Mid-July – August 9, 2014

Recently, my husband woke me up in the middle of the night because I was making a loud and high-pitched sound while sleeping, “AHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

The sound wasn’t a ‘frightened yelling’ type, but more like a ‘singing opera’ type at the top of one’s lungs.

He said that as soon as he was able to wake me up, he looked at our bedroom clock, and it was 12:12—one of the number synchronicities that I often experience, to include today, while typing this post, which lets me know that I’m in alignment with my Divinity within me in this Moment(s) of Now.

Note: Thank you imgarcade.com (source) for image on right

I’ve read some meanings of 12:12, but the ones that most resonate with me are: spiraling frequency/Christ Consciousness frequency/realization frequency.

Side Note: Also see post, “A Deeper Understanding of My Journey of 9:11, 10:10, 11:11, 12:12 and 13:13” for further details on what resonates with me, or do your own research—following your intuition—to discover what highly resonates with you. 😉

Note: Thank you blog.peterborysjr.com (source) for image on left

I was happy for my husband for seeing 12:12 at such a perfectly timed moment, which I believe was correlated to his very gentle loving state of Being while waking me up.

I also thought it was funny how he used to look at me like I was a purple alien when I had shared with him my daily, captivating experiences of number synchronicities starting three years ago, to include the 11:11 phenomenon.

As my husband started experiencing the number synchronicities himself—to include 11:11 and other double, triple and quadruple ones—his doubts became a belief that something meaningful was occurring that his logical mind couldn’t comprehend.

I explained to him some of the basic meanings to certain number sequences, as well introduced a helpful website—Angel Numbers: Joanne Sacred Scribes; however, he didn’t exactly jump for joy; but that’s okay. One day, in Divine perfect timing and order (whether in this lifetime or several more lifetimes), I believe he, too, will go deeper within himself for answers.

Note: Thank you ascendedrelationships.com (source) for image on right

Anyhoo, that was the second time that I had woken up my husband by singing, “AHHHHHH!!!” while sleeping. Poor guy. I’m so grateful that he’s so understanding, compassionate, and patient.

As many times that I’ve woken up screaming or crying in the middle of the night within these past few years, he not once complained about it; but rather, comforted me with much gentle love, like he did recently.

The last time was over a year ago when I had dreamt about the first dark being I had ever conversed with, and then wrote about it in a section of my unpublished post, “The Invaluable Birth to Earth Gifts.”

I believe it’s still unpublished because I had an incredible and highly controversial experience that I had difficulty processing for a while, which is also a remnant of my judgment towards myself, as well as concerns about what others may think about my experience. I’ve recently decided to publish it soon…for me first.

In 2001, I’ve had dreams about calling out to Jesus three times, and being rescued by him, and I wrote a post about it called, “Dreams of Jesus.”

However, I never actually saw Jesus the way he’s depicted in various religious artwork, though I felt his intense presence in front of me, in-between the dark spirits and myself.

The following is a revised version (i.e., added further insights to my original dream journal) of the dream I had on July 8, 2013, where I conversed with a “dark” being for the first time, along with additional insights, and bits and pieces from my dream tracker/journal section of the soon-to-be published post, “The Invaluable Birth to Earth Gifts.”:

On the first night that I wore my Moldavite necklace, I had a “bad” and “good” nightmare. It was by far the scariest nightmare I ever had—the vivid sight, intense sound and strong feelings made it feel very real.

However, it was also one of the most spiritual dreams I’ve ever had because it was the very first nightmare where I not only faced a dark being/so-called monster/my dark side, but I (as my Soul) also had compassion for it, embraced it, and expressed my unconditional love for it.

Note: Image on left by www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com

The Disguised Nightmare

July 8, 2013

I was in a cave-like environment, and I saw this being, who initially looked like a cross between an underdeveloped person (like the mummy character in the movie, “The Mummy”)—with parts of his skin and muscles missing—and a zombie. I later wondered if it might have been some kind of a dark greenish-brown reptilian being.

I think it was lying down with its head in front of my body, and its feet away from me. I don’t think I was scared at that moment (as my Higher Self).

At one point, I think the “dark” being wanted a female sacrifice, and I (as my Higher Self) told it, “Let us merge as One.”

The being immediately jumped away from my side—about a couple of feet away—and while standing on its humped over upper body and legs, it swiftly turned its head towards me and looked at me with shock and disbelief.

Note: The previous statement definitely stemmed from my Higher Self, because if I (as my ego self) had encountered such a dark being in real life, I’m pretty sure the statement, “Let us merge as one” would not be my choice of words. My fearful, yet protective, ego self would more than likely be like, “Uhhh…I’d love to stick around and chat more, but I have a bowel cleansing appointment that I need to go to.”

Note: Image on left above by www.mylespaul.com

It felt like we were doing some kind of ceremony or something. I saw a group of people bring what looked like a child with a deformed face in front of us, and the child started crying as if it was scared of the being.

The being got upset, and I tried to comfort it and persuade it from being angry by saying something like, “It’s common sense why the child is afraid…it’s because of your appearance.”

I didn’t understand why I had said something as condescending as “It’s common sense” when I don’t even like it when others say it to me. I thought I was also being insensitive about his appearance. I then realized later that it was my ego self judging me at the time I wrote this section of the post a little over a year ago.

The being frustratingly vented with a deep, monster-like voice—which I heard very clearly and loudly as it was standing right in front of me—that it was the mother (with black hair and wearing white clothes) of the child who judged him—by pointing and yelling at him—and that she had frightened the child.

All of a sudden, the being started vibrating, and it’s mummy/monster/zombie-like form started disintegrating into a blurry, water-like substance.

The being then transformed into a man, who appeared to be in his thirties, and had olive skin tone and dark brown, slightly wavy hair that came up to his shoulders; he was also clothed in white.

At that very brief moment, the man’s face seemed so familiar to my Soul; however, as soon as doubt set in from I believe my ego self/male energy/wounded inner child…the man immediately transformed back into the unknown being.

I then saw fluid dripping from its body, and someone (I couldn’t see who) grabbed my right hand and started pulling me away from the being.

I have a feeling that whoever was holding my hand and tried to pull me away from the being was perhaps a wise guardian angel/spirit guide/or even Archangel (aspects of my Higher Selves).

As the distance between me and the dark being grew further apart, I (as my Soul) could sense that a part of me (my fearful ego self/masculine energy/wounded inner-child) was becoming fearful as I noticed the being—now attached to the wall on all four of its limbs and with its legs bent—bounce around the walls of the cave-like environment at a very rapid pace…maybe in an effort to confuse me.

I started singing, “AHHHHHHH!!!” at the top of my lungs, like an opera singer. (Note: #2 reason I believe it’s my Soul’s idea: I’m not even a fan of opera) I believe I decided to make some high-pitched sounds in my attempt to transmute the being’s negative vibrational frequency.

Interestingly, while asleep, or at least half-asleep, I heard myself making these sounds really loud, and then heard my husband’s concerned voice in the background trying to wake me up. I woke up and recall telling him calmly, “I’m okay” or something like that.

I said “ my attempt to transmute the being’s negative energy” because I woke up, so I don’t know if I even made any difference. However, what matters is what I learned from my dream experience—the meaning that I choose to assign it.

The following is a lesson that I’ve learned from this dream, in an older post, “Dream Messages from My Multidimensional Self“:

The dark being helped me to experience in my dream state to Be Understanding, Empathy, Compassion, Forgiveness, Acceptance Embrace, and Unconditional Love.

The following italicized section is my interpretation of this dream at the time I was writing this post—about a year ago—also from the soon-to-be published post, “The Invaluable Birth to Earth Gifts.” regarding this dream:

My interpretation: This part of me dream reminded me of some comment I had a glimpse of yesterday evening while looking up meanings of Moldavite. I didn’t pay much attention to it because it was negative…something to the effect of the female having horrific dreams while wearing a Moldavite necklace to bed. I believe it’s all about perspective. I also read a part of a book where it states to be prepared to be transformed with Moldavite, even having to face one’s deepest fears in the process. I am grateful for this dream; it’s the first time I ever communicated face-to-face with my “inner demons,” a so-called “monster,” “zombie,” or “negative being.” I experienced understanding, having compassion for, and even embracing such a being. Perhaps I even experienced loving the being by trying to raise its vibration toward the end of the dream. I AM remembering to accept and unconditionally [love] ALL aspects of me (the good, bad and the ugly), which in turn will help me to fully accept and unconditionally love others as well, especially All That Is/Source/God, Goddess, & Spirit/my Higher Self/my angels, Archangels & Ascended Masters/other Higher beings of the angelic and spiritual realms. Thank You God, Goddess & Spirit for the spiritual tool/gift Moldavite.

Upon being awake from the dream, I sensed that I (as my Soul) was working on transmuting the fearful energy that I (my ego self/wounded inner-child) was feeling—using powerful sound frequency—as well as the fear energy that was being emitted by the dark being (my shadow self/inner-child).

At the time, my logical mind refused to believe what my heart was whispering to me. My ego self kept shouting, “Impossible! That wasn’t Jesus. I’m not worthy enough”…the exact attitude that the dark being had as it looked at me with shock and disbelief when I (as my Soul) had suggested that it merge with me.

Like two children throwing a fit, my ego self and shadow self’s fear-based behavior, words and actions made it apparent that they were both two different, yet the same, aspect of a part of myself—my earthly self/my unhealed feminine and masculine energies of a lower vibrational frequency due to their existence on the physical plane.

Looking back, I believe that dark being was symbolic of my own shadow self—the unconscious and rejected aspect of my inner child, my severely suppressed and repressed (individually) as well as oppressed (collectively) Divine Feminine energy.

The crying child with a deformed face was symbolic of my ego self/wounded inner-child/”dark” side of my inner-child—the deformed face symbolic of an unbalanced mask that my ego wears in front of society for acceptance, approval and survival..

And the man who looked like Jesus, symbolic of Christ Consciousness/Sananda was my Soul/my integrated Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energies (higher states of my masculine and feminine energies since being in the spiritual realm—vs the physical realm— makes their vibrational frequencies much higher)/Trinity: God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is.

Note: See further readings about ego self, shadow self and True Self toward bottom of post

Perhaps the hurtful memory—stored deep within my DNA from past lives/parallel lives—of the mother figure (symbolic of suffering society/collective egoic consciousness/my Expanded Self) pointing, yelling and judging the being (my shadow self/inner child) and making the child with the deformed face (my ego self/”dark” side of inner-child) cry carried over to this lifetime, which I then unconsciously projected outward to my physical reality (my shadow self’s desperate way of showing that it wants to be healed by manifesting in physical reality as “another”), which explains why I experienced throughout my childhood my own mother being verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually “abusive,” my biological father abandoning me as an infant, as well as other hurtful “others” I’ve encountered.

I believe the mother figure in this dream was wearing white—just like Jesus—because the color white is symbolic of her pure Soul, and that we all play the “good” guy and “bad” guy roles to one another throughout many lifetimes on Earth so that we may learn and grow (as a soul) from our plethora of rich, human experiences, which in turn helps Father God (with a capital G) and Mother Goddess/Prime Creator/Source/Great Central Sun/All That Is to better know itself/evolve.

I believe my Soul was attempting to integrate my ego self/wounded inner-child/conscious aspect of masculine energy with my shadow self/unconscious aspect of my feminine energy who weren’t cooperative at the time due to its baggage of fearful energy that wasn’t ready to be fully released yet.

Now I understand why I’m sharing this story now, and why I didn’t feel like publishing the post, “The Invaluable Birth to Earth Gifts”over a year ago.

I wasn’t quite ready to integrate both aspects of my wounded inner child within me with the Christ Consciousness within me.

Additionally, perhaps I didn’t fully forgive my mother as well, although my ego self managed to convince me that I had, and that I could love her from a long distance since she’s in Korea.

I plan on contacting her again in Divine perfect timing and order (following my intuition) since it’s been a while, and no matter what she says or how she says it this time, I will choose to Be inner-peace…something that no one can take away from me, unless I allow it.

Back then, I perceived the dark being, Jesus figure, my mother, as well as all “others” as those who were outside of me. I now realize that they are all aspects of my Expanded Self, mirroring back to me all that is within myself.

This reading => Are the Inner Child and the Ego the Same?, filled with much loving energies, resonates with me the most regarding aspects of ourselves—ego self, shadow self and True Self—that we strive to understand for our soul growth. The following are color-coded quotes from this reading (with the main color being gray) that I’ve paired with matching sections from my dream (right below each quote) to gain a clearer understanding of the life lessons to be learned:

“[…] As I look at these two, I can’t help but suspect that the Ego could be the Inner Child out of balance—the Ego is fear based, the Inner child is love based. If this is true, then one could conclude that the Ego is the dark side of the Inner Child […]”

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“It is my understanding that in the higher dimensions, the Inner Child and the Ego are seen as the same entity […] To have only a Dark or a Light side would not serve our interests because we would not be able to fully experience all there is to know about polarity or be able to find the balance between the two […] In addition, it is not until we figure out that keeping the Inner Child and the Ego separate only causes more frustration, defeating our attempts at self-love and empowerment […] Those in the higher realms know that we need a guidance system. When a soul incarnates into physical form, they must have some sort of guidance system to guide them through the incarnation following their Life Blueprint […] The Soul is the part of us that oversees the Life Blueprint. It can do this because it exists in the higher realms along with our guides.“

At the time, my logical mind refused to believe what my heart was whispering to me. My ego self kept shouting, “Impossible! That wasn’t Jesus. I’m not worthy enough!”…the exact attitude that the dark being had as it looked at me with shock and disbelief when I (as my Soul) had suggested that it merge with me.

Like two children throwing a fit, my ego self and shadow self’s fearful-based behavior, words and actions made it apparent that they were both two different, yet the same, aspect of a part of myself—my earthly self/my unhealed feminine and masculine energies of a lower vibrational frequency due to their existence on the physical plane.

Looking back, I believe that dark being was symbolic of my own shadow self––the unconscious and rejected aspect of my inner child, my severely repressed (individually) and oppressed (collectively) feminine energy.

The crying child with a deformed face was symbolic of my ego self/wounded inner-child/“dark” side of my inner-child; the deformed face symbolic of a mask that my ego wears in front of society for acceptance, approval and survival.

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“[…] And as long as we are cut off from this dark side of our Inner Child, wanting to destroy or conquer it, the Inner Child will continue to distrust us. It will not believe us when we say that we love it because we have proven through our actions and our innocent ignorance that we only love the sweet side of it, not the side that is trying to protect us […]”

At one point, I think the “dark” being wanted a female sacrifice, and I (as my Soul) told it, “Let us merge as One..”

The being immediately jumped away from my side—about a couple of feet away—and while standing on its hunched over upper body and legs, it turned it swiftly head towards me and looked at me with shock and disbelief.

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“How does the Inner child become unbalanced creating a dark side? My belief is that the imbalances are created through conditioning from our family and society. I believe the imbalances occur when we are taught to believe things that run counter to our natural instincts, the instincts of a small child.

As we grow from infancy to childhood and into adulthood we are continuously indoctrinated with the ideals and beliefs of our parents, extended family members, schools, churches and society at large. These beliefs contain messages about what is acceptable to do, say, feel and express and what is not. As we experience the pain of rejection, blame, shame and guilt created by going outside the established bounds of what is acceptable, we quickly learn to limit our expression in order to avoid that pain. As we do this we communicate messages to our Inner Child regarding what it is allowed to express and where the limits are […] This negative talk makes our Inner Child feel blamed, rejected and abandoned. So, out of the desire to stay alive, it becomes more creative in anticipating and avoiding or blocking opportunities that can trigger that pain thus creating a fear-based side to handle this need. We call it the Ego. “

The being frustratingly vented with a deep, monster-like voice (which I heard very clearly and loudly) that it was the mother (with black hair and wearing white clothes) of the child who judged him—by pointing and yelling at him—and also frightened the child.

Perhaps the hurtful memory—stored deep within my DNA from past lives/parallel lives—of the mother figure (symbolic of suffering society/collective egoic consciousness/my Expanded Self) pointing, yelling and judging the being (my shadow self/inner child) and making the child with the deformed face (my ego self/”dark” side of inner-child) cry carried over to this lifetime, which I then unconsciously projected outward to my physical reality (my shadow self’s desperate way of showing that it wants to be healed by manifesting in physical reality as “others”), which explains why I experienced throughout my childhood my own mother being verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually “abusive,” my biological father abandoning me as an infant, as well as other hurtful “others” I’ve encountered.

The crying child with a deformed face was symbolic of my ego self/wounded inner-child/”dark” side of my inner-child; the deformed face symbolic of a mask that my ego wears in front of society for acceptance, approval and survival.

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“Without fear as a tool, the Inner Child would not be able to keep us safe and therefore, as I mentioned earlier, most of us would not live very long. And if we think that that is not true, consider how it would be able to do it otherwise when most of us don’t spend even 5 minutes a day communicating with our Inner Child. Yes, we may spend a lot of time communing with our Soul or Higher Self, but how much time do we spend with our Inner child? How strong is that relationship? How open and clear the communication?

This relationship with the Inner Child, accepting its dark side (Ego) and loving it through the integration of its fears is what I have found to be the missing piece in Inner Child work and, thus, the missing piece in clearing emotional blocks and completing ascension.”

The above two quoted paragraphs reminded me of the following quoted section (which I shared in other posts) from the reading =>

Male and female energies (Being Balance, and knowing the power of “I AM“):

“[…] True power is in the joyful alignment of ego and Spirit.

The area of the lowest three chakras is the most important area in self-healing and inner growth.The greatest spiritual challenge to you now is to take care of this wounded area in yourself. Meditating to transcend physical reality or connect to elusive cosmic levels is not your main goal now. Your goal is to give your gentlest understanding and loving support to that hurt inner child within you and to restore its beauty and playfulness. This is your spiritual journey; herein lies the greatest treasure. Cherishing and respecting the human side of you, the child part of you, is your road to divine compassion and enlightenment […]“

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“When we begin to treat the Ego as the Inner Child in fear, we are able to make permanent changes in our behavior traits and thus, our relationships and life. The Ego is Inner Child expressing its fears. When someone is in fear, that is when they need us the most. When you and I are in fear, what do we want the most? We want people to love us, help us, nurture us and above all not reject us. If that is what we want, doesn’t it stand to reason that our Inner Child would want the same? Going further, isn’t it true that the way someone knows that we love them, really love them is to be there for them regardless of whether they are being good or bad? If this is the case, then doesn’t it make sense that our Inner Child would want to know that he or she is loved regardless of whether they behave as good or bad? When your physical children behave negatively, don’t you still love them? Then why should it be any different for our Inner Child? Do you see what I mean?”

The above quoted section reminded me of how I used to me my own worst enemy at times. I decided to break it down with just some examples to give myself a better understanding of where it all stemmed from (all the quotes are from my mother, with the exception that’s specified for my father); hence, giving me the opportunity to heal myself more effectively (solutions below this section of bullets):

being so hard on myself for making the smallest mistake (conditioned by society, mainly by my mother who would sometimes beat me for hours for making a simple and honest mistake, like not knowing that I wasn’t allowed to microwave a hot dog by myself in 5th or 6th grade)
being devastated for long periods of time (sometimes years or even decades) for even bigger mistakes, unable to deeply understand myself, have compassion for, and forgive myself; hence, drowning in guilt and shame
being my own worst critic, which stemmed from being called all kinds of names throughout childhood, to include, “You’re nothing but a cold-hearted Jap!” “Rotten bitches like you need to die.” “Yeah…you need make-up.” “Your forehead is much darker than the rest of your face.” “People who join the Army are losers. Stop taking it so personally, I wasn’t talking about you.”
not feeling worthy due to being abandoned by my biological father as an infant, being told by one of my aunts that my mother tried to give me away to an orphanage afterwards (but my relatives stopped her), and then being left by my American father in junior high and then again in high school
often blaming myself , which stemmed from comments throughout childhood such as,“Your real father left us because you cried so much as a baby.” “I sacrificed my life for you, and you ruined both of my marriages.” “You failed to keep our family together [with my dad who adopted me], so you better go fix it by going to your dad’s office and begging him to come back home.”
often suppressing my feelings with much heartache, which stemmed from comments throughout childhood such as,”Go ahead…I dare you to cry.” (one of my mother’s threats) “You’re overly sensitive.” (in a disgusted tone) “What’s the matter with you Bobbie? What are you crying about this time” (a common comment from my American dad)
often doubting myself with much anxiety, which stemmed from comments throughout childhood such as,””What are you looking at? I’m going to dig those eyes out.” “What’s wrong with you? These are the wrong cucumbers!” “Why should I go to your game? You guys haven’t won a game yet.” “Look at you…studying as if you’re going to become something.”
not being able to fully acknowledge and appreciate my strengths, which stemmed from comments throughout childhood such as,”You know…you’re real dad was a major braggart.” (in an apathetic tone to the news that I received an A on some school work.” “You’re just like your real father.” (in a disgusted tone) “You’re just so perfect.” (in a disgusted tone and eyes of contempt)
being a perfectionist in order to prove my worthiness to society since I had formed a deep belief throughout childhood that my parents (biological parents as well as “step” dad) didn’t think I was that worthy
being a type A personality—expressing more of my assertive and sometimes aggressive masculine energy more than my feminine loving energies—in order to prove to the world that I was strong, confident and competent, and that I, just like men (especially while in the Army), can be just as mentally tough, determined, resilient, and so on, which I believe stemmed from my mother and Korean relatives often perceiving males as blessings, having the ability to take care of family members as a reliable and responsible provider, having great potential for success in life, having power, etc.

Along with what I mentioned above (right below in yellow), I believe we attract wounded “others,” because through interactions with them, they trigger us, giving us the opportunity to clear and release the deeply stored painful memory/memories. This open-minded/open-hearted video has been very helpful to me, which is about balancing the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine energies within all of us => Transforming the Female Wounded Warrior to the Divine Goddess´¯`·.¸.ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

More than likely, I’ve hurt others in past lifetimes in the same manner that my parents (and others) did to me throughout my life; and therefore, karma paid me many visits in order to help me with my soul growth (gifts of wisdom), as well as give me an opportunity to balance my karma:

I believe the mother figure in this dream was wearing white—just like Jesus—because the color white is symbolic of her pure Soul, and that we all play the “good” guy and “bad” guy roles to one another throughout many lifetimes on Earth so that we may learn and grow (as a soul) from our plethora of rich, human experiences, which in turn helps Father God (with a capital G) and Mother Goddess/Prime Creator/Source/Great Central Sun/All That Is to better know itself/evolve.

Added (in red) on August 13, 2014 => The following section of the reading, “The Archetypes of Sacred Feminine Initiation” (from the website Temple of the Sacred Feminine) helped me to gain another profound perspective and understanding of why I experienced my mother in the way that she was, as well as various aspects of my shadow self:

“When the Mother archetype is in shadow, the wounding with our own mother may be profound. We may not know how take care of our own physical needs, be in our bodies, or nurture a child. We may feel incompetent as mothers, or be narcissistic and deny our child her own individuality and experiences. Shadow Mother can cause a woman to be totally absent to her kids and ineffectual, or controlling, demanding, manipulative and guilt-inducing. Shadow mothers don’t mind their own business and they may not know how to make real contact […]”

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“It is my understanding that love is a feeling that we express through our behavior, the behaviors of trust, acceptance, kindness and compassion. So to love the Inner Child/Ego and help it integrate its fears would be an expression of self-love in action, would it not? And don’t we need to be able to love ourselves in order to ascend? I believe we do. So, to answer the question of why it is important to our spiritual growth to connect the Inner Child and Ego, it is because we need them both to ascend.”

Ever since I started learning about healing my wounded inner child, I started changing my negative thoughts, emotions, intentions, behavior, spoken words, and actions.

For example:

whenever I accidentally drop something, rather than getting irritated with myself, I tell myself gently, “It’s okay, it was an accident” as if I was talking to a child (my inner-child)
whenever I catch myself about to engage in negative self-talk, like “What’s wrong with you?!” I replace it with loving words like, “It was an honest mistake and we learned from it.”
as often as I remember, I tell myself in the mirror, “Self, I accept and love you unconditionally.”
I’m my own best friend (first)
I honor all of my feelings, and choose not to judge the so-called “negative” ones so that I can heal
I practice positive affirmations with positive emotion since repetition helps us to re-pattern our old and negative beliefs that no longer positively serve our soul growth
I’ve made a habit of doing spiritual studies, to include reading various spirituality, mystical, celestial, and other uplifting and inspiring books
I treat myself to whatever I believe my inner-child wishes to experience
I’ve started communicating daily with my inner-child (to include ego self/shadow self)
I make up for lost childhood time, like my own version of playing/having fun/Being in the Moment of Now without any worries about the past or anxieties about the future (like a child trusting Life)/Being free-spirited/creating artwork/blogging/singing/dancing/enjoying music/Being in nature/exploring Life/joking around/smiling/laughing/experimenting with cooking/baking cookies/joyfully interacting with soul sisters and soul brothers/listening to people’s personal life stories, etc.
I give myself as much freedom, peace and love as possible without causing harm to others (e.g., Being my authentic self: Being gentle yet assertive, expressing myself in various ways to include speaking my mind honestly yet tactfully, Being trusting yet discerning, being cautious but not fearful, doing what resonates with me and not because someone manipulates me into feeling guilty if I don’t do what they want, choosing to spend quality time with others who resonate with me and whom I deeply connect with, having healthy boundaries that doesn’t allow others to take advantage of me or disrespect me, following my path of excitement (even if it’s something small), validating myself rather than needing others’ acceptance and approval, not allowing outer negativity to affect my emotions by maintaining a positive perspective (still working on mastering this)
practicing as often as I could to remember to express my gratitude for all the abundance that I have in every Moment of Now (trusting that I have everything that I need in every moment due to Divine perfect timing and Divine order), and appreciating Life (especially the many little things that we often take for granted, like our washer and dryer) has helped me to develop a habit of doing so daily. Gratitude and appreciation helps us to tune into further abundance. ^_^

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Update: Added 6/11/2016

The Elusive Space Within the Opening of the Cave

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Below are readings that gave me a better understanding about ego self, shadow self and True Self (added during time-frame of working on this post).

The following is from a reading highly resonates with me and has been very helpful in better understanding myself, to include my dream about facing a dragon in a large body of water (once), my comfort food addictions that I just realized I had after reading this captivating blog, and why I’ve had a lot of “dark” (as well as “light”) and sometimes emotionally intense dreams => Inner Child and The Shadow :

“As you slowly confront and transition each shadow with light, your Shadow Self gains less and less dominion over you and begins to become a teacher of how to master your own life. The Shadow self is there to teach you Self Sovereignty and to ensure that your Inner Child can once again reunite into your being, whole and healthy without the fear of it being fractured. Be gentle with yourselves. You are all beautiful beings playing within the most difficult game of duality within all the Universe – this is no easy task for anyone. Even all the Ascended Masters begin their lives as troubled and flawed human beings, just like yourself. It is not about what duality has thrown upon you, it is all about how you use it to mold yourselves.”

The following is from the reading, “Dragon Lady: Shadow of the Queen“:

“Unconscious parts of ourselves acquire negative power because of the well-known psychological law that the longer and harder we repress them, the more energy we give them until they start influencing our behavior in disagreeable ways. They are like sweet little girl dragons which start out innocently enough. If we love them and allow them to come out and play they will grow up to become our friends. But if we ignore them and starve them and keep them cooped up in dark and cramped cages — in much the same way many male-dominated cultures have treated women and their own feminine sides — they grow stronger and angrier every day.

While the bad news is that facing the Dragon Lady, a symbol for the Queen archetype’s shadow side — i.e., the regressive powers of the feminine unconscious — can be very painful, the good news is that she can initiate us into a far nobler fate than we could ever imagine. After all, if Snow White had not been terrorized by the evil Queen she never would have run into the wilderness, met her protectors, the seven dwarves, eaten the poisoned apple, and been awakened by the kiss of the prince to experience union with her Beloved.

Prince Ego’s search for the princess, our unconscious feminine self, is the authentic hero’s journey, and their union symbolizes wholeness or enlightenment, the ultimate prize and true destiny of every soul. So the next time you’re faced with an uncomfortable truth about yourself, it might help to remember that facing and befriending the Dragon Lady is the price of the prize.”

This highly informative reading helped me to better understand my Divine Masculine energy, which I was under the impression that didn’t exist yet due to my own ignorance => How To Awaken The Divine Masculine Within You

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The following is from quoted sections from the reading, “Archetypes “:

“The self is an archetype that represents the unification of the unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual […]

The shadow is an archetype that consists of the sex and life instincts […] This archetype is often described as the darker side of the psyche, representing wildness, chaos and the unknown. These latent dispositions are present in all of us, Jung believed, although people sometimes deny this element of their own psyche and instead project it onto others.

Jung suggested that the shadow can appear in dreams or visions and may take a variety of forms. It might appear as a snake, a monster, a demon, a dragon or some other dark, wild or exotic figure.

Thee anima is a feminine image in the male psyche and the animus is a male image in the female psyche. The anima/animus represents the “true self” rather than the image we present to others and serves as the primary source of communication with the collective unconscious.

The combination of the anima and animus is known as the syzygy, or the divine couple. The syzygy represents completion, unification and wholeness.

The persona is how we present ourselves to the world. The word “persona” is derived from a Latin word that literally means “mask.” It is not a literal mask, however. The persona represents all of the different social masks that we wear among different groups and situations. It acts to shield the ego from negative images. According to Jung, the persona may appear in dreams and take a number of different forms.“

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The following is from the “Encounter with the shadow” section of wikipedia:

“The shadow personifies everything that the subject refuses to acknowledge about himself” and represents “a tight passage, a narrow door, whose painful constriction no one is spared who goes down to the deep well”.^[17] If and when ‘an individual makes an attempt to see his shadow, he becomes aware of (and often ashamed of) those qualities and impulses he denies in himself but can plainly see in others — such things as egotism, mental laziness, and sloppiness; unreal fantasies, schemes, and plots; carelessness and cowardice; inordinate love of money and possessions — …[a] painful and lengthy work of self-education”.^[18]“

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NEW PARADIGM EGO

The following is a section of this very open-minded and open-hearted (Mind/Heart, balance of Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine Energy/Consciousness) reading:

“With this new perspective, we can now see that the Ego and the Inner Child are exactly the same! They are interchangeable, for they both represent GOD/GODDESS-the-finite. It is duality that makes them seem separate to us. Old paradigm spirituality teaches us to separate ourselves from our Ego, and to see it as negative. Everything is a part of You! And everything is Perfect. Everything has its part to play in this grand Scheme. The Ego and the Inner Child are polar opposites of each other, so in reality they are the one and the same. By healing our Ego we allow it to merge with the Inner Child and we have our Ego/Inner Child balanced.”

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The Cycle of Transformation => So far, I’ve only read a few pages from this intriguing website, but I plan on further exploring it. Lately, I’ve been highly interested in shamanism due to the spirit animal dreams I’ve been experiencing.

I believe my Snowflake Obsidian bracelet that I bought a couple of months ago or so contributed to these experience, and I recently saw—in an email from the Heaven on Earth crystal store that I just eye-shopped at online—that it’s a shaman crystal, which I wasn’t aware of, although I had read other meanings of it.

My collection of crystal beings—ranging from tumbled stones, natural stones, bracelets, a Moldavite necklace and a Sugilite necklace, and a pair of Smoky Quartz earrings have served me very well with my soul growth so far, to include shadow work, dream work (one me and in my pillow case at night), and at least during one meditation (very brief, intensely exciting, yet somewhat scary and shocking space flight experience—I would volunteer for that again though), and I have no doubt that they will continue to do so.

I often express my gratitude to them, and show my appreciation by cleansing them (to include smudging, running them through purified water, using my intention, leaving them out overnight under the moonlight, leaving them out during rainy days, and even better…during thunder storms).

I also like to take them on certain trips, like the local park, where I lay them out on a mother crystal boulder so that they can bond with Mother Earth/Gaia and Father Sky/Great Central Sun—like visiting home sweet home. 🙂

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Added August 11, 2014

Shadow Self: Embracing Your Inner Darkness

“Yet by doing so, we ignore the entirety of what it is to be human! In fact, many of the spiritual and new age teachings out there provide an escape for those who do not want to be responsible for the entirety of themselves and their lives […]

Interestingly, many seekers of spiritual growth think that somehow all of the negative qualities within themselves will eventually be transcended. Yet from my own experience, embracing your inner darkness allows for the creation of a psychological and spiritual balance, an integrated whole – whereas denying it creates chaos and disharmony.

The keyword here is “integrate”, which comes from the Latin word integratus, meaning to ‘make whole’. To integrate an inner quality is to take ownership and responsibility for it, rather than rejecting or denying it […]The benefits are many; sanity, healing, and wholeness are all found in integration. On the other hand, the opposite of integration is to ‘disintegrate’ – or to be fragmented and divided into pieces. A person that ‘breaks down’ or ‘falls apart’ for instance, is someone who has been unable to handle stress and who has ignored too many of their personality traits, especially Shadow Self traits. In reality, a fragmented person can never handle adversity because they have no whole centre, and they’re always handling life from the corners of their personality parts.”

Illuminative Ways To Encounter Your Shadow Self

“Art is the highest form of self expression and also a great way to allow your shadow to manifest itself. In Psychology an effective way to better understand a child patient is to give them paper and crayons and allow them to draw whatever comes to mind.

In adults expressing our inner selves is a bit more difficult, as that shadow has been repressed a lot more deeply and for a longer period of time. However, if you allow yourself to feel any of these darker emotions, without fearing judgement from yourself while drawing or painting for example, you’ll begin to gain insight into your Shadow Self and reveal more about your obscure inner half […]”

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The Subconscious Mind

At the beginning of the video above, the narrator accidentally repeats the word subconscious mind, “It’s been said that our subconscious mind only takes in 16 bits of information a second, compared to our subconscious mind which could absorb 11 million bits per second […].”

I believe (and hope that it wasn’t meant to confuse us) the narrator meant to say, “It’s been said that our conscious mind only takes in 16 bits of information a second, compared to our subconscious mind which could absorb 11 million bits per second […].”

The Secret To Subconscious Mind Control #1

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Added August 13, 2014:

In a section of the reading, “Warrior to Goddess: How to Transform the Feminine,” under the subtitle, “Goddess To Warrior A Sidebar by Suzanna Kennedy,” (toward bottom of reading) Suzanna’s mention that she saw her inner female in a dark cave instantly reminded me of my dream within this post.

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Added December 2, 2014:

The following are just four, quoted sections (not all consecutive) of the very helpful and profound reading, “Cosmic Sea,” which helped me to better understand my dreams (in dream state), as well as Multidimensional SELF:

“Dear grounded ones, we are the Arcturians, here to continue our journey. We wish to remind you again that as each of you continues your awakening to your fifth dimensional SELF, you will remember your life “in between” death and birth, other third dimensional realities, and lives on the higher dimensions. These realities are occurring all at the same moment of the NOW. Therefore, they are not “other” lives—they are “parallel” lives.

Your fifth dimensional stepping-stone, parallel reality will assist you in acclimating to your expanded reality at the point of your ascension. This fifth dimensional expression of your Multidimensional SELF is running concurrently with your third dimensional expression of your SELF. This concept of “it all is happening HERE and NOW” can only be understood from our Multidimensional Operating System. Thus, release your attachment to linear and time-bound thinking, so that you can better understand how parallel worlds are interacting within a vast Cosmic Sea of many frequencies […]

Whenever you view an alternate life you have the opportunity to “re-write” it by replacing fear with unconditional love. That healing will then rush through your Multidimensional SELF, as well as through the body of Gaia. Since you are the sum/total of all the expressions of your consciousness, whatever happens in one reality is shared with all your parallel expressions of SELF. When you remember to merge with your stepping-stone SELF, you will regain your ability to view all of the many lives that are being played out in myriad times, places, and dimensions […]

On a personal level, you will split into two parallel realities when a situation occurs in which you can decide to choose love, unity and SELF awareness or choose fear, separation and dependency on external conditions […] We say a reality splits off, for whenever you make a choice based on fear and separation, you split off from the Truth that you are a Multidimensional Being and can perceive ALL options within the Now. The reality in which you chose love, unity and SELF is NOT the “split off” reality for it remains in attunement with your SELF. On the other hand, whenever you make a fear-based choice, your resonance falls below that of your Multidimensional SELF, and you split off into a lower frequency parallel reality.”