Note: This is an update to the following post series:

• “Finding the Good in Shadow Aspects that I Disapprove of in Self/Others“—under the third subtitle section, “The Shadow Aspect that Needs to:”—“
• A Preview of Post: The Birth of Heartfelt Experiences that Stemmed from Integration“
• “Negative Shadow Aspects of Self that Seem Damn Near Impossible to Accept“
• “An Unexpected Appearance of 111 After a Car Accident“

Note: Image on right above found next to link => Numerologist.com

I haven’t felt happy lately, so I did my best to follow my inner guidance, to include the breadcrumbs of joy (even to the smallest degree), in order to get back on track. And as usual, one thing led to another, to the point where I experienced feeling much lighter.

The following is a comment I shared yesterday for the video, “Barefoot TV: Universal Language 11 11 (Ep 25)” after reading the helpful posts, “8 Spiritual Lessons from the Movie ‘Moana’ – When the Coconuts Go Black, It’s Time to Get On Track!” and “3 Ways That Letting People Down Can Raise You Up – How to Dissolve Your Fear of Rejection“:

Thank you ladies for all the helpful knowledge, wisdom, analogies, neutral observations, smiles, laughter, and interesting, non-verbal cues.

Sarah, I came upon this video after exploring your blog for the first time. Thank you so much for all the gifts that you share with our world and beyond. I usually leave comments for readings and videos that I highly resonate with, but I didn’t feel like creating another account just to leave a message; so I’m leaving one here.

Towards the end of this video, I was reminded from within that our so-called “negative”/dense/fear-based, low energy aspects within ourselves/others (aka negative shadow aspects) can be deeply healed and integrated into our whole being with deep understanding, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, and unconditional acceptance/embrace/love, rather than be “thrown away” like garbage (or rejected, purged, cast out, killed, destroyed, etc.).

In addition, the belief in needing protection from something harmful, “bad” or “evil” OUT THERE radiates its own low, fear-based vibrational frequency to the Universe that one doesn’t feel safe. I trust that whatever we fear OUT THERE—that’s merely mirroring to us our unconscious inner world—can be healed by facing what we deeply fear from within, with much inner strength and courage.

I have no doubt that when we trust in the Divine Power within—merged with Divine Love and Divine Wisdom—-we can then “walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil,” for our I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence is there with us.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The above comment reminded me to embrace the so-called negative aspects that I experienced from certain coworkers at Red Mountain Sedona, ultimately mirroring back to me my own “negative” shadow aspects of self that I’ve repressed during childhood and continued to suppress throughout adulthood.

Throughout childhood, so-called negative aspects like disrespect, extreme annoyance, impatience, aggressiveness, condescension, emotional abuse, gaslighting, habitual complaining (but not putting forth effort to find solutions), compulsive lying, manipulation, control, and other similar vibes were not something I was allowed to express, though my parents often did (especially my alcoholic, abusive mother).

Therefore, these seemingly unpleasant aspects were repressed during this period of my life, and by the time I was an adult, I was so turned off by them, that I suppressed them even further.

By doing this, whenever I noticed it in others, I judged them, not realizing that there have been times when these aspects would slip out of me as well; granted, my ego self—that wants to do what’s good and right to be accepted and approved of by self and society—-did a great job of keeping a tight lid on it most of the time. So why do these “negative” energies continue to haunt me after all these decades?

Well, if what we resist persists, then it makes sense that because I’ve been avoiding the core relationship with whom I’ve had these initial experiences with (i.e., my mother), these energies have decided to show up amplified in others—mainly from some of my coworkers from the past jobs in Sedona, and most recently with “antagonist” K—especially during this rapid acceleration phase of my life .

What’s interesting is that even the seemingly nicest coworker (J___e) would reveal the manipulative and controlling aspects—that exists within all of us to varying degrees—that were strongly present within my mother, but were more subtle within her.

For instance, during the second week of work at Red Mountain Sedona, J___e and I agreed that she would sweep and I would mop. After she gathered her piles of debris, she softly said, “I could sure use a dust pan.”

Though an initial thought popped into my mind, I went to the storage room and got her a dust pan; it just felt like a child hinting that s/he wants a cookie.

Plus, I recalled watching a Jeff Foxworthy (and his crew) special a while back. He basically said that his wife had trained him very well. One night, while they were in bed, she gently said that it was a bit cold in the room. So he found himself getting out of bed (with his eyes halfway closed), heading to the window, and then closing it. It was funny.

The initial thought that popped into my mind was the recognition of the energy that’s called manipulation, which usually has a bad rap within human society; but I’ve learned from Teal Swan that it’s merely the opposite of directly asking for what one wants.

Perhaps J___e hasn’t felt comfortable to ask for what she wants (maybe due to fear of rejection); hence, she’s been in the habit of hinting, not only to me (because that wasn’t the last time), but more than likely to her family members, friends, other coworkers, etc.

I have no doubt that I’ve done this as well. During childhood, my mother shared a story of me when I was around five years old.

She said that whenever I saw something that I really liked in a store, rather than whining, begging, or throwing a fit (like a lot of kids), I softly said to her phrases like, “That’s really pretty, isn’t it?” or “I bet that’s tasty.”

I don’t think I was this way because I was such a good kid, but because I had been conditioned to be so. Both of my parents—my biological Korean mother and adoptive, American father—frowned upon pain-in-the-ass kids, so I have no doubt that I learned not be one to the best of my ability.

While working with J___e, I also noticed a few times how she talked to her adult daughter, who also works there, and is really nice. It was the same dominant, controlling tone that my mother often used when she talked to me.

As I’d watch the two of them interact, it was as if I went back in time and objectively observed my child self and younger adult self interacting with my mother. It was such a bizarre experience.

When J___e starting speaking to in the same controlling tone as she did with her daughter, rather than being offended, I was amused by what was going on; it was almost like a game of life happening, where I had to play my cards differently this time.

I just reminded myself to maintain healthy boundaries so that this very familiar energy aspect doesn’t start believing that it can completely control me, though it can play its little ways at times.

I trust that integrating so-called negative aspects within us doesn’t mean that we allow them to take over the ship (aka whole self/Self), but rather, become a team where every aspect has its own strengths and potential; and when synergized, become highly beneficial and unstoppable.

Other examples:

Laziness is a negative aspect that’s frowned upon by many within general society, but laziness in itself is not bad.

I’ve experienced the full extent of laziness after I left the Army life, and though I initially felt guilty, and even shameful, that I was doing this “bad” thing, I learned to embrace it.

Why? Because as a child, I grew up in an environment where 1) my very meticulous mother didn’t even like finding a piece of hair on the floor, and 2) both parents were on the go every day starting at 5:00 the morning just doing, doing, and doing (like many humans in this world).

So as an adult, it makes sense that my inner child feels liberated to just make a mess at times, and do absolutely nothing, but relax and enjoy life (to the best of one’s ability).

However, when we’re at a job, it’s usually not wise to be habitually lazy, the way my former coworker A was; BUT perhaps she was just tired from a job that she’s very bored with, and tired from not being able to see her little kid as much as she’d like (due to working an afternoon/night shift).

Nonetheless, that was her choice; I can choose to embrace the aspect that is laziness, but once again, not allow it to take over the ship (i.e., my life, the whole self/Self).

Another lesson I learned while working with K at Red Mountain Sedona, is that when two people are very incompatible (for whatever reasons), not even the effort of one person, to have a heart-to-heart talk can make peace; because it takes two hands to clap.

For instance, if a husband and wife have habitual arguments (and even fights), but yet, one partner refuses to have reasonable, adult-like talks and/or receive free counseling from the military, then the relationship will eventually end.

After contemplating about these “negative” shadow aspects within self/others, and willing to be transparently honest with self, I realized that the way K often acted towards me—becoming very irritated, being impatient, disrespecting, not understanding, being condescending, etc.—was the way I was toward my current husband at times throughout the decade plus that we’ve been married.

I even shared this light-bulb moment with my husband, and asked him if he could help me to recognize whenever I did pull a K—or more accurately, my shadow aspects of self— since I didn’t want to continue treating him that way.

I reminded him, as usual, that he needs to be in a relationship where he’s treated with more unconditional love and respect, and that actually makes him happy; he said he’s in one already, but I’ve wondered if he’s just in his comfort zone.

I also told my husband that I believed we weren’t compatible; hence, there have been a lot of frustrations in our relationship going both ways, though it’s improved a little over the last few years or so. Prior to that, it was like a roller-coaster nightmare marriage (that I did attempt to end in 2007 with a request for a divorce).

I intuitively know now that these negative aspects of self have been trying to communicate to me to leave an old and outdated relationship that no longer benefits or serves me/Soul/Spirit within, and my husband; I just don’t know how to go about it anymore, especially in a peaceful way. I’ve already asked for assistance from within, so I don’t feel the need to keep asking. I trusting that everything will fall into place in Divine perfect timing and order.

This example might seem off topic since it has to do with my one of my cats, Leo (the other one is Shadow), but it actually relates to shadow aspects of self/others.

Leo continues to mirror to me an overly vocal aspect, and most of the time, I react from a state of fear (i.e., become very irritated, especially when he’s seemingly that way throughout the day and night).

So why does this very vocal aspect annoy the crap out of me? Perhaps because I haven’t fully embraced it. The very vocal aspect of self has been repressed since childhood. I was limited as to what I could express (thoughts, emotions, and feelings) due to the fear of repercussions from both parents.

In addition, my adoptive father was hardly ever around, so whatever I did talk about with my mother usually revolved around what we were eating, what we were watching on Korean TV, and pretty much whatever my mother felt like discussing (relatives, neighbors, bad-mouthing my cheating ass dad, etc.). We rarely talked about school, my friends, my preferences, what I believed, and how I felt about life in general.

So, I noticed that as I interacted with others throughout childhood and adulthood, I became what I was conditioned to be—an active listener. Many people came to me with their problems, ideas, thoughts, feeling, beliefs, complaints, dreams, etc., and I often listened much more than I spoke (sometimes even for hours); I eventually learned to set healthy boundaries.

So when I started journaling  in a notebook (first recommended by one of my therapists, the most competent one), I noticed that the words would effortlessly flow from within me. Later on, I was inspired from within to start a blog in 2010, which was initially bobbieslife in WordPress.com (account now closed).

Since then, I’ve typed many heartfelt expressions, starting with very short posts, and then writing a lot of LONG posts. Even though I’ve come upon various readings that it’s best to make posts short and to the point—my husband shared that info with me as well—I chose to take a risk and only do what I felt like doing, which was to freely and fully express myself (often incorporating images and color font as well).

So all the built up, repressed and suppressed expressions basically exploded from within. I later transferred all these posts to this blog, reunitingall.com, because I learned about self-worth and monetizing one’s work, and desired to be open to receiving various forms of abundance (to include monetary abundance).

Granted, that wasn’t successful—along with incorporating my artwork into Zazzle products (i.e., Mulantis store), but I trust that I will find another way (perhaps via YouTube videos where I can share my whole self with the world).

One commenter for a video that I saw a few months ago or so, suggested that I start making videos, because what I had shared with him was very helpful; but even though I told him that I would consider it, I didn’t have the confidence to initiate the process. However, nowadays, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve even saved some YouTube videos that helps one to start their own project.

So with all this said, why do I still get irritated with my cat Leo for being very vocal? Probably because I haven’t fully embraced this aspect within me.

When I check myself, I recall times where I was VERY irritated with my own self for having so much to express in posts. It’s like a part of me wanted me to stop, and another part of me was like, “Nope! Gonna keep typing away! MWAH HA HA HA!!!”

So very vocal aspect of self, I fully embrace and integrate you. Let’s just remember that it was really draining whenever certain others—mainly my Korean step-mom and two Army, female coworkers—were EXCESSIVELY chatty…for HOURS (stories shared within blog), so we can tone it down, and not go overboard.

Within the past few months, when Leo would get ridiculously loud in the middle of the night with his meows and yowls (every 30 min or so)—though he’s been neutered, and he wasn’t sick or lacking food, water, and a clean litter box—and sometimes running and slamming his body into things, I would feel like throwing him off the balcony.

In one of the posts within this blog, I shared a story of how I was judgy towards my husband’s friend (a former Army soldier) for saying that he wanted to throw his dog off the balcony; when he came out of the bathroom, his dog had eaten his dinner (pizza and wings, bones and all). But after experiencing the major pain-in-the-ass loudness, I was able to deeply empathize with his friend.

Now this doesn’t mean that it’s necessary to take violent action, like throwing a pet off the balcony, but it does mean that we humans can have such negative thoughts once in a blue moon, and it doesn’t mean that we’re bad or evil.

I was also able to relate to the very “dark”/”bad”/even “evil” aspects of a murderer desiring to end a life to bring some form of relief. This doesn’t mean I desire to go around and be an out of control murderer, but I’m just saying, I now know how a brother (or sister) feels.

One of my former neighbors in Helotes—an elderly, cynical, and sometimes nice man—once told me, “I can’t believe people who abandon their cats.” Even at that time, I shared with him the fact that there could be many different factors as to why one would make a certain decision.

I gave examples like a couple having a newborn baby, and the cat the adjusting well, or a family member being allergic to the cat. If I saw him again though, I would update him with, “Oh I can see why some people abandon their cats (since Leo would be a great example; granted, he’s very lovable and loving as well).”

Since I’m on a role with being brutally honest with myself, I also realized that I’ve embraced the sociopath aspect of self whenever I wished the world to end due to my exhaustion and inability to relate to society’s unloving and corrupt ways. 

I’ve embraced the psychopath aspect of self whenever I had no empathy or remorse for those getting what they seemingly deserved (e.g., rapists, pedophiles, corrupt politicians, etc.). Note: An old post, “The Very Dark Side of Me“

Granted, I don’t know their entire stories, and what various factors (to include severe abuse) led them to do such things. I’m not condoning violent, hate-stemmed actions, but like I mentioned above, such negative thoughts can cross any human’s mind (though many will not admit it).

So what are some other reasons that these negative aspects within continue to show up in my outer reality?

Because 1) they’re tired of being repressed, suppressed, judged, ignored, denied, rejected, ridiculed, criticized, and even condemned by the judgmental aspect of self, and 2) they want to finally be: noticed, recognized, acknowledged, deeply understood, empathized with much compassion, unconditionally  forgiven, unconditionally accepted/embraced/and even deeply loved, and then healed and integrated into the whole self/Self.

I now trust that these “negative” aspects in self/others—that seemed like enemies—were only doing what highly benefits me (i.e., pushing me away from places, people, things, etc. that don’t highly resonate with me, so that I can be that much closer to all of my heart’s desires and dreams).

In addition, I will always treasure the deeply heartfelt moments I had with the clients there—some of them whom shared their traumatic experiences—especially:

• magnetic, highly creative, apathetic, and very loving G
• very smart, frustrated, fearful and very talented J
• authentic, angry, free-spirited and fun M (mentioned above)
• very sweet, pissed, yearning motherly love, and honest G
• non-judgmental, sometimes distant, and very playful E
• thoughtful, closed, open, and humorous C
• clever, rebellious, dishonest, deeply understanding, and wanting to play M
• helpful, not keeping word, friendly and goofy Z
• very thoughtful, creative, lovable, and disloyal H
• empathetic, straightforward, and growing A
• unsociable, building trust, inquisitive, and sharing S
• passionate about exploring different cultures and foods, moody, shy, and tired J
• aloof, yearning soul connection, observant, kind A
• outgoing, quiet, seeking attention D
• indifferent, thick wall built for unknown people, gentle, enjoy cooking S
• nonchalant, very passionate about cooking, and understanding M

And last but not least, I now fully trust that my Beloved Self—aka Higher Self, God/Goddess-Self, Soul/Spirit within—and interconnected Soul Family(ies) was behind this phase of my life (and probably other phases as well). See previous post, “Orion Belt Freckles, 333, Lemuria: 111, Atlantis: 222 & 144 Soul Families” for further details. 

Updates

8/30/2018

The following is a comment I shared for the helpful video, “How To Release DEEP/CORE Issues & Feel LIGHTER“:

Victor, thank you again for another helpful video. You mentioned not telling your stories related to this topic—perhaps due to a judgment about it—but I have no doubt that sharing at least a few of them would be very beneficial.

Because it’s not about whining or dwelling in the past when one is willing to become more aware (conscious) of the unconscious aspects of Multidimensional self (physical self)/Self (Source: Soul/Spirit within); it’s about reflection and teaching others how to obtain wisdom from such challenging life lessons.

Otherwise, the topic of releasing deep, core issues can merely be a fancy spiritual concept that everyone and their mamas and grandmamas can preach, though not lived.

When we share personal life experiences (experiential knowledge/wisdom) related to whatever topic within the contrast/duality/polarity of the so-called good and bad, right and wrong, light and dark, etc., we can show others how it’s done.

You and your beautiful, soulmate wife continue Being authentic You and doing amazing things for your Multidimensional self/Self, interconnected humanity, Mother Earth, merging worlds, and beyond.

Note: Image on right above found next to link => Wallpapers4u

9/2/2018

Comment I shared for empowering video, “3 Signs You’re Shifting To The NEXT LEVEL Of Your Spiritual Awakening“:

Victor, after watching at least a couple dozens of your awesome videos so far, it appears as though you’re deeply understanding, compassionate, and empathetic towards humanity’s life struggles and sufferings, which I trust is a much needed quality for a highly effective, unconditionally loving spiritual teacher (ultimately, the Master Teacher from within).

I trust that your personal experiences (experiential knowledge/wisdom), with both the light and dark aspects of Life, has enabled, and is continuing to enable you to clearly SEE and intensely FEEL through the eyes and other senses of the whole.

Your talk about “clean slate” and the letting go of the “safety net” was a fresh perspective that I was grateful to hear since I have no doubt that it adds to our individual and collective self-empowerment (like you stated).

Our love-based DESIRE to expand our consciousness is surely more powerful than our fear-based URGE to give up.

Thank you again soul brother.