Intro
I’m currently in the middle of reading a very helpful and inspiring book called, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.
There are moments where a particular truth is hard to swallow, due to the remnants of my not yet fully integrated ego self.
However, I noticed that the author’s most eloquent words from his merged Mind/Heart continues to draw me into the mysterious world of the unknown.
I continue to trust that this book will highly benefit my soul growth/evolution—individually and collectively—even though I may not end up resonating with all of its content. I wrote about some of my observations so far in the unpublished post, “Transforming Ego Self to Integrate Soul.”
Note: Image on right found with link => www.boostinspiration.com (thank you)
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A while ago, I had wondered why I hadn’t created a post about an experience that I had a while back, which reminded me back then of the teaching that God allows rain to fall on the just and unjust.
Now I realize that I didn’t fully understand my experience until now; hence, I’m able to write about it with an open mind and open heart.
I looked up the quote (which turned out to be Matthew 5:45), and was also reminded of the following related section (one of Jesus’ teachings) from biblehub.com:
Note: Image on left found with link => www.mrwallpaper.com (thank you)
Love Your Enemies
…44“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?…
Note: Image on right found with link => halfhandau.deviantart.com (thank you)
It was the spring of 2001, while I was attending the Army’s basic training. The female bay, consisting of 50+ basic trainees, often included irritability, arguing, loud talking, snapping, and other forms of negative drama—especially during the supposedly synchronized menstrual cycles—that I had no interest in participating.
I thought that perhaps my lack of interest had to do with me thinking that I’m better than “them,” or the fact that I was older than the average female in the bay, who were mostly fresh out of high school, or in their early twenties.
But the truth is, I don’t recall being attracted such drama even as a child. I guess the reason doesn’t have to be black and white, but various shades of gray.
I while back, I published a post called, “Estrogen Bay” where I ended up temporarily being the focal point of the bay’s drama life after I had lost my mind due to sleep deprivation and hives. It was the first and last time that I had intentionally raised my voice to another because I ended up becoming a mockery.
However, there was another situation that tested my patience, and no matter how understanding I worked on being, I was pushed further and further to the edge where I would lose myself again (my true, loving Higher Self that is).
Every night throughout training, we had what was called “fire guard duty,” which consisted of soldiers rotating shifts for 2-3 hours (don’t recall exact number), staying up in the middle of the night with a paired battle-buddy, practicing posting guard, and cleaning the bay area.
I ended up with a battle buddy who fooled me a couple of times with her clever ways. I don’t recall what order it was in, but for three back-to-back night of us being on fire guard duty together, she mentioned that she wasn’t feeling well, her ankle hurt, and her back hurt.
The first time, I believed her story. The second time, I sensed she wasn’t being honest. And the third time, I told her that I felt that she was avoiding her part of the cleaning duties by making excuses, which she completely denied.
I was unable to reason with her; she was adamant about sticking with her lies, and her behavior made it clear that she didn’t feel just a little bad for causing me to do all of our work.
So I decided to talk to the bay manager, which was a female soldier designated by the drill sergeants to take charge of matters involving fire guard duty.
We went into the large bathroom so that we wouldn’t wake anyone up. I explained to her that I had attempted to resolve our problem on our level, but that there was no cooperation. I then asked her to switch out my so-called battle-buddy because we couldn’t work together.
The bay manager suggested that I report the matter to the drill sergeants, which I replied that I’d prefer not to, and suggested that we take care of the matter on our level. She agreed, and walked out to the main section of the bay.
Then the unexpected happened. The bay manager shouted for everyone to wake up, and it was probably sometime between 2-3 a.m. She then announced that she had some important news for everyone to hear…”We have a snitch in our bay!”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; it was like a nightmare from hell. My blood pressure sky-rocketed and I confronted her as to why she would make up such a lie when she’s the one who suggested for me to report to the drill sergeants.
She then pushed me out of her way, and I reacted by pushing her back. Looking back, I was emotionally immature for even reacting to such nonsense.
A drill sergeant intervened after hearing the commotion. Although I explained what had happened, for some reason, neither one of us were rebuked or punished for our negative actions, which was highly unusual because soldiers were often yelled at for the smallest mistakes—like a few pieces of hair out of place (for female soldiers).
I wondered at the time if it had anything to do with the so-called bay manager being the senior female drill sergeant’s favorite (which many of us noticed, to include the bay manager herself).
At the time, I also wondered if the two of them being close had anything to do with both of them being black females, which made me somewhat envious of such a bond; I suppose that was the part of me who yearned for a female role model who had faith in me.
I believe such an experience taught me to not show favoritism regardless of a soldier’s race, color, background, etc. because it doesn’t feel good to those who are not considered “favorites.”
I had written about the senior female drill sergeant in my post, “Anxiety.” Looking back, I had silently reacted emotionally to what she had said, because from my fearful ego self’s perspective, she was speaking the truth…which literally hurt inside my chest.
I didn’t mind when other drill sergeants called me all kinds of names, to include “weak link“—the way they did to many other soldiers as well—because I sensed that they were just playing the roles of initial tough and mean drill sergeants.
I also later learned that they were just breaking us down (our old, fearful ways) to build us back up again (as stronger beings—mentally, emotionally and physically), which explained why I loved most of them towards the end of training.
I even sent them all thank you cards while in Advanced Individual Training/AIT (after Basic Training), to include the senior female drill sergeant.
I didn’t know this then, but after recently coming upon a very helpful reading called, “The Archetypes of Sacred Feminine Initiation,” I’ve come to learn that the female soldier who played the role of bay manager (I’ll name her Private/PVT Wounded) was my shadow who reflected back to me the “negative” side of the “Amazon” archetype within me—the hidden aggressive side of me that was suppressed since I believe 7th grade, when I chose not to physically fight back for the first time in school.
PVT Wounded was my “Shadow Amazon” archetype. Perhaps, she too, was abused in various ways throughout her childhood, and was thus, hurting inside.
It would’ve been really nice to be able to see her with such clarity back then, but I just wasn’t ready to see her as her true self/a soul sister disguised as a so-called enemy. The Dalai Lama’s quote, “In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher” fits perfectly in this situation.
What matters now is how I chose to see others from this point on—whether from the past, present, or future—-which is…for who they truly are/their soul, as opposed to who they may appear to be on the surface (their ego self).
The following italicized section is from the reading/link above, and the bolded and underlined adjectives described PVT Wounded well:
“In each of us, one of these archetypes is usually stronger, more familiar, more who we know ourselves to be, and one is usually deeply in shadow–unknown, unloved, or unwanted, and powerfully controlling our lives until we have the opportunity to see it and do some healing […] We get to see our shadow in other women. What is disowned in us is mirrored back to us by other women. We either have an adverse reaction to them […] or admire certain qualities that we think we don’t have. Our shadow can reveal some very wonderful aspects and gifts that we have not yet recognized in ourselves […]
Shadow Amazon can also appear defensive, aggressive, invasive, disrespectful of others and their boundaries–a “tough girl.” Fear is behind this behavior but it is hidden, and most likely, her vulnerability is not even felt. These behaviors arose to protect the child in difficult circumstances and can be appreciated as such. As a woman, they are no longer helpful and can be transformed when the fear and vulnerability are met and felt. The shadow Amazon serves the ego rather than the deepest Truth […].”
Well, after the incident of being falsely labeled as the bay’s snitch, I was given the cold shoulder treatment from most of the females in the bay. For instance, while standing in line at the showers, girls would actually form another line just to avoid being near me.
My actual battle-buddy/friend, Heather (real name), stood by me, who was very outgoing, humorous, and refreshingly honest. Once, we ended up doing the shake dance as we were panicking together.
Our senior, male drill sergeant (DS Brown), one of the most influential drill sergeants/true leaders I wrote about in the post, “Treasuring Awe-Inspiring Souls,” instructed us to take off all of our gear, jump up and down and shake off the ants.
While participating in an exercise in the mountains, we accidentally laid in the prone position on top of an ant colony. When we looked down to adjust our rifles, we noticed that they—our rifles—were no longer black, but orange-brown. We were covered from head to toe in fire ants as well. Ahhh…memories.
Speaking of DS Brown, my battle buddy Heather once softly said, while staring at him in a dream-like, dazed state, “Oh yeah…he’s definitely fuckable,” which made me bust out laughing because I had never seen that naughty side of her.
Heather initially appeared to be a smart-ass, goody-two-shoed, religiously church attending kinda gal. I guess that’s what happens when we’re quick to judge.
She also looked like she could be picture-perfect on a snowy hilltop yodeling her ass off; She was pleasantly plump with a pale complexion, rosy cheeks, sparkling blue eyes, bright white buck teeth, and wispy blond hair. Sometimes she reminded me of a fluffy white rabbit, which would make me want to say to her, “Wassup doc!”
Once, while DS Brown was talking to us, Heather ecstatically agreed with a huge smile on her face, “Yes Drill Sergeant! Definitely drill sergeant!” He then shook his head side to side as though he was thinking, “This girl has lost her freakin’ mind” and walked off…calm, cool and collected.
I didn’t know this then, but I’ve come to learn that Heather reflected back to me (as a shadow) the “positive” side of the “Lover” archetype hidden within me that I could benefit from by incorporating those aspects into my life at the time (see the following italicized section from the reading/link above, especially the bolded adjectives which described Heather well):
“The Lover brings compassion and kindness to ourselves, as well as to others. The bright Lover archetype within us is like a playful, uninhibited, three-year-old. Our bright Lover is sensual, sexual, playful, embodied, creative, inquisitive, and in touch with her emotions […].”
It makes so much sense now. The “lover” part me practically died after a certain situation had occurred, and I was temporarily disconnected from my body’s sensuality—to include not wanting to masturbate, as well as have sex with my first husband for a little over a year before I signed up for the Army.
Heather reflected back to me the hidden, playful “naughty girl” in me who can openly feel her true feelings without being ashamed of them, as well as confidently express herself the way she did without worrying about being judged, accepted and approved by others. I’m so grateful for this eye and heart-opening wisdom.
There were two other genuinely kind, intelligent, humorous and assertive females—Abraham (A) and Garza (G)/last names—who stood by me as well during the challenging phase.
Abraham was the chic who could effortlessly pull off being hot or cool. She was so laid back that a tornado could’ve weaved its way towards us, and she would’ve probably shrugged her shoulders (which she sometimes did), smiled and made some smart-ass comment like, “Anyone for hummus?” (one of her favorite treats).
Garza was always so pumped up/motivated and ready to take on any challenge presented to her. I think the male soldiers were intimidated by her.
G also had a very goofy and playful side to her. It was understandable why they were both well-liked by seemingly everyone in the company. Even though Abraham often got picked on by the drill sergeants, it was because they liked her as well.
Abraham and Garza both inspired me with their comforting words, and their daily behavior and actions. Just some of the things I was very impressed about them were their determination, strength, honesty, compassion and fearlessness. They were also so fast that they were the only two females who ran in A group—with the fastest guys.
One of the short, wannabe “asshole” drill sergeants suggested to one of my drill sergeants one day, that after some observation of me, he thought that I should start running in A group as well.
I immediately replied something to the effect, “Not A group drill sergeant. I almost died even in B Group,” to which he replied with a disgusted expression, “Go die then!” and walked off.
I kicked myself in the ass for expressing such disappointing words again to another. My lack of self-confidence in myself at the time prevented me from even trying to run in A group.
However, I was content with the fact that I had improved my run time of 21 minutes plus seconds (my first two mile physical fitness test ) to a 15:54 (my last run time in basic training). I learned that Determination and Persistence are indeed powerful tools regardless of how small—-or any other perceived weaknesses—one may be.
After basic training, I found out that G was a lesbian, and A was bi—the first lesbian and bi I had ever personally known. The first lesbians I had ever encountered were my softball coaches in high school, who both looked butch, and one even had a mullet hairdo.
The fact that they were lesbians was something that I didn’t realize until over two decades later, after I read some joke about lesbians being softball coaches (a stereotype). A light-bulb moment occurred alongside an, “Ohhh, ok.”
Abraham, who ended up attending the same AIT location (not the same course) as me, asked me one day with her usual big-ass smile, “You never wondered why Garza was very muscular, loved working out (hard core), and loved eating power bars?”
I then understood why Garza used to pick me up and squeeze me and say that I was so cute. I thought she was just being nice. It’s just neither A or G appeared butch (my stereotype due to my own lack of knowledge about lesbians and bi), so I was unable to tell.
As a matter of fact, they were both gorgeous in their own way. Abraham looked like an Irish girl with her slightly reddish, dirty-blond hair that came up to her shoulders (tied up in basic training), light blue gentle-looking eyes, cute freckles on her nose area, and a somewhat square face. She was also slim yet toned, and about 5’7″ish.
A could probably be hired to be a Calvin Klein underwear model with her ridiculous six pack abs that was noticeable enough, but not screaming at you like the 300 Spartans’ abs.
Now Garza looked exotic…like one would look at her and ask, “What combo package are you exactly?” as opposed to asking, “Where nationality are you?” She appeared as though she was part Native American Indian, and perhaps a little bit of Latino and Caucasian and/or Middle Eastern.
G had strong and gentle-looking features as well—shiny black and wavy hair, beautiful and big chestnut colored eyes with voluminous and curled lashes, strong cheek-bones, and full lips. She was about 5’5″. If she had very short hair, she could pass for a gorgeous male.
I didn’t know this then, but I’ve come to learn that Abraham and Garza were my shadows who reflected back to me the “positive” side of the “Amazon” archetype hidden within me that I could benefit from by incorporating those aspects into my life at the time (see the following italicized section from the reading/link above, especially the bolded adjectives which described them well):
“The Amazon lives and acts from her heart and knows how show up for herself, for others, and for what she has committed herself […] She can help us to set and maintain boundaries with people […] Amazon energy calls and strengthens us to meet our fears […] The bright Amazon supports us in being clear, assertive, decisive, honest, responsible, and courageous […] Amazon women tend to engage their bodies in sports, exercise, hiking, biking and some traditionally male sports […] They are competent and capable in arenas that have been traditionally male […].”
Looking back, G actually appeared as though she was androgynous, in a very inconspicuous way. An example of the opposite was when I was stationed in Hawaii.
I was at a supermarket standing in line, and I noticed a very buff female standing in front of me. With her heels on, she appeared to be around 6′ plus . Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s going on in giant world , especially when you’re looking up from my level.
She had a black ponytail that came up to her neck, and wore a multi-colored bikini tank top with some frayed daisy duke shorts like she was about go to a beach PAR-tay and play some limbo while sipping on pina coladas.
I recall thinking to myself as I was staring at her very cut and muscular arms and big-boned body structure, “Man…she must work out a lot.” She looked so strong.
Herculetta then briefly looked over toward her left, and I became dazed and confused for about a nanosecond like the Asian blond that I sometimes can be (one of the nicknames my current husband gave to me, and not because of the color of my hair).
H had a very apparent five o’clock shadow, as well as a very protruding adam’s apple. That was indeed another light-bulb moment.
I had heard of the word ‘mahu’ before from some of my smart-ass male soldiers (Lapoop—whom I wrote about in a post called, “Humorous Heart”—and his gang) from that unit who often joked around, but that was the first time I had ever experienced seeing one in person.
I suppose the very broad shoulders could’ve been hint#11, but I knew a female triathlete from that unit who also had broad shoulders due to her frequent swimming.
I had a wonderful gay friend in high school, whom I had known since second grade (and wrote about in, “My Gay Childhood Friend’).
I also worked with a couple of gay guys at a restaurant in my early twenties, and it was fun being around them and their flamboyant personalities and overly dramatic yet cute ways (like Cam, Mitch, Pepper and buddies from Modern Family).
I have a feeling that had I not experienced gays, lesbians and bi, I might have judged Herculetta (a mahu/Hawaii version of a transvestite) as something other than someone Being who they just love to Be—a free-spirited human Being—not needing to be judged, accepted and approved by society.
Oftentimes, we, as a society will judge, disapprove of, ridicule, resent, dislike, reject, hate, attack (verbally, emotionally and/or physically), and condemn others who are different from us, or who we don’t know much about (but assume that we do with our ego selves) because we fear the unknown, thinking or saying silly things like, “Oh yeah, he/she must be bad—or evil—since I can’t understand them.”
I can see why my soul would send me such an encounter/gift; I love new and interesting experiences! ^_^
I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to experience such a wide variety of people throughout my life—to include people from around the world, LGBT, people from different backgrounds (i.e., cultural, educational, and financial, etc.), because they’ve all helped broaden my perspective about humanity. And the more diversity that I experience, the more I’m able to see the similarities as well…the soul within each human being.
I didn’t know this then, but I’ve come to learn that Herculetta was my shadow who reflected back to me the “positive” side of the “Medial” archetype hidden within me that I could further benefit from by incorporating those aspects into my life at the time (see the following italicized section from the reading/link above, especially the bolded adjectives which described him/her well):
“The Medial is the archetypal energy in us that sends us on a search for knowledge: spiritual, metaphysical, psychological, intellectual, scientific, technical—all kinds. She draws us to the Unknown—or the Unknown draws us to it via the Medial archetype. Initiation teaches us to fall in love with the Unknown, and get comfortable with not knowing anything. It’s such a paradox […].”
Looking back, although I only had a few friends—Heather, Abraham, and Garza—who had my back at the time, I was blessed to have such wonderful and well-rounded women as battle buddies.
I don’t think I would’ve made it through basic training without them. Just like friendship in the civilian world, I’d take quality over quantity any day.
As an outcast, I did whatever I could to just make it through basic training and graduate. Heather suggested that I attend church with her on Sundays.
At first, I told her that I felt uncomfortable since the talk in the bay was that only those who wanted to avoid cleaning attended church. At the time, I was so concerned about others’ opinions, which was conditioned by society, mainly from my own mother.
Heather managed to convince me not to worry about what others’ thought since they could care less when they make others do their dirty work.
I just felt guilty because I was using church as an escape from my own version of hell when I had discontinued attending church shortly before I had joined the Army.
After no longer attending church, I experienced Neale Donald Walsch’s “Conversations with God” book, my spiritual sister-like neighbor , as well as my dreams about Jesus which I had wrote about in other posts.
During one of the Sundays at church, while standing and singing along a song that I had never heard of before—“Shout to the Lord“—the beautiful melody and soul-touching lyrics brought me to uncontrollable and heart-breaking tears.
It reminded me of my dreams of Jesus right before leaving my two toddler children with my husband in order to attend basic training.
I didn’t understand at the time why I was experiencing these negative situations when I was doing and being my best at what was seemingly the “right” thing to do and be. I wasn’t able to see the bigger picture.
Note: Image on right found with link => www.deepintolove.com (thank you)
It’s easy to be truth and loving in the presence of positive, truthful and loving people. The true test of finding out whether one can be truth and love is to be in the absence of it…to rise above it, as well as transmute it.
Regardless of how I was treated by the majority of the girls in the bay, I did my best to treat them with respect and kindness.
To my great surprise, towards the end of training, one by one (or sometimes in small groups), the girls from my bay approached me—some apologized with spoken words, and others with their non-verbal and silent facial expressions, behavior and actions.
Even my fire guard battle buddy apologized to me on graduation day.
Note: Image on left found with link => www.flickr.com (thank you)
During our graduation ceremony, Senior Drill Sergeant Brown started announcing the top ten percent soldiers, and to my great surprise, my name was called as well.
I often wondered if I was even capable of passing basic training—due to my own beliefs, as well as being initially told so by a couple of my family members that it was impossible due to my small size (4’9″/approximately 105 lbs) and inability to do a certain number of push-ups and sit-ups at the time, as well as run 2 miles.
I very briefly wrote about graduation a while back in a post called, “Accomplishment,” because it was an accomplishment I wasn’t sure I’d achieve.
Shortly after my name was announced, they announced the name of the female who played the role as bay manager during our little incident/a disguised gift/blessing.
I couldn’t believe it at first, and the very meanings of the words “doing and being your best,” “recognition from others,” and “awards” seemed to just fade away into the darkness as though they served no true purpose.
I didn’t realize it then, but now I know that earthly labels are just that…labels that our ego selves give to one another and stuff in general. They don’t necessarily define who we truly are, and are also limited in their ability to fully express the all of a Being.
However, at the time, my ego self resented the soldier (played the role as bay manager) who cheerfully received her award because I had formed a belief—created by single incident—that the “good soldier” image she presented to others was a facade.
While standing in graduation formation, a thought popped into my mind that reminded me of a quote I had heard of before, but didn’t quite understand at the time…something about God allowing rain to fall on the just and unjust.
At the time, my judgmental ego self had perceived myself as the “just” one, and the other female as the “unjust” one. However, from the perspective of God/Goddess, Source, Cosmic Consciousness/Cosmic Heart, Eternal Unconditional Love, Prime Creator, All That Is—whatever we choose to label our unlimited Divinity within—there is no duality of just vs unjust, good vs bad, right vs wrong; but rather, the unity of all precious souls (throughout the omniverse) interacting with one another in Divine perfect timing, order and harmony (which may often be disguised as imperfection and chaos)…helping one another’s soul growth, individually and collectively.
Note: Image on right found with link => abstract.desktopnexus.com (thank you)
How would I experience being the type of person who doesn’t like to take advantage of others, until another (disguised angel/soul sister/fire guard battle-buddy) reflects back to me someone who does (their unconscious ego self).
How would I experience being the type of person who doesn’t like to be a “snitch”—or any other “negative” label—until another (disguised angel/soul sister/bay manager) reflects back to me what an actual snitch does (their unconscious ego self).
Note: Image on left found with link => s242.photobucket.com (thank you)
How would I experience my desire to be a fair and genuinely caring leader until another (soul sisters/bay manager and senior female drill sergeant) reflects back to me what the opposite is like, and shows me that it doesn’t resonate with me?
How would I experience being inner-strength and courage without others (my soul sisters/bay battle buddies who temporarily turned against me) providing me a space where I can be so? If everyone had been supportive and kind, inner-strength and courage in such a situation would merely be concepts that are shiny on paper or some other media.
Note: Image on right found with link => www.flickr.com (thank you)
I’m grateful to all those whom I once perceived as my so-called enemies.
I can imagine crossing paths with my soul sisters and brothers again…
whether it’s in this physical reality, a parallel reality, or some other dimension, all occurring in the Moment of Now…
and giving them a big hug, and then laughing together at the well-played out earthly dramas that has taught us all some profound Life lessons that we would not have been able to experience as Spirit Beings, where duality doesn’t exist.
Note: Image on left found with link => missjanellexo.deviantart.com (thank you)
Bashar – The meaning of Judgement (video)
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Note: Words written in pink throughout the post added on September 10, 2014:
The following from the reading/link above reminds me of me at the time, as well as somewhat now (the light pink comments within the brackets relate to the italicized quote right above it):
“The Mother energy calls forth a woman’s power to birth, sustain, and renew life–whether it is a child, a project, a garden, or an idea. It is the Mother energy that also gives death when necessary
[Me eventually divorcing my first husband, not because he was a bad guy, but due to differences and an unhealthy relationship]…
and initiates us into sacrifice (i.e. to make sacred), surrender, transformation, and transmutation
[Me joining the Army after sensing that I had noticed a series of synchronicity before signing the Army contract—1) I had received an unexpected letter from a close high school asking if I had joined the Army since she hadn’t heard from me in a while, 2) I received a phone call from an acquaintance—another lady I had met who had applied for the same civilian job as I had—telling me that she was thinking about rejoining the Army, and wanted my input, and 3) my first husband at the time obnoxiously saying (while laughing his ass off) that he had seen an army commercial looking for Korean linguists, and that I should join since I speak Korean]
Mother initiations call us to the healing of our own mother wounds, and to look at how we have been, or not been, mothers to ourselves, our children and/or our creations […]
One of the greatest challenges to us as Mother is to allow our children and our creations to be what they are, which may not be perfect or healthy or beautiful in a conventional way […]
[I’m still working on completely releasing all the guilt, shame, and sadness associated with my kids not living me ever since I joined the Army, and even after I medically retired. Like I wrote about before, I just need to remind myself and embrace the fact that they have been, and continue to be, a part of a very healthy and happy family (my wonderful first/ex-husband and his amazing wife, as well as their additional children from the two of them)]
When the Mother archetype is in shadow, the wounding with our own mother may be profound.
[Although I would love to know for sure that I’m fully healed in this area, I suppose I will only find out with the ultimate test (the next visit to Korea one day and being able to fully Be my mighty I AM Presence with my mom—not allowing any of her potentially negative words, behavior and actions to negatively affect me emotionally, as well as loving her unconditionally), as mentioned in Eckhart’s Tolle’s book, A New Earth. Mr. Tolle shared a quote from Ram Dass, “If you think you are so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents,” and basically stated that the degree of our Presence (our awareness as our unconditionally loving True Self/I AM Presence/Consciousness and not our unconscious and fearful ego self) will determine how enlightened we are since parents can be the most challenging “ego self” (of others) to overcome due to them being the foundation of all relationships. That makes sense to me since whenever I visited my mother in Korea for only a week at a time, we seemed to get along only for the first few days. And then, it was the way it always was throughout my childhood—an excessive amount of alcohol consumption, manipulation, control, verbal and emotional abuse (since physical abuse ended after I graduated from high school, etc.]
We may not know how take care of our own physical needs, be in our bodies, or nurture a child.
[I’m continuing to work on fully and unconditionally accepting and loving myself, to include working on further developing: self-awareness, self-worth, self-respect, self-esteem, self-compassion, self-confidence, self-empowerment, and any other positive self-___ that one can improve on]
We may feel incompetent as mothers […]
[I understand that unconditional love is what matters the most, but I must admit, while being human who’s living in a physical world, I’m still working on releasing the guilt and sadness of not being able to provide more material things for my now teenage children—things that they like, love, and could really benefit from, and what I would love to effortlessly give them (e.g., a nice hybrid car with great safety features). However, I’m working on living and Being in the present (every Moment of Now) with much gratitude and appreciation for what I and my children already have now, rather than being sad or depressed about the past or worried or anxious about the future. I’m also working on transforming my poverty consciousness into prosperity consciousness by raising and maintaining a high vibrational frequency and transforming old beliefs into new ones that better serve my soul—to include repetitions of positive affirmations and “I AM” statements, visualizations boards, acting as if I’m already Abundance and Prosperity (a very challenging yet I believe doable one with much practice)—so that I can tune into a parallel reality where I can be shown by my Spirit what I already have within me (something I learned from Bashar, channeled through Darryl Anka)—abundance/success on all levels of my being (mental, emotional, material, financial and spiritual) and prosperity (to include wisdom and great health)]
Our only suffering, ever, is in wanting things to be different than they are […].”
[I’m working on accepting and embracing everything in my current reality as it is—whether positive or negative (I realize it’s easier said than done, but like I mentioned earlier, I believe it’s doable with practice)—to include my most difficult challenge of wanting to have a more positive relationship with my teenage kids, and to be able to provide more for them. Various healing teachers have mentioned (e.g., Neale Donald Walsch, Eckhart Tolle, etc.) that basically all situations are neutral (something very beneficial to remember); hence, two different people can perceive and experience the exact same situation in completely opposite ways. For example, one person could celebrate experiencing heavy rain (a neutral situation) because they no longer have to water their huge lawn, while another person—living only a few miles away from the other person—could curse the heavy rain for ruining their outdoor BBQ with a reunion of family and friends. So we can choose a positive perspective/thoughts which will create positive emotions, or do the opposite and be miserable and suffer.]
