Note: This is an update to the post series:

• “Finding the Good in Shadow Aspects that I Disapprove of in Self/Others“—under the third subtitle section, “The Shadow Aspect that Needs to:”
• “A Preview of Post: The Birth of Heartfelt Experiences that Stemmed from Integration“
• “Negative Shadow Aspects of Self that Seem Damn Near Impossible to Accept“; K, A, and J___e are coworkers from the previous post(s)

After the nightmare-like experiences shared in post, “Negative Shadow Aspects of Self that Seem Damn Near Impossible to Accept,” I had an interesting last work day at Red Mountain Sedona, due to a rainbow spectrum, fireworks explosion of emotions ranging from contentment, pure joy to shock to anger to sadness to numb apathy.

The afternoon started out with contentment—a relief from not having to work with K that day; I noticed that it made a big difference (like and night and day).

Note: Image on right found next to link => The Era I Lived In

Even Allie—another coworker/mentor who can be very goofy, lovable and loving—smiled and laughed more when K wasn’t around; she also seemed more comfortable interacting with and joking around with people like J___e and I (whom K wasn’t fond of from the start) in K’s absence.

When  J___e  informed me that one of the clients, M, was having a really bad day, and suggested I ask him if he’d like a treat day—where we take them to the usual store and treat them to their favorite snack—I happily agreed.

While transporting a few clients to their condos, to include M, I had an opportunity to get a better look into M’s inner world.

I noticed that M was a bit distant at first, but gradually started opening up with each interaction we had. I had a sincere desire to connect with all the clients, so I trusted that everything would fall into place naturally.

At one point within the vehicle, another client mentioned that the owner (Josh) had a talk with the clients during the day, reminding them to treat new clients with respect and kindness.

At this moment, M went off, passionately expressing how he, and others who were new, were mistreated when they arrived to Red Mountain Sedona.

Apparently, a lot of the clients weren’t even close to being civil to one another, the way they appeared to be while I was briefly there (two weeks). M continued by shouting, “Where was he [Josh] when we needed him?!”

After M went into his condo, and I was pulling out of the parking space, a female client said, “Wow, that was intense,” and I replied, “Yeah, but it’s good that he was able to let it out in a space where he felt comfortable.”

Another female client added, “I get it, but just because you were treated badly, doesn’t mean that you need to treat others that way as well.”

I replied something to the effect, “That’s a great point, but when we’re coming from a place of deep hurt, we may not be able to see from that perspective. It doesn’t feel good to be treated like an outcast, and I have no doubt that such harsh treatment caused M to feel a lot of anger, and understandably so. If we don’t process that anger, and just suppress it, it ends up exploding, like today, because it never left.” She understood.

After dropping off the girls, I headed back to M’s condo and knocked on his door. There was no answer, so I just texted him to see if he was interested in a treat out.

He replied a couple of minutes later, so I signed out a company credit card, and picked him up.

I told M that he had every right to feel angry, and that it was okay to freely and fully express himself in a healthy way, rather than punching someone in the face, or some other form of violence; he laughed and agreed.

I also thanked him for sharing his passionate, fiery side that I found very empowering and inspirational.

I told him that it was like watching the same, angry aspect of self (that’s been suppressed) fly out of a cage. It felt so refreshing to SEE another’s authentic expression come to life, and realize that it’s perfectly okay.

I also shared with him that I know what it feels like to be treated like an outcast (though I didn’t go into any details since he probably has enough on his plate).

During the ride and in the store, M and I had continued to share stories that were heartfelt and funny. I incorporated humor into a couple of stories that might uplift him, and sure enough, he smiled and laughed.

Our interactions felt so comfortable and fun; M free-spirited self reminded me of a childhood friend (Robert Yoon) whom I had some great times with, and I shared that with him. Note: I wrote about Robert in the post, “My Gay Childhood Friend“

On our way out of the store, we noticed that it was pouring rain—so much so that it was hard to see once outside.

So I smiled at him and said, “On your mark, get set, go!” and we took off running towards the vehicle that I unlocked.

As I was climbing onto the step area of the big and high vehicle (Denali), I noticed M on the other side banging on the window.

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped opened because I couldn’t believe that I forgot about the clicker only opening the driver’s side, and the passenger sides had to be opened manually by pressing the unlock button within the vehicle.

As soon as I let him him, I was like, “I’m so sorry!” and asked him if he was okay, and he said he was fine, but was shouting, “WTF!” (while laughing).

I told him that what happened seemed like a scene from a comedy movie, and he agreed; and we both ended up laughing so hard that our stomachs hurt.

I shared with M that it had been a while since I laughed that hard, and as soon as I said that, there was a part of me that felt sad that I didn’t laugh more often.

On our drive back to drop M off, we continued to bond, and the connection was so amazingly heartfelt. It was so wonderful to see M smile and laugh during those precious moments. 

When I returned to the Clubhouse—where the other mentors were at—I excitedly shared a summarized story of M’s treat outing, along with what happened prior to those moments.

As “mentors,” we technically share such information so that we’re all on the same page and we’re aware of the clients’ current state.

I intuitively knew it would be beneficial to share such important and related information about how upset one can become from being habitually treated like an outcast, and that such actions aren’t necessary anymore since we’re no longer in high school. Granted, I didn’t like treating anyone like outcasts even then. Note: One story shared in old post, “True Friendship” 

A ignored me, the way she often ignored J___e, other mentors and I; she was often on her personal cell phone while lying on the couch or sitting on a barstool.

The indirect message was mainly for her and K (though K wasn’t there), but even J___e started acting strangely.

When A wasn’t around, J___e was her usual nice self, but when A was around, she would act distant towards me.

I didn’t feel like dealing with such immature games, so I just sat by myself and reviewed my notes. As soon as A left to transport a client, J___e came over and sat next to me; she then asked if everything was okay (I sensed she felt guilty).

I told her that I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but since she brought it up, I asked her how she felt whenever Allie treated her different when K was around (a story J___e told me during my first week working there).

J___e said that it didn’t feel good, and I told her that’s how I felt when she acted obviously distant towards me whenever A was around—like making her short, snotty comments or looking at her phone while I was talking); she said she understood where I was coming from.

Later that evening, I asked A if she could make a transport at a certain point since 1) I usually make several to her one, and 2) I was waiting for a text message response from another client; she agreed with attitude, so I told her that I’d take the next clients.

When it was time to pick up a few clients, in order to bring them to the clubhouse for med, I had my first and last glimpse of the mentors actually enjoying themselves (as a group), which felt really nice.

Allie and Janice played ping pong together, which was interesting to watch. They’re both really good, and at one point, Allie—being her goofy funny self—tossed the regular ping pong pad aside, and grabbed a big one, perhaps implying that she was ready to PLAY.

Though Amanda was doing her usual thing—on her phone while lying on the couch—for some reason, at that seemingly slow-motion moment, she appeared relaxed, peaceful, and happy (with a slight smile on her face).

Looking back, I have no doubt that such delicate moments of Unconditional Acceptance/Embrace/Love was the much higher vibrational, Multidimensional self/Self looking through the eyes of the ancient, Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence within—where Life (All That Is) is Divinely perfect at every moment, despite outer appearances (aka Divine Wisdom).

After I picked up the three clients—to include M (from the treat outing earlier that day)—I listened to their conversations as usual.

Since it was raining hard again—continuing sporadically from earlier—I ensured I was extra cautious. I’ve been driving very carefully ever since I worked there since I didn’t want to put others’ lives in danger.

The second day of training, I even had a heart-to-heart talk with the manager (Mary), K, and Allie about driving. I recalled one of Teal’s teachings about honestly expressing one’s needs to others in order to get them met (which prevents one from manipulating another to get the needs met indirectly).

I shared with them that I didn’t realize the mentor job required a lot of driving, and I was concerned that perhaps I’m not quite ready to be driving so much so fast.

I continued that I had been in three, major car accidents since 2008, where all three vehicles ended up totaled. I was ultimately at fault with one in 2008, and the other two my husband was driving, though he wasn’t at fault—1) a deer ran out in the middle of the night on a highway in a country area, and 2) a truck driver sped out of a gas station.

I asked if I could wait a little bit before I drove to far locations like Phoenix, and Mary said that they would support me in becoming more comfortable with driving long distance.

I tested out all the company vehicles, to include a huge van, and the only one that I didn’t quite feel comfortable with was the big Denali.

When I told the mentors that it was a bit too high even with my seat cushion that I use to drive, Allie shared that none of the mentors liked that vehicle because it was jacked up (i.e., the gearshift kept getting stuck, and it sure did); granted, Janice said she like the Denali.

However, since that was the only vehicle that female mentors had that day, I chose to do my best with the situation.

Ever since the trio of car accidents in the past, I’m been very anal about yielding, looking around to ensure vehicles were at a good distance, and stopping at stop signs and traffic lights; but for some reason, that night, it was as if I had slipped into the Twilight Zone.

One second I was driving like usual, pausing at the yield sign, looking around, and then driving into the traffic circle, and the next second I heard the oh so familiar CRASH!!!

It came from my left at what felt like lightening speed, and  I saw the white car speeding by. My heart skipped a beat and I asked the three clients if they were okay.

Thankfully, they all said they were fine, and that they had been in worse accidents, but I told them that I felt so bad for not being able to keep them safe (a main theme of Red Mountain Sedona).

It ended up a small crash where no one was hurt from either vehicles. A police officer told both parties to park in the nearby parking lot; and as soon as I did, and got out of the vehicle, I noticed the license plate of the other vehicle ending with 111.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I initially didn’t know what to make of it, since prior to that moment, I believed that I only noticed that particular number sequence (and other sacred number codes) when I was in alignment with Source (Soul/Spirit) within.

However, I intuitively knew that 111 was reminding me that, despite outer appearances (i.e., a “negative” incident/car accident), I was in alignment with Source (Soul/Spirit) within because it was meant to happen for everyone’s highest benefit.

After I briefly talked to the other people in the vehicle (who all blamed me), contacted my manager (who wasn’t pleased), and talked to a police officer (who was very gentle, kind, and understanding, reminding me that accidents happen), the manager arranged for one of the other mentors to pick up the three clients.

Since the accident happened on a highway, we all had to wait for another officer to arrive in about 20 minutes.

The group from the other vehicle was outside—under a covered area of a building—talking to the first officer; they were all smiling and even laughing.

Since it was pouring rain, and I was soaked and very cold, I stayed in the Denali. As I sat there trying to process what had happened, a part me—my fragile, fearful ego self—felt as though my life was crumbling to tiny pieces. I felt angry that no matter how hard I tried to be my best and do my best in life, nothing seemed to ever work at any of my four jobs in Sedona within a year. 

I started to feel that something was seriously wrong with me; however, I caught myself from the old and outdated habit of being so incredibly hard on myself. UPDATE of the bigger picture for this section inserted on 9/3/2018: “Finally Embracing the ‘Systems Buster’ Aspect of Self Reminded by the Pleiadians“

I just wept, trusting that I was letting go of what no longer serves my Multidimensional self (physical self)/Self (Source: Soul/SPirit within).

Speaking of letting go, earlier that day, I noticed a total of two geckos (or small lizards) at different times. Anything that repeats usually reminds me of a blinking neon sign—Spirit within, or an extension(s) of Spirit, trying to get our attention.

Geckos have been reminding me to detach from the old and outdated (the way they are able to detach their tails when needed, and can still survive).  Note: Example story in post, “The Presence of Moth, Wasp and Gecko Uplifting Me“

The first time I saw it, I thanked the gecko spirit guide within, and the second time I saw it, I stated calmly and confidently, “I’m letting go of everything that no longer benefits self/Self.” I had no clue that detachment was coming so soon, but I trust that omnipotent Spirit isn’t limited to any schedules and expectations, or bound to any worldly rules or laws.

When Allie arrived, she was so gentle, compassionate, and encouraging. It was crystal clear that she cared about my well-being, and I thanked her from the depths of my heart for her kindness and support.

Allie even added a little joke and said that I actually did the mentors a favor by crashing the Denali since everyone hated it, and that hopefully, they’d get a better vehicle; she made me smile. She also added not to be hard on myself since even K (and another mentor) had been in a car accident while working at Red Mountain Sedona.

When the manager (Mary) arrived, it was crystal clear that she was pissed, and I didn’t blame her. During our initial conversation, she was very distant and short with her expression, and I felt as though I was starting to sink in an ocean of guilt and shame.

About 15 minutes later, she approached me in a gentle manner and asked how I was; and I told her I was fine. The owner came shortly afterwards, and he, too, didn’t look pleased, though he did ask with a stern facial expression if I was okay. I had explained to both of them what I perceived happened, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t believe me.

At one point, in front of me, the owner turned to the manager and said—with a concerned expression and frustrated tone—that they were going to end up doing a lot of paperwork trying to fight against the insurance company. I felt sinking deeper into the ocean of guilt and shame.

Toward the end of the evening, as the owner and manager suggested I go home early, get some rest, and then call the Director of Student Affairs (Rhonda) in the morning, I told them that I wanted to make it easier for them by leaving the company.

I mentioned that the company’s main theme is to keep the clients safe, and I felt that I had failed to do so. I apologized for disappointing them with the accident, and they eventually agreed that it was probably for the best. Josh told Mary that he would drive me back to the company.

During the drive, he stated twice (not back to back), with a serious expression, that he trusts that it wasn’t my intention to get into a car accident; when he said it the second time, I wondered if he was implying that I did it on purpose.

When I arrived at the company, my husband was there—since I had called him after the accident when the manager suggested it—and I was able to give Allie a big hug and final goodbye; I’ll always remember her.

Soon after I arrived home, Janice texted to see if she could call and talk to me the next day; I agreed. When she called, she told me that she heard about my resignation, and wished that I had waited on my decision until after she had a chance to talk to me.

She wanted to ensure that I wasn’t hard on myself, and said that even Josh (the owner) said to her that he told me that it’s just a fender bender, but that I quit and took off afterwards.

I told her that’s not what he said, and that I didn’t just take off, but it didn’t matter anymore. Janice stated that she thought she finally found someone who she could talk to at work, but she understood my choice. We said our farewells.

At the start of the second week of working there, several clients were having upper respiratory issues to varying degrees (the most extreme was strep throat). The day before my last day, my throat started itching, which then escalated to a raw throat.

My last day, earlier in the afternoon, I mentioned to Janice that I wasn’t feeling my best due to upper respiratory issues; she said it’s been going around.

After the evening of the accident, my condition worsened with excess mucus, coughs, stuffiness, and strange sensations throughout my entire body (different from the mild through intense inner body vibrations that I experience every now and then).

In addition, my bottom, right tooth has been hurting for over two weeks now, gradually increasing in sensitivity—to the point where drinking room temperature water made it hurt.

Last night, I experienced excruciating pain in my bottom, right tooth, but I was so tired that I just fell asleep. This morning, I only felt tenderness, but what blows my mind is that when I was debating on whether or not I should write this post, the pain returned (though not unbearable) when I closed my laptop.

I wondered if my symptoms had to do with the releasing of more old and outdated. I looked up the metaphysical reasons for various symptoms, and I trust that the overall, upper respiratory issues had to do with the throat chakra, and needing to express my inner-truths; so here it is.

It seems like a miracle, but I can breath easily now—due to my nose no longer being stuffed with mucus—and my bottom, right tooth no longer hurts.

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UPDATE inserted a few hours later (just this paragraph): I was wrong, my tooth started aching really bad when I laid down for bed, which I read happens for various reasons, to include blood flowing to head. Rubbing my tooth and gums with organic frankincense oil blend (w/grapeseed oil), and later swishing my mouth with Himalayan salt warm water rinse (followed by organic peppermint oil diluted water) helped alleviate the pain very briefly. This reading may be helpful for a normal toothache, “10 Best Natural Toothache Remedies,” but I have a strong feeling that my toothache is actually related to ascension symptoms; there are various readings about this, to include this one, “Ascension Update ~ Changing Your Perception About The NEW Energies” (also talks about toothache and the full moon effects; the recent full moon was on 8/26/2018, and since then, I’ve felt strange body sensations, but not the mild to intense inner body vibrations that I experience every now and then). An intriguing reading, “Thoughts, feelings & toothache:
Our mental and emotional states can both trigger and stop dental problems and pain.” I made a more potent solution of warm/hot water with  Himalayan salt, and let it sit in my mouth for a couple of minutes while relaxed. After the first time, the pain worsened, but after the second time, the pain went away (so far so good). UPDATE (inserted 8/30/2018): When I woke up this afternoon—since I hardly slept all night—my upper, right teeth (not tooth) hurt rather than the usual bottom, right one. I knew for sure that it wasn’t the typical dental issue. I started another post (which I will publish today) and the pain subsided. I also continued to use salt water flushes, which helped.

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Updates

12/8/2018

The following is one of the ascension symptoms mentioned in the reading, “Accelerated Ascension Symptoms“:

Breaking free from restrictive jobs, lifestyles, disharmonious people or situations. Some times it is conscious, sometimes your higher self will do it for you.

The following is an update that I added to the bottom of post, “Negative Shadow Aspects of Self that Seem Damn Near Impossible to Accept” on 8/25/2018:

I shared the following comment for a video that helped reaffirm why I left my job at Red Mountain Sedona => “7 Signs You’re About To Experience A MAJOR Life Change”:

Thank you again Victor for another helpful video! ^_^ I’m especially grateful that you shared your personal story of letting go of the old and outdated, and how our bodies will let us know that a certain place, job, people, etc. no longer resonates with us.

I’ve had upper respiratory issues two days prior to a small car accident (while working)—where the other car’s license plate ended in 111 (a sacred number code I often see and reminds me of ancient Lemuria—which helped me to decided to resign from a job that I didn’t highly resonate with.

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Continuation post, “So-Called Negative Aspects of Self: Let Us Merge as One“

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I shared the following comment for the video, “5 – Signs You’re On The Right Path“:

Helpful info and a GREAT reminder that number synchronicity reaffirms that we are in alignment with Source/Higher Self/Soul/Spirit within (aka on the right path). Thank you again Victorious Victor! ^_^

9/2/2018

Comment I shared for empowering video, “3 Signs You’re Shifting To The NEXT LEVEL Of Your Spiritual Awakening“:

Victor, after watching at least a couple dozens of your awesome videos so far, it appears as though you’re deeply understanding, compassionate, and empathetic towards humanity’s life struggles and sufferings, which I trust is a much needed quality for a highly effective, unconditionally loving spiritual teacher (ultimately, the Master Teacher from within).

I trust that your personal experiences (experiential knowledge/wisdom), with both the light and dark aspects of Life, has enabled, and is continuing to enable you to clearly SEE and intensely FEEL through the eyes and other senses of the whole.

Your talk about “clean slate” and the letting go of the “safety net” was a fresh perspective that I was grateful to hear since I have no doubt that it adds to our individual and collective self-empowerment (like you stated).

Our love-based DESIRE to expand our consciousness is surely more powerful than our fear-based URGE to give up.

Thank you again soul brother.

9/15/2018

The following is a comment that I shared for the very helpful video, “Failing at Spirituality (Spiritual Perfectionism) – Teal Swan –“:

You crack me up Teal with your animated expressions. ^_^ I highly respect and admire your straight-forward talk that’s conveyed in such a lovable and loving way. Thank you so much for this very helpful video.

I was initially surprised that I hadn’t noticed the title of this video before, but as the famous saying goes (apparently not by Buddha, as some people claim), “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

I’ve experienced, at different phases of my life, feeling as though I have failed miserably at spirituality due to my life seemingly falling apart more and more as years goes by.

However, this has not been more blatantly apparent than recently, where I felt so powerless to improve my life, and became utterly hopeless.

When I realized that I lost more and more stuff of life that my ego self was so attached to (that didn’t highly resonate with Higher Self/Source/Soul/Spirit within)—certain family members, friends, career, higher formal education, cookie cutter house, 9 to 5 jobs, etc.—I started experiencing an inner-peace despite outer circumstances that seemed to show a lot of lack.

As you mentioned Teal, it truly is liberating when we let go of expectations of who we should be, and/or what we should do, in order to be happy according to society’s definitions. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong or good or bad.

I’m very grateful that you chose to be authentic and transparent, which takes a lot of inner-strength, courage, and character. Thank you.

10/1/2018

The following is a comment I shared for the video, “The Law Of Attraction Explained – (& No B/S Ways To Apply It)“:

FINALLY, crystal clear clarification that’s music to my ears!! ^_^ Victor, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this very helpful video that took a heavy load off. You are awesome when it comes to merging the physical and spiritual worlds; it’s the modern shaman aspect of your Multidimensional self (earthly and otherworldly physical selves)/Self (Source: Soul/Spirit within), which matches what your beautiful soulmate wife highly resonates with (mentioned in another one of your videos).

Updates

10/20/2018

Added as update to post, “Orion Belt Freckles, 333, Lemuria: 111, Atlantis: 222 & 144 Soul Families” and “111: Let Us Embrace The ALL of Authentic Self.”

I was recently drawn to an invitation to listen to a free video event titled, “Discover Egyptian Shamanism” with renowned author and teacher of Egyptian Mysteries Nicki Scully. 

While listening, I felt like searching for images related to Goddess Hathor/Sekhmet/Isis and God Thoth that I highly resonate with, especially those that remind me of a personal experience associated with these Deities (i.e., from dream state, meditative state, intuitive recognition/intuition/inner-knowing). 

I add these images to my Google Slides that serve as a vision board that I can click through while listening to the “Unlimited Abundance Course” lessons that I wrote two reviews for so far within this blog.

I noticed what reminded me of sacred number code 111 in the following images:

Note: Image above found next to link => 1) Kanaga Web Series 2) Mnamon – Scuola Normale Superiore 3) godkingscenario.com 4) Ahram Online 5) Dreamstime.com/”Relief in gold with the egypt gods Sekhmet and Chnum [one of the most ancient Egyptian gods] 6) mystickyegypt.blogspot.com 7) Pinterest/”Goddess Ma’at Valle de los Reyes. Ribera occidental del Nilo. Luxor.” 8) Egypt: Temple of Dendera – paulsmit/”[EGYPT 29602] ‘Nero, Isis and Osiris in Dendera.’ A relief” 9) blaineharrington.photoshelter.com 

The image below reminds me of 11:11

Note: Image above found next to link isiopolis.com

The following image reminded me of a dream I had of my adoptive dad Dan—who passed away of a heart attack in 2011—bothering me in a small dark room (I sensed in a sexual way).

I saw a much bigger version of Kami—my black and white pet Siberian Husky dog who passed away in 2016 and who often went on otherworldly adventures with me in dream state—standing upright next to my dad in a hallway outside the room I was in.

I saw them through the open door, and Kami was pushing him toward the left of the hallway (my left side) until my dad disappeared.

Upon waking up, Kami reminded me of Anubis, which I shared within a post. I also thanked him (Kami/Anubis/Divine Masculine energy within/Enki/Thoth/Jesus/Christ Consciousness/God-Self aspect of Source).

A few example posts where I shared pics and dream stories of Kami:

• “The Path of the Gentle Cow and Aggressive Tiger“
• “Running with Bears and Dogs in Dream State“
• “Adventures with Cetaceans in Dream State“

Note: Image on right above found next to link => templeilluminatus.com

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