Embracing a Setback to Set Forward

The following are the main posts that are interconnected; the others are mentioned in the third post:

• Part I: This post
• Part II: My Mesmerizing Spiral of God, Goddess & Divine Spirit/All That Is Experience
• Part III: A Deeper Understanding of My Journey of 11:11, 12:12, & 13:13

Note: Thank you ww.currentinspiration.com  for perfect image on right.

The following are sub-themes to the main theme above:

• The Mega Roller Coaster Ride
• My Empath Experiences
• Reprogramming an Old Belief
• Gradually Accepting Being Highly Sensitive
• Learning to Embrace Various Aspects of Being Human (inserted a little over 3 years later, and created as a separate post)
• God’s Qualifications (Not Humankind’s)
• Gradually Choosing to Be True Self Rather Than Ego Self
• Sharing God’s Miraculous Blessings: Back-to-Back “Failures” Part III
• Sharing God’s Miraculous Blessings: Back-to-Back “Failures” Part II
• Sharing God’s Miraculous Blessings: Back-to-Back “Failures” Part I
• Embracing My Highly Sensitive Being
• The Beginning Results of My Change Within
• The Plus Side of Sinking Rock Bottom
• My First Acknowledgment of 11:11, 12:12 & 13:13

Note: Thank you www.goodmorningwishes.com for 2nd perfect quote and image on right.

Note: The date of this post is followed by my, “My Mesmerizing Spiral of God, Goddess & Divine Spirit/All That Is Experience” post (dated December 7, 2013). I was wondering why I felt like working on and publishing the Dec. 7th post before I even completed this post, but now it makes sense.

On Dec 7th, along with my spiraling light of God experience, I also had my third “empath”  experience later that afternoon, which is a perfect fit/addition to this post, where I had mentioned my first two experiences of Being an empath.

Note: Thank you inspireandmotivateme.blogspot.com for 3rd inspiring quote and image on right.

The Mega Roller Coaster Ride

December 6, 2013 (the day I started this post)

I recently had a mega roller coaster day that gave me the opportunity to experience the extremes of the Love energy spectrum within 24 hours. And no…I wasn’t PMSing.

Starting early afternoon, I had a strong urge to drink the leftover alcohol that my husband’s former soldiers brought on Thanksgiving Day. I enjoy drinking one to three glasses of wine every now and then, so I thought that would pretty much be my experience.

I turned on a playlist of my consolidated, favorite music, and invited all aspects of me (to include my angelic and spiritual realms) to join me in the experience (something I started over a year ago that I do throughout the day to help me to better appreciate moments in life—especially the small stuff—and maintain my connection with the angelic and spiritual realms).

Note: Thank you www.npr.org for image on right.

I then started prepping vegetables and marinating meat for dinner later that evening. As I chopped away, and thought about the colorful veggies that matched certain chakras (i.e., red, orange and yellow peppers, and green jalapeno peppers), I started singing along to the uplifting music.

I felt my vibration rising as I moved with the flow of life, dancing fluidly to the beat of the music as I cheerfully made my way around the kitchen. I was just Being a free-spirit where I had no “negative” feelings about the past, and no worries about the future. I just appreciated Being in the Moment of Now.

At one point, I caught my dog sitting at the entrance of the kitchen with his head slightly tilted to the side, which made me chuckle. It’s moments like that I wish I had developed my telepathic ability. I imagine he was thinking something like, “What the..? Mama has truly lost her mind. What on God’s green earth is she doing in the kitchen? I don’t get humans.” Note: I love the “God’s green earth” phrase from the movie Zoolander.

Note: Thank you www.deviantart.com for lovable image on left. This Siberian Husky is not mine; however, the head-tilt is pretty close. Some of my dog’s pics are on my “bobbie in a BIG nutshell” page, which used to be “bobbie in a nutshell,” until I kept typing away in it.

Shortly afterwards, my dog approached me, and then jumped up in slow motion, with his front paws in the air, as though he was doing some form of the matrix. That’s one of his ways of letting my husband and I know that he wants to play. He also does that when we’re doing home-style zumba.

So I paused for a brief moment to dance with my puppy; actually, he recently turned 4 years old, but I still consider him my human-like baby.

One glass of wine led to another, and the next thing you know…I drank half the remaining bottle of moscato (my favorite kind of wine, although this particular bottle wasn’t all that). I then noticed that the leftover beer in the fridge was a variety case, to include ones that I had never even heard of before that sounded exotic.

Note: Thank you www.ohnitsch.net for cute image on right.

So, the feline in me decided to explore the unknown and satisfy my curiosity. After one bottle, I felt my energy spiraling down. After I emptied my bladder, I started bawling profusely and uncontrollably as I sat on the toilet.

In the midst of blowing my runny nose for the dozenth time or so, I thanked God/Goddess/All That Is for helping me to release all the “negative” energy that was stored within me, although it didn’t feel like it was mine. It takes much more alcohol (like hard liquor) to take me out of my happy zone.

I was then confused because I didn’t know where it came from. Usually, when my energy level drops, I put forth effort to recall what I had been thinking about or doing immediately prior to the decrease in my vibration, since our thoughts and actions affect our feelings.

Note: Thank you liveplayfully.gogosqueez.com for image on left.

However, I had nothing. The only thing that could have possibly triggered any “negative” thoughts and then feelings was the case of beer itself. One of my husband’s former soldiers, G (who I wrote about in my posts, “Unconditional Love from Angels and Aliens” and “The Benefit of Keeping It Real”) had brought the beer, and during his most recent visit to our home, this past Thanksgiving Day, I realized that he was suffering from alcoholism, as well as severe PTSD.

Moments later, I went into the kitchen to clean up. All of a sudden I started weeping this time, which surprised me again. Instead of resisting it, I just allowed myself to cry without having a need to judge or figure out the why. Right after I was done, I happened to look up, and I saw 4:44; so I thanked my angels and Archangels for their continuous presence, support, guidance, and comfort.

Note: I found out yesterday, December 19th, 2013, that 333, 444 and 777 (three of the various number synchronicities that I see frequently on a weekly basis) are codings placed in our heart space by the Archangeloi of the Elohim.

Archangeloi on the New Earth Frequencies December-10-2013 (<== click title to view video in another window)

Note: Thank you www.ashtarcommandcrew.net for image on right.

Although I stopped drinking any more beer, I noticed that my vibration continued to lower its frequency. I started experiencing a wide range of back-to-back thoughts and feelings that stemmed from fear energy (within the Love energy spectrum)—judgments toward myself and others, resentment, anger, regret, guilt, shame, vengeance, and even hatred.

I had been diligently working on becoming more positive for over two years now, so I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to better control my thoughts and emotions like I’ve been doing.

I also haven’t experienced being heavily intoxicated in almost two years, so I couldn’t figure out why I drank more than usual and felt so drunk, as though I had drunk liquor.

Note: Thank you www.photoandwallpapers.com for image on left.

I was very familiar with this side of me (drinking and being pessimistic), but because it had been a while since I was that way, it was almost as if I was observing a stranger from an objective point of view.

I wasn’t my usual lovey dovey and/or jokey jokey self toward my husband as well. I didn’t want to talk to him at all, and his mere presence agitated me.

As the evening progressed, I felt as though I was becoming more drunk, to the point where I felt nauseous and faint. So I went to bed early. Although I slept through the night, I didn’t feel like waking up in the morning, which I was also familiar with from the past.

Note: Thank you www.mutualart.com for image on right.

I felt an overwhelming blanket of dense energy within and around me. I had no desire to wake up…ever. Although I hadn’t experienced wishing I could die in over three years, this thought didn’t even surprise me because I felt extremely drained and apathetic.

With the little energy that I had left, I asked God (and thanked him ahead of time) for an answer to what was happening to me.

Since I also have an unhelpful habit of being too hard on myself (that I’m working on releasing), I wanted to get to the root of the problem that was causing me to behave so strangely.

Note: Thank you inorganicchemistry.tumblr.com for image on left.

My Empath Experiences

The answer then came to me as a flashback and inner knowing. Back in August of this year (recorded in my angel journal), as my husband and I were taking a shower together (not like the sexy scenes in the movies, but to help wash each other’s back better since the middle part doesn’t get the full scrub), he slipped and fell.

Unfortunately, he hit his right butt-cheek on the tub’s faucet on the way down, which left a bright red, circular mark that later turned into a bruise.

When I woke up the next morning, I noticed that my right butt-cheek was hurting in the same spot as my husband’s, which made me pause in the Moment of Now.

I instantly and intuitively sensed that I was physically feeling what my husband was feeling; granted, he rarely shares with me his physical pain ( a “manly” thing), although I’ve recently convinced him to do so so that I could pamper him.

Note: Thank you sedona-spiritual-healing.com  for image on right.

This past Saturday (December 7th), we went to my husband’s former client’s toddler birthday party at an inside, jungle gym/bouncy house/playground/video machines/pinata area/balloon twisting man area, etc.

I didn’t feel like going at first, because I noticed that whenever I attend these events, although I seem to enjoy myself during the process, I become sad afterwards.

I knew it was because there were triggers there that reminded me of the void that I felt I always had ever since I joined the Army, and was separated from my toddler kids.

The first three years were the most challenging because I was away for basic training, AIT (first one), and CEWEOC for a year, and was then stationed in Korea for a year, and was later involuntarily extended for another seven months.

Note: Thank you www.clownsrus.us  for image on left.

I saw my kids three times within those years, so they became attached to my first husband, who became my ex-husband. Anyway, they chose to live with their father, which was very understandable, although difficult to live with.

I went through phases of depression, as well as being a workaholic and alcoholic. I also carried a heavy load of guilt, regret, and even anger for having missed out, and never getting back the precious times with my kids.

Tears of deep sadness often flowed…in the middle of standing in formations at basic training, while running, while ruck marching, while doing 3 a.m. guard duty in the middle of the pitch dark mountain at my first duty station, while being a loner the majority of my time at my second duty station, etc.

I also noticed that I gradually went from being an extrovert to an introvert, and I understand why now.

Note: Thank you fineartamerica.com  for image on right.

Anyway, I thanked God ahead of time for helping me to Be Peace, Joy, and Love while I was at the birthday party. As soon as my husband and I arrived there, we helped J with some set up, and mingled with her friends whom she introduced us to.

J’s toddler son, who looks very much like my son when he was a toddler, and her slightly older daughter, reminded me of my daughter when she was that age. J’s son was very clingy to his mother, the way my son was before I joined the Army.

The last time I tucked him, kissed him good night, and waited for him to fall asleep (before I snuck out) was a heart-breaking one.

As I slowly and quietly closed the door, while looking into his room, he swiftly lifted and turned his head toward me, and then patted the bed with his right hand to signal for me to come back.

I softly told him to go to sleep, and that I loved him, and closed the door. That image, along with other memories of both him and my daughter, used to play in my mind like a broken record for many years. They used to bring me joy and pain; but now, they just bring me joy and peace.

Note: Thank you www.needlework.ru for image on left.

The evening before I left, while spending my last moments with my family, there was a moment where I couldn’t hold in my tears because they felt like they were about to burst out and overflow like an overheated and aged volcano.

I went to the bathroom, closed the door and started crying as quietly as I could. I forgot to lock the door, so my toddler daughter unexpectedly walked in on me.

I tried to play it off by saying that I had to blow my runny nose, but the way she looked at me with her Precious Moments doll face, and teary eyes, made me feel as though she could see right through me…into my soul.

With a little frown and comforting eyes, she gently said while looking up at me, “Don’t cry mama.” I just hugged her tightly and reassured that I was okay.

Note: Thank you www.cherrylanecollection.com  for image on right.

That’s why my babies stayed with our friends/neighbors the morning my first/ex-husband took me to the airport, because I couldn’t bare to see them cry before I left. I wrote about my departure in an old and very short post called, “Devastation.”

I hardly wrote about my kids in my blog because it’s the most touchy and personal subject. I was so used to suppressing my feelings, that it’s time to face them head on.

I’m even crying while typing (and I’ve never cried while working on my blog)…but that’s a good thing, because I’m finally in a place of being able to heal from my greatest wounds.

I understand now that everything happened perfectly for everyone’s soul journey and growth, and I choose to trust God’s Divine Plan.

I’m very grateful that my kids have grown to be amazing teenagers, and that they’re in good hands with great parents who provide much unconditional love, happiness, safety, abundance, and a healthy home environment. I wrote about my first/ex-husband’s wife, who’s like an earth angel to me and my kids, in my post, “Dream Mother.”

Note: Thank you playingwiththeuniverse.blogspot.com  for image and quote on left.

Anyway, I have a tendency to go into another tangent while writing. It’s probably not acceptable in the writer’s community, but this is my blog, so I accept it just as it is.

While observing J’s toddler son cling onto her, I watched as she comforted him. All of a sudden, he slipped from her arms and hit his belly on the very low bench, and started crying. Within a second or two, I felt this strong urge to cry, so I looked up to hold it in.

I’ve seen J’s son cry several times before (during other gatherings), and even saw other small children cry numerous times while working at the early learning center/preschool, but I never had the urge to cry with them, although I would empathize with them or have compassion (empathy + action) for them by comforting them.

I was certain that this particular experience of wanting to cry right after J’s toddler son, was very similar to the past two experiences I had of Being an empath.

Note: Thank you www.pinterest.com for very soul-touching image on right.

Reprogramming an Old Belief

I had become a master at holding in my tears in public (especially in an environment I didn’t feel comfortable in), because growing up, my parents highly discouraged crying.

Once, when I was a kid and visiting my grandmother’s house, my mother told me in a stern voice while glaring at me, “Go ahead…I dare you to cry.”

My youngest uncle, who probably felt sorry for me, said with a chuckle, “C’mon big sis, now she wont’ be able to blink.”

My American dad, who raised me since I was three years old, often said in an aggravated tone, “What are you crying about now Bobbie?”

I believe my parents weren’t able to help me to release my “negative” emotions in a healthy way because they hadn’t received the emotional support they needed during their childhood.

Note: Thank you eosia.livejournal.com for helpful image on left.

My mother often reminded me, ever since I can remember, of how overly sensitive I am, and that I needed to stop being that way.

She didn’t mind whenever I cried while watching sad shows or movies, but she did mind when I expressed any sympathy, empathy or concern for others, to include my own relatives.

She would make comments like,”Why do you care so much about others? They don’t care about you, so just care about you and me” or “You’re sooo perfect” in a non-approving tone.

Looking back, my mother was only trying to protect me from getting hurt from caring too much about others. She had been burnt in various relationships, that she lost faith in humanity in general.

It was only after my own disappointments with the majority of human beings I’ve met that I understood how she felt. I learned/remembered later that whether it was my mother’s perception of the world, or mine, it had stemmed from a lack of unconditional love for ourselves.

Nonetheless, my mother, as well as the rest of society, convinced me throughout my early to mid-adult years that they were right—being too sensitive is not “good”; however, towards my mid thirties, I started accepting and embracing my sensitivity.

Note: Thank you fromfoothillstofog.blogspot.com  for poster on right, and thank you Beyonce for your integrity, courage and transparency.

Gradually Accepting Being Highly Sensitive

Once, while stationed at Ft. Huachuca, AZ, I was sitting in a meeting for the instructors at the Human Intelligence Collector/Interrogation schoolhouse. I sat quietly as usual, just listening to other people (e.g., Military and Civilian leaders, head instructors, seasoned instructors, etc.) give out advice and information.

However, at one point, one of the experienced instructors (a very cocky guy who I ended up liking later) made an insensitive comment about how he thought the newly selected instructors/re-class Non-Commissioned Officers/NCOs (we came from a different job/MOS, and were previously chosen to go on a certain type of deployment after graduating from our 2nd MOS–97E/35M), had no place at the schoolhouse, and explained in an obnoxious manner of how we didn’t have prior experience, how we weren’t qualified enough (in his opinion), how we didn’t even have the experience of going on long deployments (like the seasoned instructors did), etc.

What he didn’t realize that it wasn’t about the length of the deployment, that some soldiers (who went on conventional deployments) often bragged about. Only 13 out of 300 plus soldiers were even selected to go on the shorter deployment.

Upon initially being selecting by the higher ups of the unit and schoolhouse leadership, there was an intense screening process that involved various written and visual tests (to include IQ tests), as well as individual and board interviews.

However, my intention wasn’t to compare the different types of deployments. As I noticed the uncomfortable facial expressions of my former classmates (which I learned later were my own reflections), I had a strong surge of what felt like intense energy fill the top center of my chest.

Note: Thank you riverbankoftruth.com for image on left.

I was very familiar with this experience, because I eventually figured out that it meant God wanted me to speak from my heart, although my ego self (which I only knew as the “fearful” side of me then) was very uncomfortable about the idea due to fear of being judged, ridiculed, criticized, verbally attacked, etc. 

I don’t recall what I said verbatim, but I basically told him that I disagreed with him, and explained what I believed. I informed him that we (my classmates and I) were selected to be instructors for a good reason; otherwise, we wouldn’t be there in the first place.

I continued that it’s true that seasoned instructors have more experience, but even they had to start somewhere…some time. And if they truly are the experienced ones, then they should be willing to teach the new instructors to be great leaders as well. After all, it’s not like we can undue what’s already been done.

I also mentioned that it’s not always about what one learns through books, because an instructor can be seasoned, but that doesn’t necessarily define him/her as a good or even great instructor if he/she doesn’t put his/her full heart into it.

I then gave examples of what I had observed so far of certain, anonymous “seasoned” instructors (i.e., doing a half-ass job, being lazy, often “away from work area” for long periods of time, habitually being late to early morning formations, constantly talking bad about their soldiers rather than molding them to become better soldiers, etc.).

Note: Thank you www.belovedpublications.com for image on right.

Anyone can have the credentials, but not everyone is willing to genuinely care for soldiers, take care of them, help them to learn (not just about their job, but also about life), and give them guidance on how to be a better soldier and person.

I then added that I was confident that my classmates were more than qualified, because they represent who great soldiers/leaders are. The look on that seasoned instructor’s face was unexpected; he looked surprised, and he didn’t have anything to say afterwards, although he did approach in person later.

Note: Thank you www.industryleadersmagazine.com for great quote and image on left.

After we went on break, my partner instructor asked me if he could have a word with me on the bench. Imagine a 6′ 2″ (if I recall correctly) Mr. Clean in an Army Combat Uniform…that was my partner; oh, and he wore these light gold framed glasses as well. He was a re-class (changing MOS/job) like me—a former MP. 

I used to tease him how he was a mirror image of Mr. Clean, to include his smile. I’ve seen several guys in the Army who could maybe pass for the Mr. Clean look, but no one came close to him. At my first unit in Korea, while explaining to a group of NCO’s who I saw moments ago, one of the NCO’s (a bald, white guy) said with a smile, “No, that’s the other bald-headed, white guy.” And I was like, “Oh…oops.” 

I guess that’s just one of the reasons why I can understand when others say Asians look alike. Hell, I even get confused sometimes. I think every race or culture thinks that “others” look alike—black folks think white folks look alike, white folks think latino folks look alike, blue folks think green folks look alike, etc.

Anyway, sometimes, my battle buddy and I bumped heads because I didn’t always agree with him, which bothered him because he wasn’t used to it.

Note: Thank you en.wikipedia.org  for image on rightt.

Anyway, the following was our brief dialogue on the bench:

SSG 6’2″ (my battle bud/SSG Clean): “You can’t just say things like that! Can you imagine how you made him feel?”

SSG 4’9″ (me): “But yet, it’s okay for him to make us feel unworthy?” Are we just supposed to sit there and just take it, when I know deep down that it’s not the truth? Is that what you’re suggesting?”

SSG 6’2″: “He was just stating his opinion.”

SSG 4’9″: “So was I.”

SSG 6’2″: “You owe him an apology.”

SSG 4’9″: “He already apologized to me before I left for break.”

Note: Thank you freedomclubusa.com for image on right.

SSG 6’2″: You’ve made things awkward. How am I going to comfortably talk to him now?

SSG 4’9″: “Do what you often do.”

SSG 6’2″: “What is that supposed to mean?”

SSG 4’9″: “Let me refresh your memory. The same people you refer to as your so-called friends, you also call them other names when they’re not around, such as “bitch” and “asshole,” which is the reason why I asked you to no longer refer to me as your friend if you’re going to continue doing that.

SSG 6’2″: “You’re hyper-sensitive!”

SSG 4’9″: “Nooo, I’m just telling you the truth, because I can see right through you being two-faced at times; and if you can’t handle it…don’t ask me any questions.”

Note: Thank you alameleadership.com for image on right.

Note: Back then, I didn’t realize that the adjective “hyper-sensitive” or highly sensitive was a compliment, although I intuitively sensed that it was “good” for me. Otherwise, I would’ve proudly replied, “Damn right I’m hyper-sensitive!”

Ever since that conversation, we didn’t talk as much as we used to, let alone joke around.

Although a part of me didn’t trust him (now known as my fearful ego self), another part of me (now known as my true self) missed being battle buddies/partners.

Note: Thank you www.huskerboard.com for image on right.

“Learning to Embrace Various Aspects of Being Human“ is a continuation post to the above story (<= click on title/link that opens in another window; inserted 2/23/2017)

God’s Qualifications (Not Humankind’s)

So whenever I hear Joel Osteen mention his story about how he and others initially lacked faith in him Being a pastor, due to his lack of qualifications (determined by society), I’m reminded again that all things are possible through the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and ALL-Loving God, Goddess & Divine Spirit/All That is within us all…as long as we choose to believe.

Despite what others judged as “less than,” Joel had the will power to choose believing before seeing, which is real faith. God helped Joel to not only become a great pastor, but to rise to great heights by successfully expanding his dream throughout the world (not just in the U.S.). Now that’s the kind of powerful faith that I’m working on attaining.

Note: Thank you coachval.net for image on left.

Gradually Choosing to Be True Self Rather Than Ego Self

I later realized that my partner (aka Mr. Clean) had been so accustomed to the Military Intelligence community environment—of often smiling to one’s face and talking shit behind one’s back—that he initially took my approach to him as foreign, possibly threatening to his comfort zone, and unbelievable. Later, I believe he realized that I had no ill intentions; otherwise, he never would’ve stopped by my class.

Looking back, I believe I chose to be my true self during those moments I mentioned in the subtitle “Gradually Accepting Being Highly Sensitive” by speaking from my heart, which wasn’t easy to do. I’m sure my ego-self would’ve preferred taking the comfortable route where I would say and do what’s “acceptable” in the majority of society’s eyes.

Note: Thank you strategylab.ca for poster on right.

Reflecting on past experiences helps me to gain a better understanding of why we behave the way we do, especially when our words and actions stem from fear.

I believe my intuition and inner wisdom allows me to gain insight into situations, and also helps me to forgive those whom I once believed did me some type of “wrong” or hurt.

I’ve learned that often times, head leadership makes a huge difference. If the head’s corrupt, the “negative” energy has a tendency to trickle down.

Although our head military chief seemed like an honest and quiet professional, our head civilian guy was probably the least professional I had ever worked for in my entire Army career.

Note: Thank you www.quopic.com for positive poster on left.

A (the head civilian supervisor; “A” not just standing for “asshole”) was known to be a major two-faced asshole, and I could see why.

He was often yelling at people, being condescending, complaining often, and constantly talking bad about whoever happened to be missing from the room or building that day.

Plus, it seemed like everything that was pulsing out of his existence, especially his mouth, was very “negative.”

I’ve met guys in the military who claimed to be “assholes,” but I saw right through them, and would let them know that I disagreed. I wrote about them in my posts, “Taking Chances.” But A seemed to be a genuine asshole.

Note: Thank you www.gauraw.com for positive quote and cute image on right.

Although  three of my coworkers (two of my civilian, seasoned instructors, and my former, Army supervisor who later became a civilian instructor there) suggested that I get out of the Army and apply for a civilian position that they would help me to get, the mere thought of having to work under A was a nightmare.

It was a great opportunity to make mucho money, but there was a very good reason why many civilian instructors were miserable there.

I politely declined and re-enlisted instead, although a part of me wanted to work with them, since they represented the small group within the intelligence community that seemed to have loving personalities and good character. One of the seasoned instructors, Mr. L, even offered to mentor me, which I highly appreciated.

My civilian instructors’ genuine kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, great sense of humor, helpfulness, caring nature (especially to soldiers/students), intelligence (even emotional intelligence), wisdom, and professionalism made my time there bearable, and sometimes even enjoyable.

Note: Thank you www.motivequote.com for image and wonderful quote on left.

Although they were my so-called peers, I considered them more of my leaders than the very man who held one of the highest positions at the schoolhouse.

As seasoned instructors, they taught me and their students with kindness, patience, understanding, encouragements and support; but most of all, they led by positive example.

Note: Thank you kapagriniou.blogspot.com for creative image on great quote on right.

About a year later, while temporarily back at Ft. Huachuca again for the senior interrogations course, I ran into “A” at a Mexican restaurant during lunch.

We said “hi” to one another, and carried on a very brief conversation where he mostly talked about how great him and his wife were doing with both of their very successful, military intelligence careers; however, he kept avoiding eye contact (two of the signs being: discomfort and dishonesty), which was ironic coming from him, so I decided to end it as politely and quickly as possible for both are sake.

Looking back, I no longer have “negative” thoughts and feelings about A, although he once went off on me as well (in front of everyone and their mamas of our section/building). I’ve learned (as a human being)/remembered (as a soul) that our treatment of others is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

When we lack self-awareness, we’re unable to deeply understand, empathize with, have compassion for, forgive, accept (strengths and weaknesses, as well as perceived flaws), embrace (our shadow self), and unconditionally love ourselves; hence, we’re unable to fully do it for other as well.

Note: Thank you www.goodreads.com  for image on left.

Although a very educated and highly trained man in the interrogations department of the military/civilian intelligence community, “A” highly lacked self-respect, self-worth, self-esteem, and self-love for himself; hence, he wasn’t able to give these things—what he deeply believed he didn’t have within him—-to others. I now see him in a different light.

Had I been aware of this wisdom during that time, I might have chosen to take the civilian position. But because I wasn’t ready to learn the life lesson that was presented to me then—to release judgment of others through deeper understanding, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, embrace and unconditional love—the lesson reappeared in another location, another time-frame, and with different people.

Note: Thank you babyiamyourlove.blogspot.com  for wonderful quote on right.

Even at my last unit, I failed to see with clarity by receiving Divine wisdom; hence, I became trapped in my own version of a workplace hell, surrounded by much negativity. However, looking back, everything fell into place perfectly for my own soul growth.

It was only until a few years later, at my civilian job, that I started to learn (as a human being)/remember (as a soul) to be more of my true self..transmuting much “fear” energy around me with “love” energy deep within me.

It was a very emotional challenge, being in a space filled with much fear and love. It was truly a dichotomy of heaven and hell, which I wrote about in my post, “My Exciting New J.O.B (Joy of Being)” that I had been avoiding to complete for a while.

It was only after my experiences there that I finally remembered that I really needed some time of solitude to work on my inner spirituality, since my outer world was reflecting, not only the light within me, but also the repressed and suppressed inner turmoil/darkness within me all these years.

Note: Thank you shannonlell.com  for image on left.

The more I changed within myself—became more “positive” and chose to Be my authentic/true self rather than my ego self—everything around me began to change as well, to include my relationship with my husband, my mother, and a friend, as well as series of positive synchronicities.

Sharing God’s Miraculous Blessings: Back-to-Back “Failures” Part III

Recently, Joel Osteen reminded me to share with others God’s blessings; otherwise, they can be forgotten or easily minimized over time.

So I decided to elaborate on the above mentioned screening process for the deployment that some people minimized due to their own ignorance, in the subtitle “Gradually Accepting Being Highly Sensitive”.

At the time, I thanked God for helping me throughout the stressful selection process, and giving me a miraculous opportunity.

Towards the end of the 97E (now 35M) course, during the main testing phase, I couldn’t believe several things that happened during that time period. I was probably one of the worst students in the school in one of the subject areas—the booth sessions.

I had failed more than three times in the booth, which was a sure sign that I wouldn’t pass the course.

Note: Thank you www.lorensworld.com for poster, and Tony Gaskins for quote on right.

Then, a miracle happened. Our First Sergeant of our company fought for a few of us re-class NCO’s who had failed. Note: Re-class soldiers are those who either voluntarily or involuntarily changed their MOS/job; I chose to change. 

The schoolhouse had very strict rules, and apparently never broke them; however, he managed to convince the leadership to give us a fourth chance, due our background.

I was just glad that our small group of so-called “failures” included a former Special Forces guy, who I believed at the time had a strong influence on our First Sergeant’s decision.

Looking back, I now realize that God can change anyone’s mind…even the most adamant and hardened-heart ones when He/She wants to have a particular experience through one of their souls.

Note: Thank you www.entrepreneur.com  for image on left and inspiring Nelson Mandela quote.

So after barely passing the fourth test, I was further surprised when they had announced the names of the 15 soldiers out of 300 + soldiers/students at the Human Intelligence/Interrogation course to be selected for this special mission.

The decision was apparently made by the ongoing evaluations (formal and informal) of all the drill sergeants, platoon sergeants, First Sergeant, Commander, and other higher leadership of the schoolhouse, such as the head instructors and chief.

A part of me felt guilty because I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I was so hard on myself for performing so poorly in one area of the course. However, I knew at a deeper level that it was meant to be, whether I like it or not. Another part of me was secretly excited. Looking back, I now see that the part of me who felt shameful was my ego-self, and the part of me who felt excited was my true self.

Note: Thank you www.pinterest.com for beautiful quote and image on right.

As I’m typing this, I’m realizing the back-to-back miracles (at least to me), which I wasn’t able to clearly see before. It’s amazing how we can put something into a much broader and more positive perspective when we either write or type things down.

It’s like gathering all the pieces of the remaining puzzle to be able to see the bigger, completed picture.

After the second selection process, I had doubts I would be selected because 1) there was a different leadership group/unit who were to further weed out initially selected soldiers and 2) I figured I scored very low on the various tests, especially the IQ test.

I had taken a mini version of an IQ test a while back, and the results weren’t pretty…definitely not something I’d frame and place on my “I Love Me” wall. As a matter of fact, I think I ended up shredding it because it gave me nightmares. I was like, “Man! I feel like such a dumb-ass…again.”

UPDATE regarding the above paragraph: See later post, “The Divine Gifts of Tough Challenges, A Flourishing Environment, & Innate Intelligence“

Note: Thank you rishikajain.com for quote on left.

Like a domino effect, those test results reminded me of my low SAT scores in high school, and how I had to take all the “special” classes during elementary school, to include special reading class and special handwriting class. It was embarrassing to have to be pulled out in the middle of certain classes just to take them.

When I used to follow my mother to Buddhist temples when I was a kid, I asked Buddha to help me to be smart and pretty. It stemmed from my experiences of feeling dumb and unattractive, even as a kid. I wrote a post about it in an older post called, “Low Self-Esteem.”

It didn’t occur to me before, because I was so conditioned by society to give “God” credit for miraculous events; but perhaps Buddha did grant my wish then.

After all, I did well academically in high school (besides the SAT’s), I no longer had to take special classes, and my handwriting noticeably improved.

Either way, I believe that Buddha was a Divine individuation of God just like the rest of us are, so it was ultimately God, Goddess and Divine Spirit/All That Is who manifested my wish.

Note: Thank you inspiration.mivamerchant.com  for image and Buddha quote on right.

I also realized later in my adult years, that growing up learning two languages was more than likely a major factor for my need to have extra help with my English at school.

I spoke Korean at home with my mother, and my American father (who raised me since I was three) was often away on “business trips.”

The time-frame that I had taken that mini version of an IQ test (while stationed in Hawaii), I had also decided not to buy a TV. I figured it would be beneficial since it would more than likely push me to read more since I had never been a big book reader.

Note: Thank you www.flickr.com for inspiring quote and matching image on left.

While stationed at my first duty station in Korea, I mostly read during my trips to and from my mother’s house on weekends (which was approximately 2.5 hours each way) whenever our company wasn’t out in the mountains with our frequent field exercises.

So, for almost two years in Hawaii, I spent my spare time reading more than usual, especially on sunny weekends, where I would lay out on the beautiful and warm beach, and read one of my Neale Donald Walsch books while listening to the waves splash against the sand.

I was so grateful to be at a strategic unit, as opposed to a tactical unit, because there were no more two-week field exercises, especially during the frigid, toe-numbing winters and scorching hot, mosquito-infested summers.

Note: Thank you www.lorissofiagregory.com for beautiful image on right.

Anyway, I believe my acceptance of my poor, major test-taking skills helped me to not worry so much about the expected outcome; hence, I was able to relax more during the process. Plus, my goal was just to be honest during the interviews and do my best on the tests.

I was just like, “Let’s do this God! Whatever’s meant to happen will happen.” I was surprised to hear the head board member mention that I appeared very confident after I admitted being somewhat nervous.

I didn’t know this then, but others often help us define ourselves since we can’t always sit in front of a mirror to observe ourselves.

While waiting outside with my former classmates to find out the results, I felt peaceful. It didn’t matter who made it or who didn’t; we were all in the same boat together.

Note: Thank you shelleyhallmark.wordpress.com for helpful quote on left.

To my great surprise, I was selected, especially over one of the female soldiers who I thought would most definitely get selected. She’s what one would refer to as a “high-speed” soldier—very smart, highly disciplined, self-motivating, diligent, confident, physically fit, and if all that wasn’t enough…a tri-athlete (during her off-hours).

Granted, she had a tendency to be a real ass sometimes, and I used have to put her in her place because she would go overboard with her condescending or patronizing remarks, bitchiness, rude comments, sarcasm (not the funny kind either), aggressive attitude, disrespect, etc.

I later realized that it was her defense mechanism toward people she didn’t know well. She had probably been hurt by others in the past. Towards the end of my stay at that unit, we even had BBQ’s together as a section, but we never became close since there was only a little time left. To my big surprise, before I left for my next unit, she had initiated a collection to get me a nice plaque.

Note: Thank you ww.pinterest.com for quote on right.

After some time, I received an e-mail from her asking me if she could stay at my house for a few days with her dogs while she was looking for a place.

Even though I appreciated her gesture and gift, I didn’t fully trust her to stay at my house because I had put up with so much of her crap during our time together at my last unit.

I had forgiven her for all the times that she was just blatantly an ass to me, but that didn’t mean I was ready to be buddies all of a sudden, when we never were to begin with.

Plus, I never had a dog (at that point), so I wasn’t open to having her dogs (plural) stay at my new house even though they would stay in the backyard. My husband had worked hard on creating a garden and a stone-plated area, and I didn’t want her dogs ruining them.

Note: Thank you counsellingservice.eu for helpful, communication styles chart on left.

Although it was hard for me to say no, I’m glad I chose what was best for me at the time. Looking back, I wished I was in a better place at that time (spiritually). Had I fully forgiven her unconditionally, as well as loved myself unconditionally, I would’ve been able to trust and unconditionally love her as well.

Because even though she never apologized for all the times she gave me a hard time, I felt that her plaque gesture was her way of indirectly apologizing.

I AM Releasing guilt. I forgive myself; and by doing so, I trust that she forgives me as well, and the next time we cross paths, I will embrace her like a long, lost soul sister.

Her existence in my life helped me to better define myself, in both “negative” and “positive” ways. Plus, her determination to be a high-speed solider motivated me. She ended up switching over to become an officer, and I have no doubt that she will excel at her job.

Note: Thank you www.quotesvalley.com for inspiring quote and peaceful image on right.

Sharing God’s Miraculous Blessings: Back-to-Back “Failures” Part II

Prior to my deployment, I had never experienced being around such a variety of bad-ass professionals my entire life; they were like a different species of highly evolved beings.

The strong teamwork mentality itself was nothing like I had ever experienced.

Granted, like everywhere else, there are always the few “not-so-professionals” who help the true professionals to better define themselves through their opposites.

Those few seemed to focus much more on mind intelligence and not nearly enough heart intelligence.

Note: Thank you heartsfile.com  for great quote and matching image on left.

After a long day of travel, a group of us finally arrived to our destination. A young female arrived to greet us, and I instantly knew I was screwed as soon as I noticed her give me the quick glare and fake smile.

After a brief introduction, she immediately told the other guys/male NCO’s to get some much needed rest, and then informed me that I would start working the night shift.

The mere thought of pulling a 12-hour all-nighter, after having been up all day since early that morning, made it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Since it’s shorter than the typical deployment, we wouldn’t have any days off while working a minimum of 12 hour shifts. But then, I was just grateful that I was there, and I was determined to do my best.

Note: Thank you raymondggarcia.com for inspirational quote on right.

The female was one of the senior interrogators (due to her time there, rather than her rank). Although she (let’s call her S) was a soldier with the rank of E-5 in charge of military members (to include our group) who outranked her, we were perfectly fine with going along with their unconventional rules. She had been there for several months, and had earned her position.

From the beginning, I noticed that S was very friendly, and sometimes even flirty, with the male soldiers, but a tad snotty towards some of the female military members, to include moi. I was familiar with this little game, so I just went along the joy ride.

Note: Thank you kotaku.com for cute and perfect image on left. 

One day, because I didn’t report what “they” wanted me to report, but I merely provided what I believed to be the truth (due to lack of evidence on their part), I immediately became a target. S asked me in an aggressive tone to step inside one of the private rooms, so I did.

She then went off on me on the things I should say and shouldn’t say at meetings, and that my actions were a form of disrespect to other professionals in the meeting (although I presented my truth in a respectful manner). I quietly listened to her say whatever she had to release, and then turned on the switch that I often used in the booth.

I basically broke down the facts to her, and started questioning her. I then added, “If I’m negatively impacting the mission, then I obviously don’t belong here. So you can either go back and tell the officers to send me home…or I’ll tell them myself.”

Note: Thank you kotaku.com for inspiring Gandhi quote and image on right.

For a moment, S stood there in silence with her mouth slightly opened. Her once ice-cold, piercing eyes transformed into an innocent child’s warm, baby-blue eyes. Her aggressive tone switched to a passive tone, and she replied softly, “No, you should stay.”

Sometimes I even surprise myself when the switch goes on, because I’ve been told that I have strong eye contact and a very assertive demeanor.

I can be a pretty laid back and easy going gal…but I just refuse to be disrespected like that.

I’m grateful that God answered my prayer when I was in junior high school, and helped me to start becoming assertive when I got tired of being so passive.

I shared some of my experiences of all four communication styles in one of the older posts. It’s immensely liberating and empowering to Be assertive. The more we practice Being this way, the more it will become second nature.

Note: Thank you awakenedlifenow.com for inspiring and perfect quote and image on left.

I believe it feels so much better to Be assertive (“I respect you, and I also respect myself”) rather than passive (“I respect you, but I don’t respect myself”), passive-aggressive (“I don’t respect you, and i don’t even respect myself”), or aggressive (“I don’t respect you, but I respect myself”) because it perfectly matches the “you and I are one” universal truth.

Granted, I’ve learned/remembered that sometimes, the aggressive communication style works wonders for those who don’t understand/don’t remember what gentle kindness or assertiveness is.

Sometimes, a little verbal kick in the ass manages to wake one up. I know…I’ve been “verbally kicked” with good intentions many times, and from 20/20 hindsight, I was very grateful for all of them.

It’s amazing to see surprised expressions when others don’t expect lightning and thunder to suddenly strike from someone they misjudged as passive or mistakened kindness for weakness.

Note: Thank youwww.mediawebapps.com for helpful quote on right.

Sometimes, when you give someone a taste of their own medicine, you manage to grab and hold their full attention.

But I believe one’s intentions are important. If we briefly lower our frequency with an intention to truly help another (to remember their true self)…it works like magic.

However, if we use the aggressive communication style just to experience a power trip, then we won’t experience the outcome that miraculously works out for the highest benefit of all  involved.

Note: Thank you meetville.com inspiring quote on left.

I believe my assertive (border-lining aggressive) approach I used with the senior interrogator, S, was very effective because 1) she had never seen that side of me before, 2) I had always shown her respect, and 3) my truth and actions spoke for themselves.

I forgave S for being the way she was because I understood her background. I was informed by the actual, most experienced senior interrogator (an old, civilian man), whom I ended up shadowing later, that S couldn’t interrogate detainees face-to-face for a few months, when she started out, due to her fear of them; so she sat behind a desk during those times and watched other interrogators.

I also noticed that she had several, patchy bald spots throughout her head, which appeared to be alopecia areata (I found out later). I’ve learned from past experiences, that cattiness usually stems from a lack of self-confidence in one’s own appearance or lack of abilities; hence, the resentment and even jealousy of others (females) who appear to be a threat of some sort.

Note: Thank you lifecoachingwithang.com for inspirational quote and beautiful image on right.

It goes down to the basics of human nature—she was single and young, and whether consciously or subconsciously, she was competing for full attention from the opposite sex.

So S often used and highly emphasized her strengths to be ahead of the game so to speak. If I recall correctly, S graduated from one of the ivy league schools, so she was highly educated and intelligent, and she made sure we were all very aware of that.

It was even interesting to hear her explain man’s basic desires to conquer certain material things in order to gain power—like land, resources and the opposite sex—to another interrogator as though she had completely separated herself from a similar truth.

I noticed that putting forth effort to better understand her helped me to empathize with her, have compassion for her, forgive her, accept her, and even embrace her existence in my life.

The few moments of brief, spare time that I had, I even observed her during her interrogations to see if I could learn from her techniques and natural ways.

I learned from her (and some others) to be more personable, since her lack of charisma as well as compassion for the detainees seemed to cause a lack of eye contact, lack of interest, lack of interactions, and a lack of cooperation from them.

I then realized that sometimes it’s about street smarts more than book smarts; and if one can manage to pull off both…well then, that’s just extra sweet icing on the super moist cake. 😉

Note: Thank you whitelineninteriors.net for inspiring quote on left.

At one point during the deployment, after working back-to-back 13-15 hour shifts with no days off, S approached me. She told me that I should stop working extended hours on a daily basis since nothing that I was doing made any kind of difference anyway.

Although a part of me (probably my ego self) thought it was a bit harsh to basically say I wasn’t really contributing to the mission, a part of me (probably my true self) had a feeling that she, as the senior interrogator, was only trying to use reverse psychology on me, since just suggesting for me to go get some sleep wasn’t working.

I also understood that being young (in her early twenties) may have contributed to her lacking tact. We can effectively convey a strong message without making another feel worthless. I believe I didn’t say anything in return because I actually believed that I wasn’t making any difference.

Note: Thank you www.rockyourboatyoga.com  for helpful quote and colorful image on right.

I had figured I wasn’t contributing much as an inexperienced interrogator, but I just wanted to give my best. I hardly ever received any feedback on my work, except a couple of times from my other leadership.

My other senior interrogator once told me that I was doing a great job with an emotionless expression and monotone voice, and my chief told me that he wasn’t planning on sending me back any time soon because I had a lot of heart.

At the time, my chief’s words didn’t exactly come across as a compliment since “having heart” (right-brain focus) didn’t seem to mean much in the intelligence community where a lot of memorized knowledge, as well as logical and analytical mind intelligence (left-brain focus) was the dominant skills that were highly recognized.

Note: Thank you rishikajain.com for perfect quote and image on left.

I thought that he was basically saying in the nicest way possible, “You’re not exactly an asset to us; however, we noticed that you put forth a lot of effort, so I want to give you a big, thumbs up!” I didn’t realize then, the extent of the compliment, until reflecting upon it now.

Having a lot of heart, emotional intelligence, and sensitivity is often under-rated in this much left-brain-centered society.

However, I believe unconditional love is truly the most powerful universal force, and even the most hardened criminal or terrorist can be moved by it when used from the heart.

Note: Thank you mecuperate.co.uk for inspiring quote and image on left.

There was a good reason why they kept sending me detainees whom other interrogators (to include the seasoned ones) couldn’t break. And I wasn’t successful with certain ones because of my expansive technical skills or high IQ, but because I chose to add a soul touch to the equation…to see them through the eyes of God.

Not to go into any specific details (due to obvious reasons), but I had amazing experiences connecting with Iraqi detainees as human being to human being. Despite their background, I was determined to touch their hearts with my deep understanding, compassion, wisdom, gentle yet assertive kindness, helpfulness and professionalism to get to the root of why they did what they either did, or was accused of doing.

To my surprise, even the most rage-filled detainee eventually came around after some time. He initially started off very adamant about his thoughts, stories and beliefs, made very little eye contact, and he made it very clear to other interrogators that had come before me that he “Hated Americans.” Most of them, like many other countries, believed that the Americans were there for the oil.

Note: Thank you community.humanityhealing.net  for inspiring quote and mesmerizing image on right.

I thought for sure he would hate me as well, and he did at first. Quite frankly, I didn’t give a rat’s ass whether or not he, or anyone else liked me, because I was used to not being liked by most people.

Perhaps he sensed that I wasn’t going to kiss his ass for information or intel, or jump every time he said something or made demands.

At one point, probably weeks later, he told me that he was surprised that I wasn’t flirtatious like he had expected from a female interrogator (the reason he believed females were sent to the booth).

He also mentioned that I had a very strong personality for a woman, unlike anything he had ever seen, probably because I often called him out on his bs that I could see through.

Note: Thank you www.sosleadershipblog.com for image on right.

Towards the end, he even shared his personal stories of his family and their lifestyle, his community, his other part-time job, etc., and even added they if situations had been different, he would want to invite me to his home for dinner and give a tour of his neighborhood, which he never imagined saying to an American, let alone to an Asian-American woman.

Now whether or not he was being truthful or not I’m not sure; but at that point, he had nothing to gain to butter me up, so I chose to believe in his respect and kind words.

Note: Thank you cinema.theiapolis.com for perfect quote and image on left.

After all, other interrogators before me had apparently demanded his respect, attention, and cooperation in a disrespectful and often aggressive manner, and all they ever received was a defensive body position (to include crossing of the arms), zero eye contact (the detainee glaring at the wall), and no information, let alone any intel.

The highlight of my deployment was not the interrogations process itself or whether or not I contributed to a mission based on a fear-based belief system, but something far greater and profound.

I had a golden opportunity to experience having a deeper understanding of those who were labeled as “others,” but who seemed to only want what most of us human beings want in life—peace, love, happiness, truth, good health, abundance, safety, and freedom to just Be.

Note: Thank you janoelknowsit.wordpress.com for perfect quote and colorful background on right.

Within the same time-frame that my female, senior interrogator, S, pulled me to the side, I found out that the young, female interrogator I was working next to, was told by my chief to pack up and leave the day he approached her.

She had been coming in like a couple of minutes before her shift started, and left the minute her shift was over. She also brought her girly magazines (which I enjoy reading too…back at home) to work as if we had any down time (aka breaks besides lunch).

I wanted to say something to her about her habit that I was sure would make her a target, but I had to remind myself to not be an NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) to civilians, since 1) it wasn’t my lane to give her guidance, and 2) they apparently didn’t like it.

I was really surprised that someone from a three-letter agency would get sent home in a heartbeat; but it made me realize that they (leadership) absolutely will send someone home if they felt it was necessary, which made me further appreciate their decision to keep me there.

Note: Thank you www.pinkchocolatebreak.com for helpful quote and image on left.

Often times, the presence, words, behaviors and actions of others help us to better define ourselves. By mirroring to us our light and shadow aspects, they give us the opportunity to see our strengths, as well as our weaknesses.

Once, when I briefly stepped out of the booth and entered the main area, it seemed as though I had just entered a room, turned on the lights, and witnessed a gathering of roaches scurry back to where they came from.

A few analysts and a couple of interrogators (to include the most senior one—an old man) rushed back to their seats, as if they had been in the monitor room moments ago. I had a hunch that they were watching me, but I didn’t bother to ask since it was apparently some ancient, Japorean secret.

Note: Thank you jobspapa.com for perfect quote and image on right.

That moment, as strange as it was, gave me a good feeling, that maybe I wasn’t doing so bad after all. Within a week or so after my senior interrogator, S, made her insensitive comment to me, to include details of what I was wasting my time on analyzing and writing in my reports, since I apparently wasn’t making any difference to the mission…miracles occurred.

Not only did I receive compliments from some head analysts and the head report officer (who was very anal with the accuracy of the contents and technicalities of reports), but we also received a surprise visit.

The head general stopped by our section, and informed S, and other leadership, that he wanted to see more of certain details in reports. To my great surprise, those details were the very ones that I was discouraged to write about by my senior interrogator, S.

Note: Thank you www.thecoffeephilosophy.com for inspiring quote and colorful image on left.

The general’s words were like music to my ears. I immediately thanked God for showing His support for what I was doing from my heart.

Because I had wished to express my gratitude to the general, God gave me a perfect opportunity. Higher leadership, especially the general, are known to eat at “better” and fancier dining facilities (DiFac). However, I was surprised to see him eating with his group at our DiFac, and thought it was humble of him to do so.

While minding my own business and eating my meal, I heard something fall off the table to my left and back. I quickly looked back, and that’s when I briefly made eye contact with the general. As I briefly looked into his strong, yet gentle, light eyes in what felt like slow motion, I thanked him silently from my heart, and then turned back around.

Note: Thank you abstract.desktopnexus.com for perfect quote and beautiful image on right.

Once, one of the soldiers said something negative about our general, so I shared with him my opinion of the general, which pretty much discontinued that topic.

When I overheard a group of soldiers that he was with—bragging about their shootings and making generalizations—I approached him and assertively yet gently said, “Not all Iraqis are terrorists.” His eyes widened and remained speechless.

I’m so grateful God gave me the opportunity to connect with and hear the stories of those often labeled or mislabeled as “others,” “enemies,” “terrorists,” “savages,” “bad people,” “inferiors,” etc.

The majority of our society has a tendency to believe in what the media portrays of “others”; but the truth is, we more than likely don’t know the full truth.

I’m sure the vanishing race, as well as the spirits of the American Indians have a say in who the actual “terrorists” were and perhaps even still are, while masquerading as “bringers of peace, justice and freedom.”

Note: Thank you youwatertheroots.tumblr.com  for profound quote and peaceful image on left.

Everyone’s story deserves to be heard (since there are two sides to every story), especially when much suffering and injustice has been experienced (i.e., female family members being raped, children becoming collateral damage, being falsely accused, being treated less than animals, being tortured, etc.). I’m sure many Native Americans would have had plenty of stories to share with us had they been given a chance to survive.

I may not have received any heart-felt recognition for any of my work; however, I did receive much expressions of gratitude from the detainees, who thanked me in their own ways for treating them with understanding, kindness, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love despite what they had been accused of or had done in the past.

Note: Thank you cherieroedirksen.com  for profound image and pretty image on right. 

They, like everyone else on this planet, just wanted to experience Being human—desiring to live life with much peace, love, joy, safety, and abundance; and when that very dream is threatened…

…desiring to protect one’s precious resources, desiring vengeance for harm done to loved ones, desiring to fight for freedom, desiring justice to be served, etc.

Note: Thank you cancelthebee.blogspot.com for perfect image on left. 

One old man/detainee even abruptly grabbed one of my hands during an interrogation, and just held it tightly without saying a word, but making deep eye contact.

I was startled at first, because I wasn’t expecting it, but I sensed that he just wanted to connect at a deep level, perhaps the soul level, so I just smiled.

During my time there, I heard that Iraq had their first snow in 100 years, and the amazing news filled my entire being with tranquility.

I was happy for the Iraqi people, and I wished for them what I often wish for the rest of humanity—peace, love, joy, truth, wisdom, abundance, and freedom.

Note: Thank you thetension.blogspot.com for perfect image on right.

The following italicized paragraph is from http://www.sundaytimes.lk, and goes with the image of the little girl on left—thank you:

An Iraqi girl enjoys playing in the snow in Sulaimaniyah, 260 kilometres (160 miles) northeast of Baghdad, Iraq on Friday, Jan. 11, 2008. Further south, Baghdad residents saw snow for the first time in living memory on Friday. AP

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Sharing God’s Miraculous Blessings: Back-to-Back “Failures” Part I

I’m also reminded of the time when I first took my Defense Language Proficiency Test (DLPT) in order to become a Cryptologic Linguist/Analyst (my first MOS/job in the Army).

Although I grew up speaking and listening to the Korean language with family, relatives, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc., I had no formal training in reading and writing (except a little bit of self-study).

God not only helped me to pass the first two sets of three-hour tests, that was very difficult because they included unfamiliar topics (e.g., politics, economy, government, the news, etc.), but he also continued to help me raise my test scores higher throughout the years. It was a miracle.

Note: Thank you www.mactoons.com  for wonderful quote and image on right. 

Sometime before I was scheduled to take the DLPT (mentioned above), my Korean, older sister-like neighbor in Okinawa, challenged me to something unbelievable.

I wrote about Amazing her in a few posts, to include “Inspiration,” “My Faith in God Requires No Evidence Outside of Me,” and “Choosing to See Through the Eyes of Universal Love.” She was like a female version of what I imagine it would’ve been like to hang out with Jesus.

During bible study with a few of us at her home, she said to me in the typical, ruthless, Korean teacher-like manner (from what I heard from Korean students and saw on TV), “Start reading from here” as she pointed to a section of the bible.

I recall looking at her as though she had just lost her mind since she was aware of my Korean language background. I insecurely replied, “I can’t…remember?”

Note: Thank you anguishedrepose.com for perfect quote and captivating image on left.

She then sternly said something to the effect that I could if I chose to believe that God would help me. Looking back, she indeed had lost her mind—at least the lower one—at the moment, because her higher mind (of God) worked through her and as her.

She was absolutely right…by choosing to believe in her words of wisdom, I was able to accomplish the unbelievable.

After I magically passed the DLPT, I had a series of medical evaluations and interviews by various members of the medical board in order to be approved for a TS/SCI clearance, which I was told was nearly impossible by my highly pissed off recruiter, due to my “poor” choice.

I wrote about this experience in one of my older posts, but I don’t recall the title right now. My recruiter became very angry because I had decided to admit on my application that I had attempted suicide once in my early twenties.

Note: Thank you www.imgquotes.com  for inspiring quote on right.

He yelled at me for being “stupid” and that I should’ve lied on my application like everyone else does about their history.

Due to my own lack of self-esteem then, and having been used to verbal abuse, I failed to stand up for myself.

Although I didn’t believe that I had made a “stupid” mistake, I didn’t want to argue with the recruiter and possibly ruin any further chances of joining the Army.

Note: Thank you www.quotestree.com for perfect quote and image on left.

When we allow others to disrespect us, there is no telling how far they will be willing to go to mirror our own deep beliefs of unworthiness.

At one point in the preparation process, my recruiter tried to “sweet talk” me into have sex with him.

Note: Thank you www.pinterest.com for helpful quote on right.

I declined with assertiveness, and asked him a series of questions that were apparently uncomfortable for him, like “Is this what you do to young females who you recruit from high school?”

He replied with a guilty look that he only asks mature women who seem unhappily married. I had nothing to say; he was right…I wasn’t happy, but I at least had enough dignity left to not allow some stranger to take advantage of me.

The following italicized section is from the post, “The Key-and-lock of HSP-co-dependency and Narcissism” from the blog (http://thehappysensitive.com which has been very helpful to me):

Note: Thank you www.searchquotes.com for perfect quote and image on leftt.

Anyway, even one of the psychologists (interviewing me for the medical board approval) told me in a hopeless manner, “I’m not quite getting a warm and fuzzy from all this,” to which I replied something like, “Look doc, I’m not here to give you warm fuzzies. If I’m meant to join the Army, God will make it happen.”

After being approved to join the Army, I was told that I more than likely wouldn’t pass basic training by a couple of my family members, which caused me to wonder due to my very small size (4’9″) and low self-esteem at the time.

However, I not only graduated, but I graduated in the top 10%, which I wrote about in a series of basic training-related posts, “Weak to Strong,” “Anxiety,” “Determination, “Persistence,” and “Accomplishment.”

Note: Thank you go4greatness.com for perfect quote and image on right.

I thanked God for helping me to achieve all that I had perceived as improbable or impossible, and I was glad that I had followed what I believed were signs from God before I made the impulse decision to sign my contract.

The first sign was a phone call from a nice lady whom I met at a job interview that we both applied for. She called to get my advice on what I thought of her returning to the Army.

The second sign was my first husband at the time telling me in a joking manner that he saw on the military news that the Army was looking for some Korean linguists. Although I had initially replied, “So what” since I never had a desire to join the military PERIOD.

However, to make a long story short, one day I signed the contract without even talking it over with my husband, and he was shocked because he was apparently just teasing me to join the Army. He demanded that I cancel the contract, and when that didn’t work, he bought me an anniversary ring. He even offered to work two jobs, but it was too late; the ball was already rolling. Although it hit me hard the day I departed for the airport (to attend basic training), I somehow always sensed that I was meant to take that path.

Note: Thank you www.pinterest.com for perfect quote and image on left.

Embracing My Highly Sensitive Being

Now, I am confident about my truth, thanks to my God within me and around me, who reminded me that my highly sensitive nature is not a flaw, but a huge blessing.

I (and others) may have been judged by society as weak, due to our sensitivity; however, God has planted a seed of love in our hearts that’s been growing since the day we were born, as well as activated in us additional extrasensory abilities that we’re continuously developing.

I believe that God entrusted me, as well as others, with these gifts because He knows that we will put them to good use (for ourselves and for better service to humanity) rather than use them to take advantage of others.

Note: Thank you www.rebellesociety.com for inspiring quote and pretty background on left.

For those of you who are also highly sensitive or even ultra sensitive…let’s continue to remind one another that it’s more than “acceptable”…it’s downright AMAZING, and this is just the beginning. Let’s OWN it, spread it, share it, and help ourselves and others with our gifts from the higher realms.

I recall what Joel Osteen had said in one of his sermons—that we may sometimes end up labeling extraordinary events that we experienced in life into ordinary events as time passes by; so we should strive to remember all of God’s blessings by often reminding ourselves of them, as well as celebrating them. I definitely agree.

Joel inspired me to start a post called, “My Treasure Box of Smiles and Laughter” a while back that I will complete when I’m ready.

Note: Thank you fabquote.co for helpful image and pretty background on left.

I also recalled briefly reading about a blog that I happened to come across that explained the difference between an empath and being empathetic.

However, because being an empath didn’t apply to me at the time, I moved on to something else.

I Googled the difference between empathic and empathetic, and came upon the purple link (which informs me that I’ve clicked on it before), as opposed to the blue links, for the post, “Being Empathic versus Being an Empath: Crucial Differences” by the blog http://thehappysensitive.com

After reading the very helpful post, I realized that my intuition was spot on, and that I was indeed an untrained empath, as well as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person).

I always intuitively knew that I was highly sensitive and empathetic, but I never thought I’d be an empath, although I had asked higher aspects of me, to include the angelic and spiritual realms, to help me to further develop my psychic skills.

Note: Thank you marinia.blog.hu for image on right.

I found out that I was “ultra” sensitive after having the following three experiences that confirmed one another:

1. I was at my local crystal store this past summer, and I saw some of Doreen Virtue’s books. I had briefly read about her, so I decided to check them out. I did what I usually do at book stores—I just opened one of the books and trusted that it would take me exactly to what I needed to read.

Side Note/Shiny Object!!! ^_^: I also did this at a bookstore on post, while waiting for my husband to get a haircut. I noticed Joel Osteen’s book, “Every’s A Friday,” and got very excited. I just opened to a page, and I read a section that was an encouragement (if I recall correctly) about accepting who we are, even if we had certain “flaws” or nicknames growing up. Well, one of the few example nicknames he used was “peanut,” which I thought was interesting because that was my nickname throughout junior high and high school. I wrote about it in one of my older posts called, “Peanut.” I plan on reading a couple of his books one day, whenever I sense my soul’s strong desire to explore it. I’m going to meet him one day (as well as Neale Donald Walsch), whether it’s in this reality or a parallel reality. ;-p

Note: Thank you www.josephinewall.co.uk for beautiful image on left.

Continuing…: Sure enough, the page that I opened to was about hearing tones in one’s right ear, which immediately caught my attention. I even recall my heart beating rapidly with all the excitement that I felt, a sign (the excited feeling) from my physical body that I was in alignment with my true self/soul/God/Goddess/All That Is (learned about the excitement sign from Bashar, channeled though Darryl Anka).

I thanked God within me again for giving me an answer to a question I had been wondering about for a while. When I initially shared my unusual experiences of hearing various sounds of different volumes, to include single tones and fluctuating, musical tones, with my husband, he looked at me with a blank expression…and I didn’t blame him, since he didn’t hear them with me.

When I first heard a roar or growl-like sound while I was in the kitchen, I got startled and shouted to my husband, “What was that? Did you hear that?” I read some material that hearing certain sounds are ascension symptoms, but Doreen’s book elaborated on the subject. After reading the section of her book, I felt more special than “abnormal.”

Note: Thank you community.humanityhealing.net for beautiful image on right.

2. Soon after the trip to the crystal store, I came upon a website called http://thegoldenlightchannel.com (<= click to view in another window), and attracted a post called, “Higher Frequency Sounds ~ A sign you are shifting into the Higher Dimensions: Archangel Metatron, Council of Angels, and Pleiadian Council of Light.”  The following is a section (in italics) from this post:

“You are hearing the sound of creation – creation of this new world which is coming into being now in to all your awareness now this world of high vibrations higher ideals the new crystalline world of love which is now being formed indeed as the crystalline energies lock into the crystalline grid upon your mother earth gaia who loves and supports you – as do we all from the angelic realm and the higher realms – this crystalline grid is now emitting these higher frequencies into your earch spaces. For those who are ultra-sensitive as is this channel – and her sensory perception of hearing happens to be tuned into the higher frequencies, one of the gifts of being a star channel which is a new term we have coined and brought through this channel; a star channel simply is a person who has a pre-earth agreement to be a receiver and transmitter of communications from the higher frequencies and dimensions – for those of you star channels who are ultra-sensitive, you will be able to hear this high-frequency pitch which is continually being emitted now from the crystalline grid, which is your earth’s receiver and transmitter of the higher dimensional frequencies of the 4th and 5th dimension and above (for the template will hold up to 12th dimensional energies in the future); these are energy vector waves of creation that are assisting in birthing this New Earth reality which you will be entering in real-time very soon.”

Note: Thank you ww.channelcast.tv  for glowing and beautiful image on left.

3. I found a helpful website (http://www.susanpsychicmedium.com/blog/?p=934) today which elaborated on hearing tones with one’s right ear, which is the first time I read about the why one hears tones in one’s right ear. However, I’ve also heard tones in my left ear a handful of times, which is must less than the almost daily times that I hear tones in my right ear.

I trust that I will receive an answer about that at Divine perfect time. I included the following quote: “They say that clairaudience is the ability to hear words, phrases, and songs in your right ear without someone actually speaking. Supposedly this is your psychic ear, the right brain, and the intuitive side.”

At the beginning, I was somewhat skeptical about my experience; however, as I became used to it, I not only enjoyed hearing the tones, but I also looked forward to them.

Before bedtime, it was a lullaby to me, and in the middle of the night (if I happened to wake up), it provided me with comfort. Recently, I started thanking God, Goddess, & Divine Spirit/All That Is for downloading higher frequencies from above, and helping me to ground them.

Note: Thank you www.holisticmedium.com  for image on right.

I also wondered if my “drunk feeling” experience, without having drank a lot of alcohol, possibly had anything to do with my younger stepsister’s experience that day; because she had told me that she drank until she passed out recently.

But just as I wasn’t able to help my mother quit being an alcoholic growing up, and for the next two decades, I also learned that I wouldn’t be able to help anyone else quit if they weren’t willing, since I can’t control their actions.

I’m in the process of releasing the ‘rescue mode’ which has been embedded in me since I was a child. After several attempts of begging my mother to quit drinking throughout childhood, I no longer asked after I found some hidden bottles of soju (Korean vodka-like liquor) under our kitchen sink one day while in high school.

When we’re not ready for change, the truth will be invisible to us. When my first/ex-husband and I visited my mother and relative in Korea soon after we married, I noticed that my mother was drinking excessively as usual.

While we were alone, I said to her in a gentle-loving way that it concerned my husband and I that she was drinking throughout the day…every day. My mother look surprised and said, “Oh my…he must think I’m an alcoholic. Please reassure him that I’m not. I drink soju with my meals because it’s like indigestion medicine.”

Note: Thank you www.lizsaal.com for image on left.

At that moment, it hit me. She was the infamous “alcoholic in complete denial.”

The Beginning Results of My Change Within

Even though I had hope through my mid-thirties, I eventually gave up. What’s interesting is that…as I started to change within—becoming more positive and remembering my true self—my outer world began to reflect my inner world, to include my mother.

At 40 years old, I heard good news, from my cousin in Korea, that my mother is no longer an alcoholic, and that she only drinks on special occasions. This was a huge change considering she drank an average of one to three bottles per day, depending on her mood. In addition to that, my marriage with my current husband improved from dark night to sunshine day as well.

Anyway, after being given this amazing insight—that I’m just starting to experience the developmental stage of Being an effective empath, I sensed my vibration rising.

I was more than likely temporarily experiencing G’s (mentioned above) “negative” energy/suffering (or even my own stored “negative” energy) so that I would be reminded of what it was like back in the day of my own suffering from emotional pain and alcoholism; hence, being able to better relate to him and unconditionally love him rather than just feel empathy for him from my blurred out, old memories.

Note: Thank you people.tribe.net for image on right.

I’ve learned/remembered that it takes an extra burst of love energy (especially pure compassion) to deeply understand, empathize with, have compassion for, forgive, accept, embrace and unconditionally love the seemingly “unlikable” or even “unlovable” to the eyes of society (i.e., so-called angry alcoholics, pissy workaholics, smelly smokaholics, debilitating pessimists, soul-sucking narcissists, etc.) who seem to be “stuck” in their low/dense/slowly vibrating/dark/fear energy state because they have not yet remembered their true essence…high/light/fast vibrating/bright/Unconditional Love energy/Divine Consciousness.

I know, because I’ve been most of them, and I probably experienced being the latter two in previous lifetimes.

The Plus Side of Sinking Rock Bottom

That day, after practically sinking into the bed from all the heavy weight of “negative” energy, and then gaining insight, I said the usual when I wake up, to God, Goddess & Divine Spirit/All That Is—“Good morning” , my daily prayer (expressing gratitude for: helping me to continuously remember and Be my true self, ongoing communion, presence, support, guidance, wisdom, help, encouragements, and growing faith) to all aspects of me, to include my angelic and spiritual realms and a, “Let’s have a great day!”

When I went through phases of depression in the past, it would typically last a week to a several weeks. However, although similar symptoms were present, I intuitively sensed that this would be the last experience of such a drastic fall in my vibration, which explains why I keep angel number messages that inform me that a major phase is coming to an end in my life.

Note: Thank you dailymuse.spiritlightinsight.com for image on left.

As I sat down in front of my laptop, I had a sudden urge to watch a Bruce Lee video that I had saved recently just because I came upon it, and I was interested in watching the top ten of his best scenes.

I’ve always been highly fascinated by Bruce Lee’s magnetic personality, dedication, persistence, strength, sense of humor, wisdom, creativity, fluidity, speed, balance, and talent.

He’s the sexiest Asian man I’ve seen ’til this day…not so much because of his appearance (although he was gorgeous), but mainly because of his charisma.

In a Bruce Lee documentary, Jackie Chan was interviewed, and he mentioned how thoughtful and caring Bruce Lee was (a gentle side of him, as opposed to the usual “tough guy” image that he’s famous for…someone who has the ability to whoop many asses within a contained room). Bruce once accidentally kicked Jackie in the face, and then immediately comforted him with an apology, a gentle pat on the face and then asked if he was okay.

Note: Thank you inyarwanda.com for image on right.

Anyway, I have a routine of meditating in sometimes silence and stillness as soon as I wake up. I say “sometimes silence” because our dog sleeps and often hangs out in our bedroom, so I sometimes hear him licking his balls or butt-hole non-stop, as if there’s a bacon-n-cheddar flavor Beggin’ Strip embedded in it.

After my half-ass meditation (which I’m working on improving with more patience), I enjoy listening to my playlist of various healing music while I record in my dream tracker and angel journal.

However, I decided to break the routine and follow my intuition. I believe my true self shouted excitedly, “Check out the Bruce Lee video you saved the other day!”

My ego self, who can be judgmental and desires to do everything by the book, said, “You should stick to your schedule instead of watching some silly video that you can watch any other time.”

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10000 times.” – Bruce Lee

Note: Thank you eronquon.tumblr.com for image on left.

As soon as I started watching it, I busted out laughing because Bruce can make some overly exaggerated, crazy-ass facial expressions. As I continued to enjoy the short 10 minutes or so video, I instantly caught the fleeing message because it highly resonated with me and my most recent experience.

An older man said to Bruce Lee…

“You never know how good you are until you’re tired of living.”

Being Empathic versus Being an Empath: Crucial Differences (<== click on title to view in another window)

The following is one of the daily, inspirational e-mail messages that I saved from the Neale Donald Walsch Team that reminded me of this post:

Note: Thank you  positivecultures.ning.com for inspiring quote and beautiful image below. 

On this day of your life, Barbara, I believe God wants you to know…