necessities at times; and so it is.
The following is the first comment that I shared for the above mentioned post, “Taking the Narcissist Test”:
Comment #1
Thank you for sharing an important reading. I’d like to share my insights as well.
Despite narcissists being known to have excessive love for self, it’s quite the opposite.
It’s a severe LACK of self-love that causes narcissists to have such a strong need to often prove to their outer world—usually through excessive bragging, talking and/or compulsive lying—that they’re worthy of attention and love.
Those who truly love themselves and interconnected others UNCONDITIONALLY, are confident, and have no need to be the only one in the spotlight (like a one way conversation).
I’ve learned through personal experiences that narcissists are wounded wounders (as opposed to Wounded Healers) who seem to justify how they treat others because of the way they were treated in the past.
Like many humans, they have experienced (usually in childhood) CONDITIONAL love, but to the extreme (i.e., manipulation, control, trauma, and abuse in its various forms).
Narcissists are not aware that they are the essence of Unconditional Love within (like all souls are); hence, they feel the need to hoard love from others, and don’t believe that they have any love to give to others.
It’s extremely challenging to be in a relationship with narcissists since they tend to be unbelievably selfish and/or heartless.
However, I’ve learned that balancing unconditional love for self and interconnected others is the key.
It’s great to give give give lots of love to others (something that society, especially the religious church, often preaches); however, one must also have Unconditional Love for self , to include having self-respect and being assertive (something that society, especially the religious church, rarely preaches).
Otherwise, people (especially narcissists)—whether intentionally or unintentionally—can easily take advantage of, manipulate and/or control those who have no healthy boundaries (i.e., those who are habitually passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive).
And last but not least, I respect those who were willing to check out this post (to include test) in order to better know self and/or others.
I don’t think actual narcissists—who are unaware that they are, or are in denial—would even be interested in reading such material since it would be like alcoholics or drug addicts having the urge to look in the mirror in order to see the truth, and change.
However, I have witnessed gradual, positive changes over the decades in at least one so-called narcissist that is my mother, so I don’t consider this subject hopeless.
But like I mentioned above, I had to learn (or more accurately, remember as a soul) to respect and unconditionally love self as well, since with balance comes harmony.
We can’t expect respect and unconditional love from others if we’re not even willing to give it to ourselves (our soul/inner-child).
There is a big difference between being selfish and unconditionally loving self, and narrow-minded, general society has often thrown the two in the same pot making the latter seem as though it’s a “bad” thing to do, when it’s essential.
I also shared four additional comments below (as I read the long post):
Comment #2
I forgot to mention above: Thank you anupturnedsoul for a great point in that when test questions are vague (like the link within the post), you can only expect vague answers, which leads to inaccurate conclusions.
Also, I appreciate your refreshing honesty and willingness to be vulnerable (a strength).
Comment #3
Since this post is very long, I’m sharing comments as I read them. Regarding your answer to question #37: I first started journaling in 2010 after it was recommended by my group therapist for military women suffering from PTSD.
When I was informed by certain others that my stories inspired them, I started blogging. Initially, I wrote in the third person, though I didn’t understand why at the time.
Later, I realized it was because it was easier for me to process certain inner wounds through a form of detachment; hence, I released the judgment I had of myself.
I had the option to easily delete or revise old posts that were written in the third person, but I chose not to, because that was an aspect of me that I unconditionally embraced.
Comment #4
As mentioned above, since this post is very long, I’m sharing comments as I read them (this is the last one).
Regarding your answer to question #40, you seem to have a judgment about believing one is extraordinary.
I trust that we can be like everyone else in that we’re all interconnected as souls and share collective similarities, but at the same time, we can also see ourselves as individual and unique extraordinary beings; a Divine Dichotomy.
How can we fully see (with clarity) how extraordinary another is if we can’t even see it in ourselves?
Isn’t the human body itself—with independently and dependently operating cosmic intelligence within it—extraordinary? Of course it is.
Throughout human history, general society has often frowned upon people unconditionally loving the self, often labeling it as selfish or narcissistic; hence, we have a conditioned habit of often uplifting others while neglecting self. It’s time for balance and harmony.
In addition, you asked, “Who’s the idiot who thought I should take that test!?” Well, if you really think about it, the so-called “idiot” (your words) is not just someone OUT THERE since someone actually made the choice (with free will) to take the test themselves.
Again, thank you for sharing this stimulating post; I’m grateful that I’ve learned from what doesn’t resonate with me, as well as what mostly highly resonates with my heart.
Comment #5
I realized that the blogger’s judgment about thinking self as extraordinary (her answer to question #40) was actually mirroring my own judgment towards the extraordinary aspect of self (that it’s too good to be true).
It is my intention to release all doubts of self that no longer benefit my soul/Spirit evolution.
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